A Thoughtful Gift Thoughtlessly Rejected With Gimme Pig Style

by admin on June 21, 2013

What started as a question over a receipt for a wedding present, spiraled into a row of Bridezilla proportions.

A Canadian couple found themselves at the wrong end of a same sex couple’s wrath after they gave the newlyweds what they thought was a thoughtful wedding basket of food with a card which read: “Life is delicious”.

Unfortunately for them, the brides were none too impressed with the gift with one asking to see the receipt stating she was gluten intolerant.

What transpires next is a Bridezilla moment of epic proportions as the gift givers and the brides get into a heated email exchange that can be read HERE.

Long story short,  guests gave the newlyweds a wedding gift of a wicker picnic basket filled with some nice food items.   Newlyweds did not appreciate this gift and wrote a condescending rebuke that the next time these two guests go to a wedding, a cash envelope is the acceptable gift and that the newlyweds “lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate… And got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return. ”

The offending gift…

.

Boyfriend of the giftgiving couple retaliates with, “Laura, the message you sent to me today was by far the most inconsiderate, immature, greedy, and asinine thing I have ever had the displeasure of seeing.”

He goes on to tell her that he has done a lot of research on wedding etiquette which is something the brides have clearly skipped over.

Outraged bride Laura responded: “Out of 210 people at a wedding … The only I gift I got from all (sic) was yours … And fluffy whip and sour patch kids.”

But the depths of bad manners was reached with this parting shot by one of the brides…

“Your Facebook message had nothing to do with the gift. Weddings are to make money for your future. Not to pay for peoples meals. Do more research. People haven’t gave gifts since like 50 years ago! But thanks again for the $30 gift basket my wife can’t even eat.”

“Weddings are to make money for your future?”  Oh, really?   Have we heard that before on Ehell?  Why, yes.  Yes, we have…by greedy gimme pigs who exploit the serious business of a wedding to extract as much cash as possible from friends, family and co-workers in a not-so-clever money making scheme.     Gee, I thought a wedding was the serious sealing of a commitment or covenant to one another for, hopefully, the rest of each other’s lives.   But maybe that marriage covenant is only meant to last until the wedding funds give out and then it’s time to either renew vows to refresh the cash flow or dump the now useless partner to find another co-conspirator in the newest wedding cash scheme.

{ 129 comments… read them below or add one }

AnnaMontana June 25, 2013 at 1:58 am

Sounds like these ‘ladies’ are out for all they can get.
It did turn into a poo-flinging contest, however. I cannot condone the behaviour of either side, but I would love to recieve this for my wedding. We are going camping for a week and then off to Venice for a week, for our honeymoon, so something like this would be lovely to have on a cold Welsh Campsite in July.

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Marozia June 25, 2013 at 6:16 am

Someone please correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t a wedding supposed to be a show of love and commitment to the couple (whether same-sex or hetero) and a celebration of their love to and for their friends and family? If not, there must be some fake marriages out there!
You don’t ‘make money’ from your wedding nor do you ‘cover the guests’ plates with a like-amount gift’. That is considered vulgar, tacky, cheap and disgraceful.
Where people get these ideas from is beyond my understanding.
If I was the ‘food-basket gift-giver’ I would’ve apologised profusely, asked for the gift back to get them something else and given the brides a book on wedding etiquette.
Insufferable vulgar peasants!!

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Lex June 25, 2013 at 10:32 am

I feel really sorry for the gift giver here – regardless of how they felt about the gift for the brides to openly mock it is cruel and shows what sort of people they are (classless, graceless, rude, boorish), then to COMMENT on it and to ask the gift giver to change his gift – how awful! If I had been in this position then I would probably have regifted/donated the contents and basket and said nothing of it. If asked I would have said ‘Oh yes, it was lovely, thank you.’ To mock him then TELL him they’ve been mocking him is a horrible thing to do and quite frankly deserves a bit of slap back, but in stooping to their level he has added fuel to the fire. Personally I’d ‘Ditch and delete’ both Brides and find some more worthy friends.

It has to be said that food gifts are an incredibly personal thing in the same way that perfume and scented gifts (smellies) are and I try to avoid giving food gifts if I don’t know the person well enough (as the gifter clearly didn’t know the Brides well enough not to be aware of any food allergies/intolerances/fussiness). It is perfectly acceptable, for example, for my Sister to buy my partner a Camembert baker and range of gourmet chutneys because she knows he LOVES baked camembert and I can’t abide it so he rarely gets it. But I wouldn’t buy something like that for her husband as he is a high level chef and any foodie gifts that would be value to him I can’t afford as they are highly specialist items. Usually where my BIL is concerned, I know that his mum is very generous in her gift giving so it is rare that I can actually buy him something he needs or wants so usually we prefer to give him vouchers that he can spend on himself on something of his choosing. It works well all ’round.

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Cassandra June 25, 2013 at 1:21 pm

I think that the worst part is that both Marshmallow Fluff and Sour Patch Kids are gluten-free. So are Jolly Rancher candies.

Seriously.

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sv June 25, 2013 at 2:55 pm

It is unfortunate that the gift giver regressed to the brides level, especially regarding the comment about their “sham of a marriage.” This is Canada; same sex marriage has been completely legal in every nook and cranny here for over 10 years. Their marriage is as legal as anyone else’s and enough time has passed that an entire generation is getting married that cannot remember when it was not legal for them to do so. To dismiss that was the act of a petty individual.

That being said, if we concentrate solely on the brides refusal of the gift it goes without saying that their actions were appalling and in the poorest of taste. As the gift giver I would be IRATE.

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Shannon June 26, 2013 at 11:15 am

I took “sham of a marriage” to mean that they were out for a gift grab, not a lifetime commitment. I didn’t see it as homophobic in any way.

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Ang June 27, 2013 at 2:25 am

Unfortunately the gift giver himself says about this remark:
“Admittedly, throwing the legality of same sex marriage at them was wrong, I strongly believe in same sex couples rights to marry. I was mad, and lost my train of thought for a brief moment “

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Leigh June 26, 2013 at 2:09 pm

Maybe I read it differently, but I took “sham of a marriage” comment in more of a gimme-gimme way. The bride did say that a wedding was to “make money” after all. If the guests were opposed to same sex marriage they probably wouldn’t have gone to the wedding at all, OR given a (IMHO) thoughtful gift.

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JH June 25, 2013 at 3:06 pm

Actually, this raises a point I’ve often wondered about … if somebody gives you a gift of something you can’t use for some reason (heavily gluten food gift if you have gluten allergies, for example), is there a polite way to convey that while you appreciate the gift, you can’t use it, and specify you have an allergy? I’m thinking that if it’s a relative stranger, you should accept in good graces, and move on. But if it’s your mother-in-law, it probably wouldn’t hurt to let them know …

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No Wedding June 26, 2013 at 9:37 am

In my experience with my ex-MIL, it doesn’t matter, she won’t remember anyway. I told her multiple times I couldn’t have scented things like candles/body wash because of my allergies and my daughter’s (her grandchild!) Until the day her son and I split, she still gave me scented candles/body wash for birthdays and holidays.

I would say, “Eh, well she didn’t like me” (but what about her granddaughter?) except for she was like this with her son in certain aspects, acting like his likes/dislikes/work schedule were completely foreign concepts to her.

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Library Diva June 26, 2013 at 4:53 pm

Maybe divorce it from the gift itself…express your appreciation in the moment (if you’re face to face with the giver) or in a note (if it’s mailed to you, or if it’s a scenario like Christmas) and then find a way to let them know a few weeks later. You’ve made your point, but you’re not rejecting the gift? I don’t know, but that’s a good question.

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Mer June 27, 2013 at 3:51 am

I’ve wondered this too. If I place myself in the position of gift giver I would definitely want to know! It would be depressing to find out 10 years later that all those hazelnut cookies I thought recipient loved went to thrash every year because she had nut allergy.

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Allie July 1, 2013 at 3:40 pm

Accept and move on. If you can’t use a gift, thank the person profusely for thinking of you and then quietly donate it to someone who can use it. Doesn’t matter who it is.

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Cherry June 25, 2013 at 4:28 pm

If someone did this to me, I’d offer to “return” the hamper, and I would – to me! I’m sure I’d enjoy eating the marshmallow whip and sour patch kids. And if they asked about the replacement gift, I’d tell them “You didn’t like my gift, you don’t get another”

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Diana June 26, 2013 at 1:33 pm

I think this present is very thoughtful, I would have loved to receive it at my wedding. Heck, someone could have just given me the bottle of marshmallow fluff alone and I would have been happy :)

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Mer June 27, 2013 at 3:48 am

I think they understood something very wrong. While it is true that one part of the origins of wedding gifts are is idea of helping the new couple to set a future for themselves, weddings are not to _make money_. In recent history “good” wedding gift was something that couple could use to set the home. Bed sheets, plates and other china. Depending on how near or far in history we are talking, animals and land or kitchen aids and toasters. Nowadays these gifts are losing their potential as couples do not marry straight from home but they have lived alone and together many years before marriage and they have most things they need for living. Now the money is used to help to set the future.

So I can see where the foggy idea of making money from wedding comes from. It’s total crap of course. Wedding gifts are still gifts.

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Kimstu June 27, 2013 at 3:44 pm

Right. And what’s more, if we’re harking back to the tradition that the purpose of wedding gifts was to help a pair of struggling late-adolescents establish their first-ever home separate from the parental roof, then the most appropriate wedding “gift” nowadays logically would be ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

That is, if two self-supporting modern people living independently decide to combine their lives and households, good for them, but they don’t need or deserve any material or monetary contributions from their families and friends on that account. If they choose to throw a party to celebrate their decision, great, and their guests should reciprocate their hospitality over time just as they would for any other party, but forking over major gifts or chunks of cash is inappropriate. If you can afford to support yourselves then you can afford to get married without scrounging handouts from your social circle.

Of course, nowadays the etiquette of wedding presents is less materialistic and practical than that. Wedding presents are just customary but not mandatory tokens of affection and congratulation on the occasion of a great and joyous life event—which is how it ought to be. Blessing the marriage of near and dear ones with loving gifts is a lovely and gracious custom, and I’m certainly not saying we should abandon it.

But greedy bridal couples who trawl for more or “better” gifts by appealing to old traditions of communities helping young couples “to set a future” should bear in mind that those traditions were established for the benefit of brand-new adults who had basically NOTHING of their own to start out with. If you’re a self-supporting independent adult nowadays then you’ve already set your future; don’t come around cadging contributions to it from your social circle on mistaken grounds of “tradition”.

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JH July 1, 2013 at 9:21 am

. Depending on how near or far in history we are talking, animals and land or kitchen aids and toasters.

Next wedding I go to, I’m taking a live goat as a gift to the bride.

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Bibianne October 10, 2013 at 2:42 pm

I love it! Donate in their name to http://www.heifer.org/ (or is that an etiquette no-no?)

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Jared Bascomb June 27, 2013 at 8:45 pm

I don’t blame the gift-giver one little bit. He may have been “rude”, but he came to a wedding and brought a gift. In return, the brides:
Berated him for bringing a physical gift instead of cash;
berated him for bringing a gift that didn’t cover the cost of the reception meal;
berated him for bringing a gift that one of the couple could not enjoy due to “health” reasons that the gift-giver was unaware of.

IMHO, the gift-giver’s response was over the top, but deservedly so and in direct proportion to the brides’ reaction to his gift.

And in light of that, I (as a gay man) am going to give the gift-giver a pass on his “homophobic” response to their “sham” wedding, even though he apologizes for it. IMHO, he called the wedding a sham because in retrospect it was nothing more than a gift/cash-grab.

Good on him for blasting these two a new pair.

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SJ June 29, 2013 at 12:53 pm

Good point about a “sham,” being about not the genders of the couple, but the attitude they seem to have about their wedding being a money-making scheme.

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sylvie June 27, 2013 at 10:15 pm

I’m not condoning the wedding couple’s behaviour – very self-entitled, but candy and fluff? Really? Why not a nice bottle of wine, some high-end coffee/tea, or some really decadent chocolate? Even all three in one basket wouldn’t cost that much. Just sayin’ …

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Kimstu June 28, 2013 at 1:41 am

This has been mentioned in previous comments but new readers may have missed it: The gift basket in question DID contain many more “high-end” items than just the “candy and fluff” that were emphasized in the brides’ comments and the photo.

Apparently the brides, maintaining the high standard of classiness we’ve learned to expect from them, deliberately arranged the items in the photo to make it look as though the basket contained only a few cheap foods.

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kingsrings June 30, 2013 at 8:45 pm

Apparently, the gift givers really should have photographed the full gift basket before they gave it to the couple as “evidence” that they truly did give more than just some cheap candy, lol!!
Seriously though, I find it so incredibly sad that friendships end over crap like this. Weddings truly do bring out the worst, the evil side, of some people. This ‘cover you plate’ nonsense is my least favorite etiquette faux pas. I really don’t know who started this evil nonsense of guests supporting the couple in this manner.

Anyone remember that MTV episode of True Life years ago where the New Jersey couple “required” their guests to finance the wedding? They were spending an arm and a leg on their wedding, but it was okay, because the guests were expected to finance it through their required monetary gifts. Singles had to pay $150, and couples had to pay $300. The bride went around at the wedding collecting envelopes in a basket, and everyone there was completely fine with it! The couple claimed that it was completely acceptable and the norm in New Jersey to do this.

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Kali June 28, 2013 at 8:20 am

He DID put all of that in the basket. As well as the candy and fluff.

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another Laura June 28, 2013 at 9:04 am

There were really high end pastas, sauces, baking items and even Godiva chocolate biscuits in the basket greedy brides just ignored those and harped on the cheaper items included-they removed high-end items for photo too.

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donna October 22, 2013 at 4:23 am

Agreed Sylvie. It was a pretty tacky junk filled gift basket.

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Kali June 28, 2013 at 8:10 am

I once accidentally included a non-vegan chocolate bar in a gift for a vegan friend (I knew she was vegan, I just hadn’t noticed the shellac in the ingredients list). She emailed to let me know (I was a vegan at the time), and asked if I’d like her to give the gift to a non-vegan friend or return it. I apologised profusely, and let her regift it.

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Allie July 1, 2013 at 3:46 pm

And here I thought pursuing an education and working hard were to make money for your future : )

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Shelley July 5, 2013 at 3:49 am

Two things: first off, I’m gluten intolerant like the one bride, and I would never have asked for the receipt to return something that has gluten in it. She does have a spouse. Ingredients are not printed on the receipt ;)
And two: I’m embarrassed to say this, but this happened in my city. I was really hoping there weren’t any bridezillas in my area.

Cheers

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Joy July 8, 2013 at 3:37 pm

I received something along the same lines for my wedding: a pan, spaghetti, spaghetti sauce, ad tongs. At 23, I thought it was strange…until the first night in our new place. I felt terrible for the thoughts I had and concluded the gift gifter was a genuis. I think looking at the upside of this gift would have been more productive

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Marijelly July 10, 2013 at 8:07 am

Etiquette is based on common sense. If someone shows a lack of it, it is useless to point them towards etiquette, like the gift giver did in this story. The ill mannered will never see it as a guideline because it’s not what they (want to) do. They see it as old fashion rubbish or snobbery. The only way they will ever learn is if they reach the conclusion themselves – so be polite but short and keep them at a distance. That way they actually might realize they’ve done something wrong. Don’t hope for too much though, but at least you won’t waste any more time. Staying in a correspondence, especially if it’s something you feel strongly about, only lures you into getting provoked.

The only excuse I can find for the brides is that a cash gift probably is expected in their social circle. But if they believe every guest is in on the same tradition and feel it’s the only acceptable gift (and even that people in general don’t give wedding gifts anymore), that’s extremely narrow minded. The gluten intolerance was obviously just a lame excuse to try getting a gift more to their liking. Money, that is.

The saddest part is how this whole story is so focused on money. The female “expert” advice on the other site is very disappointing. “Lost out on your plates”. What? What a weird definition of what a guest is…
I have given a similar food gift several times and it has always been appreciated, especially when I’ve included home made items. I’d be heart broken and angry if someone even mentioned the cost, which often has been low. (But actually quickly can add up. The gift basket in the story is really not “cheap” in my opinion. When it comes to the candy, the brides have no sense of fun). The picnic basket itself is to me a very romantic and suitable gift.
In my social circle many people are professional crafters or really skilled hobby crafters. A gift made especially for you is considered most special and thoughtful. It has absolutely nothing to do with how much the giver spent on materials or what it is worth if sold, nobody even thinks in that direction. I’ve also got gifts from thrift stores or just passed on, like books that the giver thinks I would enjoy. It makes me so sad there are people who equals the monetary value with the value as a gift.
A friend’s wedding is coming up and since I am considered a good singer I, as my gift, offered to sing a song of their choice. They were overwhelmed. It will not cost me a penny, but to them it’s priceless.

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Filiagape August 27, 2013 at 5:01 pm

Obviously the brides are oblivious, obnoxious and greedy and the guest (except for his “sham of a marriage” comment) was in the right, but I just have to say, for the people who keep saying the gift was a cheap one, The gift basket pictured itself looks like it could go for $30-$50. Throw in a $10-$12 bottle of olive oil (or more…really), a $20 bottle of wine and with even NOT high-end pasta, crackers, candy, etc., and this gift basket could easily run well over $100. $100 at the grocery store doesn’t fill more than one bag anymore. The gift demonstrates more thought and generosity to assemble than any check dashed off does.

Regardless, one of my wedding presents consisted of a rolling pin and some plastic measuring cups, and I appreciated them and sent a gracious thank you note.

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Sacha November 20, 2013 at 12:56 am

I kinda agree that it’s a lackluster gift. It’s something I would have expected to receive when I was 18 and going off to college for the first time or something. I mean, the items shown total what, ten bucks? NEVERTHELESS. The brides’ behaviour was just unconscionably rude. When I receive gifts I dislike, I just lie, say thanks, send a note, and move on. These women are awful for their response to the giver, not to the gift. Everyone is allowed to eat/like/dislike different things, so sometimes you get gifts that just aren’t right. (Especially if you have such a giant wedding that you don’t even know the people you’re inviting, as seems to be the case in this situation.) The trick is to respond graciously.
I have to admit that in private, though, I would honestly be thinking that if someone is going to bring a box of junk food to a wedding, I would rather they save their money and instead bring a card with a heartfelt message.

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