Public Raunch

by admin on June 25, 2012

Today’s “Boorish Bullies” story on the E-Hell site reminded me of an incident that happened to my mom and me recently. We were both invited to a bachelorette party a few months ago to honor a friend of my mother’s. There were two parts to the party; first was dinner at a local restaurant and then barhopping after. Since Mom and I didn’t know any of the other guests besides the bride-to-be and we weren’t really in mood to drink, we decided to just attend the dinner. When we arrived, the party was in full swing. There were tiaras, sashes, racy games, phallic shaped trinkets, and drinks galore. Now all of this is pretty standard bachelorette party fare, except that this was all smack dab in the middle of the busy restaurant in full view and ear shot of other diners including children. Perhaps this is more the fault of the restaurant. The party should have been seated in a separate room or at least in a back corner away from everyone else.

Either way, the other party guests didn’t seem to be hindered by this and proceeded to laugh and talk loudly about their sexual histories, tell dirty jokes, and play suggestively with the trinkets. One woman thought it was hilarious to periodically expose her cleavage to the other party guests. They laughed it up, but the young family seated at a table across from her sure didn’t. We got so many dirty looks from the patrons around us, my mother looked like she wanted to crawl underneath the table and hide. I tried a couple of times to redirect the conversation to tamer topics but to no avail.

Eventually one of the party guests got the bright idea to invite a gentleman, who was dining alone nearby, to our table, and they sat him in the only empty chair—next to me. While I’m sure this man was probably a nice fella, he was still a stranger, and they only invited him over as a prank. These grown women giggled like schoolgirls at this poor man. I was too uncomfortable to stand it anymore. Mom and I scarfed down the last of our food, congratulated the BTB, and hightailed it out of there.   0621-12

Standard bachelorette party fare for who?   Phallic themed bachelorette party paraphernalia has been around for decades yet I have never actually seen anyone of my acquaintance ever use it.   So,it certainly is not standard across the board for every bachelorette party.   Even if this had been a private party, the obsession on penises and sex is just too crass and even sexist.    A good man is measured by more than the size of his masculine apparatus and if the roles had been reversed, many women would be repulsed that their breast size,  other bodily attributes and sexual prowess were the theme of the groom’s bachelor party.

That said, it’s no wonder that the party got out of hand when there is the combination of alcohol, cutesy phallic toys and sex talk.  All aided in the lowering of inhibitions in an open family restaurant.  Big hint….I’m no prude but I’d really rather not hear someone’s sexual exploits while dining on my bratwurst.

Well, OP, it seems you and your mother were in an awkward position of wanting to honor the BTB, finish with your dinner without beating too hasty of a retreat.   You tried your best to deflect the conversation to less salacious content but once on a roll, it’s pretty hard to rein people back in.


{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

Kate June 25, 2012 at 5:09 am

Ick. This is why I’m not big on the idea of a bachelorette party.

The fascination with sex is particularly interesting given that in this day and age, not many women come to marriage a virgin. Sex is not some huge mystery that we all have to wonder and giggle about any more.

I’ve been to very nice bachelorette dinners which were just a group of girls catching up for a glass of wine and some nice food. These are great fun because you get to meet friends of the bride from other circles of friends, and socialise away from your partners for a night. Perhaps the raunchy parties with phallic party favors are better suited for a private home and not a packed restaurant.


josie June 25, 2012 at 6:41 am

This is just so totally wrong when it is in a family dining area. The restaurent should be reprimanded big time for not putting you in a private area.


Danielle June 25, 2012 at 11:01 am

I’m with you Josie. The restaurant should have moved them to a private area. Although, I wonder who would have scheduled this party in a family friendly restaurant. It’s actually a little bit creepy to me to think that these women had no problem behaving this way in full view of children.


Powers June 25, 2012 at 3:34 pm

And what if there wasn’t a private area in which to sequester these customers?

Okay, they probably should have been asked to tone it down or leave. I don’t disagree with that course of action.


The Elf June 26, 2012 at 2:12 pm

That is what gets me, Danielle. I’ve helped to plan a few of those kinds of parties and getting a private area is standard. You want to be able to cut loose, and you can’t do that in front of a whole restaurant. Well I guess these ladies can, but most can’t! I guess we can be grateful they didn’t hire a stripper.


Cat June 25, 2012 at 9:48 am

I am sorry you didn’t have the phone number of the nasty woman in a previous post who made both racist and sexual comments while dining with a group of people she did not know. This would have been a party at which she would have felt quite at home and where she would have been welcome.

I have never quite understood why an impending wedding seems to bring out such a fascination of the happy couple’s sexual abilities. Given today’s mores and morals, we are no longer expecting either the bride nor the groom to be inexperienced or to have had only one partner. It seems to me that they are now going to be strictly limiting their activities in such things rather than beginning a journey into something neither has experienced before.


StephM June 25, 2012 at 10:51 am

This sounds close to the type of bachelorette party that I would like someday – in PRIVATE. The idea of having it in front of children is just downright disturbing. Why couldn’t they have waited until the barhopping to act like that? Ugh.


OP June 25, 2012 at 1:07 pm

My thoughts exactly! I’ve been to my fair share of bachelorette parties, including y own, where a fare amount raunch was involved, but they were always in someone’s home and among a group of women who knew each other very well. My mom and I anticipated that there would be some mature content, but we thought they would wait until they were at a bar to completely let loose.


Drawberry June 25, 2012 at 11:36 am

Whatever manner of celebration the host and guest of honor chose is freely up to them, but it would be assumed to be common sense that one ought not to bring their enormous penis-shaped lolly pops into a family restaurant and their boisterous sex-themed parties are best left to private venues.

But common sense does not seem to be so common lately..


Wendy June 25, 2012 at 11:37 am

Wonder how much business that restaurant lost after that night? I’m sure the one family didn’t return any time soon, nor would the single man “invited” to join the fun. While it is the organizer’s fault for creating such a non-family-friendly event and carrying on with it, the restaurant also had a responsibility to their other guests and the manager could have stepped in and asked the party to tone it down, or offer to move them to another room.

That being said, I wouldn’t have stayed to finish my meal. Once I realized what was going on, I would have left and sent my apologies to the bride afterwards. I once attended a bridal shower (yes) with children present (yes again!) where things started out nicely, but once the gifts were being opened (with the FH present) the talk quickly turned. While not nearly as raunchy as this party, the basket of wedding night toys, the game where the MOH read phrases taken out of context with a sexually implied meaning to the laughter of all but my mother and myself (and the couple of kids who looked puzzled) were just too much. It was embarrassing and we excused ourselves as quickly as possible.

One doesn’t have to subject oneself to objectionable behavior in order to be polite.


Library Diva June 25, 2012 at 11:55 am

It’s possible that the restaurant didn’t know what-all these women had planned. When you’re setting up a party like this, would you be so blunt as to tell them that you’re planning to bring penis-shaped trinkets and play raunchy games really loudly? I blame the organizers. They should have inquired themselves about the private room, or at least not chosen someplace like an Olive Garden or Applebee’s for dinner.


Queen Medic June 27, 2012 at 5:57 pm

That was my thought, too, being that they did not specify what type of party it was. But I wouldn’t blame the venue. When you say you’re having a party, people assume you’re having a party. Groups of people, cake, maybe balloons. Why would someone need to inquire what kind of party it is exactly?

If I were to put myself in the shoes of the venue, hearing ‘party’ would make me think of the aforementioned things. Hearing ‘Stag/Hen night’ will play a different tune, and then I could plan accordingly.


C.W. June 25, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Oy! My bachelorette party is right around the corner and I’ve already told my bridesmaids that I want no genitalia shaped objects involved. I’m not shy by any means, I just think the idea of wearing a crown of phallic shaped plastic is a bit ridiculous! Also, they’ve already arranged seating in a separate room of the restaurant so we wont be too disruptive. (I know how loud we can all get!)


Sarah Jane June 25, 2012 at 1:20 pm

I wonder if any of the families complained to the restaurant staff…as a mother, I would have.

I agree with those who indicate that the sexually-themed pre-wedding festivities are out of date. Many, many couples enter marriage having already physically consummated the relationship. Personally, I’ve never thought throwing around a bunch of suggestive talk and naughty toys to be much of a celebration of a couple’s love and commitment.


Gee June 25, 2012 at 1:42 pm

I wonder how much future business that restaurant lost because of this party? If I had been there with my family, we would have left and never returned. And we would warn all our friends about it, too!


Iris June 25, 2012 at 10:27 pm

When I got to “there were tiaras, sashes, racy games…” I went back to reread the start of the story, thinking “Oh, I thought she said they were meeting at the restaurant I must have misread…” That’s how sure I was that that behaviour would be reserved for a bar.

I think in the circumstances you did the best you could, but I sure feel bad for the other diners. Also, I agree entirely with Ehelldame about the phallic toys.


Shoegal June 26, 2012 at 8:31 am

Who came up with the idea that Bachelorette parties should include a replica of a man’s equipment and the bride is expected to wear this on her person and out in public? I don’t recall ever hearing of a man doing the same? Whose idea was it to have a bachelorette party out in the open in a family friendly restaurant? A bad idea, indeed! I find that women are more inclined to let loose at these events and become rather obnoxious – there is nothing wrong with that as long as young children aren’t there to bear witness.

Recently during a trip to the Fingerlakes, my husband and I ran into a bachelorette party doing the wine trail. There was about 10 to 15 girls riding around in a limo. I always thought this would be a nice thing to do – spend time with your girlfriends, sample the wine and chat with the locals. The winery staff sees this quite differently – especially the small ones. They said they don’t have the capacity to properly give a tasting to 10 to 15 girls at once. The girls are more interested in getting drunk than sampling the wine for taste and are also less inclined to buy wine afterwards. They are also quite rowdy and disturb their other customer. Some of the wineries put up signs excluding any buses or limos.

After sharing a tasting with 15 drunk, giggling girls – I wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of the winery. These events are best if they are done in private room or in a bar that expects this type of behavior.


LovleAnjel June 26, 2012 at 1:45 pm

My bachelorette party had some peepee pops and edible undies, but it was held in a hookah bar, not a TGI’s. Some people see movie/TV representations of these parties and think that’s the “right” way to do it. It probably doesn’t even occur to them to do anything else, and if they can’t get to a bar or other appropriate venue, so what? Any place will do!


Jenny June 26, 2012 at 6:50 pm

For my “Bachelorette Party” we went to a Chili’s and bar food (and a couple drinks for people of age), then went bowling. I don’t understand the raunch – my husband’s and my sex life is not something I want to discuss in public, certainly not in front of my teenage sister (who was one of my bridesmaids).

I’ve also never understood wanting to get very drunk the night before your wedding. Who wants to be holding their head during their own wedding?


magicdomino June 27, 2012 at 3:28 pm

All I can say is, if this is what the dinner was like, what did the party do while barhopping later? I’m not into major raunch, and, like the OP, would have thought the dinner part would be a lot of chatter and maybe a cake, with the nasty toys saved for later.


margo July 6, 2012 at 6:49 am

It’s not the kind of party I’d enjoy, and I think that the organisers were a little rude not to have made sure that all invitees knew what the ‘tone’ was likely to be so that anyone, like the OP, who wasn’t comfortable with it, could chose not to attend.
I also think that if the party was excessively loud they are at fault – equally the treatment of the male patron is inappropriate

But: – OP doesn’t say it was family restaurant – she says it was local, and that there happened to be children there – to me, that makes a difference.
If you go to somewhere which is explicitly a family restaurant then it’s reasonable to expect children, and to behave in a way that takes that into account.
Equally, if you chose to take children to a reatuarant which isn’t explicitly family orientated I don’t think it is reasonable to expect that other patrons should necessarily restrict their conversations. I think it borders on the ‘no-on has a right *not* to be offended’ territory. So if the party was keeping it’s raunchy jokes at a normal conversational level, then, other than the insensitivity to their own guests, who felt incomfortable, I don’t think they would have been rude. For me, the main rudeness is the volume of their conversations – and to me, that would have been just as rude regardless of what they had been talking about, because it is the disruption of other people’s evenings which is rude. It would be the same if the cause of the disturbance was a screaming baby, a toddler having a temper tantrum, a couple quarrelling or any over-loud conversation.

And whatever the type of restaurant, I think it is down to the restaurant to manage the situation – if they feel that one group is behaving inappropriately then it’s the responsibility ofthe manager to let them know. (And after all, even if the reatuarant didn’t know when the party was booked that it was a henparty, they must have known the second a goup of women in sashes and tiaras walked in!) and could have taken steps to ensure things didn’t get out of hand (restricting how much alcohol they served, a manager keeping an eye on things and speaking to the party if they were disturbing other patrons etc.)

From what OP says, although she and her mother felt embarrassed, they didn’t actually say anything and neither did anyone else. And it sounds as though the restuarant continued to serve them drinks.

It sounds as if the party was pretty boorish (being over-loud, no matter what the topic of conversation, if rude to other patrons)


Cher630 July 9, 2012 at 8:06 pm

You guys need to lighten up! This is 2012! I’ve been to a bunch of bachelorette parties and yes, penis shapes straws, conversations about sex, pranks, and dirty jokes were part of them all. This isn’t the 19th century, where the BTB is celebrating with her maids with a tea party and giggling. And if that man was uncomfortable, he would have declinded the invitation.

If the OP and her mother were that uncomfortable, why did they stay at all?

The only thing I see wrong with this situation is that it was in the middle of a restaurant. The hostess should have had this party in a private room or at a home or even a bar, where people would have laughed with the BTB and her friends. I think some people are too prudish and need to get the sticks out of their behinds.


RP July 10, 2012 at 4:53 pm

I doubt the women told the guy he was being invited as a joke when they asked him to join them. Using someone as a joke or to make fun of someone else is a very nasty and mean thing to do.


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