Sneaky, Greedy Mother-In-Law To Be

by admin on March 14, 2013

Bride got engaged in 2009 and married in 2010. Several of her friends hosted her bridal shower. This is was after her MIL-to-be nagged and nagged that the families should host it (MOB said no way). So friends set up party at local hall. MOB and bride give list of guest names to hostesses. One hostess makes a remark that MIL-to-Be wanted to put cash donation requests on invite. MOB said, “No Way.” Day of shower comes. Everyone is happy. Then a relative of groom comes up to MOB with cash in her hand. “Here is my family’s donation. Just like is said on invite.” MOB and hostesses are confused. Turns out MIL-to-be had the hostess send the unaddressed invites to her home instead of providing names of her guests. There the MIL-to-Be wrote in a cash donation request on the invite and mailed them out.

Can it get worse? You bet! Another Groom family member comes by with a cash donation, but in a different denomination. MIL-to-B also wrote different amounts for the donation! Soon groom family members compare invites to each other. Then MIL-to-Be wants to use the donations to offset the cost of the groom’s expenses. There are no pictures of MOB at the shower. She was in a furious mood up to the wedding day.

And the moral of this story is, never give *unsealed*, unaddressed envelopes to someone who has clued you in that they are on the tacky path to Ehell.

{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

Marozia March 14, 2013 at 6:22 am

‘To offset the groom’s expenses”. Does that mean to pay for his & groomsmen’s suits, bachelor party & sundry other expenses? Or to pay for MIL2B’s wedding outfit?
The unutterable nerve of these vulgar people!! Stoke the fires of EHell!

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Lo March 14, 2013 at 7:52 am

This is the kind of thing families get wrecked over.

I cannot understand what the MIL could possibly have been thinking. Was she trying to save herself money because she was helping out the groom monetarily? Was she thinking her son would be as selfish as she was and she was doing him a favor?

More importantly, did the MOB and bride make sure to give all the cash back to people with the explanation that it was a misunderstanding?

I cannot imagine accepting money under false pretenses.

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inNM March 14, 2013 at 11:56 am

I was wondering if the MOB and bride gave the money back as well.

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sstabeler March 14, 2013 at 6:36 pm

I would imagine that they simply never took the money from the guests in the first place. simplest way to deal with it. ( and incidentally, if this was my wedding? MIL-to-Be would be immediately uninvited. I can ( Just) tolerate someone making gimme-pig suggestions, albeit I would not actually follow them. To do it anyway when the bride and MOB have emphatically refused… goes too far.

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Michelle C. Young March 18, 2013 at 1:33 pm

Yeah.

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Mary March 14, 2013 at 8:27 am

That would guarantee my soon to be MIL would never have a role in anything in my life and there would be a serious discussion with the groom to make sure we were on the same page about his mother.

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ferretrick March 14, 2013 at 8:55 am

Even if you had sealed them, this woman probably would have steamed the envelopes.

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Coralreef March 14, 2013 at 2:52 pm

You know, that would not surprise me at all.

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Mae March 14, 2013 at 3:11 pm

Or simply tore them open and taped them back together.

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Michelle C. Young March 18, 2013 at 1:34 pm

I can picture that. After getting over the initial shock of what she did, the ripping them open and taping them closed thing wouldn’t surprise me, at all.

I get the feeling this is just the tip of the iceberg with this MIL, and there are lots more stories where that came from.

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Hanna March 14, 2013 at 10:02 am

As long as people still fall for this and continue to participate, this will only continue and get worse. i wish there was a better place than just this blog to get this word on to others.

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Michelle C. Young March 18, 2013 at 1:36 pm

Why don’t people call the bride and ASK? Especially as these requests must have been hand-written on the invitations, or else printed out and slipped in. They would obviously be additions to the invitations, and therefore questionable.

And what really steams me about this is that groom’s relatives who know the request is a bad thing are probably blaming it all on the bride!

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Melissa K March 14, 2013 at 10:10 am

This is beyond an etiquette breach. This falls into the “betrayal of trust” category. I’d make sure that greedy b-word would never be involved in anything again.

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AS March 14, 2013 at 11:06 am

I am asking The age old question on this site- where was the groom in all this? Might not have known about the bridal shower. But he should have taken it up with his mother at some point. I hope he has a spine and stood up to his mom. Or is he as greedy as his mom? In that case, what is the bride doing with him? She seems to have more class than that!

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Carnation March 14, 2013 at 12:13 pm

Just this morning I was reflecting on how money issues surrounding my wedding were the cause of bad blood between my family and my DH’s parents. Bad blood that lingers 11 years later. Money AND communication issues, that is. From this submission. I suspect this happens all too often. I did the best I could, but wish I’d had more of a spine.

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Ms. Moxy March 14, 2013 at 4:56 pm

Oh I totally agree. My two bridesmaids don’t really talk to each other anymore, and it kind of stems from the fact that one of them shafted the other one after they agreed on a bridal shower and bachelorette party (I did not dictate what was to happen or when-I just asked for fair warning so I could get time off if needed). I actually showed up to my bridal shower and helped clean and bought a few things because the other bridesmaid had a bad habit of coming up short for expenses. She also called me the week of the wedding, informed me her daughter, the flower girl did not have a dress, and could I or my mom pay for it, because she hadn’t put away for it. The bridesmaids were told to pick any black dress that they liked, and again, she did not have the money for her dress, and yes, someone else picked up her expenses for that. She would claim that she was too broke, and to be sure, she was on public assistance at the time, but she also had the latest, greatest cell phone, cable, lots of luxuries I didn’t personally have, and ate out far more often than the rest of us, and was fond of nights out at the hottest dance clubs in town. Always had money for that stuff.

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another Laura March 15, 2013 at 11:28 am

That’s why when someone actually “lives like a millionaire” they tend to be thrifty. People who live like their credit card spending limit is additional income tend to stay in debt.

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Lakey March 14, 2013 at 6:06 pm

Can you imagine having this woman for a mother in law? She has no boundaries and flat out refuses to listen to what people tell her. What will it be like dealing with her over holidays, grandchildren, etc. ? I feel very sorry for the bride.

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Ellie March 14, 2013 at 10:11 pm

I thought the same thing. This one incident was horrible. What else is this bride going to have to deal with in the years to come? Hopefully her groom is on the same page and they can have a united front to handle her!

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sstabeler March 14, 2013 at 6:44 pm

as an incidental matter, I noticed it mentioned at the end that there were no pictures of MOB at the shower. does that mean there were pictures around of MIL-to-Be ( could be tacky, since it could make it seem more like MIL-to-Be’s shower than the bride’s) or does it mean that no pictures were taken of the MOB at the party? (implying that MOB stormed out)

but as I mentioned above, this rises to a level at which I would consider uninviting someone. the Mil-to-be’s actions made the MOB and bride look like gimme pigs themselves.

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Daisy March 18, 2013 at 12:21 pm

In the bride’s place, I would hope to have the grace to rise to my feet, smile beautifully at everyone present, and say something on the lines of “Thank you all so much for making this such a special day. And I must apologize to some of you who felt we were asking for money as a gift. Of course, we would never be so ignorant, rude and discourteous as to do that, and I do apologize if that’s how it seemed. ” And I would have made sure every person in that room who brought money was handed back her gift personally, by me. After the shower, I would have contacted every vendor involved in the wedding, as well as the pastor and the church organist, and explained that my MIL-to-be was boundary-challenged and that no instructions from her were to be followed. People this rude seldom confine themselves to just one kick at the can.

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Michelle C. Young March 24, 2013 at 3:23 am

Something I learned from this site: Set up a password with EVERY vendor. If the order doesn’t come from YOU (you being bride and/or groom – I’m all for team planning) AND the order does not include the password, then do not follow it. Also, the vendors should not ask for the password. The password must be volunteered, up front.

“Hello, this is ‘Bride’ calling, and the password for my account is ‘peanut brittle’. I need to make a change to the order, please.”

I’ve read of people who did not take such precautions, only to have some malicious person actually CANCEL their wedding! Seriously! They showed up on the day, to find a startled minister wondering why they were there.

If you have crazy relatives, jealous ex-lovers, or bossy friends “who know better,” always be sure to use a password.

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Michelle C. Young March 18, 2013 at 1:32 pm

Oh, my goodness. Words fail me.

I just, can’t even… My mind, it is boggled.

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