I’m in a dilemma here. A friend of mine is getting married very, very soon, and I have yet to receive an invitation. A year ago, he sent out requests to us friends (including me) for our addresses so he could send wedding invites. The wedding got delayed a bit until recently. I found out through the grapevine (other friends that were on the list) that they finally sent out the invitations a couple weeks ago. Before that, at least one of my friends had actually contacted our friend and flat-out asked him if the wedding was still taking place, and if they were going to be invited or not. She needed to know for her schedule. Was she right to do that? He gave her the wedding details (time, place, location, etc.). He would also say the details at social events (that I wasn’t at because of my work) if he was asked. I have no idea how many of our other friends received invites, there’s not really a good way to find that out. It’s so hurtful and sad to me to know that all my friends will get to celebrate their special day with them, but I apparently won’t. Right now, I have no idea if my invitation got lost in the mail, they accidentally left me off the list, or if they just decided not to invite me. I don’t know if there’s a good way to find out, either. I don’t want to put anyone in an awkward situation if I indeed wasn’t invited, but if it was just a simple mistake, they need to know about that, too. What do I do? 0329-13
It is a dilemma. The only situation I can see it being appropriate to inquire a possible missing invitation is if you are a very close friend or family member. Otherwise there is the possibility of causing much awkwardness should the situation be that you were either forgotten or purposely not invited.
What happens with too many weddings is an utter sloppiness of communication about wedding plans and guest lists. I’ve seen it many times where, in the exuberance of freshly being engaged, all kinds of verbal faux pas are made such as inviting far more people than you eventually can actually accommodate or telling people of the details of the wedding plans when the bridal couple has no intention of inviting the people being informed of a wedding they will not see. One of the worst examples I’ve witnessed is where the bride’s mother, very well-intentioned and good hearted, kept inviting people to what was originally supposed to be a small wedding because she could not remember who had actually been invited and she could not bear to leave out any old friends. The number of guests exceeded the facility limits and there was not enough food for all. In her case, the actual invitations had been sloppily executed, too many went missing and in trying to rectify that, it was chaos on steroids. I was actually one of those last minute invitees whose original invitation was allegedly lost in the mail but I declined because the chaos was well established at that point and I did not prefer to add to it.
Some people are horrendous planners and the invitations are sent either quite late or in a sloppy manner. And by sloppy, I mean they have disorganized guest lists, incomplete addresses (which always makes me wonder just how close you can be to someone whom you have no idea where they live). It sounds like your friends may fall into one of these types. I do believe that if the planning is so disoriented that wedding invitations are not sent until mere weeks before the wedding, that the hosts of the wedding are going to pay a consequence for that action by having a higher number of declines than if they had been sent weeks earlier as etiquette deems right. Not sending timely invitations is actually ungracious as it puts distant guests in the very awkward position of scrambling to make travel plans on much shorter notice. And sometimes those travel plans do not gel and the happy couple will miss out on having supposedly dear friends and family celebrate their wedding.
So, OP, I’d say buck it up and accept that you are probably not invited to this wedding. To be honest, if the groom had to ask for your address, you are probably in that class of friends who are really not close enough to ask him if there has been a mistake in sending your missing invitation.