A Perfect Bride Is The CEO Of Her Own Wedding

by admin on June 11, 2012

I would like to give a HUGE shout out to my friend Anna for being a beacon of grace and kindness in the run-up to her wedding. I look forward to telling you more about the day itself in five months!

I am recently engaged and she was so happy for me, she asked all about the details, was excited to see the ring and no mention of how much hers had cost or how much bigger the diamond is. She gave me some really good advice about announcing the engagement and choosing venues – only once I had asked her opinion. Every time someone helps her with the organization of the wedding they get a sweet email the next day telling them how much it meant to her that they helped. I know for a fact that she has already got some gifts in the post and she sends a thank you card within the week, whether on or off registry, no matter how expensive or small the gift was.

One of her bridesmaids recently announced that she is pregnant. Anna, far from screaming at her like many a Bridezilla would, asked her what they could do for her to make the day more comfortable for her and is being very flexible in terms of dresses – the pregnant girl is to wear an empire line dress to allow space for the bump and the others are to pick dresses in the same color but whatever style they like. The other bridesmaids have already started discussing how they can make things easier for their pregnant friend – with Anna as the “boss”, they all just want to help as much as possible.

This woman is a wonderful example and I am trying to be just as gracious in my own planning. Please help me to express a tiny part of my admiration for her by publishing this story! 0605-12

A bride planning her wedding is like the CEO of a business and how she acts trickles down to her “staff”.  If she leads by example with patience, kindness and thinking of others, she sets the tone for her wedding which makes it much easier for everyone involved to follow suit.

{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

Bint June 11, 2012 at 4:54 am

Hurrah for Anna! She does sound wonderful, but there is something rather sad in the fact this seems unusual. I’ve been a bridesmaid four times, twice the only attendant, and each time the bride was just like Anna. All my friends who are married were like her. If they got stressed, they kept hold of it. They treated people the way they treat them normally – they didn’t change because of their marriage, they didn’t expect the world to revolve around them, and they stayed the lovely, kind, generous people they always are. It is normal. It *should* be normal. If only everyone realized that girls like Anna should be standard.

One of my friends also sent her thank-you notes before the wedding if notified, although I didn’t think this was a good idea. God forbid anything should prevent the wedding, but that’s a wedding present. Until you’re married, it’s not really yours. It’s weird pretending you don’t know someone’s bought you something, but I’d definitely go with that! My friend just couldn’t stand to go that long without thanking the person!

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Frequent Flyer June 11, 2012 at 11:53 pm

In my opinion, you should send a thank you note upon receipt of the gift. That lets the gift-giver know the gift arrived safe and sound, and that you are delighted with it.

Then, the gift is kept in its original packaging until after W-Day. If the wedding is called off, the gift can be returned to the giver and eventually to the store in a “new” state. After the wedding, start using the gift as you wish.

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Bint June 12, 2012 at 8:22 am

I agree one should acknowledge receipt of, and gratitude for, any present received prior to a wedding, but I disagree this is the same as a thank-you note for a wedding present. There should still be a note after the wedding when it’s been opened and I think the majority of people would expect one. Also, sending one before the wedding means you can’t say anything *about* the wedding. Most of my thank-you notes mentioned something about the giver at the actual day.

I can’t see if Anna used a registry, but registries are not delivered until after the wedding. You can see who’s bought what, but you don’t have it and you don’t know it’s ‘arrived safe and sound’. You’re effectively thanking someone for something you don’t yet have and that they don’t expect you to have. This is what my friend did – thanked people for buying off her registry before her wedding day.

Mind you, I sent my thank-you notes out within a week because I was off work and some people complained I sent them too early! Miserable lot.

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Kimstu June 12, 2012 at 3:40 pm

I guess customs differ, but in standard American etiquette, any gift is supposed to be responded to with prompt thanks, irrespective of when it arrived (with the sole exception being birthday or holiday gifts that are sent early with the EXPLICIT instruction “don’t open this till your birthday” or “till Christmas” or whenever).

Yes, it is customary to return wedding gifts if the planned wedding ends up not happening, but that doesn’t mean you’re supposed to hold off on opening a wedding gift or thanking the giver until after the wedding. Miss Manners, for example, is REALLY down on that practice.

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lkb June 11, 2012 at 7:28 am

How refreshing to hear about a nice bride for a change. Many blessings to her, her husband and to the OP and her husband to be for telling us about her.

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Cat June 11, 2012 at 11:01 am

Sounds like the bridegroom hit the jackpot with this one.

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Angel June 11, 2012 at 11:18 am

This is an example of how a bride is supposed to act. But unfortunately, most people would see it as going above and beyond. Pretty sad when you think about it. I couldn’t imagine getting all bent out of shape at a bridesmaid for getting pregnant. I mean, REALLY?? It’s not as though she did it on purpose just to muck up your wedding. But kudos to this bride for behaving like a decent, civilized human being.

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Meegs June 11, 2012 at 3:58 pm

I know, right?!!!!! I’ve been a bridesmaid eight times and each and every time, my friend and/or relative, the bride, was just like Anna. I am forever wondering where all these bridezillas are and so glad I’ve never come across one in real life.
And I will never understand how someone being pregnant has anything to do with someone else’s wedding.

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Ellen CA June 11, 2012 at 1:53 pm

I think we have all become accustomed to horrific television shows and many of the stories on this site to expect that all brides are shrews from hell. I don’t think that is really the case. I like to think that most brides are decent human beings that act like the OP’s friend Anna and only a small, yet much publicised, minority are actually bridezillas.

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Miss Raven June 11, 2012 at 2:15 pm

This is a sweet story, but I’d like to comment on the fact that the bar for brides has now been set at whether or not they become antagonistic towards bridesmaids who become pregnant during the wedding planning.

This is a travesty. In a perfect world, all but the most heinous and self-centered of brides would be accommodating and excited for their friend or sister. But it’s seeming more and more like the current state of affairs is that all but the most kind and gracious of brides will throw a hissy fit over how their friend’s pregnancy affects MEEEEE. Me, me, meeee!

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Frequent Flyer June 11, 2012 at 11:49 pm

I have a good friend with two daughters. Daughter One announced her engagement and then announced a wedding date in November. Daughter Two announced her pregnancy and a November due date. Daughter One re-announced her wedding date for the following February.

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NotCinderell June 12, 2012 at 12:42 pm

That seems normal to me. You make a choice: Do you want to have a particular wedding date more than you want your sister to be able to be there? There are compelling reasons for both. (For instance, if your intended is about to deploy or study abroad or something, you’d definitely prioritize getting married by a certain date over whether family members could attend).

I don’t understand how anyone could set a wedding date so far in advance and populate her bridal party with young married women and not expect someone to end up pregnant.

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crella June 14, 2012 at 6:59 am

I would think that having a pregnant attendant would multiply the joy…I think though, that weddings are being seen more and more as ‘performances’ for lack of a better word. ‘Picture perfect’ seems to be becoming more important than a loving day with family.

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