My only sister is getting married early this fall and asked me to be the maid-of-honor for the ceremony. I currently live several states away from where the wedding will be taking place and have not been able to participate in any of the planning. It’s not that they need my help or that I particularly enjoy helping people plan weddings, I just lament the fact that I am honored in this way but not really doing anything special for her yet.
When I got married about 5 years ago, my sister was also my distant maid-of-honor. Similar to the current situation, she couldn’t help with the planning but was still able to plan and organize a great bachelorette party. We had a private dining room at a local casino, had a few PG-13 drinks, spent a token amount in the slots, and just had a fun time. Ultimately it was just really special to have the outing with other young female friends and family members who were all close to me.
For this reason I was really looking forward to returning the favor and hosting a girls’ night (or afternoon) for all of us to have fun. After doing a little research, I found a great business that will host a private event where they teach you how to do a painting of your choice while you provide your own food and drinks. I told her what I had in mind to gauge her reaction and she loved it. She also mentioned my idea to several local family members who agreed that it was such a great idea that they would probably try it out themselves sometime in the future.
Just recently, I provided her with a couple dates and times to get an idea of what fit into her general schedule. She gave me an idea of her schedule as well as the other bridesmaids, all of which was really helpful. She also included this line in her email, “We could always invite Mom and [local aunt] and whoever else is in town early to join.”
Here’s the rub: I don’t really want my mom or aunt to join us for this particular event. College friends and/or cousins, married or single, is not a problem. As I said earlier, part of what made my own bachelorette party so special was having a unique blend of girls and women my own age and I really want her to have some of that. It’s not like we’re planning to be foolish or raunchy, but the fact is having my conservative mom and aunt there would invariably change the dynamic to something that is a little bit less fun and special just to us.
At the same time though, I understand that as a host I should do my best to accommodate reasonable requests by the guest of honor. What could be more reasonable than including a mom and aunt who actually did help with the wedding? At this point I’m torn. Her email isn’t insisting these people be invited but it is clearly suggesting we should include them. Also, I really have no way to know how much is her trying to be inclusive versus the possibility she’s being passive-aggressively accosted to include them. Am I being selfish for wanting to insist on an “our generation only” party? If it makes a difference, I am planning on paying for the entire event, some (if not all) of the food and drink, and the required transportation from hotel to site.
Thank you for your time and help. 0616-14
You’ve talked yourself into the answer. Your sister has suggested that Mom and Aunt be included in those invited to the bachelorette party and it is a waste of your time to speculate as to the reasons why Sis would do that. While you chose to exclude those of a particular generation as being too fuddy duddy for your own bachelorette party, your sister does not appear to be that exclusive. What matters in the end is not how much fun you will have at Sis’s bachelorette party but whether Sis enjoyed herself.