I have a story about our wedding that I’d like to share, followed up by a question regarding something I did in reaction…
My now-husband proposed last year with a ring designed by his aunt’s friend – someone whom he had never met but came highly recommended by aunt and, therefore, his mother. While the ring designer’s boyfriend was having health issues, my husband approached her and asked for help creating a ring and was hoping to have it turned around in a couple of weeks. She did create a beautiful ring, and she overnighted it to him in time for the proposal, and he paid her. Multiple times during the creation process, she mentioned that she wouldn’t mark it up for him and would sell it at face value – stressing that she wasn’t making any money. She insisted that he call her “Aunt.”
Months later, when we worked on the guest list, my mother-in-law asked me to add Ring Lady to the guest list, as well as her boyfriend and daughter. I asked my then-fiancé to talk to his mom about it to see if we could take the daughter off the list, but mother-in-law did not budge. Ring Lady would also be invited to the rehearsal dinner, as she was flying from out of state to attend.
My husband and I spent more time with Ring Lady than any other guest at the rehearsal dinner – neither of us had met her, and she was eager to talk to us. She talked about the celebrity clients she had served, re-told the story of the great favor she did for my husband, and reiterated that she made absolutely no money off the sale. We spent about 30 minutes talking only to her, during which my husband, hoping to appease her enough to calm her down with her attention-seeking, was a little over-the-top showing his gratitude. She ate it right up.
The next day, Ring Lady skipped the ceremony, which was at the same venue as the reception and only 15 minutes long. When she and her boyfriend did arrive, it was during our group photos outside of the building. She stepped into the photos to greet us, and we politely dismissed her, saying we’d meet her inside shortly. Photos wrap up, and we walk into the lobby – Ring Lady corners me and tells me she made something just for my wedding day. She pulls an elastic bracelet out of her pocket, takes my wrist, and puts it on me – a bracelet with tiny rhinestone beads, many of which have fallen out. I take it off and stow it in my pocket (yes, my dress had pockets) once I was in another room. I was wearing another bracelet on my other wrist already.
Throughout the course of the night, my husband and I are bombarded by requests from his aunt about where the Ring Lady’s escort card was (I regret that it had gone missing on its way to the escort card table, apparently), why I wasn’t wearing the bracelet and, most importantly, that we go spend more time with her immediately. Just like at the rehearsal dinner, we spent more time with her than with any other guest, speaking to her once every half hour or so when she’d approach us. My husband eventually snapped at his aunt, saying that we had spent plenty of time with her, she was fine. The only other time we saw her that night was on the dance floor, when a slow song was place and Ring Lady approached us, pushed us apart, and draped her arms over us to join our slow dancing. I was fed up and walked away without a word.
We have photographic evidence of her antics, unfortunately (or fortunately, in some ways!). During cocktail hour, my immediate family posed for a group photo, and, without our knowing, Ring Lady stepped into it to pose with us. And when we received our professional photos weeks later, there were dozens of photos of just her, posing in various areas of the venue. She had been following our photographers around, asking them to take her photo. Besides the bride, groom, and the wedding party, she was the only guest featured in “glamour shots”.
This whole story now being told, I have a question for readers. My sister-in-law recently got engaged, and I knew before then that her boyfriend was starting to ring shop. With what we went through and knowing that my sister-in-law would not take kindly to this kind of behavior, I sent her boyfriend a message asking if he’d started to ring shop and when he said he was about to start, I recommended he not use Ring Lady and gave a brief synopsis of why – knowing that, if he used her, she WOULD end up on the guest list. I did ask him not to share my recommendation with anyone else. My husband thinks I was wrong to send this message, but my husband was also a lot more patient with Ring Lady and is patient with rude people in general. Was I wrong? 1105-13
Ring Lady is a vendor, a business woman who received remuneration for her products. That she was not paid full retail price for the ring was a choice she made to offer your husband. Her error was in presuming the cost of her profit was her admission fee to the family. She was extremely presumptuous and I see nothing wrong in informing a potential client of the wedding day baggage he could expect if he hired her to design a ring.