A Wedding Planner To Avoid

by admin on October 9, 2013

I need to send a colleague to EHell for her transgressions. We’ve worked in the same industry and for the same company for about a decade now. She’s currently working in a different department from me and is also working to become a wedding planner on the side. Originally I felt a little guilty about not inviting her to my wedding last year; we kept it really small and intimate and she and I aren’t that close. But after seeing what her running commentary on the weddings that she’s attending, I am so glad that we opted to not invite her.

She and I are Facebook friends and she frequently comments on the weddings that she attends. Until recently, it was always something along the lines of “Woohoo open bar! These people know how to party! See you all next week! I’m off to get my drink on!”.

Recently though, she posted that she had “just gotten the worst news one can ever hear at a wedding: no open bar”. A few other people agreed with her and said that weddings should always be open bar etc and I “had” to throw my two cents in. I said that as someone who had just gotten married and not been able to afford an open bar myself, I would feel bad if my guests had posted anything about it on Facebook. She replied that people should be ok with good-natured ribbing and that it was ok because she wasn’t friends with them anyhow.

More recently, she posted something along the lines of “Another wedding blah blah blah. Feed me and give me drinks already.”

Aren’t wedding planners supposed to love weddings and want to be gracious guests? Her unfunny and harsh comments kind of make it sound like she hates them and is only there for free food and booze . . .

To add to the irony, she handles the social media marketing for part of our company so if anyone should be aware of Facebook etiquette it should be her. 1008-13

Yet another future business owner who will have no clue why potential clients avoid her like a disease.  Would I hire a wedding planner who crassly and indiscreetly whines on social media about the choices people make in regards to their wedding?  No.   It might be a good idea to see if one’s possible vendors are blabbing on the internet and what they are saying.

Would I invite her to my wedding? No.  She’s a whiny, entitled, ungrateful guest who is merely using the couple’s special day as an excuse to “party”.

 

{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }

Lo October 9, 2013 at 10:02 am

For a wedding planner to have this opinion seems like career suicide.

I mean I’ve known my share of people who think, “Oh goody, free food!” when it comes to weddings. I’m not a big drinker but for me the best part of the wedding is when you get to eat and drink. The better the vittles the more memorable the wedding for me.

But to express this outloud is tactless at best. To express this as someone in the wedding industry? Just, mindblowingly dumb.

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Angel October 9, 2013 at 10:07 am

Ugh, this kind of stuff makes me cringe. What makes it even worse is that this is a wedding planner. Instead of using her experiences to drum up business she is putting people off completely. A shame.

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inNM October 9, 2013 at 10:20 am

It may very well be because she works in social media that she thinks she is smarter than everyone else on FB. Too bad it will bite her in the rump soon enough.

For our wedding at a local winery (I hadn’t tasted the wine, but I loved the scenery) we had limitations on the bar placed on us by the winery that were placed on them by the county. We could only consume the wine made by the winery on the premises. No beer, no hard liquor. We budgeted 2 – 3 glasses of a sparkling toasting wine and red and white sangria per person (after making sure most of the guests had a shuttle to take them to and from the wedding) and then, once the wine we paid for was completed, we offered the guests an option to explore what other wines the winery had available, on their own wallet.
Our guest thoroughly enjoyed themselves and the wine. We had 7 bottles of toasting wine and a tail end of each sangria left over after the last guest had left… and here I was worrying we did not have enough alcohol.

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Wild Irish Rose October 9, 2013 at 10:27 am

She sounds like professional poison. I’d avoid her like the plague. As for her wedding planner ambition, if I knew someone like this, I would tell any potential bride I knew to stay away from her because of her Facebook indiscretions. With regard to open bars, not every reception has to have a bar AT ALL, of any sort. Mine didn’t. As long as you don’t have a cash bar, who cares if drinks are available or not? Personally, I prefer a simple reception: Cake, punch, mints, coffee, maybe nuts. Either way, wedding planners should not be criticizing their clients on social media–and neither should doctors, lawyers, plumbers, mechanics, etc. It’s an excellent way to lose business.

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hoodiemonster October 9, 2013 at 11:30 am

THIS IS WHAT I HATE ABOUT WEDDINGS– the idea of the free partying on someone else’s dime after a wedding.–and why I think there is the trend today towards getting people to cough up money or “pay” for the privilege of coming to the reception. People don’t like to pay for moochers either at weddings and that’s why we get gimme pigs. I always encourage people I know who are getting married to strive for something different than this “typical” reception of dinner/dance/alcohol. There are so many ways to celebrate a wedding with just the people we love and who love us the most. And most don’t have to cost that much or have to hire lots of people to pull it off.

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Gena October 9, 2013 at 12:04 pm

When I was younger, all weddings were the same. You got married in the church, then went to the fellowship hall for refreshments – basically punch, cake and nuts. No food, no alcohol.

What happened? Weddings have gone from being a 2-hour, low-cost event to a several thousand dollar affair, that essentially takes all day.

I actually had a friend that chose not to drive 4 hours to attend my wedding because it wasn’t a “real” wedding.

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LadyPhoenix October 9, 2013 at 2:45 pm

I would think after that, you did stay “friends” for long.

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gellchom October 9, 2013 at 5:09 pm

I’m sure you mean that that’s how all weddings always were in YOUR community.

Surely it doesn’t really come as a surprise to you that there are many cultures in the world — maybe most — where weddings have been, for as long as anyone can remember, big events with lots of food, drink, and music, with the family going all out to entertain their guests. You don’t have to like them, but I don’t think it’s either fair or accurate to cast large or expensive weddings as some sort of unfortunate recent development.

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Angela October 11, 2013 at 2:54 pm

That’s definitely a culture thing. In the South where I grew up, that is still fairly common. In the Northeast where my husband grew up, weddings have always been much, much bigger. We solved this issue of disparity by eloping :)

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Gramma Dishes October 13, 2013 at 1:13 pm

Weddings were exactly as you describe when I was young too. Usually the guest list was very small. Immediate family and close friends. Or sometimes the wedding would take place almost immediately after the regular Sunday church service and anyone who had attended church that morning was invited to ‘stay’ for the wedding.

As you said, the reception was usually held in the church basement. The wedding cake and non-alcoholic fruit punch were usually made and served by one of the church’s “women’s groups” (as a gift to the couple) and the newly married couple also opened gifts at the reception. And yes, there would be five toasters, and all the givers would smile and assure the couple that they were free to take it back to Whatever Store and exchange it for something else. ;-) Gifts of cash were relatively rare, but envelopes were inserted into a decorated box with a slit on the top box and were opened later privately.

Every giver received a hand written Thank You note promptly, almost always within two weeks after the wedding.

Weddings were short, simple, beautiful, inexpensive, charming and touching and the people who attended them all actually cared about the couple. It was nice. I’ll be the first to admit I kind of miss that simplicity. I’m told by friends who still live around my home town that many weddings there still pretty much follow that pattern even today.

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Jill October 9, 2013 at 12:18 pm

This is one of those stories where I just shake my head after reading it. Her reaction is like a fraternity brother’s.

For my wedding, we opted not to have an open bar. We had a “hosted” bar, and the facility ran a tab for all alcoholic drinks. Our reception was a brunch at noon, so some people drank moderately and others probably only drank champagne for the toast. We also had a variety of juices that were “self-serve,” so that people could refill at will. I was truly surprised by how little we ended up spending on drinks and by foregoing the open bar option, we ended up saving a lot of money. But it was transparent to our guests.

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Powers October 10, 2013 at 11:36 am

How is that different from an open bar?

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EchoGirl October 17, 2013 at 11:11 pm

I think it’s different in cost. It probably is almost the same for guests.

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NostalgicGal October 9, 2013 at 12:27 pm

Booze and food doesn’t make a wedding. The wedding is the couple standing there exchanging the vows. The rest is a party.

As for the future Wedding Planner, I so hope the word gets around about what she Facebooks, and she will wonder why her business won’t launch. Once you post something on the net or any social media, it’s in the ether forever. Truly.

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Filiagape October 9, 2013 at 1:38 pm

Wait, these are weddings at which she is a guest or weddings where she is on duty as a wedding planner? I didn’t have a wedding planner, so maybe I’m talking out my belly button, but shouldn’t a planner stay sober and professional at events she is coordinating? And getting sloppy drunk or sending the message you might have a problem with alcohol on-line and at events where you are just a guest, certainly won’t give people the confidence to place their special day in your hands.

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kingsrings October 9, 2013 at 2:19 pm

This woman is committing career suicide. Even though she’s commenting on her own, personal Facebook page, there are still many eyes reading it. Some of the people on her friends list either might be planning on using a wedding planner one day, or know someone who will. Who would want to hire someone when they or the people they refer might end up being made fun of or criticized on the planner’s Facebook page?

There is a local talent agency in my town who were guilty of similar transgressions. One day they posted an email they received from someone wanting to submit their daughter for modeling. It was very poorly, unprofessionally written and made little sense, nor did the writer follow any of the submission rules. The agency posted it on their Facebook page (hiding the names and address) as an example of what they sometimes have to deal with in their office. That was quite unprofessional on their part. A lot of the commenters (including me) mentioned that, but the agency said that they were “just having a little fun” and it didn’t mean anything, and they didn’t think it was wrong at all. And this is a well-known, reputable agency that has been around for many years and should have known better! Not only that, but one of their agents is on my friends list, and she sometimes makes similar disparaging comments about the talent she represents or those that submit for representation. Honestly, it made me very wary of ever submitting for representation to that agency! What in the world might she say about me! She hasn’t done it in a while though, and the agency hasn’t posted any other bad emails, so maybe they all learned their lesson.

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June First October 9, 2013 at 3:07 pm

“just gotten the worst news one can ever hear at a wedding: no open bar”.
I can think of a few worse things: bride/groom left standing at the altar, someone dying on the way to the reception, entire wedding party suffering food poisoning at the rehearsal dinner…
Yeah, mostly death and illness for “worst news ever”.
It does make her sound very, very immature.

So, if she’s planning the wedding, does she also drink at the wedding? Is this new sideline just a way for her to get more free booze? I wouldn’t want my wedding coordinator boozing it up when I need her.

Is there a Yelp or Angie’s List-type of website for wedding planner reviews? Maybe she will get her eye-opening moment when she finds out potential clients are leaving “worst wedding planner ever” reviews on those sites.

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NostalgicGal October 10, 2013 at 1:32 am

While in highschool, one of the more known Family A and Family B pairings… we had a really ugly flu going around, I can vouch it was absolutely miserable, extended, and about 12-24 hours in someone shooting you would have been a kindness, and you didn’t come out of it for about a week. Massively major wedding to-do and the flu hit… the bride needed a chair and almost passed out cold and did have a trash can up there (the high mass got truncated to quick pass because Minister was a day beyond the bride, the groom was about that same level) and out of 325 attendees, over a hundred were on short leash to bathroom…. and it got worse. So bride and groom decided to abort the honeymoon cruise and hide at home.. and had no listing in phone book. Everyone decided since my father’s name matched the grooms and the first three letters of last matched, that THAT was their number. AND I shared the same first name as the new bride. So we got calls at all hours of friends, relatives and busybodies trying to locate/run down/meddle/snoop the new couple. Some took several calls before they finally accepted the phone book wasn’t a misprint AND I was not the bride (she was several years older), and when the couple got over being sick they might show a face.
That doesn’t quite relate to one of the bridal party dropping dead at the altar (has happened, I remember one legal fight between the bride and his family over at what part of the service would the two be considered legally married because he was quite wealthy and she wanted his estate and his family didn’t want her to) or a major accident or the venue collapsing or something.

If the worst thing was being invited to a wedding and no freeflowing booze and food, then I’d say the attendee was just clueless and a boor from the planet Boron.

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Barbarian October 9, 2013 at 3:58 pm

I am glad FB was not out there when I got married. Some people boycotted my wedding outright because there was no open bar. I was not disappointed by their decision because those kind of people are not really your friends if they are only interested in the bar.

It makes me wonder what would happen if the shoe was on the other foot of the bar lovers and they had to foot the bill for an open bar event for all their friends. Would they graciously pay the tab with their own money or limit their hospitality?

I would definitely not hire any event planner who was more interested in sampling all the free food and drinks at an event than doing everything possible they were paid to do to make it a success.

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Stacey Frith-Smith October 9, 2013 at 4:11 pm

So is entitled the new “black” for wannabe vendors? No open bar? Not comment worthy.

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Marozia October 9, 2013 at 4:43 pm

This wedding planner’s only in it for the money she can make + the drinks + the free food.
What a crass, vulgar ingrate this wedding planner is!!!

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Mer October 10, 2013 at 4:49 am

I think she might be attending these weddings as a guest. After all, open bar would not be surprise if she had actually planned said wedding. And OP says she is only working to become a wedding planner, not yet a one. I think it even makes this kind of behavior worse. While it would be totally unprofessional and terrible behavior, it would be more understandable if she, as a “stranger” would not find wedding itself interesting. (After all, random wedding itself is not usually that interesting. What makes it special is that wedded pair is near and dear for you. Posting rude comments is of course rude anyway.) But as I think she is attending as a guest, somebody has thought that she was their friend and she only cares for the open bar. That is sad.

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Shoegal October 10, 2013 at 10:59 am

Isn’t this woman working these weddings? What is she doing drinking? I am inclined to silently judge other people’s wedding in terms of décor, food, attire, atmosphere etc.. It is sounds as if all this planner cares about if there is food and an open bar. Her job is to create a great wedding with all her knowledge and know how – it should not really matter to her what choices the bride and groom makes in terms of alcohol – open bar or not – she should be focusing on making sure nothing goes wrong and correcting problems before they become major issues. She needs to get out of the business.

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jen a. October 10, 2013 at 11:18 am

I think complaining about your profession on facebook, especially when it concerns your clients, is a really bad idea. Even if you only have “friends” on your facebook page things will get out. I’m a teacher, and sometimes I need to vent about my job. I save it for my husband, my best friend, or colleagues. Even then I don’t use names or identifying details.

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EllenS October 11, 2013 at 5:54 pm

Um…if you hate weddings and think they are boring and excruciating, WHY would you want to be a wedding planner? That’s like wanting to be a doctor, except that you hate touching people and faint at the sight of blood.

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Cheryl July 22, 2014 at 1:16 pm

First if you are going to have adult drinks then a free bar whether it is all types or just beer and wine should be free at a wedding. It is very tacky to have a cash bar, period. Otherwise stick to a dry wedding. Is the woman tacky, yes, and I wonder does she do this for all of the weddings or only the ones where the bride is beyond difficult and groom is just as bad? If so then she is being nice. Yes, one thinks that if you are a wedding planner then one should like weddings but lets face it after so many months of the same person changing their minds over and over, you just want to get it over with. You don’t have to recommend this person in the future but you can stay away and watch as things crumble around her.

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