I am in a bit of a quandary. My fiance and I are getting married in just over two weeks.
We have decided to have a very small intimate celebration with close friends and family. We have 40 guests coming, all of whom have been special to us and played a significant role in our lives.
The thing is, when we originally planned the guest list, we invited my fiance’s best friend “Marty” and his family (including parents “Lyn” and “Jack” and two brothers “Ken” and “Larry”) who my fiance has always been quite close to. When we sent the invite out, Lyn was the first to reply. It took a lot longer to get replies out of Marty, Ken and Larry and eventually I had to email all of them to ask them to RSVP. Marty replied that he was coming, and eventually Ken told us that he “probably” could not make it, so we left him off the list. Larry was silent. I tried calling him (no answer), repeated emails and messages (both private and public-cringe!) on Facebook.
Since we know that Larry is a bit flighty and unreliable, we eventually gave it up as a lost cause. We had actually discussed whether or not we should call Lyn and ask HER to talk to Larry, but we didn’t want to be “tattling” or forcing Larry to come if he just didn’t want to.
Then, suddenly, we got a message from Marty last week telling us he’d seen Larry and Larry had asked about the details of fiance’s stag do (there isn’t one) and said he was looking forward to the wedding! We had to tell Marty that Larry hadn’t replied to our emails, hadn’t acknowledge receipt of the invite (we sent out email “preinvitations” and formal hand made invites), so we had therefore excluded him from the numbers for the venue.
This morning I get a message from Lyn telling me that Larry REALLY wants to come to the wedding but never received his previous emails because he’s been too busy. (Never mind that he is ALWAYS on Facebook, no idea how he missed that but anyway).
My gut instinct is to tell Lyn that we cannot accommodate him and to mail him directly too (it irks me that he hasn’t even contacted me or fiance directly) – Larry is a 28 year old qualified engineer, not a 5 year old with presumably no clue.
My fiance on the other hand is worried about upsetting Lyn – he thinks we should bow to the pressure and beg our venue to let us change our head count (there will be financial penalties for this).
Please let me know what you think Ms. Jeanne. I value your opinion and if I am being the hell-bound boor, I will accept it and back down quietly! 1014-13
Your venue has locked in the absolute number of guests 2 weeks from the wedding and will penalize you (beyond the cost of the extra per person fee) for adding just one person? I understand the need for a venue or the caterer to plan according when buying the food for a particular event but being unable to add one person seems quite unreasonable. The calculations for food should have some wiggle room for one added guest. BUT if this is wedding venue policy, you may have no choice but to exclude Larry unless you wish to pop for more money beyond the cost of his plate.
My gut instinct tells me that you and your fiance have yet to hear from the man himself. You’ve only heard second hand reports of his interest in attending the wedding. My experience tells me that people who have to be begged to RSVP and will not commit to attending the wedding are the ones most likely to not show up at all for the wedding. The reality is that Larry has been too “busy” to bother giving you the courtesy of reply and he may be too busy to go to your wedding. If Larry himself calls you or fiance and pleads stupidity in not responding to your kind invitation, I’d go ahead and spend the extra money to include him, assuming the added fee is not outrageous. But I would ignore the case being presented by his mother and brother as perhaps just wishful thinking.
And Lyn may be upset but it should be at Larry for his rude disregard for your invitation and repeated attempts to contact him.