My husband and I were married nearly a year ago and the wedding was wonderful! I do still have a niggling annoyance with how a few invited guests handled their invitations though.
My husband and I paid for the entire event and that meant that we had to be careful with both our planning and our spending. We made a guest list based on fifty guests and we did have a few people in mind who we definitely did want there if we could afford it and the “must invites” like close relatives didn’t come. We sent gorgeous hand-made invites and we got a few immediate replies. We also got a lot of “I’ll let you know”. The RSVP date came and went and we began to politely ask people if they could come or not.
My husband’s boss ignored his invite entirely and didn’t confirm that he would not attend until two weeks before when I asked him for the third time. My boss kept me waiting because she needed to find out whether or not her husband was golfing that day or not. I got a yes with a week or so to go. I was thrilled because I really like her. Another colleague said no right away. That changed to a maybe and then a definite no two weeks before the wedding. My grandpa and his wife were our first “yeses”. A few weeks later I heard through family that they weren’t coming. I called them to find out and was told that they would let me know. I found out that they were not attending with two days to go. My best friend’s parents never did reply either way. She finally told me a week before that they weren’t coming probably but that her mom might. Her mom came for the ceremony and then had to meet other family for another event. My mother asked me at the last minute to invite her best friend and best friend’s son because they both wanted to be there. I sent an invite and never got a reply. And one of our guests (who said that he would crash if we didn’t invite him because he wanted so badly to be there) never came because he “decided to stay home and nap” instead.
Out of a guest list of fifty, nine decided to decline at the last minute. I was upset because had we known in enough time we could have invited another nine people. We don’t have a massive circle of friends but we have enough people who we would have liked to invite and who would have loved to come that I still feel badly that they weren’t there.
In the end our wedding was still great and the guests who were there still refer to it as the best wedding they have been to. It was awesome! But I really wish that we had thrown sentiment out the window and invited the people we wanted instead there instead of the people who we “had to” invite. 0802-13
When a wedding guest list is small, it is even more imperative to define the criteria for who is to be invited. The guest list size for my daughter’s wedding was about 104 so they choose their guests based on who had been there for them in the past and who would be there for them in the future. This shrunk the guest list down to people who were dear, close friends and when the invitations went out, the responses were immediate. I can’t recall a single incidence of a late RSVP or me needing to call anyone to inquire as to whether they were coming.
If you have to beg people to give you an RSVP, such as the OP did with her boss, Mr. Bossman should not have been invited in the first place. Guests who must be pleaded with repeatedly to please accept or decline a gracious offer to witness wedding vows are vile, selfish people who have no business being on anyone’s social guest list. The etiquette rule is, if you must call a guest *after the RSVP deadline* to get an answer as to whether they are coming or not, you only make *one* phone call and if they are still refusing to give you a firm commitment, that is to be viewed as a “No, not attending” to which you say, “I’m so sorry you won’t be joining us. We will miss you!”
Additionally, if you do not socialize with your boss outside of the work environment then why invite him/her to an intimate, personal wedding?