There Is A Right Kind of Toast And A Wrong Kind

by admin on March 20, 2014

I simply love the site! This story happened a few years ago, at my cousins wedding reception. After dinner the toasts came up, and it was the MOH’s turn. She proceeded to tell us about the time the bride and groom went out and got drunk! Apparently the groom was approached by a “lady of the night” who tried to lure him into being her next customer, with the bride to be right there! The bride to be ran up to her and kicked her in the head, and both she and the groom were arrested. And this was told at their wedding with the groom’s extremely Christian family shell shocked. The worst part? The bride and groom thought that was the best toast! 0316-14

I personally would not have been shell shocked to hear such a toast but I would certainly not have smiled as if amused by its contents.   Some situations can become great family folklore in years but prostitution, violence and arrests are not topics that should be fodder for wedding toasts.

{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }

Lo March 20, 2014 at 7:43 am

Wow, what a classy couple.

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SFL March 20, 2014 at 9:21 am

Kicked her in the head? In a wedding dress? Ah-hu. Even if this is true, I’d wager the MOH was holding a grudge from an earlier time and getting some revenge.

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Rachel March 20, 2014 at 10:50 am

I think the bride ran up and kicked the woman of ill repute in the head, not her MOH. I got confused by that at first too.

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AS March 24, 2014 at 8:52 am

I don’t think they kicked the MOH in the head, not was it during the wedding. The bride kicked the “lady of night” in te head, when the incident in the story was happening.

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Mya March 20, 2014 at 9:27 am

It’s always bothered me why people make such embarrassing toasts at weddings. I’ve sat through and cringed at some really TMI stories. Why can’t people say nice things? Or if they haven’t anything nice to say they should stick to something neutral like ‘Please join me in raising a glass to the newly weds. Here’s wishing them a life of love, laughter and prosperity.’

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Wild Irish Rose March 20, 2014 at 10:17 am

I guess I understand toasting at weddings, but I’ve yet to hear a toast that I thought wasn’t just made up on the spot and/or didn’t have some kind of cringeworthy story involved. I’m all about raising a glass and simply saying, “Here’s to B and G!” I really don’t get why people don’t prepare better when they know they’re expected to propose a toast.

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Wren March 23, 2014 at 3:51 pm

My husband was a best man once and I warned him he was going to have to make a toast. His shocked look made me realize he had no idea this was going to be required of him. So we talked about what he might say at the wedding reception. He said, “To Paul and Amy, may their love endure forever.” This is a direct quote. Short, to the point and definitely not embarrassing.

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Eve_Eire March 20, 2014 at 11:35 am

@SFL

I think she means that part of the story was that the bride kicked the prostitute in the head and that then the couple were arrested. The head kicking and arrest didn’t happen at the wedding.

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La March 20, 2014 at 3:44 pm

I also feel sorry for the poor prostitute too. Kicking her was a huge overreaction.

(Seriously, a “no thanks” would have worked.)

And this is certainly not suitable material for a toast. Like, I would expect a Best Man or Head Bridesmaid’s toast to be a bit risque and cheeky in a tasteful manner. Stories of assault do not count as that.

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RC March 20, 2014 at 4:27 pm

Sounds like one classy couple!

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kingsrings March 20, 2014 at 5:03 pm

I also don’t understand at all why some people make such off-color toasts at weddings. What are they thinking? Keep it classy and respectful! While such stories may be amusing to the couple and others, you still shouldn’t speak such off-color stuff as part of a wedding toast.

And my contribution to this topic: Many years ago, I attended a longtime friend’s wedding. The first thing out of the best man’s mouth when he made the toast was that this was the third time he’d done this. Yup, he just announced that the 26 year-old groom was on his third marriage (and groom has since gone on to multiple marriages after that one, but that’s a whole ‘nother story). None of us guests knew beforehand that that was the case, but that immediately explained why the groom’s side of the wedding looked so unhappy to be there, and why there was so few of them attending.

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Catvickie March 20, 2014 at 7:44 pm

Actually the worst one I ever heard came from the bride. She went on and on about how she glommed onto the groom in the fifth grade and knew he was the one. She followed him off to the same college and back to their small hometown and they got married. Her speech went on about 15-20 minutes!

Most of the men there were cringing over that one–poor guy never had a chance! It also explained why whenever my daughters happened to run across the future groom (a second cousin) they got a death glare from that girl. One of my daughters hid behind me at the gravsite of the groom’s grandfather because that girl was giving her the death glare–and that was long after the wedding. We have pretty much avoided these people for years, because my husband never cared much for the groom’s mother, his first cousin. We still crack up about that toast, however.

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Angeldrac March 20, 2014 at 7:54 pm

We were at a wedding, once, where the Best Man regaled us all with story after story of the groom’s drunken adventures concluding with one where the groom had passed out on a train, travelled for 3 hours and only came to when paramedics went to check his blood sugar to confirm he wasn’t in a diabetic coma.
This was a MASSIVE wedding with dozens of elderly relatives who had flown in from all over the world – there was a lot of uncomfortable shuffling and nervous laughter going on throughout this “speech”.
My husband, afterwards, made the observation that the best man was actually quite young and probably hadn’t been to many weddings and had only really seen speeches being given at 18th and 21st birthday parties, so probably didn’t really realise what would and wouldn’t be appropriate for the occasion.

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NostalgicGal March 21, 2014 at 1:17 am

If you can’t print it in a family magazine, don’t say it in the speech. Nuff said.

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AnnaMontana March 21, 2014 at 6:46 am

Our best man gave us the BEST speech ever. He hardly knows me (I was the bride) and yet said some really lovely things about us as a couple and our relationship. He’d obviously rang around my family/friends and asked for their favourite memories of us as a couple. Overall it was very sweet and family-friendly (even though we only had 2 children there).
I firmly believe if anyone in your wedding party is going to divulge something like this, just DON’T have them in the wedding party. NOT classy and NOT what your gran wants to hear!

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Wren March 23, 2014 at 3:58 pm

I don’t know why, but wedding toasts and eulogies make lots of people relate only the most inappropriate stories about loved ones. Surely there are guidelines to follow. Everything else relating to weddings, etc. seems to be available if one looks.

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Cat March 23, 2014 at 10:22 pm

Things like this make me think that one should insist on having an exact copy of any speech or toast to be given at a wedding in order to allow the happy couple to vet them for inappropriate remarks that are overtly sexual, crude, hurtful, or inappropriate in mixed company.
If the bride and groom enjoy such remarks, well, in the words of Miss Jean Brodie, “For those who like that sort of thing, that is the sort of thing they like.”

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kingsrings March 24, 2014 at 3:23 pm

I can understand why that would be requested, but it’s kind of cold and also turning what should be a sentimental, touching event into something business-like. Perhaps instead the couple should just use their own intuitive judgement based on their knowledge of their family/friends. Before asking someone to give a toast, consider if they’re the type of person with tact and manners first, who would never dream of publicly speaking of risque subjects such as what has been mentioned in this thread. Base your decision on that. Or simply tell the person ahead of time that you’d rather they not bring up something risque or tactless in the toast.

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Cat March 25, 2014 at 4:30 pm

It’s nice if you can tell what someone will say when he/she has been drinking, but my experience is that people often say things they should not when they are tipsy. Sometimes just nerves will cause people to blurt out horrible things. Reading these posts confirms my beliefs.
If I did as you suggest, my entire family would have to sit through the reception with gags on.
I would go for “cold and calculating” over rude, crude, and socially unattractive anytime .
However, one can write a sentimental, touching speech and still have it proof-read. Politicians do it all the time.
Weddings are big business in this country. If I am spending forty-thousand dollars on a gala wedding, I do not intend to be insulted and humiliated at it as some people have been.

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Kitten March 24, 2014 at 9:22 pm

I’ve heard some hideous toasts, but the topper was the one in which the maid of honor told all of us guests that she had spotted the groom first and tried to get him but she guessed he liked her best friend better. My husband and I looked at each other and made “Did she really say that?” face at each other. Then, our table’s pretty candlelit flower arrangement caught fire. It was a bit of a crazy and horrible wedding reception.

My husband had to give a speech for his brother and he was brilliant about it. He asked me for speech ideas and we figured out a few great stories we had about his brother and the fiancee, blocked out what he wanted to say, wrote it, he let me edit it, he performed it for a friend who is a really great speaker, she edited it, he went back to edit it again, he did the speech for us a few more times and we continued to refine it. By the time he gave the speech, it got a ton of applause and a lot of laughs, and his now sister-in-law happily refers back to the speech as great. I was very impressed with my husband since he’s not a very good public speaker, nor a comfortable one. It was a ton of work on his part.

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Cat March 25, 2014 at 4:33 pm

That is an excellent example of someone who had his speech proof-read beforehand to refine and to clarify his remarks. Sometimes the more you work on a speech, the better it becomes. Off-the-cuff remarks are seldom that well-received.

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Mer March 26, 2014 at 4:05 am

But proofreading done by toast-giver’s friends are different matter than HC demanding to see all speeches/toasts beforehand. Toast or speech is basically a verbal gift. Something, I feel, one cannot actually demand from a person, nor can one dictate what will be in it. It’s meant to be a expression of feelings towards the honored person, just as gifts are.

But as it is, not all are that great gift givers. There are person’s who think raunchy speeches are all fun and really think HC will value the humor. As there are people who think it will be good idea to give adult toys as shower present. Both are embarrassing in front of your grandma.

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just4kicks March 27, 2014 at 12:22 pm

My husband’s brother and best man at our wedding, pulled a doozy on our wedding video. A third brother, whose profession was bridal photography and videos, was going around to all guests asking for happy wishes for us. My brother in law said, “I’m just waiting for this marriage to go into the toilet, so then I CAN HAVE HER!” Luckily, we didn’t know this happened until we returned from our honeymoon and sat to watch the video. We were both speechless, and my hubby layed into him the next time they spoke. Besides that little gem, we also have my father, who was seated next to him when he said this, giving him the coldest, dead eyed stare I think I have ever seen from my usually very mild mannered Pop.

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EJ April 19, 2014 at 2:20 pm

Toasts should be run by the bride and groom if they include a ‘remember story’. My DH BM had story all ready to go, really cute and sweet too….problem was the girl he was remembering doing something fun for DH that impressed him (he lives several states away) wasn’t me. It was my DH previous girlfriend . I’m glad he ran it by DH first!! It made me laugh when I heard about it later but during my wedding I think I would have not found it as amusing

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