One of my cousins got married early last month. I never received an invitation, so obviously didn’t attend. When I saw her for the holidays, I offered well wishes and she said “We missed you at the wedding, too bad you couldn’t make it.”
The comment flustered me for a moment, and thinking there was a mix up in the mail I responded with, “I’m so sorry, I never received an invitation so I figured you had a limited guest list.”
Her response: “You were supposed to come with your father.”
In the course of the conversation with my cousin, she also informs me that “Etiquette is very clear that you don’t invite a single woman to a wedding if you can help it. You invite the person who would escort her, and he invites her.”
This whole conversation got me thinking. I am in my 30s, single, and have never once been personally invited to a family wedding. Sometimes, my name is included on my father’s invite (who lives half the country away), but most of the time I’m just not invited at all. However, my grandmother and my older relatives will often remark about me not attending weddings. I had thought it was just family gossip and ignored it, but I started to wonder if my family believes I should know I’m invited, even when I’ve never actually received an invitation.
My father does invite me to attend with him, but I always felt awkward attending a family wedding I wasn’t invited to as a “plus-one.” Just out of curiosity, I mentioned the “rule” to my father, who responded sarcastically with, “Yes, that’s exactly what etiquette demands…in 1845.”
Well, just today, I get mail from my cousin. It’s her wedding invitation, with a sticky note saying: “Sorry for the mix up, would have loved to have you. We’re registered at X.”
I’m thinking about sending a gift to her father. (no, not seriously) 0103-13
So, Cuz sends an invitation to a wedding that already happened and attaches a pathetic apology to it while soliciting you for a wedding gift. Perhaps not attending this wedding was a good thing after all.