Last fall Angie and Kevin had a quiet family-only civil ceremony which they announced to friends (including myself and Jenny) over dinner at their house in October. Angie said she didn’t tell us earlier as she did not want to take attention away from Jenny’s wedding as Jenny was to be married to Jon in November of the same year.
Jenny and Jon’s wedding was a hectic DIY wedding and the bride, groom and wedding party were doing a lot of the work themselves. I was a bridesmaid and involved in many ways but not with the seating chart. Angie was a supportive friend and went to florist appointments as well as attended and helped MC the bachelorette party hosted by the MOH at my apartment.
The day of the wedding several mini-disasters are averted, including missing half of the table seating tags! A laptop is found and an OLD version of the seating chart is displayed onscreen in the bar area, a high-tech but creative solution to the problem. The guests mingle for about an hour in the general bar area, having plenty of time to chat with whomever they please and see where they are to sit. Eventually the crowd is herded into the reception hall and seat themselves as assigned.
As the wedding party are lining up for the big entrance to some music, Angie goes up to the groom to mention that she is clearly not seated at the table she was supposed to be with all our mutual friends. (She was two tables over and still close to the head table.) The groom tells her in an exasperated tone to sit where she is assigned and “make some new friends”. Angie goes to sit down obviously unhappy.
Later on in the evening I go over to Angie’s table to discuss and maybe defuse the situation. Not finding her I talk to Kevin, her husband, and explain that there was a mix-up with the seating chart and that their seating is not a personal statement of their relationship to the bride. He was not convinced. I mentioned that my own date was not even at the table with people he knew rather he was at the “wedding party date table” with people he didn’t know and was having a good time. I explained also that the groom was under a lot of pressure from trying to keep the little problems that cropped up away from the bride. In different circumstances I’m sure he would have been more polite. Personally I would have sat at my table and not rocked the boat.
They were free to sit where they wanted once dinner and speeches were over, and I did see them talking to their friends later on in the evening. Angie is seen here and there having indignant conversations with guests as well as parents of the bride regarding the seating arrangements. She leaves later with the issue unresolved.
Months after the wedding Angie has not spoken to the bride and they (and I) saw each other at a recent get together for another girlfriend’s birthday. They seemed to be talking in a conciliatory way when the bride burst out loudly saying that it was her freaking day and that it was not about Angie. The bride then leaves the party leaving Angie, the birthday girl and a few others to discuss the event. Again I try to explain in neutral terms that the seating is not a political statement. Angie doesn’t buy it stating she is owed an apology for the slight.
I would like to know what the ehell readers think should have happened, was Angie slighted? Was the groom rude? Did i do wrong by talking to Kevin? And what should a slighted guest do in this situation? 0204-13
Angie needs to get over herself. She has turned the wedding into a spectacle and drama about her poor, damaged ego. I and my husband were once seated way in the back of the reception hall, far, far away from the head table. BUT we were far, far away from the huge speakers the DJ had that blared deafeningly and we were steps away from the shrimp cocktail. Our table companions were a hoot, too. One can either wallow in self pity over the often erroneous perception of decline of status or one can make the best of the situation and be the kind of guest your hosts love to invite repeatedly to other functions.