I have a question for the Hell’s Bells community. I checked the archives, but didn’t see anything quite like this.
My cousin is getting married this summer and invited me to the wedding. The invitation included a link to their wedding website (you know, with the cutsey “How we met” story, information about lodging, directions, registries, etc). There was no paper RSVP and people are supposed to RSVP on the website. I thought that was a good idea, as it saves paper and allows the bride and groom / wedding coordinators to handily see everyone’s RSVP together. HOWEVER, when I went to the webpage, it turns out that you’re supposed to respond, write a cute little note to the bride and groom, and then your RSVP is posted for EVERYONE to see. I don’t see why everyone needs to know whether or not I am going to attend, particularly the bride’s family and friends, whom I’ve never met and probably never will meet.
Also, I live on the other side of the world from my family and will not be able to make the wedding. Everyone knows this, and the invitation was sent to include me as a family member and with no real expectation that I would attend. I still feel very awkward declining in such a public manner.
This is the first time I’ve been invited to a wedding as an adult (with my own special invitation and not included with “Mom, Dad, and children!” Yippee!), so I want to handle this properly. Should I respond as the RSVP website requests? “Thank you for the invite, but I’m unable to come. Congratulations to you both.” Should I instead send a private message via email / facebook? What do you think? Also, what are your thoughts on the whole idea of public RSVPs? 0517-13
Just because someone inserts an RSVP reply card in a paper invitation does not mean you are obligated to use it and just because someone has an web based form for RSVPS does not mean you must use that either. The proper form of an RSVP to any major life event used to be a handwritten note to the hosts and there are definitely situations in this day and age where it is still the best way to respond to an invitation. I’d simply write a short declination of the invitation to the wedding on a cute note card, mail it and then send a second card congratulating them on their marriage and possibly including a gift card or check if that is your preferred wedding gift.