I’ve been reading some great advice on the website and have a bit of a dilemma myself. My cousin’s three young daughters are the flower girls for my upcoming wedding. They live about an hour away from me (this will be important later). Since we have quite a few family members traveling in for the wedding my cousin has offered to host a large group of them at her home. This mostly includes her parents, siblings, etc. Since they live so far away this has turned into a blessing because these family members will be able to attend wedding and also spend time with my cousin’s family.
The day before my wedding my mom is hosting a small luncheon at her home for out of town relatives. The reason for the luncheon is to have the opportunity to spend extra time with these relatives that have traveled so far. My cousin, her family, and all staying with her in addition to other family members are invited to this. Those family members staying with my cousin will drive down in her large van with her.
Later in the afternoon, much past the time when lunch will be over I will be heading to my venue for the final walk through / rehearsal. I’m only planning on bringing my bridesmaids / groomsman, parents, and minister. I don’t feel the need to invite the flower girls as their task isn’t too difficult (they are holding signs and walking down the aisle, no petals are allowed there).
Herein lies my dilemma: After the rehearsal we are all going to the rehearsal dinner which will be quite casual, but afford us the opportunity for speeches and thank you’s. Since my flower girls are not going to be at the actual rehearsal do I need to invite them to the rehearsal dinner? My mom thinks that etiquette wise I need to since they are part of the bridal party. However, I’d rather not if I can avoid since they will be traveling an hour to the lunch with their extended family in tow. I would also have to invite the parents of the flower girls since they wouldn’t be able to transport themselves.
Please help! I’m confused! 1004-13
Having children participate in a wedding ceremony presents some interesting challenges. If you are not up to the task of accepting those challenges, perhaps you should rethink having them in the wedding at all. Of the entire wedding party, small children are especially the ones most in need of rehearsal. I’ve seen grown adults quiver with anxiety just before walking down the aisle in anticipation of being the focus of hundreds of pairs of eyeballs and yet people think nothing of expecting small children to do what many adults find nerve racking. And you want them to do it totally cold. Recipe for chaos, imo.
And if your flower girls are really not part of the wedding party such that they would not be included in the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, what are they but props? I can’t think of what else they could be. It appears you want the benefits of an adult wedding party, adult attended rehearsal (kids can be so disruptive) and an adult rehearsal dinner without having to deal with the potential “mess” kids bring to any situation.
I think you need to invite your flower girls and parents to the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner and let the parents decide how best to serve their children. They may stay just long enough to rehearse and having an appetizer and then bow out citing a need for sleep for the big day.