My fiance and I are going to be married in less than two months. We are both young college students (we many various reasons for deciding to get married young so please no judging). My grandmother has given me $1500 so far for the wedding, so it’s going to be extremely simple. There’s been a lot of helpful things, including my grandmother giving me the money, like being able to use the venue without charge, a clearance wedding dress, my FMIL is making the cake (it means a lot to us), and my FSIL is taking pictures for us. Our guest list is very small as well, which keeps down costs.
Even with all this help, we cannot afford to have a very formal reception. The reception is in the same room as the ceremony, which makes things easier. Our plan is feed everyone sheet cake (our cake is going to be small) with punch. There isn’t going to be tables to eat off of but plenty of chairs. I would like to give people tables but without looking completely cheap with plastic tables and not table cloths, we are thinking of forgoing the tables all together.
I’m trying to treat everyone equally so we’re not going to have a family only reception or dinner. All of our friends and family are important to us so we want them to be there to celebrate our new life together.
I guess my question is, even though it’s cheap and not very decorative, is it alright to do this as long as I make sure to not treat people differently or take advantage of people? I know it won’t be everyone’s favorite reception, but it’s the best we can offer.
Side note: Honeymoon funds are really tacky right? Because my mom was trying to convince me that I should entertain people or else they won’t “donate to my honeymoon fund” which I never said I wanted. This bothered me that my mother was trying to get me to do something that was beyond my means to get money out of people. That’s not how I see my guests so I don’t understand this thinking. 0408-14
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Your wedding sounds perfectly lovely to me. It should be about the ceremony and the commitment, not the party, and if it’s people who truly care about you on the guest list, they will understand that.
Honeymoon funds are tacky, yes. Save up for a h0neymoon and go when you can afford it and not worry about cringing in embarrassment when you think about.
Sounds fine to me. Nothing wrong with cake and punch, as long as the wedding isn’t scheduled such that people will expect a meal. I would reconsider the tables, though. No one likes to get cake crumbs on their nice clothes.
Yes honeymoon funds are tacky no matter how popular they may be.
If you can’t have everyone at tables, can you have some type of end tables scattered around so people have a place to set their punch while eating their cake?
Kudos to you and your fiancé for having the wedding you can afford! I’m sure it will be lovely!
I would much rather be at a cake and punch reception than at a wedding where I know the couple is going into debt. Or even worse, a couple that violates every etiquette guideline in order to have the wedding they want while being rude to their family and friends.
Doing what you can afford and not expecting others to take care of you as your “right” is a wonderful trait that will get you much further in the long run. I am sure that it will be lovely as you will have your friends and family to celebrate with you. By the way, my honeymoon was several months after the wedding and the only reason we could manage that was because we were able to combine it with going to a convention and I worked for a major hotel chain at the time that gave fantastic discounts to its employees.
OP, I’m also doing a wedding on a budget in 98 days (I swear I’m not counting). Because I’m struggling financially trying to support my mom’s house and take care of my own bills he’s the only one that can actually pay for most things. We’re holding our ceremony and reception at a park that costs $100 to rent and includes tables and a grill. Ours is a very casual affair, but we’re very laid back people and we don’t want to overdo anything. We’re also saving our honeymoon until we can both take the time off work without being financially strained. As long as you treat all of your guests with respect and don’t give in to your mom’s gimme-pigging for the “honeymoon” fund, you should be fine.
Your wedding sounds lovely! I hope it all goes wonderfully for you, I would love to go to a wedding like yours!
Picnics are fun!
Your wedding will be great. Sharing the day is more important than tablecloth or expensive cake. Try to relax and enjoy yourself, that’s what it’s all about. If anyone on your guest list disagrees, they do not grasp the concept of a wedding.
About the honeymoon fund: I’m actually getting married myself, and our perfect gift would also be a contribution to our “honeymoon fund”. We did NOT ask for it on our invitations, but we appointed a Master of Ceremony, whom all could call/mail with questions. Our Master of Ceremony is aware of our wishes, and will tell anyone that asks: “They mostly value your presence on the day itself, but if you want to bring a gift, a contribution to their honeymoon would be very much appreciated.”
I’m not sure how well this goes with etiquette, but we do not wish to directly ask for money, and people who do want to bring a gift can find out our wishes (and completely ignore them if they want).
I think because you have it set up for him to only tell anyone who ASKS what you want, then it is a “pull,” situation, rather than a “push,” which is exactly what eHellDame has said is appropriate. So, you should be fine.
Where I’m from, punch-and-cake receptions are extremely common; the key is not to to have your reception during a regular meal time so people expect a meal. So if it’s in the morning, probably around 10 is OK, and in the afternoon 2 or 3 are good times.
I would try to spring for tables, even if they won’t look fancy. What’s more important: having a place for your guests to set their plates and cups so they can eat their cake comfortably, or not having plastic tables “spoil” your decor? Also, if you go to party supply stores, you can often find plastic tablecloths for very cheap. I know it’s probably not everyone’s idea of “classy,” but as a guest I would much prefer a less fancy table (even an ugly table) to no table at all. It’s really hard to manage a plate of cake and a cup of punch with nowhere to set them.
I agree – cheap tables are better than nothing, and you may find guests leave earlier because they can’t comfortable park their punch and cake and just chat. If you’re desperately opposed to cheap tables, what about renting pillars? My local hobby store rents them, and they’d be a bar-height place for people to set their cups.
You might even be able to rent cloth tablecloths inexpensively. We did. It was cheaper to rent cloth than buy plastic 🙂
It can be even cheaper to buy them as opposed to renting. I bought 18 floor length, round, white tablecloths from linentablecloth.com for $13.00/each. I’ve used them at least three times since then and could easily sell them on eBay to recoup most of my money. To rent them would have cost me $16.00 per tablecloth.
If you are willing to spend a couple of pounds you can get some quite nice tablecloths from cheap shops and stuff.
Sheeting can be very cheap too, and depending on the size of cloth you can re-use the cloths for bedsheets in future. Smaller cloths can be remade into pillowcases, or used for children’s cots and beds.
Thrift stores often have nice table cloths, and I’ve found some stunning cloths on Ebay.
Borrowing is a good idea too- I’d be more than willing to lend some of mine out to a friend or relative who needed them.
Depending on how much time you have, you could make your own cloths out of whatever cloth scraps you have, such as old T-shirts that may be stained or torn, or clothes you picked up for a song at the local thrift store. Cut them up and make quilt-tops to use as table cloths. It can be quite beautiful, as well as symbolic, because you and your fiancee are “sewing together two lives to make a beautiful new one!”
I think you are doing it right, having the wedding you can afford. Your goal is to make sure your guests feel appreciated for taking the time to attend. The only thing I would reconsider is the tables, and that is from years of being clumsy. It takes some skill for me to balance a plate without half of what I am eating on my clothes. Adding a drink to that and I just go ahead and make a thick paper napkin bib-apron combo as I await the inevitable. If you have any elderly or persons with poor hand skills, no table can be a problem as well. I understand you are on a budget. Perhaps there is a church to which you, your fiance, or a family member belongs to that may rent you a table or two? It doesn’t sound like you will need many, as you indicated the wedding is small. Perhaps you can suggest a small rental fee or a donation to cover the act of borrowing?
Is a cake reception a common type of reception for a certain type of day in your town? If not, you may want to slip a line at the bottom of your invitation stating a cake and punch reception will be held. In my home country and where I live now, guests come expecting a meal, and thus come hungry; you will then have some hungry and upset guests at your reception who can’t wait to leave to get some food somewhere else, or worse, call in a pizza to your reception. Please understand I am not trying to get you to blow your budget, rather just offering ideas to make sure your guests expectations and your budget realities in terms of refreshments are aligned.
Don’t forget to social with your guests during the reception. Thank them for attending, pose for pictures, etc. This behavior, regardless of what you serve, is key to a good reception.
I agree. Put the words “cake and punch reception” on the invitation, itself. Also, schedule it for a snack time, not a meal time.
If you are sure to manage people’s expectations, they won’t be disappointed.
Sounds lovely and sensible. One thought: you are absolutely fine limiting your refreshments to cake and punch so long as it’s not mealtime. A teatime (or evening dessert-time) reception with cookies and iced tea is a treat for your guests; a lunchtime or dinnertime event with tea and cookies is a deprivation.
And DO NOT LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER. The honeymoon fund (or any kind of begging) is a really bad idea.
I think you’re right on track. As long as you aren’t favoring some people over others you don’t have anything to worry about. There is nothing wrong with a small, simple wedding if that is what you can afford. IMHO it’s far worse to go into debt to throw an extravagant wedding. There’s no rule that says that all weddings must have a DJ, too much overly salted food and an open bar. You do what you can and that’s that.
And you’re right about a honeymoon fund, it’s tacky tacky. Especially combined with a simple wedding where it can really come off as a gimme-gimme ploy. Best wishes to you on your big day!
You sound like a very classy young woman, and your wedding reception sounds like a lot of fun. It doesn’t have to be fancy; the point of a wedding is to share it with people you care about. Go with your plans and resist the Honeymoon fund. Congratulations and I wish you both lots of happiness!
The reception you describe is fine. It’s what you can afford. If it irks people because it’s not some big elaborate affair, that’s their problem, not yours. And please, no honeymoon fund. Having a couple of days at a hotel that you can afford on your own is probably better now than a fancy get-away. Save up for that big trip for your fifth anniversary instead!
That sounds just fine. Just make sure people are not expecting dinner, so I would make it at a time they can eat before or after. Simple doesn’t mean that it is tacky. You are going to make it special for the two of you with people you care about and that is what matters.
As for the honeymoon fund, that is kind of tacky. Please don’t let her do that 🙂
Your wedding sounds nice. I agree with what other people have said about not pushing the info on the honeymoon fund. I also agree that even plastic tables would be appreciated, especially since people will have dressed up and will be trying to manage a drink and a plate.
One small thought. In the weddings I have seen, the difference between a tacky and not tacky reception was not what was served. It was (from my perspective) a) if people were treated equally and b) if the bride and groom circulated among guests. I went to a punch/cake reception wedding that I did think was tacky. Not because of the decor, but because the bride and groom did not get up from their seats and there wasn’t enough seating for everyone. With enough seating (which you have), possible tables, and saying hi to your guests, it sounds like a fun event. 🙂 Congratulations too! 🙂
OP – I think what you’re doing is absolutely fine. Weddings don’t have to be at all fancy or expensive to be classy and wonderful events. I do agree though that you should definitely find tables so guests can sit comfortably with their cake and punch. Any table idea is better than no tables at all. Find tablecloths if you’re embarrassed by the appearance.
I’m glad others are speaking out against the honeymoon fund. Every single couple I know getting married is doing the honeyfund nowadays. Some aren’t even registering for anything else besides a honeyfund, so that makes gift giving very challenging for those like me who don’t want to contribute to it. What are we supposed to get them, then? I certainly don’t like to be pressured or dictated to as to how I’m spending my own money, and I’m feeling like I am having that done to me by the couple when they give me no other option for a gift but a honeyfund. And I’m the only one amongst my friends and acquaintances who’s against honeyfunds, so I’m the odd one out or the bad guy.
Any chance you can borrow folding tables and white tablecloths from relatives or friends? Also, what you’re doing is pretty common. I’ve been to weddings that were held at people’s homes, or yards. One friend of mine, whose parents were far from poor, and she was a teacher, held her reception at her parents home. They had punch, cake, and cookies. The reception was around 3 o’clock, so no one expected a meal.
I don’t care for honeymoon funds. They’re not done around here and people would react negatively.
“It’s really hard to manage a plate of cake and a cup of punch with nowhere to set them.”
Definitely. Please get tables. Do you expect your guests to eat their cake with a fork? If so, how are they supposed to hold their punch with one hand and use the fork with the other hand? Where are they supposed to put the plate with the piece of cake on it? On the floor? I was once at a reception where there weren’t any tables, making it very difficult to eat and drink, and all of us still laugh about it many years later.
Please get tables!
If you use cupcakes, you don’t need plates, forks, or tables. They can be stacked to resemble a tiered cake. I would like to see tables and chairs if you can afford to rent them. It’s nice to allow folks to sit down at a table, even for cake.
No to the guests paying for your honeymoon. That is not their responsibility. If people want to give you cash, you can use that for your honeymoon.
I wish you and your beloved every happiness.
This sounds like my kind of wedding. You are going to be thrilled to find out how many people do not want to spend all day, or even more than a few hours at a wedding, and will really appreciate the brevity of yours. One thing though, definitely try and get some sort of tables to scatter about so folks have a spot to set their punch. (And I agree with everyone else about the honeymoon fund–it is indeed tacky.)
Best wishes! 🙂
To quote Ron Burgundy, you stay classy OP! Your wedding sounds lovely, I can offer no more advice than what others have already offered. Don’t have it at a mealtime, do your best on the table front, and resist the tacky honeymoon fund! And most of all enjoy your special day!
Yes, a honeymoon fund is tacky. If someone asks you privately what you want/need then you can say that you and hubby are trying to save for a honeymoon (or insert whatever if there’s something else you want/need more). Otherwise you are dictating what people are to give you, and your mom is basically making the gift the cover charge for getting into the party. They are giving gifts (maybe) out of fondness and the goodness of their hearts, it is not a business transaction.
I don’t see anything wrong with a smaller wedding. Formal does not automatically equal good. I would follow several other people’s suggestions and state exactly what kind of reception it will be on the invite, so that people do not show up expecting a full meal. With that done, if anybody does come up complaining that they wanted a full meal then the problem is with them. One would hope that people are coming because they want to be part of/witness a wedding and offer congratulations, not for a free party.
On the table front, could you just let the word out that you’d like to borrow some tables and/or tablecloths from someone? This really depends on your community, but I don’t think there’d be a problem so long as you just make it generally known and don’t corner anybody. That way if someone’s not comfortable with loaning out decent tablecloths then all they have to do is not volunteer.
Stand up for no honeymoon fund.
After over 30 years hubby and I still haven’t had ours, and guess what, it looked like we didn’t need it.
My wedding was even less budget than you describe, and in the end I’m still married. Good luck OP; but do spring for the tables. If you hate tacky plastic cheapo tablecloths go to secondhand store, get some sheets, get the rit dye and make some quick. An afternoon or two, a bathtub swish and a friend with a sewing machine to give a quick hem will do wonders. Sometimes hotels and motels will have them cheap. Just pick carefully over stainage (see dye to hide some of it) and trust me tiedye helps hide lots of sins.
Tie-dye tablecloths sound AWESOME! So fun and colorful! Great for a celebration!
And if you own them, you can sell them afterwards, or loan/rent them out to others who want the same look for their party.
If you’re handy with a needle, you could take the tablecloths and use them to make all sorts of things afterwards, like bedding, curtains, pillows, re-upholster some furniture, and it would all match.
Or donate them to a nearby community theater, for them to use to make costumes and props and such. I’m sure any production of “Joseph’s Technicolor Dream Coat” would benefit from yards and yards of tie-dye cloth.
Or just keep them for all your future party needs.
Your reception sounds lovely.
I am basically just echoing everyone else here that your setup is fine, and definitely don’t do a honeymoon fund. Your mother is incorrect and you don’t have to give in to that.
I will say when we were a cash strapped bride and groom we decided to forego the honeymoon trip and each of us just took some time off of work to spend time at home together and visit friends and family in the area. We will have the rest of our lives to go on vacation and if we save up and earn that vacation ourselves it will be all the sweeter. So either a delayed honeymoon or a big vacation later on could be a goal and don’t worry about tradition. Being financially responsible is worth ten times tradition.
I had a low key wedding and do not regret it in the least. It was a lovely affair and it sounds like yours will be too. Stick to your guns about what you do and do not want 🙂
I think your wedding sounds lovely. One of the nicest weddings I ever attended was done on a tight budget, with just cake, punch, and hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill throughout the evening. It was so nice and relaxed, and the bride and groom didn’t have a ton of debt looming over their new life together.
I’m late to this party, but I’ll chime in with everyone else and say that your reception sounds classy and fun. How many stories here on Etiquette Hell are about grossly overblown receptions and requests for money? I would much rather see two good friends tie the knot, then celebrate that with a homemade cake and the company of other good friends and the couple’s family, than go to some six-hour cookie-cutter Hollywood shenanigan with four hundred people I’ve never met before.
Also, my husband and I saved our money and went on our honeymoon two years after we married. It was delightful. I can’t help thinking that it’s probably the marriages that start with an overblown Broadway production wedding that don’t even last two years. You are a class act; so will your wedding be.
Your wedding sounds lovely, and your mom is off-base. Honeymoon funds are beaucoup tacky. My husband and I were married at 7:00 p.m. in a small church with family and friends surrounding us. Our reception aftrewards was self-catered at my new in-laws house (itty-bitty quiches, piggies in a blanket, crackers and cheese, fruit, cake, and punch). We postponed a honeymoon until the following year when we could afford it. We’ve been married 37 years, and the only thing I’d do differently is marry him sooner.
Undecorated tables are way better than no tables. Eating cake and punch off your lap is a pain. Please reconsider, and don’t worry about them not being “dressed”.
Honeymoon fund ideas are usually not a good idea regardless of how cutely they are presented. My DH and I really did not need anything so we didn’t bother with a registry and when people asked we just said that their being there was gift enough. People did still bring some lovely gifts and they set them on a small side table. When we went to clear the table after everyone had left I was surprised and annoyed to see that someone had taken the liberty of putting a cheap “Honeymoon Funds” container with dollar store tags attached along with everything else. I was relieved to see that it had wound up underneath another gift and that no one had indulged in it.
Your wedding sounds perfectly proper to me. However, I do think you need some form of tables. Flat surfaces are kind of necessary, when food is being served.
Not everyone can eat while holding the plate in one hand, the cup in the other, and wondering how to manipulate the forkful of cake to the mouth. They need something on which to put their plates. However, large tables need not be the only solution. You can be creative.
Perhaps get a bunch of light-weight blocky objects, such as milk crates, laundry bins, or even styrofoam craft blocks, and wrap them. You could use newspapers that you have collected, or maybe get some of those inexpensive paper tablecloths, or even real gift-wrap. You could even get some white garbage bags and cut them into plastic sheets to use as wrapping material, if you prefer the shiny plastic look and want to protect the objects for future use. If you’d like, add a few ribbons or bows, and voila! You have “presents” that can be both decorative and suitable for use as coffee/side tables for your guests to put their drinks on, while they hold their plates. As long as they are only being used to hold light items, such as drinks or plates, they don’t need to be particularly sturdy, but I would definitely do a test-run before committing to them.
Another option – go for a country theme, and put hay bales out. Use small pieces of cloth to partially cover the bales (like a small square of cloth, set at an angle, so the corners hang down, but the hay is clearly visible. It’s decorative and festive, and inexpensive. Also, you may not have a use for the hay bales, depending on your housing, but anyone with a garden could use the hay afterwards. In fact, some people use hay bales as self-fertilizing planters, so you can find someone who would need them when you are done with them. I bought my hay bales quite cheaply, about $5 per bale. For added fun, make the “kid’s table” a picnic, with a blanket or two spread on the floor next to a picnic basket or cooler.
You can do the same thing with wooden crates. Have a “shipping” theme, perhaps, and you are hosting your wedding inside the “cargo hold.” With a few appropriate decorations, such as some old ring-style floatation devices, some nets or sails, and the like, and you can have a real nautical look. Don’t forget to have any signs you might need made with spray-paint and that stencil people use when labeling shipping crates.
Get creative! Just be sure to consider your guests’ comfort before anything else. Function is more important than form, and if you make sure their needs are met, most people will forgive any lapse in actual visual aesthetic. Also, if you are consistent in a theme, you can get away with a lot, visually, so pick a theme that allows the function you want.
Whatever you decide, OWN that decision. Decide the look you’re going for and run with it, and you might find yourself very surprised with the result.
And congratulations on the marriage!
As for the honeymoon, have you considered camping in a state park? It’s remarkably cheap, and some places, you can even rent the tent. Or check with your local scouts or wilderness girls, or whatever, and see if they have any gear you might be able to borrow. You might not be able to borrow anything that belongs to the group, but there is probably a member that would be willing to loan you stuff, if you ask.
Depending on the weather, camping can be quite enjoyable, and different camp grounds will often have an assortment of recreational facilities that are free/cheap to use.
You don’t need to ask for a honeymoon fund. You just need to be creative in your ideas of what to do for a honeymoon. For example, if you have the steel spine to say “No thank you,” you can get a free weekend at a time-share, if you’re willing to sit through the sales pitch.
There are options.
People will greatly enjoy your wedding. It sounds just like mine, 32 years ago. Homemade Italian cream cakes and chex mix, two vases (which were large juice cans wrapped in pretty paper) of daisies, a galvanized tub of iced down beer, and our friends. Many of the attendees told us afterwards “that was a fun party!” which was what we wanted, a fun party. Best wishes to you!
And just a little observation here. Many of our friends wound up splitting up after several years of marriage. We noticed it seemed to be the ones who had the lavish weddings. It led us to jokingly say that the length of the marriage is inversely proportional to the amount spent on the wedding. Now, that is of course not true, but our $350 wedding (no kidding) launched a now 32 year marriage. Again, have fun and best wishes for a long and happy marriage.
I wouldn’t judge uncovered plastic tables–but I’d definitely appreciate a table of any kind if I were dressed nicely and trying to eat! You sound very sweet and these are your loved ones. Go ahead and provide the bare tables: a gracious and genuinely happy bride is so beautiful, no one will even notice the plain furniture. You’ll outshine it: I promise. 🙂
Sounds fine to me hope it goes well!
All the best in your new life together! It’s so hard to stick to your guns when there’s a million different voices telling you what you should or shouldn’t have – but your wedding sounds like it’s going to be lovely. And who doesn’t love a wee bit of cake and punch? Though I would add another vote for tables – at stand-up events I always wish I had a third hand to hold things with!
It’s really interesting to see honeymoon funds described as ‘tacky’ – maybe this is a USA/UK cultural difference? I’m in the UK, and they’re pretty common over here, especially if couples have been living together for a while and have things like toasters and a sofa already! The general wording is something like ‘the best gift we could receive is your presence at our wedding’ but if people do give gifts, they chip in to what the couple are saving towards for their holiday. But that’s very different to your mum’s attitude of ‘entertain them expensively or they won’t give you anything!’ I suppose a lot of it depends on the ask, and whether there’s that horrible feeling of ‘expectation’ behind it.
I’m a little late…but have you considered serving your guests cupcakes? That would eliminate the issue of guests having trouble holding a drink and a plate and working a fork. Mini cupcakes in a variety of flavors might be perfect…easy to pop in your mouth without much mess. You could even place different flavors in different areas of the room to help guests circulate and mingle…
First, as long as you are not going to have a long ceremony, to which I mean ceremony is 10-15 minutes from start to finish and you have it around 2:30-4:30 then you should be fine. This way at this time in the afternoon, everyone has had lunch but it is before dinner. You can serve cake, nuts, punch, water and tea. If you like keep it to under 30 people if possible and you can find for cheap cheese trays and fruit trays which you can do yourself to give your guests something to snack on. It is doable but those who know you will understand your limited funds available and I am sure it will be pretty.
I agree it sounds great. And definitely have small tables so people can set down their punch while eating, if at all possible. The best weddings I have been to have been where members of the church pitched in and made reception items (wings, sandwiches, fruit platter) or where there was just punch, cake, and nuts.