I’ve been in the archives lately reading over stories from the past when I remembered the year I was married. First of all, both my hubby and I are go-with-the-flow people. The only time we like to fight is with each other. The year we decided to get married, both of our brothers also decided to get married. No problem, we thought, this might be fun, 3 parties with family and friends, yeah!
We were the first to get formally engaged and we originally wanted the weekend of Labor Day for our wedding. No sooner had we started talking to my parents about that weekend, my brother and his future wife decided a few weeks later that they should, in fact, be married that day instead. Even joking that they were stealing our idea. In my mind I’m thinking, “Yes. Yes, you are.” But, as I said, flow people, and we promptly moved our wedding date up to June 13 (just a random weekend, nothing special about it). Our wedding was simple, easy, and very subdued so it was easy to move the date.
During the Christmas season, my hubby let his brother know what date we chose and also the day my brother picked, as we were both to be in his wedding party. As it was getting closer to our wedding, I believe the end of April, his brother told us the date of his wedding. Apparently, they loved the idea of having it on Labor Day weekend too! So now, both of our brothers were going to be married on the same day in separate states.
There was so many things wrong with this situation and I don’t really know who is the most rude. My brother was mad at my husband for not being in the wedding party, his wife-to-be was pissed that plans had to be changed and told my hubbs that he should have told his brother no, he was already committed (which I kind of understand, even though nothing was ordered). This is my husband’s only full sibling and his mother made it seem like this was the only thing she had ever asked for in her life; and said not having me there wasn’t really a big deal because I was so new to the family (uh, thanks?, I guess the prior 3 years I wasn’t really family). His brother basically said you have to be there, no other option. Not “I want you there” or “It will mean a lot to me if you were there”, just “be there”. I was pissed at everyone for being such jerks, so I may be the rudest of them all.
The best part of all this was our wedding was fantastic – everyone had a great time and partied all night long (except his mom, stepdad, brother, and fiancée, who left shortly after dinner was served – we hadn’t even cut the cake yet – they were going on a little weekend vacation and wanted to get it started right away). Our DJ even stayed for 2 hours past his ending because he was having such a good time. The worst part was I became deathly ill the 2 weeks prior to my brother’s wedding. So sick I had to be rushed to the ER during the night because I couldn’t breath and had a horrible lung infection. My best friend had to attend my brother’s wedding with me as I couldn’t drive or stay alone due to the many meds I had to take. My husband was sick to his stomach that he couldn’t be there for me and felt out of place at a wedding where he really didn’t know a lot of people.
We wanted to cancel on both due to my health, but we didn’t want to hear about how horrible we were for not going to either wedding nor did we want to let anyone down. My hubby joked that if only I’d gotten sick a week later, we both could have stayed home and had our own party in the hospital – which is horrible to say but how we felt. So he went to his wedding and I went to mine, which I had to leave as soon as all the formal events were finished to lay down. While we have wonderful memories of our own wedding, we don’t really have many of theirs. In the end, we truly felt there was no good outcome for these events. Both brothers felt their days were more special than the other and us being in the middle made no difference to either one. 0423-13
Your brother’s wife hit the issue square on the head. Your husband should have honored his commitent to be in your brother’s wedding party. He accepted the duty and if his word means anything, he should have stood by that commitment he made before ever knowing his own brother’s wedding date. He clearly gave his brother much advance warning that he was not going to be available that weekend and upon hearing the date conflict, the first words out of his mouth to his brother should have been, “Wow. I’m really sorry to hear that. I told you I was already committed on that weekend and I cannot go back on my word at this point. I am really sorry I cannot be there for you on that date. Are you sure you cannot choose another weekend?”
Bottom line: You honor your promises, commitments and obligations regardless of how enticing a new offer seems or how manipulatively someone tries to get you to change it.