Cancelling The Wedding Vicariously

by admin on February 14, 2014

This is actually an article from the BBC in which a woman was so jealous of her brother’s fiancee she called the Register Office to cancel the ceremony. However, this landed her in jail for 8 weeks. She claimed she just wanted to distress the bride, not her brother. (Oh boy.)

Not only did she go to jail the brother and his fiancee were married as scheduled. I won’t say anything else since you’re pretty good at commentary.  0211-14

This isn’t the first time I’ve heard of someone cancelling the wedding arrangements by impersonating the bride.   Previous ones I read about involved a wicked mother and ex-girl friend.    But my thought is that the wedding venues and venders should have had a secure system in place to catch these cancellations before taking action.    For example, if the caller ID or email address of the person cancelling is different than the ones used to communicate with the vender, that would be a red flag.  So,the vender should call back to the person he/she initially contracted with using the original contact information to verify the validity of the cancellation.

 

{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Ashley February 14, 2014 at 12:07 pm

I read that story when it first came out and no matter how many times I read similar stories it flabbergasts me that people can be so wicked. Part of the fault lies with the venues though, for not having some sort of system in place to prevent things like this, like calling the number on file, and speaking to both the bride and groom about it…

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Cecilia February 14, 2014 at 12:07 pm

Wow. How could you forgive someone for something like this? AND, according to the story, the SIL is taking care of the ill mother!!

People just baffle me…

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girl_with_all_the_yarn February 14, 2014 at 2:21 pm

I’ve worked in catering, and we do have a system.

My boss for a long time was of the opinion that we just let it slide if the call came from a number or email we knew, but I’m a friend of a professional hacker (he is hired to hack websites and companies to expose security flaws), so I was able to convince him that it is relatively easy to spoof a phone number or email address. We actually started calling the stated number for the bride to confirm. More often than not, it was a true cancellation, but in one memorable circumstance, the bride was informed in enough time to save her venue, hair dresser and cake from her awful family member (I am hazy on which woman it was, but I think it was either the mother or stepmother).

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Wild Irish Rose February 14, 2014 at 4:02 pm

That is seriously messed up.

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Lo February 14, 2014 at 6:11 pm

It’s nice to see karma come back to bite someone for their misdeeds.

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NostalgicGal February 15, 2014 at 2:05 am

I had this go down for a funeral… where a family member tried to set up a big fancy funeral by impersonating myself and my mother (the two immediate family members); one was quickly derailed and apology issued when I could whip out a cellphone record showing I was 5 states away and NOT there to sign that contract…. the person in question was always a major dramallama and had to be the center of attention, and wanted to be the big bereaved body at the big fat funeral. (she was one of two that always could or tried to spend other people’s money too; didn’t matter if she had any or not, someone else could always pay for it for her…. not). Another, no way my mother signed anything and once they were shown a picture of the real person; no that wasn’t who was here. Again an apology.

Any place that books services (food, drink, rental, accomodations) should have a policy of a doublecheck before doing the cancelling, or booking, or change; and if done in person, checking the identity of who is doing the claiming. In the two cases I mention; demanding some photo ID and checking a name would have quickly cancelled the mess before it launched.

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inNM February 16, 2014 at 7:40 pm

Is it narcissism or too much tv? Did Ann think her brother would have immediately called off the wedding, rushed to her side, and have the whole family immediately kick her future sister-in-law out of their lives?
I’m glad she didn’t get away with it, but if I was her brother and sister-in-law, I would be very, very careful around her in the future. I mean, would she try putting their kids up for adoption? Forge and file false divorce papers?

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jen a. February 19, 2014 at 12:27 pm

There’s a restraining order against her, so I think they’re pretty aware that she’s nothing but bad news. Ironically, her attempts to keep her brother just drove him further away.

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Mya February 18, 2014 at 10:29 am

I’ve heard of this happening where people want to hijack a venue for their own event. It doesn’t take much to bamboozle an harassed employee into giving slightly too much away and using it to make damaging alterations to bookings. I, too, believe that once a venue has been booked, either the Bride or Groom must attend in person to cancel (or their next of kin with a death certificate in the sad event of a bereavement).

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Lisa February 18, 2014 at 1:47 pm

We had something similar happen with my BIL’s funeral.

Someone (we later found out who it was) called the funeral director impersonating my sister and asked him to remind her of the total cost of the funeral. He became suspicious and told my sister that he would look it up and call her back at the number he had on file. Good call on his part.

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Enna March 1, 2014 at 9:31 am

Does sound rather odd that – people are very weird why?

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AnnaMontana February 18, 2014 at 2:14 pm

When we married, I was so worried about MIL cancelling or my brother doing something mean or the psycho-ex cancelling, I told the venue that any changes or alterations would be through myself. They would know it was me by a password I pre-arranged in person with the hotel. I also had a back-up, in case anyone guessed the password, and used my name or whatever. Basically any changes would be called through by myself, using the password, then I would visit them on a Thursday morning (my day off) before 11am to confirm the changes. Anyone who came at any other time or didn’t show up and they knew it was fake.
Incidentally, no one actually tried it, though the ex did try to get into our wedding. She was swiftly dispatched and I was told the week after.
I would be so careful if I was the brother/SIL in this situation. There are so many, many things she could do to make their lives hell. A complete cut off seems the most sensible option….

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MsDani313 February 18, 2014 at 2:56 pm

My friend is a wedding planner and says most vendors she deals with have a password or PIN that must be given before ANY changes or cancellations will be made. If the password or PIN is wrong a call is immediately placed to the bride/groom or their designee (i.e., wedding planner).

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jen a. February 19, 2014 at 12:29 pm

Ugh, this is creepy. She is way too invested in her brother – and obviously isn’t that in touch with reality. The family must be relieved that she’s locked away for a few weeks.

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Enna February 20, 2014 at 1:56 pm

What a way to ruin someone’s day. Did she think she could get away with it? I hope the rest of te family backed the brother and his wife up.

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Glitter February 21, 2014 at 10:44 am

How does this thought process even work? I don’t like the person my family memeber is marrying, I’ve told them this they aren’t listing, so I’ll go ahead and cancel all their wedding plans, that’ll make them happy. Is that…I mean…how do you even think this plan will end well? Oh thank you dear sister! I was just to terrified to cancel it myself but now that you’ve called it off for me I can be free!! To never find love or get married because obviously you’ll do it again and again because you’re crazy and I need to get you out of my life ASAP.

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FlyingBaconMouse February 24, 2014 at 10:05 am

Actually, put that way, I can almost see a glimmer of a rationale.

In advice columns and in popular entertainment (possibly in real life as well, though not among my friends), you see a lot of people who seem to be having second thoughts about their wedding and are coasting on momentum. I could see some unpleasant person thinking, “Tom’s just overwhelmed by all the details: if he wasn’t worried about losing the venue anymore, he’d see she’s all wrong for him!”

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Marozia February 24, 2014 at 7:24 pm

This happened in my family. My cousin was getting married to a man who her mother (my aunt) hated. Cousin and DF were paying for everything themselves, but aunt ‘hated’ the reception restaurant. Aunt called the restaurant and said ‘I’m the MOB and I’M NOT PAYING FOR THIS!’ Restaurant called cousin back and told her they can’t host the wedding. Conversation went:
R: I’m sorry we can’t host your wedding.
C: And why is that?
R: Your mother refuses to pay.
C: That’s OK. Mum’s not paying, we are the bride & groom & we’re paying for everything.
After some to-ing & fro-ing it was confirmed they were both paying, so the reception went ahead.
Aunt was steaming MAD!!

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Enna March 1, 2014 at 9:35 am

How do posters who have had similar expiernces deal with these relations? They have patiences of saints.

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