“We’re Getting Married! Invest In Our New Business!”

by admin on March 18, 2013

A friend of mine started at a new box (gym) about a year ago and fell in love with her trainer. They just got married this week in an intimate ceremony in their presence of each of their teenaged children. She shared her wedding page (with links to her registry). Although she has been married a few times before (and has a lot of household items already), I wanted to send my well wishes along with a gift for their home.

However, when I went to their website, I was disappointed to see the following:

“As most of you are aware, we have a beautiful and established life together and are now beginning a Crossfit box! With that comes the need for lots and lots of equipment…. We would love for you all to assist and share in our love for Crossfit and Paleo and the main things that have brought us together and in which we plan to continue on and to share and pass on to others. Together, we can contribute to a healthier future for not only ourselves, but for others.”

The registry contained an insane amount of gym equipment.

Although I’m happy they are starting a business together, I don’t feel like a set of weights really says “congratulations on your marriage”. I was thinking about a set of linens, but I don’t know if they will match the decor/style of their home. Ideas??? 0307-13

Wedding guests are under no obligation to financially provide the capital investment for a business.  Just because someone wants to exploit a person’s natural tendency to bless the newly married with a gift by requesting that guests invest in building a new business venture, doesn’t mean guests should fall for it.   People misuse weddings all the time to increase their material assets and this is just a new twist on wringing out of normally generous guests the means to start or expand a business.    A nice card with a gift certificate to a restaurant is a suitable gift for those who have everything they need to set up a house.

{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Lo March 18, 2013 at 7:41 am

“Together, we can contribute to a healthier future for not only ourselves, but for others.”

Seriously?? It’s pretty galling to not only request that people fund your hobby but to try to make them feel as if they’re contributing to some overall greater purpose.

I would give them cash. They can use it for what they want.

Why do I get the feeling it’s only a matter of time before these people call you up with an “amazing investment opportunity”?

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Daisy March 18, 2013 at 11:54 am

I wouldn’t give them a doggone thing! Multiple marriages, established household, and the wedding has already come and gone? In my world, this calls for a lovely note from me wishing them all the best in their new lives together. You are not obligated to send a wedding gift when you have not even been invited to the wedding.

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NostalgicGal March 20, 2013 at 2:48 pm

Not quite that harsh but maybe a nice batch of super ooey gooey fresh baked fudgy brownies in a nice gift tin. Thoughtful, homemade, and a gift. if they want to start their own business it should come out of their own pocket.

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No Wedding March 18, 2013 at 8:22 am

I never thought about that, before, admin, but a gift certificate to a restaurant would be a good gift for when you don’t know what to buy for the couple! At least, I would love a dinner out on friends!

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Mae March 18, 2013 at 10:25 am

100% agree with admin. I also think a nice card with *just* best wishes and congrats would be acceptable, too.

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Lakey March 18, 2013 at 11:14 am

Ordinarily I give cash at weddings, assuming that they already received many household items at showers. However, in a case such as this, where the couple is blatantly trolling for financial gain, I wouldn’t pander to their greed by giving cash. I don’t like being used. If I like them a lot I would try to come up with a personal gift that had meaning. If I weren’t that close to them I would send a really nice card expressing my best wishes.

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Shoegal March 18, 2013 at 11:47 am

There shouldn’t be anything about a registry or what they want on their wedding website – that there is just wrong. They assume everyone out is dying to give them a gift and they would like to tell you specifically what that gift will be. I’d give a card congratulating them and that’s it. Their message to their well wishers had the opposite affect on me than the one intended. I was happy for you and interested in wishing you happiness with a gift – but I don’t like being told how.

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InNM March 18, 2013 at 11:55 am

I would think if I was giving cash to a business development, I would treat it like a business. Show me a business plan, and explain if I was a partner (active or silent) who would be involved in the running of the organization; or an investor who was expecting returns on investment (and in what time frames); for example.

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Michelle C. Young March 18, 2013 at 12:27 pm

OP isn’t a guest. They already got married, at an intimate ceremony, and OP is just a friend who wishes them well. A card is sufficient.

Actually, even if the OP *were* a guest, and attended a lavish event, a simple heartfelt card would still be sufficient. That’s what “guest” means. Nothing is owed but good behavior and well-wishes. Anything else is gravy.

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JH March 18, 2013 at 12:28 pm

I know this would be rude to do, but my first thought was that you could buy them a set of dumbbells.

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Michelle C. Young March 20, 2013 at 4:44 pm

LOL!

I was reminded of a little skit on the old show, ShaNaNa. Bowser telling the audience how to work out. “First, get yourself some dumbbells. Me, I work out with Chico and Donny.”

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Mae March 21, 2013 at 9:43 am

Hahaha. Can you imagine the look on their faces??

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June First March 18, 2013 at 1:34 pm

Maybe they could use a scrapbook, with something nicely written about blending their families…

But I wouldn’t put a lot of thought into it. A card is fine.

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Marozia March 18, 2013 at 4:43 pm

A card is sufficient.
BTW, I need a new bathroom. Anyone care to contribute to that?

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June First March 22, 2013 at 5:29 pm

Send me your address and I’ll be happy to send you a toilet seat. Regifted is fine, right? ;)

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Michelle March 18, 2013 at 4:49 pm

I would get them something they would get a lot of use out of, a business etiquette book ;-P

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Michelle C. Young March 20, 2013 at 4:44 pm

They ought to get a lot of use out of it, but I fear they would not even read it all the way through once.

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Library Diva March 19, 2013 at 5:31 pm

I may draw some ire for this, but here goes:

OP says that this friend has already been married “a few times before.” That phrasing implies, at least to me, that this is at least the third time her friend has walked down the aisle. I don’t know how well OP knows this woman, of course, or how long they’ve been friends, but for a third (or more) marriage, I don’t think anything outside of warm wishes and a card should be expected. There’s a limit as to how many times you can expect people to celebrate each “new start.” (I’m assuming that the prior marriages ended in divorce, not death. That would be a little different.) I think it takes a lot of gall to register for really expensive gym equipment anytime, but especially when it’s in honor of a supposed “lifetime commitment” that you’ve already made at least twice before.

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