What To Give The Boss’s Daughter

by admin on May 7, 2013

I am invited to my boss’s daughter’s wedding. There are over 400 people invited, as he is a very successful businessman in the community. I am attending with my boyfriend. I am conflicted as to what constitutes an appropriate gift. I am familiar with the venue, and I know that the cost per plate will be about $50.00. I typically give $200.00 cash if the wedding is for a close friend/family member. I am close to my boss, but barely know his daughter (although she is very nice, and about the same age as me). I was thinking I would give her something off the registry, but the bride is registered at two places, but every single item on the registry has already been purchased. I am a little strapped as I have 5 weddings to attend this summer, and most of those are for good friends. Do you think I should just bite the bullet and give $200.00, or would an off-registry gift of less value be acceptable? Do you think a boss really expects an employee to give an expensive gift? 0501-13

Your boss should not have an expectation of his daughter receiving anything from anyone, including employees.   In other words, don’t presume that Boss has any expectations.

And you would be wrong to facilitate the erroneous perception that a wedding gift must equal the cost of the meal.

Give what you are comfortable giving.   Often it is not the cost of the gift that can be memorable but the thoughtfulness that went into giving it.   Get creative in your gift giving.  For example,  send 6 chocolate covered strawberries (Shari’s Berries….www.berries.com) to arrive a day or two after the couple arrives home from the honeymoon as a way to sort of “extend” the honeymoon romance.   Cost: $30-ish.

What you should definitely do, without fail, is to thank your boss as you leaving the wedding reception saying, “Thank you so much for inviting us. It was a lovely wedding and we really enjoyed ourselves.”

{ 55 comments… read them below or add one }

Lo May 7, 2013 at 7:49 am

Even if the boss did expect you to give his daughter an expensive gift or pay for plate (which I sincerely hope is not the case), I doubt his daugther is going to run down a checklist for him of what each employee gave her.

Go with your gut. Don’t give more than you can afford. Get a nice gift off-registry or give the cash that you feel appropriate.

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Agania May 7, 2013 at 8:03 am

I once gave a beautifully wrapped bottle of Moet champagne with a message in the card suggesting they save it for their first wedding anniversary. It looked suitably extravagant but certainly didn’t break the budget. If you were feeling generous, include two champagne flutes!

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mechtilde May 8, 2013 at 2:53 pm

We received a bottle of good champagne for our wedding- it was a wonderful gift, but certainly didn’t make it as far as our wedding anniversary- we drank it on our honeymoon!

It was a fantastic gift idea.

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E May 7, 2013 at 9:08 am

If you normally give $200 for a close friend/family member, I would give the boss’s daughter something closer to $100. It’s still a very generous and respectable gift, but it also takes into account your current situation of having to spend money on many other weddings. I would NOT give something like the strawberries because that strikes me as too intimate and familiar a gift to give to someone you don’t know. It’s true that wedding gifts aren’t supposed to be ‘expected’ and that there’s no “set amount” you have to give, it’s important to realize that your boss WILL know what you gave his daughter, and he will likely be miffed if you cheap out. It might not be right, but it’s likely.

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No Wedding May 7, 2013 at 12:28 pm

“He will likely be miffed if you cheap out.”

He’s your boss, he also knows how much he pays you! So if, for example, you barely get paid enough to pay your bills, he darn well better not expect an expensive/lavish gift!

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NostalgicGal May 7, 2013 at 9:25 pm

That’s no excuse… on here was posted about a BarMitzvah and the fellow gave $100 and was later ‘shook down’ for another $150!!!! (as that’s what everyone else was giving). He actually answered back, you know what I get paid, and you expect $250?…

I’d say go with the gut on the gift, if the registry has truly been bought out, take a look, is there anything that might be useful if duplicated (another set of towels, etc)… or as someone else said, fancy up a bottle of something good and some glasses… just SOMETHING.

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No Wedding May 8, 2013 at 9:02 am

OMG, really? I’d probably being giving the old icy stare and say, “I’m sorry, but I do have to eat this week.”

I don’t get paid much more than minimum wage for my college degree job, still have college loans and plenty of other bills. When I go to a wedding, no matter where the venue, the bride and groom get a NICE $20-50 gift, depending on what I can afford at the time.

I’m sorry, but for a boss (who is, generally, the best paid in the business,) who is throwing a lavish event for his child because HE can afford it, to expect his much lower paid employees to give an expensive gift to match the lavishness of the event, is beyond gimme pig greedy. That’s gimme hog!

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NostalgicGal May 8, 2013 at 7:13 pm

Yep, really. I know it’s here in the archives. The boss shook the employee down for another $150.

The other one where I live now is quinceanera’s… the celebration of a young woman turning 15. The LadyOfTheDay may be in a white dress that rivals a bridal gown, a tiara, and the bash can approach a wedding in cost and complexity… and those invited to attend, it IS like a wedding reception. Gifts can be comparable too, registries and the whole ball of yarn.

I got approached for one last year, and they wanted decorations that looked like pew bows, TO LOAN FOR FREE. They wanted ME to make 24 of these, at $90 plus wholesale bulk cost and LOAN them… and wouldn’t understand that my joy at their daughter’s milestone wouldn’t extend to laying out $2200 plus a week or two of work for this. Oh yes, and if I could do the bows/ribbonstreamers/silk flower things, I could also provide xome centerpieces, too? Until they approached me I didn’t even know they or their Precious existed… and. If I did this once, I knew I’d see every one of their friends, relatives and acquaintances wanting the same deal, and no two could reuse whatever had already been made… sigh.

Michelle C. Young May 11, 2013 at 3:35 pm

Some bosses seem to think that everyone who works for them is actually independently wealthy, and only working at that job because they JUST LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!!!!eleventyone!!!

If your boss is that sort, I recommend a hand-crafted item. There is no way to tell just how much money was spent on a hand-crafted item, plus the boss will know how much you earn per hour, so if you say, “It took days (weeks? however long) to create this thing!” he’ll equate that to some monetary value. Just don’t let him see you working on it at work, even in your lunch hour.

In fact, you might want to hire someone who is really good at crafts to do the crafting for you, if you are not particularly crafty, yourself.

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Kendra May 7, 2013 at 6:21 pm

I don’t understand, how can strawberries be too intimate? I think they would be a great gift. A bit of extravagance that many people enjoy but most won’t choose to purchase for themselves.

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E May 8, 2013 at 9:29 am

I would feel weird if my father’s employee, who I didn’t really know, sent me chocolate-covered strawberries (commonly associated with romance) to arrive just after I returned from my honeymoon. It would feel as if they were providing a prop for continued ‘romance’, and I would feel pretty gross associating that with a near stranger (and imagining them thinking about the context in which they might be eaten). Chocolate covered strawberries are NOT the same as a ‘fruit of the month club’, so to speak.

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LovleAnjel May 11, 2013 at 9:54 am

I disagree. I love chocolate-covered strawberries. I buy them whenever I see them. They’re served at family get-togethers a lot, too. If Aunt Mildred and I can sit together munching away, how is that a gross context?

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Michelle C. Young May 11, 2013 at 3:46 pm

Well, what if they’re allergic? Be careful with consumable gifts.

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Shoegal May 7, 2013 at 9:26 am

You don’t have to buy from the registry or give cash – a thoughtful gift is the way to go here customized to your budget. A personalized bottle of wine is a really nice gift with their names & dates on the label, an interesting or unique picture frame – you can even put their invitation in the frame, a honeymoon gift package (full of items that can help them enjoy their time – travel pillows, suntan lotion, snacks for the plane, etc.). People are often happily surprised by a gift they didn’t expect and it usually is something that didn’t cost a fortune. Anybody can buy the crystal vase the couple registered for – you can buy a bunch of small & inexpensive kitchen gadgets that they didn’t think they would need but will constantly use.

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admin May 7, 2013 at 11:00 am

Along those lines, one of the personal gifts I’ve given in the past was a 9X13 Pyrex baking dish that I etched the couple’s surname into the bottom using etching paste (super easy…google or Pinterest it) which I filled with matching hot mitts, my own crocheted dishcloths in a matching color and a few other interesting goodies like a bar of kitchen soap and then shrink wrapped. I’ve also done a “wife’s tool box” consisting of a small toolbox with small hammer, pliers, multi head screw driver, picture hanging hooks, small nails, small level, 12 foot tape measure, etc.

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Elizabeth May 7, 2013 at 3:35 pm

One of my favorite gifts from my wedding was a Chinese cookbook and an assortment of Chinese spices (Szechuan peppercorns, star anise, etc.). I have used all the spices (and ordered more!), and I still use the cookbook regularly.

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Jolie May 7, 2013 at 6:22 pm

Cookbook + spices sounds lovely :)
Alternatively- tea strainer + assortment of teas (I’m thinking for example those thingies where there’s one big flower that opens when you put it in tea… know what I’m talking about?) + tea towels and maybe 2 mugs?

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Michelle C. Young May 11, 2013 at 3:52 pm

I’m a tea-drinker, I love herbal teas!

My all-time favorite fruit tea (no caffeine) is Nobo Whole Fruit. Are we allowed to mention web sites? If so, you can order it from tealeaves.com. They have a wide variety of delicious teas. In fact, they have some specifically for travelers, AM to wake you up (sans caffeine, I think it uses yerba mate) and PM to help you sleep (with valerian root). It’s called “Jetlag.” Great to take with you on a trip where you may be changing time zones.

Also, if you like, you can give them a nice china tea-set that doesn’t cost much, but is still good quality. I get mine from teawithgrace.com. They even have children’s sized china tea sets. So cute! And the child’s tea pot will do quite nicely for a couple, with some adult-sized cups, for a “Tea for Two” set. They also sell cookware (specifically scone pans, and the like) and have recipes and such.

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NostalgicGal May 13, 2013 at 12:24 am

Sounds absolutely great, but you have to be more careful with herbal teas…. I unfortunately have some allergies to the contents of some blends. I would hate to gift a lovely batch of tea to someone who would have to thank me nicely then toss it because they are allergic or react in other ways (aka gastric distress) to some of the ingredients.

If you know the BTB or GTB drink a certain tea, or have no issues to side step, a lovely assortment of or large package of a favorite tea in a nice container, maybe with infuser ball or balls and a set of cups would be smashing.

Michelle C. Young May 11, 2013 at 3:45 pm

Do you know where they’re going for their honeymoon? Perhaps a “vacation emergency kit” would be nice. Travel first-aid kit, some basic medicines, moleskin and a sewing kit with little scissors. Oh, and get a popsicle stick wrapped with a few feet of duct tape around it. Plus, if they’re going some place sunny, include some burn ointment. If they’re going skiing, include some “hotties,” that they can carry with them to keep their hands warm, while waiting for the medevac helicopter to get them. You know, little things to have, just in case.

Incidentally, for anyone who does not know – for blisters, cut a donut shape of moleskin to fit just around the blister. This way, the sock/shoe is kept from actually rubbing on the blister, and there is no more pressure on that particular point. If you just cover the blister itself with a bandage, there will still be pressure on the blister. If the blister is particularly thick, use a double-layer of moleskin. You can find it in the foot-care section of the drug store/supermarket. You can also use it to prevent blisters, when you are wearing new shoes. Cut a piece to cover the skin, right where the pressure is greatest. The shoe will rub away at the moleskin, and may even rub through it, but the skin beneath will be protected. Get the moleskin soaking wet before removing it from the skin and it will come off easily.

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June First May 13, 2013 at 3:45 pm

This is a cute idea, but maybe the couple is leaving for their honeymoon straight from the reception. That’s what we did. We didn’t open gifts until two weeks after we returned (the in-laws kindly stowed the gifts for us at their house in the meantime).
If you know the couple’s plans, you could send this type of kit ahead of time.

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Michelle May 7, 2013 at 10:03 am

I’ve tried to explain over and over again to friends and family (politely) that the cost of a wedding gift should be an amount the person can afford and is comfortable giving. The idea that it should cover the cost of the guest’s dinner is so well-engrained in most people, everyone looks at me like I’m crazy (or cheap). Sometimes its very disheartening.

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Michelle C. Young May 11, 2013 at 3:54 pm

In this economy? Being cheap should be considered a virtue. As long as you are not actually stingy or miserly, cheap is a good thing!

The thing is to do it with style and grace. Do not give obvious knock-off brands. Instead, find high-quality items at low prices. Take back crafting! And get creative!

Sometimes, being cheap is really hard work, but it is worth it. Why? Because you can afford to give to more people that way. If you give your whole gift-giving budget to one person, to avoid being called “cheap,” then what do you do for all your other friends and family? Cut them off? No. Embrace cheapitude!

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Reno May 7, 2013 at 10:55 am

You can either give a duplicate of something on the registry, give something off, or give cash but in a lot lesser amount. My price range for this relationship would be around $40-$50 gift. If you duplicate an item, she can just get store credit or she’ll be happy to have that 13th wine glass when the first one breaks.

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OP May 7, 2013 at 11:06 am

Hi Michelle,

OP here. I know that covering a plate thing should not be expected. I also know that you should give what you are comfortable giving. I agree with your statement that it is disheartening that people have these expectations, and I get that am perpetuating them with my question. When my wedding comes around, I want my guests there to celebrate with me, not to give me gifts. I don’t think my boss’s daughter is hung up on gifts, that is simply not the type of person she is. As far as I can tell, she is very down to earth. I guess my issue with this is that I don’t want to look cheap to my boss.

I should add this additional story that added to my concerns:
The other owners of my company were joking around with the boss about how much he would pay them not to attend due to the large guest list. The boss replied “it depends on how big of a gift you are going to give.” It was all in a joking manner, but knowing him, I get the feeling he would ask the daughter how much I gave. He tends to be a blunt type of person, and probably would not see anything wrong with, or rude about, asking a question like that.

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Ashley May 7, 2013 at 12:34 pm

I still don’t understand why some people think they should cover the cost of the plate. Unless the couple is bragging about it, how are you even going to know? Furthermore, how should you be responsible for whatever they decided to spend? You are a GUEST. It’s not your job to help recoup the costs of their wedding.

Give what you can afford to give without it being a strain on your finances, and be sure to thank the couple and your boss for providing such a lovely way to spend an evening.

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E May 7, 2013 at 2:41 pm

Depending on your experience with weddings (one’s own and one’s close friends’), you’d have a hard time not accurately estimating the cost per plate. Historic building or high-end hall, sit-down dinner with open bar in a midwestern market: $100/plate. On a coast (Miami, NYC, LA): easily double that. Nice buffet is a middle-of-the-road event hall: $40-$60.

In some ways, it’s quite silly to try and cover a per-plate charge, because it doesn’t take into account many other items/costs that are spent on behalf of the guests (cake, favors, band/dj, etc).

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Gallery Gal May 8, 2013 at 11:56 am

Just wondering why a guest would sit around and try to calculate the cost per plate?

If I am invited to a wedding, I will get the HC as nice a gift as I can afford. If that doesn’t cover the per plate charge and they get upset about it, I would limit the contact I had with them. When you invite people just for the gifts, you are not really inviting them, you are inviting their money.

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Michelle C. Young May 11, 2013 at 3:56 pm

That’s great if the boss has the proper attitude about it. Unfortunately, the OP is dependent on her boss for her job, and he can make it very unpleasant if she does not live up to his expectations. Some bosses are gimme pigs, and you either feed them, or face your own starvation.

It’s a tricky situation.

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Katie May 7, 2013 at 1:46 pm

OP, are you planning on staying at this job for a while? Moving up the food chain there, so to speak? Or is it just a place to work for now? Because if you don’t see yourself there in the next several years, give what you can afford. However, if you are currently in the place you want to be and love it…give $200. I know it stinks to feel any kind of pressure to cover your plate, etc., but if your boss is “that” type of guy, the type to ask (I know a lot of those kinds of dads) and he’s going to STAY your boss — do it. People remember who is generous with their kids and presumably he’s paying for the wedding, so it might be good for you in the long run to make a good impression. I know the bride and groom are not entitled to a gift and wedding guests are not supposed to pay their own way, but standing on principle at this particular wedding might not be the best idea if it has a chance of hurting you in the long run. At least the bride doesn’t seem like a brat, so she’ll appreciate your generosity, whatever you give.

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Jolie May 7, 2013 at 6:28 pm

On the other hand… are you sure they are the kind of people who are comfortable with/not offended by receiving cash instead of a gift?

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OP May 8, 2013 at 3:35 pm

Hi!
Yes, I will probably be at this job a while Katie. I think the same way that you do, which is why I thought maybe I should just give the $200.

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Michelle C. Young May 11, 2013 at 4:00 pm

In that case, I would see if I could casually mention how much I’m giving to my family/close friends who are also getting married, to make it clear that boss’s daughter falls into the same tier, financially. Don’t be crude about it (it’s difficult when discussing money matters), but if your boss thinks $250 is the minimum, he needs to have some basis for comparison in your case.

Surely he would not expect you to give MORE than you would to your BFF you’ve had since third grade, right? RIGHT? So find some subtle way to let him know.

It’s a pity you can’t treat him like everyone else, but he has that power over you and your career, and that is important to protect. Good luck!

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Asharah May 7, 2013 at 3:01 pm

Just remember, if the boss or his daughter make a fuss about the cost of your gift, THEY are the ones that belong in Ehell, not you.

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leila May 7, 2013 at 3:15 pm

Work weddings can be awkward… and when you are “second-hand” acquainted with the bride or groom it can be difficult to gauge how much they might appreciate a very personal or creative/”nontraditional” gift. Do you know any co-workers who are going that you could approach about a joint gift; so that you can each contribute what you’re more comfortable with but get more bang for your buck?

For example –
- A gift card for one of the store where the couple is registered; they may think of other items after the wedding that they’d like to purchase to complement the gifts they received.
- As a previous poster suggested, a nice bottle of champagne or wine, perhaps with a gift card to an upscale restaurant?
- Perhaps an item that wasn’t included in their registry but based on their selections would be a nice addition… a serving platter that matches their china pattern, an extra set of sheets for the guest bedroom, etc.
- Luxurious “extras” can be a nice gift (hostess gift-type items); such as a a basket filled with monogrammed stationery, soaps, fingertip towels, etc.
- Finally, a gift card to a home improvement store like Home Depot or Loews would be useful to anyone– whether they live in a small apartment or have a big yard, they will surely have a faucet or light that needs to be replaced at some point, need plants for their patio, or would maybe like to splurge on a new grill or appliance.

Good luck!!

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Marozia May 7, 2013 at 4:31 pm

These are all great ideas.
You can’t go wrong with any of these gifts.

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gellchom May 7, 2013 at 6:00 pm

‘What you should definitely do, without fail, is to thank your boss as you leaving the wedding reception saying, ‘Thank you so much for inviting us. It was a lovely wedding and we really enjoyed ourselves.’”

And write a note the next day, too.

You know, I was going to say to spend about $100 and get something that you think, based on what you saw on their registry, they might enjoy — like maybe a serving piece that would look nice with their dishes.

But Katie’s post made me think again. There are issues beyond etiquette here.

I agree that if you want to stay working there and want to be seen as an upper-level type person, perhaps not equal to your boss but in that general group, whether or not you are already there — give like a person in that group would give. It’s like dressing for the job you WANT to have, not the one you’re in now. If you want your boss to think of you more like a peer or peer material, then this would help that image.

My husband is a clergyman, and on his association’s list serve, someone asked whether others give wedding and bar/bat mitzvah gifts to their congregants (if they attend the receptions). I mean, it can really add up! Many said they don’t, even if they attend the receptions. I thought my husband’s response was very wise: “It depends upon whether you want them to consider you there as the hired help or as a social equal.” This string reminds me of that.

But if you are not interested in being seen as on a rough status par with your boss or perhaps somewhere in between, then never mind. A $100 gift is plenty generous. I don’t always spend that much even on a friend or relative’s wedding, depending on circumstances. Like, I just sent a gift that cost about $85 to my husband’s cousin, from 6 of us (although only 2-3 will attend). But I know that that is at least average in the family — we’ve had several recent weddings, including my son’s. It’s often wise to kind of stay in the same range as everyone else in a group, so you don’t have an uncomfortable feeling either of being cheap or of showing them up as if they were.

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Allie May 7, 2013 at 9:01 pm

I suppose your decision as to how much to spend depends to an extent on what you d0/earn. I mean, if you’re an investment banker pulling down 6 figures a year, then yeah, $200 is probably in the right neighbourhood. If you’re a retail salesperson earning minimum wage, then I would not spend more than $50 and you can probably come up with a creative and thoughtful gift for far less than that. As for what to give, even though the registries are sold out, perusing them should give you a good idea of the couple’s taste and you can buy something that will go with/complement something they registered for. Also, depending on their cultural background, cash might be a perfectly viable option. If not, perhaps a nice gift card.

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Cat May 8, 2013 at 11:52 am

The secret to gift-giving is not price; it is finding something the recipient will adore.
My friend gave his nine year-old son a four-hundred dollar trumpet that he wanted, and I gave the lad a set of blunt, wooden swords and a shield because he was mad over knights and castles. The trumpet was left in its case; and he rushed out to play with his thirty dollar gift.
Will the young couple have a yard? How about a red rose and a white rose for their garden as symbols of their new life together-assuming they are flower-fanciers? A lovely bird bath with feeder?
Outdoor types? How about a gift certificate to go horseback riding together? Kayak lesson for two?
Animal lovers? A pair of lovebirds or a gift card to the local pet shop.

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Snarkastic May 8, 2013 at 2:09 pm

Definitely some good ideas there, but I would avoid giving live animals as gifts. Oh, dear!

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Cat May 8, 2013 at 9:46 pm

Lovebirds are fine if you know the couple would think it’s a great gift, “Oh, so romantic! Lovebirds!” No puppies, rats, or things like that until the honeymoon is over.
If you don’t like the couple, wait until they have children and then give the kids bunnies: a boy bunny for the son and a girl bunny for the daughter. (I am joking; don’t do this.)

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Angel May 9, 2013 at 2:13 pm

Cat, LOL!!

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Angel May 8, 2013 at 12:01 pm

If you normally give $200 for close friends or family member, I would cut it in half and give $100. You barely know the couple and will most likely not see them again any time soon. Even if you do continue to work at the company long-term. I would not give any less than $100 because you are attending their wedding, they are feeding and entertaining you and allowing you to bring a guest. If you are uncomfortable giving cash then a gift card to Home Depot or Lowe’s would be very useful, particularly if they are moving into their first home after the wedding.

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Hanna May 9, 2013 at 10:39 am

One thing that many forget is that the gift goes to the COUPLE. If Mom and Dad are footing the bill, why would you give an amount equal to the cost of entertaining you when Mom and Dad will not be getting the money? And how would you even know WHO is footing the bill to begin with–it could be the couple, or it could be Aunt Edith too. That makes no sense at all.

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Angel May 9, 2013 at 2:12 pm

Hanna, when I am considering a gift for a couple I don’t know that well personally, and am only invited because I work for the bride’s dad, one of the things I take into account is the entertainment factor of the reception. It is difficult to get a personal gift for a couple you don’t know all that well. So, if you aren’t sure about that, I just look at the gift as an obligation that you have to bring, when you are being fed and entertained for the evening. I’m sure that there is a lot wrong with this point of view, but unfortunately, some weddings are really nothing more than social obligations. In this particular case, the wedding gift is not technically for the couple, it is for the benefit of the OP’s boss–even though the couple is the one who will use the gift.

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startuck May 8, 2013 at 3:30 pm

maybe iam cheap, but 200.00 seems like a whole lot of money to give to someone you aren’t even close with . i think even for my best friends a 50.00 gift usually does it . not that i put a limit on friends, but i think thats a fair and appropriate amount.

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Tara May 8, 2013 at 5:05 pm

Etiquette or not, he is your boss and you have your career to consider. Don’t cut off your nose to spite you face. I like the idea of a nice bottle of champagne and a note. It’s a suitable celebratory gift and no matter who they are they can find a use for it.

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Hanna May 9, 2013 at 10:33 am

I don’t even agree with the requirement of “give what you can afford”! I give according to the relationship I have with the bridal party, which may be far less than I can afford or if it’s a close, close relationship with a very special friend or family member–it may be priceless.

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Katie May 9, 2013 at 10:50 am

I think that $200 is an enormous amount to give as a wedding present! I’m in the UK, so I don’t know if there are any cultural differences here, but I’ve never heard of a ‘regular’ (non-family) guest giving that amount. The most I’ve ever given is £50 (don’t know what that would be in US currency), and I considered that VERY generous. For a boss’s child, it would be more like £20. So I would say $100 is EXTREMELY generous!

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AnnaMontana May 10, 2013 at 11:38 am

A bottle of champers (cheap kind) and some cute wine glasses would go down well. Otherwise you could put some strawberries with it and a note for them to take it on honeymoon. Otherwise you could buy her a gift voucher for a ‘home’ store (even if they have everything, you can bet at some point they’ll want to buy new cushions or something) or even cheaper a bottle of rose wine would be enough. My ex-boyfriend’s cousin loved the pressie I got her when I was a student and she was getting married, which was a cardboard box covered in pretty paper with bubble bath, soap and lotions in it. It wasn’t really aimed at the groom, but I did recieve a very nice e-mail (after the thank you card) that said she was so pleased to have recieved something for herself as it meant she felt justified having ‘me time.’

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Arrynne May 10, 2013 at 11:56 am

I personally like the bottle of wine idea. Maybe a decent bottle of red wine and an assortment of dark chocolates so they can do a chocolate tasting. I would avoid giving cash. If you suspect the couple doesn’t drink, a tea or hot cocoa basket is nice. Or maybe a breakfast basket? You can put in hot cocoa, some recipies or mixes for waffles and pancakes, a couple bottles of various syrups, a bowl and a whisk.

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Michelle C. Young May 11, 2013 at 7:46 pm

Here’s an idea: Assuming the couple are going on a honeymoon and are reasonably local to you, offer to collect their mail and newspaper daily, feed any pets, and water plants. They would need someone to check in on their place, anyway, especially if they have pets and houseplants. And since the bride’s father knows where you work, and has your home address on HR file, they should trust that you won’t steal anything.

They may even want someone to live there for the time they are away, to discourage burglars.

I’ve house-sat several times for people on vacation. It’s not hard work, but it is valuable, and they always paid me for it, because they recognized it as a value. If their registries are all sold out, they might consider this a valuable gift, instead. And other than gas money, it is no cash out of your pocket.

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pinkiu May 12, 2013 at 7:30 pm

In our area no one gives 200.00! WOW. Here, a traditional amount is $25-50. Why not look for something that is originally 200.00 but you get on sale for $50-75? Go to places like T.J. Maxx or Off Saks or Neiman’s outlet so that you know it’s high quality but perhaps last season and thus less expensive. What about a local artist’s piece of work? Again, no one would know what you spent unless they really took the time to go online to search out the price. If so, that is just plain greedy.

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terry May 13, 2013 at 10:37 am

Give the $200. The money is not worth the hassle of dealing with a boss who is offended that you did not give enough to his daughter’s wedding. Bear in mind though, that you may have to go through this again for the daughter’s baby’s shower…

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Livvy17 May 20, 2013 at 4:01 pm

this thread provides a lot of reasons that perhaps you should have turned down the invitation!

If you don’t know your boss well enough to figure out whehter he invited you because he was gimme-pigging by proxy, then it does become sort of a tense situation on the gift, for all the reasons mentioned above. If you know him well, and know that you were invited because he genuinely wanted you to share in the joy of the day / meet his beloved daughter / hang out with him, then you can give whatever you can afford in confidence. Otherwise, from a career perspective, you might want to consider this an investment, and just remember to turn down the invitation to the shower when it comes! :)

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