The Awkward Wedding Guest/Ex-Boyfriend

by admin on June 6, 2013

I am fuming. I have a dear friend, “Mary”, whose daughter is getting married. A short background: Several years ago, suddenly and unexpectedly, Mary became a young widow and life since her husband passed has been difficult for her, to say the least. She has always done everything in her power to provide for her children and they have been well taken care of and loved. There were bumps in the road here and there, but overall they remained a loving, close family.

Mary had been dating a “man” (I’ll call him “Bob”) just over a year. A couple of months ago he completely disappeared from her life. There was no communication from him whatsoever to explain his sudden absence. Mary did try to contact him in the beginning, but Bob did not respond to any calls. She got the message and realized Bob was not man enough to end things with her face to face (or even via phone). Mary was very hurt, but is a big girl and knew it was time to move on. She later found out that all the while, he was keeping in touch with her daughter and future son-in-law. There was never a close relationship between them before, but now suddenly Bob wants to be buddies with the kids and they with him.

Mary was just informed by her daughter and FSIL that Bob has been invited to the wedding on his own because they want him to be there. Of course this news was a total blow and hurtful to Mary. In my opinion this is such an insensitive, spiteful thing for them to do. This “man” hurt Mary deeply and was not a significant person in the kids’ lives before all this. Where is their support for Mary? Now she is in the position of attending this wedding, which she has been so looking forward to, with the possibility of having to encounter Bob. If the kids want him to remain in their lives, that is great, have at it, but please do it on the other 364 days of the year and let you mom attend your wedding (that she is paying for) without feeling hurt and awkward. We know it’s your day, you’ve made that loud and clear, but show some consideration for your mom. Mary was told that Bob did plan on attending, which I found shocking (although I shouldn’t be considering his total lack of communication/relationship skills he has demonstrated). A friend of Mary’s (who knows Bob as well) did call him and suggested that he might consider passing on attending the wedding. Of course he was oblivious as to why that would be. We are hoping that he mans up for once and does not attend. I hope I have a happy follow-up story to post in a couple months; one that does not involve Bob. 0522-13

First, you need to calm down and not fume.  Etiquette does not extend grace to those who are basically meddling in the affairs of others.  And if you get between Bob, the bridal couple and their mom, you are meddling.

Second, the best you can do in this situation is to encourage Mary of the positive attributes of being the mother of the bride.   She will be escorted separately to her seat, have a honored seat in the family pew right up front to witness the ceremony,  most likely have a corsage, most likely seated at or near the head table at the reception, guests will acknowledge her as the mother of the bride and give her congratulations, if they have a mother-son-in-law dance she’ll do that.  Bob is just a guest, one of possibly a hundred or more, with no special privileges or honors.

And for heaven’s sake, do not hype Mary to be emotionally distraught on the wedding day.  Bob shouldn’t live in her brain rent free and it would be a gross disservice to Mary if she were not encouraged to don her gracious, big girl pants and act the part of the rational, civil, gracious mother of the bride.   Any drama Mary brings to the wedding day will only harm her, possibly irrevocably.

 

{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }

Lo June 6, 2013 at 8:00 am

This is kind of a tough one, I think.

OP, you’re in the unfortunate position of being involved in some family drama, but I would definitely lay low. I agree with admin not to hype poor Mary up to be too upset about this. I think you can comfort and console her without being outraged because even though you are angry on behalf of your friend it probably won’t do any good in this situation.

It seems like the bride and groom are being tremendously insensitive but I think there might be more going on here. We don’t know what kind of relationship the bride had with prior to his disappearance from her mother’s life. It’s incredibly weird that he would be keeping in touch with her after exiting his relationship with her mother, especially as they are adults, but maybe his presence was important to her and maybe there was a familial relationship there. You just never know. I think it would be good to give the bride and groom the benefit of the doubt.

One of my parents has an ex-spouse. I ADORE ex-spouse. We did not meet until we were adults. Ex-spouse is everything I ever wanted in a family member and has a good and healthy relationship with the parents though it’s more cordial with the “new” spouse. (if that makes sense) My parent who is the new spouse is not threatened by ex-spouse but is a little… uncomfortable… that I have so much esteem for ex-spouse. But that’s life. It’s not a reflection on my relationship with my parents. It’s not a reflection on anything. One parent’s comfort is not my be-all, end-all. Ex-spouse has been introduced to us as an important part of the other parent’s former life and I support and honor that. A third party might look at this and say, “what an insensitve daughter”, but as long as there’s no animosity or bad blood I don’t see why I shouldn’t think of ex-spouse as family.

Mary can’t really dictate who her daughter and son-in-law keep company with. It may look bad on them from an outsiders perspective but it’s not her wedding and she can’t control the guest list so she may as well start learning to cope with the situation. OP, as a third party, you are completely powerless except to boost Mary’s confidence that she can attend this wedding without any drama. So that’s where your energies should be focused.

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Erin June 6, 2013 at 8:58 am

OP, it isn’t your wedding or Mary’s, it’s Mary’s daughter’s. She and her fiance get to choose the guest list. You and Mary don’t have to think much of Bob but you do need to not make an issue of it. You don’t know the daughter’s reasons for inviting Bob and it isn’t your business. Support Mary, but don’t let the drama invade the wedding.

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Ashley June 6, 2013 at 11:32 pm

You may be surprised to know that some feel that since Mary is paying, as the wedding host she gets a say in the guest list. At least that’s the “rule” I’ve seen floating around WeddingBee and TheKnot.

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Kathryn June 7, 2013 at 9:44 am

As my Dad generously paid for my wedding, he had expectations about how things were going to be as he saw himself as the host of the events. As I have a very good relationship with my Dad, we talked decisions through and everyone was happy on the day. I still saw the day as “my” wedding. But that didn’t take away from my husband or my Dad acting as host.

When one of my good friends was married, her divorced parents both attended and gave speeches. Although the MOB put on a brave face, us bridesmaids were very aware of the pain she was going through seeing her cheating ex talk about love and commitment at his daughter’s wedding. It was emotionally very tense for her.

Mary isn’t going through the same thing. But no doubt Bob’s presence will throw a dampener on the proceedings in a similar way.

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Wendy B. June 6, 2013 at 9:05 am

It’s incredibly awkward, but tell Mary that this is the opportunity to show the world who the real adult is here…her. If she holds her chin up, is polite (“Thank you for sharing this day with Jane and John”) and goes about her business, she’ll be fine. She doesn’t have to sit with him, dance with him or hang out with him in anyway. From what I gathered, Bob isn’t going to be walking down the aisle with daughter or sitting with the family, so interaction shouldn’t be a problem. Eventually, daughter and SIL are going to figure out what kind of a person he is…he’ll probably pull a similar trick with them at some point.

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WildIrishRose June 6, 2013 at 9:40 am

Wow, this IS tough! But I think admin and Lo have nailed it. It almost sounds like you’re more upset about this than Mary is! Your ONLY obligation here is to lend an ear to Mary if she wants to complain, but remember this: If you bad-mouth Bob to Mary, and then for some reason they patch things up, she’s not going to remember how badly Bob treated her–she’s going to remember the ugly things you said about him. So LISTEN, but don’t TALK.

Mary’s daughter and son-in-law-to-be have every right to invite whomever they choose to attend their wedding. It’s not Mary’s call, even if she is paying for it, and it’s certainly not YOUR call. So refrain from being petty, and try to understand that Mary’s daughter likely isn’t trying to be spiteful by inviting Bob. If Mary feels like she wants to tell her daughter how uncomfortable she would be with Bob at the wedding, that’s her business. If she chooses not to attend because Bob will be there, that’s her business. Only Bob knows why he disappeared, and only he can explain that to Mary. None of this is your concern. Your only part in it is to attend the wedding (assuming you’ve been invited) and give your best wishes to the bride and groom, and lend a sympathetic ear if Mary needs to lean on someone.

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Cat June 6, 2013 at 10:13 am

Dear old “Bob” behaved like a jerk to Mary, but to demand that he be exluded from the guest list makes it clear that Mary is not over him, was devastated by his sudden departure, and remains devastated to this day.
If Mary is a “big girl” and has moved on, she will attend the wedding, greet Bob as any guest (though I would be tempted to inquire, “Your face is very familiar; have we met before?” just to indicate how upset I am over his departure), and not give Bob so much control over her life.
It’s the bride and groom’s day. I would not ask them to exclude a friend if they want him there. Things come back as major issues in family fights. You don’t want “You wanted Bob at your wedding more than you wanted me” to come up against, “You’re so selfish we couldn’t even invite a good friend to our wedding.”
I say, the heck with him, bring on the party!

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Sarah Jane June 6, 2013 at 1:59 pm

Cat took the words right out of my virtual mouth. It sounds as if Mary has not moved on; otherwise, she wouldn’t care where Bob shows up.

If there are a couple of months until the wedding, it wouldn’t hurt for Mary to seek the help of a counselor to work through some of these issues and prepare for the big day.

Her best revenge? Show up to her daughter’s wedding looking gorgeous, savor the memorable moments, eat, drink, be merry, and enjoy the people she loves. Give Bob ZERO attention….look right through him. If an encounter is forced, treat him like the relative nobody can stand but they had to invite, anyway.

Be with her when you can and cheer her on. When the wedding’s all over, you two can laugh about it all over a glass of wine.

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Shoegal June 6, 2013 at 10:45 am

I just find it really weird that the daughter and FSIL want to have contact with someone who treated their Mother/ FMIL with so little respect and decency. I think Bob must be incredibly clueless because attending this wedding SHOULD make him very uncomfortable – and if he doesn’t get that – then he is almost laughable.

Bottom line is that if the Bride and Groom want him there then just let it be. If you make this a big deal then it will ruin this moment for Mary. I say downplay the entire issue. Bob is soooo unimportant and by fuming over it and discussing it with Mary it only gives him more credence than he deserves.

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Another Sarah June 6, 2013 at 11:08 am

Insensitive, maybe but I see no reason for you to assume this is a spiteful act. The bride and groom are not actively trying to hurt Mary.
You are trying to be a good friend OP and that’s admirable, but at the end of the day the guest list belongs to the people getting married. If they have a good relationship with Bob, why shouldn’t they want him there?
Actually most of the outrage in your post is worded as though it is coming from you not her (though this might be a false impression – if Mary is a quiet sort you might express what she is feeling for her)

And my personal bugbear is people who assume that offering the GIFT of wedding money means they have the right to dictate the proceedings. I would argue that most of the rudeness and family arguments posted on here are related to that very assumption. Gifts are gifts, no strings should be attached.

Having said that, B&G don’t get a free pass. They should have thought about how it would affect Mary to have Bob there, and they could have been more gracious – but it is not Mary’s wedding. She MIGHT see Bob there, she might not. Either way, if her daughter and FSIL plan to stay around Bob she WILL run into him sooner or later, and what better day to meet your ex than when you are dressed to your best, glowingly happy, the focus for good wishes and he’s relegated to the sidelines?

She should not let this ruin her daughter’s big day. And the nice thing is, the more gracious she is, the better she looks against cloddy Bob

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Lerah99 June 7, 2013 at 11:01 am

Another Sarah – traditionally the wedding is paid for and hosted by the bride’s parents. Which means it is really the parents’ party, and they do get to dictate the guest list.

So if Mary is paying for the wedding, traditionally she should be able to say “I am glad you and Bob have grown close, but I am not comfortable with having at the wedding. Frankly, I have no interest in buying the man dinner after how he treated me.”

It is only recently that we have started hyping weddings as “The Bride’s Big Day!!!!” and acting as through the bride has every right to demand things go exactly her way down to the smallest detail.

In cases where the bride and groom are paying for their own wedding, of course they have control of the guest list. But in this case the letterwritter clearly states Mary is paying for the wedding.

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KenderJ June 7, 2013 at 3:09 pm

IDK, what if it isn’t a gift? Many people seem to fund their daughter’s wedding because it is believed to be an obligation, a bill that’s now due. I also believe that s/he who holds the checkbook calls the shots. The person paying for the wedding should have a say in everything from the venue to the flowers to the guest list and everything in between. If the happy couple don’t want to take other people’s opinions into account then they can pay for their wedding themselves, otherwise they need to show some respect.

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Another Sarah June 12, 2013 at 10:43 am

Fair point Lerah99 and KenderJ, I guess I was thinking about it from a less traditional point of view in that I would be genuinely surprised if Mary was footing the entire bill.
In my area its much more commonplace that the parents of the bride (& often the groom) offer to pay some of the cost as a gift, not all, and the bride & groom host the wedding themselves – but thats me making an assumption about this wedding setup, which I shouldn’t do.

But I definitely didn’t mean to imply that the parents should not get a say at all and if it came across that way, that’s not my intention.
It’s rather that there’s a frequent attitude of “it’s my money so it’s my wedding and we’ll do it MY way” that runs through a lot of these stories, from both brides and parents. Everyone’s wishes must be respected, it should be a two way street.

Having said that, I stand by the point I was trying to make which was if it comes to an issue that is felt strongly about by both parties, I do believe it should be the choice of the couple getting married because, hosted by the parents or not, it’s about them.
For example – if you held a bridal shower/birthday party/graduation party/baby shower in honour of a close friend and she asked you to invite her best friend who you happened to hate, you wouldn’t throw a tantrum and knock them from the guest list, or demand that if they come, you don’t, would you?
This is the same principle, but on a much larger scale. Sticking the word wedding in there doesn’t change that fact that it’s rude.
You host a party in someone else’s honour to make them happy, not yourself. If you are lucky enough to have someone throw a party for you, you show some gratitude and don’t make unreasonable demands upon them. Two way street.

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KiKi June 6, 2013 at 11:47 am

I agree with everything Admin said. The only thing I could think of was that maybe daughter is trying to play matchmaker and she thinks that if Bob and Mary were to see each other at a romantic setting, like her wedding, they might get back together. To me, it sounds as if daughter is somewhat younger and maybe doesn’t understand how hurt Mary is by Bob’s callous behavior. Mary just needs to suck it up and not let Bob get to her. He doesn’t deserve that sort of power you’re giving him. OP needs to stay out of the whole thing. Be supportive to Mary, but don’t interfere. It is what it is. Mary can go to her daughter’s wedding without having to say more than a few words to him. However, if her daughter’s plan is to try and play matchmaker, he may be sitting with Mary at her table. If so, just be polite, but treat him as you would any other acquaintance.

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Catrunning June 6, 2013 at 12:39 pm

I agree that this is not the OP’s battle to fight. But what is with the kids??? Either the bride-to-be is so estranged from her mother that she is clueless to the fact that she is hurting her mother by inviting that jerk. Or, even worse, she is trying to hurt her mother in a very passive-agressive manner.

Bob, meanwhile, sounds a bit scary. He not only dropped his girlfriend is a very cruel manner, but he also decided to take up with her kids, maybe in an effort to take her kids away from her and hurt her further. Obviously it was a successful ploy. The whole thing is creepy – from the kids standpoint as well as from Bob’s.

Personally, if I were Mary, I would decline to attend the wedding as well as cut off all funding to it. Her kids are cruel and thankless. Bob is cruel. Be done with it.

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Angel June 17, 2013 at 11:17 am

Catrunning those were exactly my thoughts. If I were bride I would never, ever in a million years do this to my mom. Forget the fact that mom is paying for much of the wedding–the ex dumped her unceremoniously and now is playing up to the kids. It’s strange to me that their loyalty seems to lie somewhere other than mom. That in itself is what makes me most uncomfortable about this situation. OP I hope that you will post an update here.

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acr June 6, 2013 at 1:37 pm

Poor Mary. Assuming we aren’t missing significant backstory, I think daughter is a nasty and spiteful person. I think the best thing LW can do for Mary is to help her find a kind and charming man to be her date for the wedding.

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Allie June 6, 2013 at 1:56 pm

After reading Admin’s comments, I reread your post in search of Mary’s voice and if it is there, it is drowned out by yours. I wonder if you are more upset about this situation than Mary. I do not mean to criticize you. It’s great that you are passionate about your friend’s well-being. We all need a friend like that at times. However, as Admin suggests, this may not be one of those times. This horse has bolted. Bob has been invited and apparently he intends to attend the wedding. I think the best thing you can do for Mary as her friend is to help her come to terms with the situation and enjoy the wedding. Bob is a blockhead and it would be silly to let a blockhead interfere with her enjoyment of a very special day or, worse yet, to come between her and her daughter and future son-in-law.

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BlueBeary June 6, 2013 at 2:42 pm

Hello all, I am the OP of this story. Thanks for the comments and insights. I did submit the story in the heat of the moment, however, better I vent here than in my friend’s ear! The wedding is tomorrow, Bob will be there and Mary is prepared to show up looking beautiful, ready to enjoy the wedding. I will be there for support, not to induce drama. I told her the best thing she can do is be the bigger person, show up with a smile and roll with the flow. I know I sounded like a madwoman, but cooler heads with prevail! Thanks again.

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June First June 7, 2013 at 1:32 pm

OP–Totally understand. You probably won’t see this before the wedding (Friday wedding?! Don’t get me started on Friday weddings!) but maybe you could be most helpful to Mary by running interference and distracting Bob so he doesn’t try to talk to her. Head him off at the pass, so to speak. Hope it all went well!

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Hanna June 6, 2013 at 3:29 pm

OH that’s too bad, and definitely awkward (don’t care if it is ex-boyfriend or not–this could be just as awkward and uncomfortable with a former best friend, family member, etc.) It would be wonderful if mom could just enjoy the day without any uncomfortableness going on. Unless Mom’s kids were really oblivious to things like this, what were they thinking?

But for all this said, I think there are two sides to a story here. No way would a man just drop out of sight, no phone call…nothing….but try to worm his way into the ex girlfriend’s grown children’s lives…there’s something else going on here.

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Marozia June 6, 2013 at 10:55 pm

Mary should go to the wedding as MOB, put a big smile on her face, greet her guests and generally have a great time. If Bob speaks to her (politely) she should be gracious, polite but distant and if he is rude, to be gracious enough to turn away and continue to be the good MOB.
This does not involve you. If Mary speaks to you about this problem, do not hyper her up or upset her, but this really is not your problem.

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Another Sarah June 7, 2013 at 5:10 am

@bluebeary
Thanks for the update OP, everyone has to blow off steam sometimes and Mary’s lucky to have a friend willing to fight her corner. Hope you enjoy the wedding

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Sarah June 8, 2013 at 4:53 am

Yes, a very mature conclusion! I hope they both enjoy the wedding in the way they always intended to do. I disagreed with the idea that the daughter/FSIL were being spiteful – more friendly to everyone as young people are.

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Allie June 7, 2013 at 11:02 am

So glad to hear it, BlueBeary. Thanks for writing in again with the update. I hope you and Mary have/had a smashing time at the wedding.

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Stacey Frith-Smith June 8, 2013 at 2:47 am

I’m with Admin. It seems to me that OP is a bit too removed from the events in question to even attempt to intervene credibly. I also don’t think adults can tell one another who to see or who to be friends with. However- unless mom has gifted the couple with the funds for the wedding outright as opposed to providing the wedding as a gift- she is hosting it. In which case her wishes are at least as important as those of anyone else involved.

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PrincessButtercup June 8, 2013 at 10:32 am

Personally I’d try to be beautiful, calm and collected, letting him see what he missed out on. But I’d be fighting my smart-alek-ness and can’t guarantee it wouldn’t win out in the form of a polite but awkward (for Bob) moment. By that I mean, when I saw him I’d go over and say “Oh so good to see you’re alright! It must have been an awful bump to your head that caused you to forget my number and where I live. But at least you’re okay, all is forgiven. It’s nearing our x month anniversary now, hope you’re planning a great date for us. Get my number from -kid- so we can plan!” Then walk away and continue with your work on the big day. You’ve given him the friendly message that next time he needs to man up and actually break up with a woman, disappearing doesn’t mean break-up it means call missing persons.

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Lisa too June 9, 2013 at 10:43 am

Op, I just want to say that I think it’s really sweet that you got angry on Mary’s behalf. As you yourself already realised, it wasn’t the wisest thing to do, but I can see why you are so protective of her. Everyone needs to know that there is at least ONE person in their life who will stand up for them and support them, and I think it’s great that someone like Mary, who’s gone through so much, has such a good friend in you. I hope the wedding went well and that she felt good about it afterwards.

As far as ‘staying friends’ goes; shoegal nails it. You can’t dictate who someone hangs out with, but it sure hurts when they make it a point to hang out with someone who treated you badly. Being ‘the bigger person’ is fine, and should be encouraged, but it can sting. It’s almost as if your feelings don’t matter, and if a daughter (or parent, sibling, close friend) is involved and just doesn’t care so much -or values a casual relationship with someone else over your feelings-, it does feel like a double betrayal.
Unfortunately, you can only be upset about it in private though… Because there are tons of people who won’t see anything wrong with it and will see it as YOUR flaw if you don’t smile politely and are completely OK with the whole situation… sad but true.

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Lex June 10, 2013 at 4:13 am

This sounds awkward but I can’t help but think there is more to the story. You have only heard one side of it via Mary.

Perhaps ‘Bob’ wanted less out of the relationship than Mary? It sounds as though they were living independent lives so perhaps there was a lack of communication from both sides on what each expected from the relationship?

It does seem odd that ‘Bob’ is fostering a friendship with Marys daughter and SIL-TB although as adults in their own right it really isn’t anyones business who people choose to be friends with.

I experienced a similar situation myself with a guy we shall call ‘You-know-who’ or ‘YKW’. In a typically naïve way I allowed him to gain my trust and lie to me about his intentions, then, when he’d got what he wanted he stonewalled me. It was very hurtful and took me a while to get over the betrayal of someone I had thought of as a ‘friend’. Fast-forward a few months and I started doing a course at Uni and who should I run into but YKW. The best way to get around this situation is to pretend nothing happened. Treat this person like a casual acquaintance (regardless of the feelings going on inside because believe me the rage I felt toward him was pretty incandescent), exchange polite pleasantries and move on.

It shows you to be the bigger person as he is probably an attention-seeker who is hoping to create a scene and draw attention to himself. By denying him of that and keeping a cool, polite indifference you retain control of the situation. This is how Mary should handle this particular guest, regardless of how she feels inside. She doesn’t have to be rude and ignore him, or cut him dead but neither does she have to go out of her way to encounter him. If she does, she should do as I do with YKW – greet him politely, acknowledging that they know each other, exchange neutral comments, then excuse herself. There are any one of a thousand ways to extricate yourself from a conversation at a wedding – especially as MotB – ‘Hello, how are you? Well? That’s good. It was nice to see you. I’m glad you could make it today, [Daughter] is very pleased. If you’ll excuse me I need to have a word with the caterers’

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Michelle C. Young June 11, 2013 at 1:15 am

Mary’s best revenge on this occasion would be utter graciousness. Polite the guy to distraction. Be happy and cheerful, and when she sees him, she should smile and make him welcome. If he makes any mention of their relationship, just smile and wave a hand, “Oh, that’s all in the past now. What is important is my daughter’s future.” Be the busy mother of the bride, and hostess of the party, and show just how gracious you are, while you simultaneously show that you do not miss him, at all.

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Snowy June 21, 2013 at 6:07 pm

It’s the daughter’s wedding, not the OP, but out of respect for her mother, Daughter should not have invited Bob. If he really did just up and vanish one day–abruptly cut off all contact with Mary–I would even allow a disinvitation, because while it’s Daughter’s wedding, it’s a huge day for Mary, too, and Bob’s presence should not sour that. He is not family, Mary is.

I do find it odd, though, that Bob vanished so completely and suddenly, yet stayed in touch with Daughter–who never told Mary they were in touch. It makes me think that either Mary and Daughter are not that close, have tensions, or that Daughter is highly insensitive to her mother.

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MichelleP July 19, 2013 at 12:31 pm

@Catrunning, and @Angel, that is ridiculous. No one here has any reason to believe that Bob or Mary’s “kid” did anything like what you’ve described. We have a third party POV on the whole situation. The daughter is trying to “hurt her mother”?? Bob is “trying to take her kids away and succeeded”?? Where did you get that?

If Mary’s daughter is old enough to be married, she’s old enough to decide who she wants to remain friendly with. The OP has no idea how Mary’s daughter and Bob’s friendship came about.

Admin is completely right. OP needs to stay out of it, and Mary needs to go to her daughter’s wedding and be gracious about it.

My father and one of his ex wives have been divorced since I was 13. I am 33 and still keep in touch with her. It doesn’t matter that they didn’t work out. You divorce spouses, not children. Yes, Bob may have been a jerk about it, but we don’t know the details.

My father is still bitter about my mother and stepdad (neither of whom did anything terrible to him) after 29 years of being divorced. He refused to come to both my and my sister’s weddings and our children’s birthday parties because they were there. It has hurt us, and caused a rift between him and our children.

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Kathleen September 11, 2013 at 12:01 am

This is an older post, but I really felt compelled to comment. I’m not sure the couple really thought the public RSVP through thoroughly. I am no tech slouch, but I have not been on Facebook for years, and I refuse to return to it. Many people are not tech savvy–my step-mother would groan, probably call me, and we would spend over a half hour on the phone while I walked her through it. And as someone pointed out here, NEVER post when you are going to be away from home. Well, a whole bunch of people were going to be away from home for the wedding, right? As in, the ones replying that they would attend. That’s not to say that anyone would necessarily know their addresses, but…

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