I have a question that would most likely be at home on the Hells Bells site that hopefully you or your readers will be able to help me out with.
I recently got married at the beginning of this month, and thanks to my extensive reading of your site, hopefully we didn’t commit any blunders that will cause us to end up in your infamous halls. However, now that we are back from our honeymoon and working industriously on getting thank you notes written and in the mail before the end of the month (not only to be punctual, but because stamp prices are going up in April!), we’ve hit a bit of a sticky point:
DH and I threw a small-ish wedding (70 people invited, around 55 people attended). Because we were paying for the wedding ourselves, and because DH is a rather introverted person, we wanted to host an event where we actually knew everybody who was going to be there. When we were building our guest list our rule was couples who were married, engaged, living together, or who had been in a serious relationship for over a year were invited together – single guests were not invited with a +1. We made an exception for our best man and our maid of honor. BM and MOH had actually been a couple for about 4 years before our wedding, and were actually the ones responsible for introducing DH and I, and setting us up on our first few dates. However, about 6 months before the wedding, they broke up. A little while later, BM reconnected with an old high school girlfriend (who had been friends with DH for years as well), and MOH started dating another guy. DH and I discussed it, and we decided that even though the separate couples hadn’t been together for over a year, like our rule said, that because they were standing up for us, it would be OK for them to bring dates. So we invited them, they accepted, everybody came and had a good time, and it was a pretty awesome wedding.
The day after the wedding, my parents hosted a gift opening lunch, and we received lovely practical gifts from both BM and his new girlfriend, and from the MOH and her new boyfriend.
DH and I get back from our honeymoon. We had been without phones and computers for the past 10 days, and hadn’t had contact with anybody back home except calling our parents from a pay phone to let them know our plane had landed safely. I texted a few of my closest friends letting them know we were home safe and ready to get back into real life. MOH texted me back enthusiastically. I asked how everything had been with her while we were gone, and she told me that the biggest news item was that she had broken up with the new boyfriend. I haven’t heard the whole story yet because she wants to tell me in person, but he was apparently kind of a jerk about it, too. I expressed my sympathy, but MOH didn’t seem really broken up over it, so we moved on to other topics of conversation, and it didn’t really bother me until I sat down later that night with my gift list, address book, and thank you cards to start churning them out.
Do I write a thank you note to MOH’s short-lived ex-boyfriend? I don’t have his home address (we had sent the wedding invitation directly to MOH’s house, addressed to both of them), and I’m not sure how I would get it. He was invited as a guest of my best friend, but his name was attached to one of our gifts. Aside from Facebook, I don’t know any other way to get in contact with him. I am tempted to just leave it alone, but I feel like it would be rude to not at least acknowledge his presence at our wedding. What is your advice? 0321-14
I would send him a private Facebook message thanking him for his contribution to the wedding gift and be done with it. While it is good to have an attitude of gratitude regarding the gifts one receives, etiquette doesn’t demand that you walk over glass shards, bend in two and twist like a pretzel to find people in order to send them a thank you note.