I’ve been turning this one over in my head since I received the Save the Date, and would appreciate your insight and that of the EH community.
One of my good friends from college recently became engaged to her boyfriend of 7+ years. Though not surprised given the length of their relationship, I was thrilled for them to be starting this new chapter of the relationship and will be happy to join them in celebration. “Lucy” and her fiance have been living together for the past few years and their home is mostly set up. Accordingly, they have “registered” for contributions to their honeymoon. One can purchase “a meal at a nice restaurant” for $50, etc. with monetary contributions delivered through PayPal. For those who prefer to purchase more traditional gifts, there’s a registry at Macy’s.
My dilemma is this. Before learning of the “honeymoon registry” I had intended to purchase a physical gift for Lucy and her fiance. However, I know that given the economy and our age bracket (we’re all in our early to mid 20’s,) monetary gifts would be more appreciated by the soon-to-be-newlyweds than a piece of china. Is it rude or selfish of me to ignore the fact that money is what Lucy and her fiance would make best use of because of my principle that the “honeymoon registry” is an abhorrent idea? I would hate to enable this behavior but at the same time, a gift, if given, should be given with the recipient in mind, not the giver.
My mother would keel over- and perhaps exile me to the woods behind her house to live like an animal until I remembered I’d been raised to behave like a person- if I ever did something so crass as to “register” for money. Lucy’s mother is still in good health so I am assuming no one has suggested to Lucy that she consider other options. 0329-13
We need to put to death the fallacious notion that failing to give a gift from the registry marks you as a bad, selfish, rude guest. Couples should not have an expectation of receiving gifts and what gifts they do get should be welcomed as expressions of kindness, generosity and blessings. We will have reached a sad state of the culture if the crass heathens of the world succeed in demonizing giftgivers who don’t acquiesce to greedy demands for material and monetary asset accumulation.
Registries are only suggestions of what to give. They are not mandates and any engaged couple that believes their guests are obligated to only utilize the registries is seriously headed straight for Ehell.
I assume that since registries are supposed to be “pull” information, meaning I, as the guest, search for that information on my own initiative, that I am free to choose whatever gift I deem appropriate if I have not chosen to “pull” and seen the registries. In contrast, too many couples “push” registry information on guests whether they need help in choosing a gift or not. So give the gift you originally intended to give.