Don’t Look A Gift Proposal In The Eye

by admin on January 15, 2014

I’m not sure exactly how to handle this. On one hand, I feel like such an entitled gimmie pig but on the other, I’m not sure that lying about my feelings is the correct thing to do.

My wonderful honey and I have been together for almost 5 years and, “When’s he gonna pop the question?”, has been the hot topic amongst our circle for a year or two. He has made his intent known to me for quite a while and I’d been anxiously anticipating his proposal.

Some background: My honey and I are in our mid-thirties, we’ve talked extensively about marriage and having children (which he really, really wants). He thinks he may have a learning disability regarding the passage of time and doesn’t understand how long things take to accomplish. So in December, after about three years of talking about marriage and starting a family, I fairly clearly explained to him that planning a wedding can take X amount of time and pregnancy takes at least X amount of time and the older I get the more dangerous and difficult it is. So, adding the time up, the earliest we would bring our baby home from the hospital is X. I hated to do it, but his sense of time is such that unless you lay things out like that, he really doesn’t realize things will take that long. We once lost a tv remote for 3 months and, until I could prove it to him, he swore up and down it had only been gone a week.

So last night, after a long work week, doing chores, and making a late dinner (all of which was done while I was looking pretty schluby; wandering about the apartment in yoga pants, a tank top, no bra, and my hair back in a messy ponytail). After dinner is over and after my somewhat upset stomach resulted in (how to put this delicately?) an extended and unpleasant trip to the bathroom, I return to the living room and sit at the coffee table and my laptop. He sits on the floor beside me and says he has a present for me. He pulls a simple, handmade object out of his pocket. (I won’t get into identifying details, but the particular type it was has a special significance to me). He flips it over and it’s actually a pouch and the ring is inside. He asks me to marry him.

And here’s where I worry I’m a gimmie pig and that I let the long wait built up too much of a fluttery anticipation because my thought was, “Really? Now? While I look like this, after I’ve just had bowel issues? I’ve been waiting three years and I get 30 seconds?”

Yes, the container the ring came in was very sweet, but otherwise, it reminded me of a proposal a friend had in which she and her honey were both sitting on the couch and he looks over during COPS and says, nonchalantly, “Hey, wanna get married?”

Am I a terrible gimmie pig for being disappointed and hoping the proposal would be romantic? That I hoped the moment would feel more weighty with the importance of what was happening? That he would have put more time and effort into planning the moment? That maybe it would have involved an outing? He got the ring two days ago, said it had been burning a hole in his dresser and that he had no plans on how to pop the question (he thought of the container thing earlier that day and made it when he got home from work), but that he wanted to surprise me.

In my head, it’s kinda like this: say you love New Year’s Eve and it’s currently mid-October at 6pm. Someone comes up to you and yells “Happy New Years!” and you say “What? I thought it was October. It’s not?! New Years is now? Um, Happy New Years? Oh, it’s over now? That was it? Ok.” And you’re left knowing that something really important just happened but you were so blindsided and it was over so quickly you didn’t get to enjoy it. I didn’t want anything crazy-over-the-top. I just thought he’d do something romantic and that it wouldn’t be a hastily thrown together, last minute, 30-second long moment.

Now I have a year or so ahead of me of people asking over and over again, “How did he ask?!” and I have to feign a giggly, dewy-eyed excitement as I tell my story because I don’t want to seem ungrateful or otherwise be insulting towards my honey.

Have I let the wedding industry and media inflate my brain with how a proposal should be? It’s never a happy moment when you look in the mirror and think, “Oh crap, a gimmie pig is looking back at me.”

 

When my now Dear Husband started courting me, he sent a love letter…the first one of many.   I rented a room in a house owned by an older divorced woman who had retrieved the daily mail and called me downstairs to get my mail.   I stood in the foyer looking at the unopened tan envelope knowing exactly who had sent it and what it contained, I threw my head back and wailed, “I’m not ready for this!”   My landlady snapped me out of my self-centered pity party with a stern rebuke, “Stop that right now.   There are women who would give their right arm for a letter like that!”   Sniffling while I gained back my emotional control, I replied, “Ok,” and went back to my room to read it.   I still have that letter 28 years later.

When my son-in-law proposed to my daughter, he did so sitting on a log during a walk through the woods and which started with, “So, are you tired of me yet?”

I think you have allowed your fantasies about the perfect proposal to color reality and have a greater priority in the grand scheme of things than is prudent.  The proposal isn’t the important part of the relationship, nor is the wedding ceremony.   What matters is how good your marriage is.   My son-in-law may have done the most inept proposal I’ve heard of in years BUT he is an outstanding husband and father, he makes my daughter very happy and how he proposed is now the subject of much humor and family folklore.    In the spirit of my old landlady I’ll say, “Stop that right now!  There are women who would give their right arm to have *any* proposal from a good man!”

{ 160 comments… read them below or add one }

Em January 15, 2014 at 3:26 pm

All these proposal stories remind me of a great one. My communications professor in college told us about how he proposed to his wife. They were attending a wedding out of state and the people getting married were close friends who helped him come up with this wonderful, romantic proposal that was supposed to take place during the weekend. Things didn’t go as planned and he wasn’t able to do it then. The end of the weekend arrives and they’re on the drive back to her house and he’s getting more and more panicked because he told her family the plan and he knows they’re going to say something as soon as they walk in the door. He pulls into her driveway frustrated because he still hasn’t come up with a grand romantic plan. She asks him what’s wrong and he pulls out the box and just hands it to her without looking “here”. That ended up being the proposal! He says that she was thrilled at the time but it took him a few years to be able to laugh about it because he’s a romantic guy and he hated how he botched it. Our whole class thought it was hysterical and a great story!

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Wren January 15, 2014 at 3:46 pm

I spent the first 25 years of our marriage hoping my children would not ask how my husband proposed marriage to me because it was not appropriate for young children to hear. Heck, even when my daughter did ask (at age 23) I was very embarrassed to tell her.

A proposal of marriage is important. It should be treated like the important question it is. I wish my husband had taken it more seriously. It would be nice to be able to remember it without cringing.

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Anonymouse January 17, 2014 at 4:15 am

Now I’m really curious though…

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Wren January 17, 2014 at 4:24 pm

Please believe me when I say that I posted this not with the intent of arousing curiosity, but to illustrate that marriage proposals should be given a bit of thought. Maybe a lot of thought. I am not fishing for responses begging me to tell what happened, though I can see that it may look that way. I don’t want to leave you hanging but truthfully, I can’t talk about it on the internet!

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Anonymouse January 18, 2014 at 12:34 am

I totally understand, and don’t want to pressure you into revealing details that you aren’t comfortable sharing with complete strangers over the internet.

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VR518 January 20, 2014 at 12:21 pm

I understand, Wren, but let me ask: when you told your daughter, did she regret asking you?

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JLK January 15, 2014 at 4:12 pm

Am I the only one who got a bit misty eyed by the fact that here’s a guy for who three months is no big deal to be missing the TV remote but the ring was burning a hole in his dresser and he could not wait any longer to propose after two days?

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JackieJormpJomp January 15, 2014 at 9:24 pm

Awwwww. Now THAT is a sweet POV.

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OP January 16, 2014 at 11:39 am

OP here again.

That is a sweet way to look at it. :)

Though, full disclosure, he wasn’t happy the remote was missing and we did look for it a lot. It had somehow gotten completely back into the mechanics of our rather heavy couch (the kind with a lot of metal hardware in it, pop-up feet, recliner with vibration/massage). So our initial searches of the couch yeilded nothing. It wasn’t until we got desperate enough to lift the couch and shake it that we could hear it was trapped in there.

But, still, you have a point. Though he likes having a remote, he didn’t care enough about it being gone to go to really make an effort to find it. :)

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clairedelune January 16, 2014 at 12:01 pm

Yes! I thought it was a sweet proposal, really.

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kingsrings January 15, 2014 at 4:21 pm

I think the OP has a right to feel disappointed. We all have our preferences about everything, and a proposal might be one of them for some people. I have my opinions – for instance, I think large-scale, public proposals are bombastic and egotistical, and that intimate proposals (such as done during an intimate, romantic encounter) are tacky and that the details of how it happened shouldn’t be shared with others. We all have a right to our opinions, and none of us are right or wrong for feeling the way we do.

With that said, it’s all perspective. Yes, he disappointed you, but is it really a hill to die on? He did present you with a ring, which obviously shows he put a lot of thought and initiative into it. It’s not like he just casually mentioned it while you two were sitting there. It wasn’t right for him to propose in the manner in which you wanted him to, so just accept it in the way he felt comfortable.

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Sweetpea75 January 15, 2014 at 4:40 pm

My husband proposed to me in the middle of a fast food parking lot by daring me to marry him in 2 weeks. That was 16 years ago.

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JackieJormpJomp January 15, 2014 at 9:22 pm

This story is fantastic.

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Ann January 15, 2014 at 4:43 pm

My mother was still in college and my father had already graduated and was in another city working. He mailed my mother some ring with a note saying “Is this one OK?” That was it. As for me, my husband fished a wadded-up note out of his pants pocket, got down on his knees in my living room, and read it. Then we went out to lunch.

Don’t let the wedding industry and jewelry store commercials, even fairy tales, tell you what a relationship and proposal is “supposed” to be. Be thankful for him, which it seems you are :).

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Lakey January 15, 2014 at 4:45 pm

Look at it this way. He loves you even when you look like a slob.
Also, I do think that those reality tv shows give you unrealistic expectations.

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Anonymous January 15, 2014 at 6:30 pm

My husband simply got down on one knee at his house one day and asked me. Sure, I’d have liked to at least gone out to dinner, but the point is that we love each other and we want to be together. I did field many “how did he ask” questions during our engagement, and I told people: “He just got down on one knee and asked. We’re both very low-key people, so it was lovely.” So you look on the bright side, and you say, “During a quiet evening at home he gave me a beautiful, handmade whatzit and the ring was inside. It was really sweet.”

And in the same vein of what other commenters have said, consider that he asked you to marry him right after you destroyed the bathroom. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is!

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Jett Jaguar January 15, 2014 at 8:21 pm

When did people start placing so much importance on the where, when and how of a proposal? Isn’t it more crucial that you’re about to embark on a shared life with someone you deeply love?

One day my (now) DH and I went for a walk along one of the points overlooking Sydney Harbour. As we sat on a bench taking in this stunning view, he took something out of his breast pocket and handed it to me, saying “Well, here’s your ring.”. This is about as romantic as this guy gets. That was 8 1/2 years ago, and I haven’t regretted putting that ring on my finger one day since.

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crebj January 15, 2014 at 8:25 pm

If he proposed at that unattractive moment, then he’s a keeper.

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Mouse January 25, 2014 at 10:31 am

Best comment I’ve ever read! This made me laugh a little too much, only because it’s true!

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Enna February 8, 2014 at 8:17 am

My thoughts excatly – if he can purpose to you when you ill he still cares and loves you no matter what.

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Carol M January 15, 2014 at 8:52 pm

My husband proposed to me while we were in the middle of packing up to move, just after we’d had an argument, solely because the ring he had ordered online happened to come in the mail at that moment. And it was actually one of the more romantic things he’d done. I hadn’t expected a ring at all, and he’d spent a long time with my best friend picking out something I would love. I wouldn’t change a thing about my less-than-ideal proposal.

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Vicki January 15, 2014 at 9:22 pm

Yes, a proposal is important, because “will you marry me?” is an important question. But that doesn’t mean it needs to be dressed up with huge amounts of hoopla.

If the answer is “yes,” that’s more important than the timing of the ring, or even whether you have a ring. And if the answer is “no,” a big to-do with an orchestra or champagne or a Jumbotron isn’t going to help.

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Skaramouche January 15, 2014 at 10:15 pm

OP, not to minimize your pain at all but can someone explain to me what the big deal is about a proposal? The couple has generally been discussing marriage for a while by the time the proposal rolls around. Sometimes, the BTB helps select the ring and even if she doesn’t do that, she often knows that one is being purchased. In some cases the couple is already living together. Why, then, the insistence on a romantic/surprise/elaborate/special/insert your word here proposal? Doesn’t it seem contrived to anyone? You know you’re getting married, you know you’re getting a ring, you’ve discussed it for chrissakes and there’s nothing surprising about the event…I just don’t get it. It’s like insisting on your own special fairytale just for the sake of having one. I don’t mean to offend anyone but this REALLY gets my goat.

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Ergala January 15, 2014 at 11:34 pm

OP I think you’re being a bit catty about it.

My husband walked me into a jewelry store and said “The ring you want is the ring you get” and it took me a few minutes to realize what he was talking about. That was after a few months of dating and never living together. Totally not what I envisioned. But guess what, we’ve been married almost 10 years and on January 19th we’ll have been a couple (as in first started dating) for 10 years. I wouldn’t trade him for the world. It’s the marriage that matters, not the proposal. Or the ring.

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Ange January 15, 2014 at 11:50 pm

I was actuall the unromantic one in my proposal. We were on a little holiday and were wandering along the beach at night talking about the future when my now husband proposed. As it was just part of the general flow of conversation with no ‘one knee’ type thing I clearly remember saying ‘oh, are you serious?’ and that’s after knowing we had a ring! Hahaha. The proposal is just a blip on the radar, it really is, the marriage is what becomes number one.

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AngePange January 16, 2014 at 2:47 am

I’m a big romantic and I love romantic gestures. DH and I were together for 6 years before he proposed. Before that I had friends get engaged and had seen some seriously elaborate proposals. One friend’s intended whisked her off to Paris for a weekend. Another’s planned an insanely awesome weekend at a spa that included a treasure hunt to get there. When my man proposed, the bar had been set high. I planned a weekend away (with no idea my man was going to propose). I even paid for the weekend away. When we arrived at the destination, I was tired from the 4 hour car ride, so I climbed into my pjs, and lay down to read. DH had to coax me out, in my sweats, for a walk around the place we were stayin at. He was too nervous to wait, so he got down on one knee and proposed. It was awesome. Yes, a weekend in Paris or a scavenger hunt is super romantic, but my man’s proposal was just as special because he didn’t care that I was wearing my fat pants, he wanted it to be a surprise and the moment itself was special. I get to spend the rest of my life with an amazing, Caring, kind man. Don’t hype up the whole super proposal thing. If that’s what is important to you, find someone else who will meet your expectations. I don’t mean that to sound rude, but the fact is, you can’t force romance. If that’s how your man is, you have to love him that way.

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Amy D January 16, 2014 at 7:47 am

Hubby proposed to me in front of the closet after a grueling day at work and I was in the foulest mood. I took one look at the ring, fainted and cracked my head on the dresser….I think Hollywood and the rash of outrageous proposals on the web have given women an idea how a proposal “should be”. If you really love him it doesn’t matter how he asks, and you’ll have a funny story to laugh over later. Hubby still laughs at how he literally knocked me off my feet.

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Allie January 16, 2014 at 9:06 am

“Have I let the wedding industry and media inflate my brain with how a proposal should be?”

Yep. I think “gimme pig” is a bit harsh, but you are indeed being silly. We all have those moments. When I catch myself having one, I remind myself there are far, far worse problems in the world and my silly ones don’t seem so bad. You love your fiancé. He is who he is. Trust me, he isn’t going to change. It sounds like he made some effort and was at least excited. Personally, I’d rather have a humorous story to tell than a romantic one.

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LadyXaviara January 16, 2014 at 9:24 am

My fiance took me to what he thought was a play of Snow White…. and the first thing that happened was a man in drag came out and introduced himself as Queen Farfrompoopin’. It turned out it was a comedic re-imagining. About 3o minutes in, Queen Farfrompoopin’ called a man onstage, where he proposed to his girlfriend. And so my fiance proposed to me during the intermission of “Snow White and 007″ in the lobby, after someone else had done a grander proposal at the same event. He was so embarrassed at the time, but I laughed pretty hard.

Sometimes proposals don’t go as planned, but who cares? What matters is you’re happy and committed to each other.

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Ashley January 16, 2014 at 11:41 am

My proposal consisted of Christmas morning, hair a mess, no makeup, still in pajamas. He didn’t even actually get the whole question out because he was nervous. He said “So I got a question for ya…”

And guess what? Here we are happily married, had a great wedding, and life is good.

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LovleAnjel January 21, 2014 at 12:44 pm

My hubby also proposed on Christmas, when we opened gifts – he had a speech and everything. I was suffering a raging case of the flu, barely awake, exuding goo from every orifice and coughing and sneezing uncontrollably. It was grand. :)

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Anne January 16, 2014 at 11:58 am

Can I just say how fantastic it is to hear stories of ladies proposing? Whenever I hear women getting stressed out by waiting to hear their partner pop the question, I always think, “Just ask him!”. When it’s time my boyfriend and I have agreed that I will do the proposing—-he’s much more of a romantic and he’ll be absolutely thrilled—-and it’s nice to know I’m not the only one out there!

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JD January 16, 2014 at 12:21 pm

OP, you’ll look back on this later and laugh about how you looked and what was happening just before he proposed. You’ll even tell your friends and they’ll laugh, too. The important thing is, he wants to marry you, and is ready, now!
My daughter was proposed to when she was in old sweats and no makeup, walking for exercise with her boyfriend, in the middle of a public path. She said yes, and immediately told everyone how she looked when her “romantic” proposal happened. Valentine’s Day was approaching, and he knew she was kind of expecting a proposal, so he fooled her by catching her out like that, a few days before Valentine’s.
And how did the big question happen for me? My husband is also a dawdler, content to just be my boyfriend, but I wasn’t willing to wait for years for him to get around to marriage. I was ready to settle down and have kids and all. I finally said if we’re not getting married, you need to go. He said, and I quote, “Well, I guess we’re getting married, then.” This May we’ll celebrate 35 years of marriage.

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orangeyouglad January 16, 2014 at 12:23 pm

I agree with the admin and all those that say it’s not about the proposal or the wedding. It’s about the marriage. It’s hard to keep that in mind when it seems like all of society talks about wedding, wedding, wedding and you feel you must have a good story.

My take on this is that he was so excited to ask you, he couldn’t hold it in anymore. What a lovely thought & a wonderful story to tell. Your intended loves you so much, to you you’re beautiful even with the messy ponytail (which I’ll bet he didn’t notice) and yoga pants.

I have a similar proposal story. My boyfriend (at the time) and I were sitting on the couch after dinner watch a hockey game (as we do.) All of a sudden, he jumps off the couch & starts looking around on the floor. I thought he lost something. I jump down to help him all the time asking “What are we looking for?” When I finally look up, he’s holding a ring. He has a big, silly, grin on his face and simply says “I’m hoping you say ‘yes’.” Of course I did.

It might not seem like the most romantic proposal. It’s certainly not full of flowers, fancy dinners or glittery surprises (I LOVE glittery surprises!) but you don’t need all that to start your life together. You just need each other.

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June First January 20, 2014 at 1:46 pm

Yes, this.

My husband proposed right as we were sitting down to dinner and about to watch The Simpsons, which we did every night. Thankfully, he made sure I set the plates down first so I wouldn’t drop them. We had talked about it, but it was still a surprise.

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mrsvandy January 16, 2014 at 2:04 pm

My husband proposed in his underwear.
I had picked the ring several weeks before while browsing for a different item in the jewelry store. My husband put it on a layaway plan and told me it would be months before it was paid off.
However he went and paid it off in under two weeks. He waited till I was at work then got spiffed up and walked to the near by store to pay and and pick it up. Unfortunately it started to rain on his way home and his pants got wet. So when he got home he hung them to dry off until I got home form work. I got out of work early, and was also we and made a beeline for our bedroom to change. He rushed up and immediately proposed because he thought I saw the fancy wrapped gift box!
I wouldn’t change it for anything, to be honest it makes a funny story!

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Enna February 8, 2014 at 8:22 am

That made me laugh, what a great story!

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Stephanie January 16, 2014 at 2:29 pm

My husband has still not asked me to marry him. He asked one year what I wanted for Christmas, I told him an engagement ring, and he said ok. We ordered one online and I started wearing it the day it arrived. We have been married for two years now and I wouldn’t change any of it. The proposal isn’t what matters, the marriage is. And I don’t think I have ever been asked “How did he ask?”.

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Wild Irish Rose January 16, 2014 at 4:38 pm

OP, did you ever tell your fiance that you had visions of a romantic proposal? Some guys just do not think like that.

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Miss-E January 16, 2014 at 5:55 pm

My father never proposed to my mother. All of their friends were getting married and so one day they had a calm, serious chat about the future and decided it was time. No ring, no song, nothing. My parents are nearing their 40th anniversary.

My best friend was proposed to in a Central Park, her boyfriend flew all of her closest friends and family out so they could be a part of this big crowd to surprise her. That marriage lasted four years.

I’m not saying that a big proposal = failed marriage I’m just saying that how that happens really isn’t the important part. And bear in mind, this big proposal thing was invented by movies and exacerbated in recent years by YouTube. Who cares if you don’t have a good proposal story? Focus on having a good marriage.

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Lexie January 16, 2014 at 9:17 pm

I get it OP, you feel pretty gross and all of a sudden you have a proposal. I don’t think you’re a gimme pig or expecting too much. But focus on the positives!

Honestly, I had no idea people told proposal stories. I have never asked any engaged person how they were proposed to and I’ve never really given how I would like to be proposed to much thought. It’s a personal thing and if you ever are pressed to recount it, simply leave out the intestinal distress and focus on the lovely parts – that he couldn’t wait another minute and that he went to the trouble of constructing a special case for the ring. In fact, years and years down the track, the intestinal distress part of the story might make you laugh.

A lot of things in life happen in ways we don’t expect. Just yell ‘plot twist!’ and keep going.

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Angela January 16, 2014 at 11:09 pm

If you think you may have influenced unduly by stories of the ideal proposal, wait until you get pregnant and are inundated with stories of how the birth is supposed to go.

Want to hear a story about a *really* bad proposal? (I may have told this before). Under the influence of wine and an aura of shared confidences, an acquaintance in grad school told us that years ago, her boyfriend took her home to meet his parents…and then he and his mom disappeared for a long time. When they returned, he took her to dinner and then to local “park and neck” area. She thought maybe he was going to propose. He took her hand and told her that he was sorry for leading her on, that he wasn’t serious, yada yada yada. She was crying and very upset….then he pulled out the ring and said something along the lines of “Just kidding! Will you marry me?” And she said yes.
When she was done with the story, the silence in the room was deafening. And oh yes, she married him…and then they divorced some years later.

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Anonymouse January 17, 2014 at 3:53 am

I remember when my husband proposed. He picked me up from work, we went for ice cream because I had won a bet earlier that day, and he proposed when we got home. I was greasy and still in my fast food work uniform, and the cat was wandering around us begging for attention. Hardly romantic. :P I found out later that he had planned a huge date and speech, then got too excited and nervous and wanted to do it that night instead (the next day was our first anniversary). So I suppose I can forgive him. :D

If it makes you feel any better OP, here is the story of how my Dad’s cousin met her husband: They were in a high school dorm together. He somehow got ahold of a list of the dorm students and started calling the girls in alphabetical order and asking them out. It wasn’t until the last girl on the list (in the W’s) that one said yes. Something like 25 years (don’t recall exactly) and 8 kids later, they are still happily married.

Sometimes love doesn’t work the way you imagined it, but it’s better to laugh about it later than stress about it now.

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Nissa January 17, 2014 at 9:52 am

This reminds me of the story of how my parents got engaged. My dad sat down with my mom and basically showed her that he was financially stable and ready for a family. He never got the words out, “Will you marry me?” It was just a practical discussion. My mom went away from the conversation, called her best friend and said, “I think he’s about to propose!” My dad thought he had! :-) Now it is a treasured story in our family. We laugh about how that showed even then the difference between how my parents process and communicate information! :-) They have been happily married for 38 1/2 years!

I am still single, but always say that I don’t care how I get proposed to as long as I know it is happening! :-)

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Cora January 17, 2014 at 1:40 pm

Re: fear of being a “gimme pig,” no, you’re not. A true Gimme Pig would have written in to Etiquette Hell all “Ah mah gah, you would not BELIEVE what this man did to me, I mean everyone KNOWS what a proposal is SUPPOSED to be and he didn’t READ my MIND and it’s all about meeeeeee” but you didn’t do that. A true Gimme Pig would also probably post back and tell us how we’re all stupid and wrong to counsel you to get over the initial, slight disappointment, but you didn’t do that either. So you felt a little disappointed? Okay; even at the time you suspected maybe that was possibly unfair, so you wrote in to a trusted source to see what they had say, and have demonstrably, graciously seen the point. Not Gimme Pig behavior. You’re human. You’re fine.

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Nikki January 17, 2014 at 2:42 pm

I think it’s quite a sweet proposal, actually.

Having been married for two and a half years (but with my guy for ten years total), I can tell you that the times I feel the MOST loved and special and beautiful is when I know I’m looking rough, I’ve been having a bad day, and all I want to do is plop down on the couch, or in bed, or wherever, and then he just LOOKS at me like he loves me.
Your guy loves you and wants to marry you even on days when you even when you’re at your worst. Think about it that way. :)

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Kaye January 17, 2014 at 9:46 pm

My husband proposed to me almost a hundred times. Not one of those proposals would have made it into a movie. I’m not sure he knows how to be romantic, but he definitely knows how to love me. If you’re lucky enough to have a man who loves you don’t sweat the small stuff. If, however, you want romantic gestures, don’t just dream about them – tell him what you want! You could even ask him to propose again in some flamboyantly romantic way.

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JackieJormpJomp January 17, 2014 at 11:52 pm

Just want to say to OP that don’t think people are ganging up on you here, please! You acknowledged your mad moment and I hope that you can now enjoy that the topic has evolved to something new, and people are ust enjoying sharing their “unromantic proposal” stories, which are all fantastic….
Congrats ;)

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Kate January 18, 2014 at 3:21 pm

My fiance was in the middle of planning a beautiful, huge proposal involving filming a mini fake movie trailer and getting a friend of his at the cinema to run it before a movie – when we watched a film with a public proposal and I was like ‘oh my god that’s so embarrassing I would hate people to be looking at me like that’ – I’m a very private person.
He cancelled the plans and woke me up on the morning of my birthday with the ring. I was in bed, in my pjs with birds nest hair – so it was rather more low key than even I wanted. He since loves telling people how I ruined his proposal plan.
I know what you mean, it would be nice to at least feel you were looking nice for the moment you were proposed to – but so long as you’re happy to be engaged, that’s what matters. Best of luck for the future.

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John January 20, 2014 at 11:45 am

Thirty-five years later my, “What the heck, let’s get married!” proposal has long since been forgiven.

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Ashley January 21, 2014 at 10:12 am

This brings to mind a quote from a movie called Blast from the Past. “Manners are a way of showing other people we care about them.”

I can see both sides of this issue. Yes, I agree that it is not healthy to have a perfect view of a proposal and build it up and have unrealistic expectations. However, a marriage proposal is a big deal. It is asking someone to spend the rest of their life with you, and I think it is only right that it is done in a way that shows the other person that you care about them. For some people that might be a low-key proposal, and for others that might be something more dramatic.

I think that part of having a good marriage is knowing what sort of things make the other feel cared about. And the marriage proposal is a good place to start – for both people involved.

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JesBelle January 21, 2014 at 2:47 pm

For a minute there, I thought MY husband was trying to commit bigamy. Then I saw that the OP actually got a formal proposal. After I explained how wedding plans and babies take time, he said, “Well, let’s plan on September, then.” I was showing him bookmarks for wedding venues I was considering a couple weeks later when I asked him if he was going to wait until the whole thing was planned to officially propose. He said he considered it a done deal. Mr. Romance and I have been together for 6 years now.

Oh, and once he covered the entire dining table with Magic cards for an entire year because he was “sorting” them. I had to show him a dated pic before he would believe it had been more than a couple months.

It’s a good thing he’s cute and laughs at my jokes.

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NostalgicGal January 22, 2014 at 5:04 am

I got the proposal on the phone.

We were both in college, I had a small apartment and was going home on rideshare a few days after he drove home to his parent’s farm in the middle of nowhere. He sat there for a couple of days lonely as h***, then called and found out apparently I was enroute as he ended up calling my parents’ house after he dug up the phone #. After I arrived, he called again and proposed. I said we’ll discuss it after I get back (aka in person), and that was Christmas eve morning. Then I got seriously ill at my folks and took the bus back after 2 days… as all I was doing was sitting in the bathroom or sleeping, Christmas day was a wipe… he called again and found out I’d gone home; so he drove back. After I recovered I was at his apartment for four days at -25f for the highs and almost rear deep snow and my coat and shoes disappeared and I LOOKED for them; I finally said yes, and lo and behold my stuff showed up again. That was early January, and we got married 4 months later.

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NostalgicGal January 23, 2014 at 12:16 am

I already told my story, but.

OP, you can always put together a nice dinner and such, and ASK HIM. Yes he asked you, yes you said yes, but. Then you got two tales to tell, how it was worth it, he made sure to not let you get away, and you let him know (by returning the favor) of how you thought the same way about him. How aaaaah is that?

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Thistlebird January 25, 2014 at 6:14 pm

Once the conditions fell into place that we felt were going to be necessary for our marriage, my (then future) husband said to me, “Hey, I have an idea–how about you propose to me when you feel ready?” This was his way of saying “I know for sure that I want this and I understand that you, on the other hand, still have to settle some last little doubts–take your time.” I appreciated that.

So, I settled those last doubts. It was at a time of day when I couldn’t go see him so I had to wait a whole night and the next morning. Then I went to see him on his lunch break at the group house where he was doing caregiving for a disabled guy. I found him on the basement stairs & asked him if he wanted to go for a walk. He said, “I can’t, Joe’s on the toilet right now and I need to go back in a couple minutes and help him back off it.” Not unlike your man, OP, I couldn’t hold it in a moment longer. I blurted, “Will you marry me?” He gave a delighted laugh and said yes. We kissed. Then we went upstairs, DH helped Joe off the toilet and the three of us had lunch.

We love telling this story! We feel like it’s unique. I remember hearing an acquaintance’s “fairytale proposal” story in college complete with a carriage ride, red roses and a nice restaurant, and although I can see the appeal, it sounded like a production to me, rather than something personal to who she & her fiance were. I guess I felt like it made a good show-off story, but not a good story to tell your friends over coffee while relaxed and trading stories, or to tell your kids ten years later… I feel like in the light of years together, an engagement story is all the better for being funny and a little strange. Like yours, OP, and mine!

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missminute January 26, 2014 at 8:56 pm

Oh I understand your disappointment but try telling it as a funny story instead. Why not throw a nice engagement dinner for you to share to make up for it? Side note – has your hubby ever been tested for ADHD? My significant other has this and acts the same way.

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Debbie McK February 10, 2014 at 2:34 pm

I was the unromantic one. My (now) DH came back from a 3 week business trip, presented me with a ring (didn’t fit, but still..) and proposed. I blush to report that my reply was “maybe”! Honestly, the proposal was completely unexpected, we had been together for several years at that point and I had never really given much thought to “making it official”! Anyway, I did say yes fairly quickly, and we are now at 27 years and counting.

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LonelyHound February 17, 2014 at 6:07 pm

“Will you marry me?” is a big, huge important question. I mean, it is life altering. However, I think people confuse the fact that is an important question with the fact that it rquires grandiose methods by which it is asked. The “how” it was asked is not as important as the “why.” It was asked because he loves you, he wants a family with you and he wants to grow old with you. The sentiment behind the question is important.

DH has come up with may creative ways that we got engaged mainly because he did not want any one judging how we did get engaged. We were spies who met and fell in love, we were both abucted by aliens and now can only procreate with each other, and the list goes on (and gets rather bizarre). One of my friends was proposed to her hubby at a fancy restaraunt and he got down on one knee. Candlelight and all. Mine asked me on my birthday, with no ring and then informed me he was testing the waters. He proceeded to ask me every few months until on out two year dating anniversary he took me on a picnic and asked with a ring. I find my hubby’s proposal to me very special because he kept asking me. To me, he kept saying I want to be with you, over and over, until he could “officially” make the commitment.

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