It’s The Kiss That Never Ends

by admin on September 9, 2013

When my sister was married, about 30 years ago, it was a very simple affair. My family attended, and the officiant’s family attended, and that was it. We had the ceremony in the church, hugs and congratulations in the parking lot, and then my sister and her husband left for their honeymoon. We had all enjoyed a nice meal together at a good restaurant before the ceremony, in lieu of the standard reception, since the ceremony was scheduled for just after lunchtime.

What I remember most about the wedding, though, is what happened when the officiant said, “You may kiss the bride.” My brother-in-law kissed my sister, for a long time. A really long time. So long, in fact, that the officiant’s young son got bored and started singing a commercial jingle.

“Kiss a little longer with Big Red!”

We all burst out laughing, and it is a happy memory for me to this day.

I thought you would enjoy a story about rudeness that actually turns out happily. I must admit, though, that if the wedding had been large, with many witnesses, the officiant and his wife probably would have been heartily humiliated by the boy’s action. As it was, though, it has the nostalgic feel of a shared experience between friends.

Oh, another thing that made this wedding interesting: It was my brother-in-law’s second wedding. His first marriage had started on a bad note, and went down from there. You see, his ex-mother-in-law insisted on going with them for the honeymoon! Yes, really! So, when he married my sister, he was adamant on telling absolutely NO ONE (even including her) where they were going, just in case someone tried to follow them, and book rooms next to them at the same hotel. Yay, spine!

Fortunately, my parents were quite sane, and had no desire to do anything of the sort. Ew. So, the polite spine was not actually necessary in this case. Still, I’m glad he had it, the second time around. We learn and grow.

Thanks for your site! I love it! 0907-13

{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Charliesmum September 9, 2013 at 3:43 pm

I haven’t thought of that commercial in 30 years, and now I’m probably going to be singing that song for the rest of the day! :)

That’s a lovely story, and the bonus MIL story is just amusing – must be crazed Mother In Law week on E-Hell.

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Cat September 9, 2013 at 4:21 pm

I never married and never had a honeymoom, but, if I had, I know very well my mother would not be going with us. Sometimes you just don’t need your mommy and that counts as one of those times.

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AIP September 9, 2013 at 5:22 pm

Sweet story :-D

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Agania September 9, 2013 at 9:27 pm

You know if someone tried to pull that stunt on me I would be jumping on the bed making noises a la Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally. That should either freak them out and/or get rid of them!

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Michelle C. Young September 10, 2013 at 5:19 pm

Hahaha! Yeah, that’s probably what I would do, if someone tried it with me. Or maybe record it, set it to play on a loop, and then book myself and my husband into another hotel, entirely.

Poor nosy in-laws, listening to Meg Ryan all night long!

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NostalgicGal September 9, 2013 at 11:36 pm

Didn’t get a honeymoon, didn’t really need one…

Other than my mom refused to think of admitting her little girl might have been sleeping with her fiance’ for all this time; (good grief we had an apartment together) … Had we gone on one and my mom (and/or dad) had tried to come along, I would’ve made a show of booking and showing up at X location; and snuck off to Y location.

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Marozia September 9, 2013 at 11:53 pm

Good story. Love the ‘big red’ jingle.

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inNM September 10, 2013 at 12:47 am

The first MIL went on the honeymoon with them? For what? I thought having observers to ensure the couple consummated the marriage went out with the Victorian era?

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Michelle C. Young September 10, 2013 at 5:16 pm

My late brother-in-law did not give details about that part of his history, and I did not ask. I was too shocked at the mere fact that she followed them to ask for anything else. Although, I gather that there were plenty of stories there.

My guess, however, from what I have gleaned, is that it was not so much to “ensure the couple consummated the marriage” as it was to prevent it.

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Tammy Rizzo September 14, 2013 at 2:14 pm

As the sister/bride in question here, with the Big Red Kiss, I can assure you my sister is correct – First MIL showed up at their hotel, having booked the adjoining room, specifically to protect her innocent, virgin, little baby girl from the big bad evil mean husband man who would want to DO IT. Idiot woman.

His first wife was no prize, and the family she came with was even worse. It should have been no surprise when she cleared out their joint accounts and left to go home to her mother a few years in, though he had never seen it coming. His friends started comparing notes with each other, only to find that she had told each of them a different story about her marriage to him, and had been telling different stories like that the entire time they had known her.

He met me nearly ten years after his divorce, and he still hadn’t healed from the scars he got in his first marriage. But we were married for 21 1/2 years, happy together, and seven years after his death, I still miss him very much.

I have no idea what ever happened to his ex, thank goodness.

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Allie September 10, 2013 at 8:43 am

I’m glad your family managed to put a happy spin on this. I find excessive kissing by the bride and groom to be in poor taste, especially the “custom” of making noise with your dishes to get them to kiss. Yuck. Save it for the honeymoon suite, please.

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Tracy September 10, 2013 at 2:53 pm

I agree. If your kiss is so long that people get uncomfortable enough to joke about it, it’s too long. No one is impressed.

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Michelle C. Young September 10, 2013 at 5:13 pm

I’m the OP, here, and if it makes you feel any better, it was not a hands-all-over make-out kiss. Just a simple kiss that lasted a while. And they did not do a lot of PDA, otherwise.

I dislike public make-out sessions with wandering hands (keep the groping private, please), and the custom of making a racket to get the bride and groom to kiss, as well. If I were the bride, and people started clanging dishes to force me to kiss for their amusement, I’d be put out. Kissing is for the couple involved, not the spectators. We did NOT do the clang-for-kisses thing at their wedding lunch.

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Tammy Rizzo September 14, 2013 at 2:15 pm

In fact, it was even lips only, no tongue at all. Just quiet, lips-only kissing.

Plus, it was his idea. ;-)

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Brian October 10, 2013 at 11:14 pm

“…and the custom of making a racket to get the bride and groom to kiss, as well.”

It’s tasteless, but we decided to put an end to the whole “make a racket” at our wedding by slowly upping the ante of inappropriateness. (I have a reputation of viewing these things as a challenge, and wholeheartedly embrace it.) When I pushed my wife out of the way to leap over her lap and kiss my best man, the glass clinking miraculously stopped.

This isn’t a way that would work in the general case. I’m known to be a bit of a showboat at times.

Fallout? The photographer was a little upset he didn’t get any warning.

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Caitlin June 4, 2014 at 2:42 am

I hate those “Make a racket so the couple will kiss” things, too. Two of my cousins had ways of dealing with it, though: One (jokingly) threatened to confiscate the glasses and forks if the clinking didn’t stop.

The other cousin made up this oversized die with a heart on one of the sides. A guest hoping to get the couple to stand up and kiss has to get up in front of the head table and roll the die. If it lands heart side up, they’ll kiss. If it lands on any other number, the person doing the rolling has to sing a bit of a song with “love” or “kiss” in the lyrics.

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kingsrings September 10, 2013 at 1:27 pm

What Allie said. I know it’s a happy moment, but I think good manners, class, and decorum still prevail. Don’t have a make-out session in front of your guests. A simple, happy kiss is just fine.

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Barbarian September 12, 2013 at 7:49 am

The Big Red Song made me laugh. When my second husband and I married, my six-year old son was the ringbearer. Even though the ceremony was only 30 minutes, he said it was too long and there was too much kissing. And I’m pretty sure the couple in the post out-kissed us!

It would be fun if a child could post their version of the ideal wedding someday.

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PM September 18, 2013 at 3:58 pm

I believe the part about the honeymoon interloper. A college friend’s future-MIL heard from her son, the groom, that he and the bride would be going to an island resort that they had visited/enjoyed several times. She said, “Great! Your father and I have never been there, you can show us around! We’ll need a break after the stress of the wedding.”

When the groom said, no, that there was no way he wanted to spend his honeymoon with his parents, his mom got offended and said, “Well, you’ve been there so many times, it’s not like it would be anything special.”

My friend suspected this was some sort of payback because MIL didn’t approve of the couple having taken vacations together alone before and lived together before marriage. They ended up changing to a different resort and didn’t tell anyone where they would be. MIL told everyone in the family how unreasonable her son was for not wanting to vacation with them.

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