Don’t Drink The Gimme Pig Kool-Aid!

by admin on January 21, 2013

I recently attended ~all~ the festivities surrounding my boyfriend’s brother’s wedding. It was a “gimme” nightmare from the start, mostly because of the number of parties they had. We had to attend all of them and bring a gift to each one. The parties were pretty much the brainchild of the bride and her mother. Here’s the parties we had to attend over the course of about a year from engagement to wedding day (and about a month after the wedding, as you’ll see below):

1. Engagement party – semi-formal affair at the bride’s parents’ home; had to attend and bring a gift.

2. Bridal shower – at the bride’s parents’ home again; had to attend and bring a gift. Note that I was considered close enough to be invited to her bridal shower, but not close enough to be invited to her bachelorette party (I am 32, about the right age to attend one of those things, and would have appreciated the invite for a night of fun, especially after bring hosed for so many gifts).

3. Bachelor party – my boyfriend had the pleasure of attending this. There was no gift requirement, but all of the attendees were expected to chip in and cover the groom-to-be’s entire weekend. This party was held at a very expensive golf resort, so the expenses included hotel, food/drink, and green fees which were NOT cheap. My boyfriend, as the groom’s brother and best man, felt he couldn’t decline to go. The groom had chosen the location and planned the party details, including sending out the email invite informing everyone that he expected his weekend costs to be covered.

4. Wedding Night party – Perhaps tackiest and most mystifying of the all, a so-called “Wedding Night” party, also at the bride’s parents’ home. We received an invitation stating that we were supposed to bring a specific amount of money per person attending this party. The “suggested minimum” was $30.00 per head. Based on the number of positive RSVPs that came in, the bride- and groom-to-be went out and purchased an expensive gift based on the amount of money they expected as gifts (in this case, they purchased a new TV). The TV was actually on display at the party so all of the attendees could see what they had “given” the bride and groom. It felt like they had charged admission to a really boring show! I had never heard of a “Wedding Night” party, and am pretty sure they just made the idea up.

5. Wedding – The wedding itself was a destination wedding (we went south). The date they chose was around the Christmas holidays, which meant that travel and accommodation was even more expensive than it would have been at another, more reasonable time of year. There were plane tickets, hotel fees, rental car fees, and, of course, another gift.

6. Post-wedding party – Even after the wedding we are not done. A couple of weeks later, we received an invitation to (hopefully) the final party for this event… the post-wedding party, which will happen in a couple of weeks. To which we also are expected to bring a gift. I have never heard of a “post-wedding party” in my life, except for maybe a brunch that happens the morning after the wedding, and to which no one is ever expected to bring a gift.

We have purchased ~five~ gifts so far for this extravaganza! I am wondering how many gifts we will be expected to buy once they start having children… 0120-13

 

Just how is this “expectation of a gift” being communicated?   Word of mouth?    Is it actually on the various invitations?

The organizers, or in this case, the bridal couple and their families, may have an expectation that guests owe them a gift for every wedding related event but that doesn’t mean you, the guest, or even as a family member, are under any obligation to facilitate their greed.   In fact, I consider it entirely irrelevant what expectations a bride, her scheming, greedy mother or her equally scheming, greedy soon-to-be husband have about my gift giving.  What I give, how much I give, or whether I give at all is  independent of their expectations and instead based on my relationship to the couple and what my budget is.   I believe people must find an inner strength to be content with a budgeted amount of money they wish to spend for a wedding gift and ignore all other manipulative attempts to extract even more material goods or cash from themselves.

When etiquette refers to a “wedding gift”, it means a gift given on the OCCASION of a wedding, not a gift for every single wedding related fundraising event the couple can dream up. Here’s the run down of the etiquette of gift giving for each event for this wedding:

Engagement party:   Parents are the only ones who should be giving the couple any gifts and even those should be of a personal nature just in case the wedding does not occur.   Gifts like personal jewelry.   The greedy pigs of this world are madly intent on creating an expectation that guests to an engagement party are obligated to bring presents.  Resist!

Bridal Shower – It’s a gift centered party but that doesn’t mean guests are obligated to give expensive gifts.   Bridal shower gifts should be small.

Bachelor Party – No gifts required whatsoever. That said, it is gimme piggish to organize your own bachelor party in your own honor, book the most expensive venue and then bill your absolute best friends and family to pay your way.

Wedding Night Party – For a minute here I thought this was going to be some skanky party.   But it was worse.   The couple scammed their friends in order to acquire more material assets.  Dear OP,  don’t drink the “I owe a gift” Kool-aid being pedaled here. The price of admission to this party was each guest’s monetary share in the purchase of a television.  It’s pathetic hospitality and exceedingly opportunistic.  What annoys me most about greedy people is they *know* that friends and family are not going to rock the boat and put a foot down about these excessive demands placed upon them so they go along with it.  It’s takes some inner fortitude to decline to facilitate someone’s obvious greed.

Post-Wedding Party – OP,how do you know there is an expectation of another gift?  Did they actually say this or are you projecting this as an expectation you think they have of you?   Either way, simply decline to bring a gift.   If anyone has the utter audacity to call you on it, say, “I consider my other two presents to be appropriately generous.   I seem to be mistaken so please enlighten me as to what value of gifts I am expected to give.”   That should give a normal person a pause as you have now made it clear that your perception of generous is drastically different than theirs and to actually answer your question causes them to expose themselves as more interested in accumulating cash and property than actually being gracious and kind.

{ 43 comments… read them below or add one }

Kate January 22, 2013 at 1:15 am

My understanding of a destination wedding is that this is seen as an expense for the guests (with travel, accommodation, etc) and as such the couple should not expect expensive gifts at occasions such as bridal showers, engagement parties etc.
Bride and Groom do sound like gimme pigs (the wedding night party sounds capital-T tacky) but they can’t force you to spend anything. I would advise that you attend the events you want to attend, spend what you consider reasonable and what you can afford, and if they kick up a stink about it, they’ve just shown their true character and are probably not people you want to be spending heaps of time with.
I have a friend who is getting married soon and who has planned a whole range of pre-wedding events. I’ve declined attendance to one of them – I just can’t afford the travel and accommodation – and have certainly not given expensive gifts for the other two. As my friend, she is well aware of my financial situation and should not be expecting two or three fancy presents.

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sstabeler January 22, 2013 at 5:03 am

engagement party: gifts should be optional.
Bridal Shower: I thought the purpose of a shower (at least, in this context) was to give items useful to a couple starting a household? in which case, I doubt appropriate gifts would be that expensive. ( I’d have thought gifts would be something like cutlery, not something like ( for example) a TV)
Bachelor party: I’d have thought the expenses inherent in the party should be paid by whoever organizes it ( i.e. the green fees in this case, possibly the hotel, if shared.)
wedding night party: pure cloth. I’ve never heard of a wedding night party. No gift should be required.
wedding: closest to reasonable the couple in question have been, but they could perhaps have been a bit more considerate of their guests.
post-wedding party: again, never heard of it, and no gift due.

in short, the couple are both gimme pigs.

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AS January 22, 2013 at 5:51 am

Are you sure that all the parties were the brainchild of the bride and her mom? Because it seems the GTB at least organized his own bachelorette party, and might have very well had a hand in other things. There is an unfair custom of blaming only the bride for all wedding related mess ups.

That said, the number of parties seem insane. But you have no obligation to take a gift, and If you feel awkward about going empty handed, you don’t have to attend all of them.

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Bint January 22, 2013 at 6:16 am

Please tell me your boyfriend is completely mortified at the show of themselves this couple is making. Please decline the post-wedding party. Please don’t give them yet another present.

This being your boyfriend’s family, I’m slightly surprised he doesn’t say, “I’ve bought you five presents already and this is going way over the top.” But then not everyone is as outspoken as my family would be in this. I think I would give him the choice of buying a present and going without me, or telling his brother this is ridiculous. The greed is absolutely reeking – get off the merry-go-round!

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--Lia January 22, 2013 at 7:07 am

I want to know if any of these parties were any fun. I know it’s irrelevant to the gimme-pig ways, but I’m curious. Nice people to chat with? Good music and dancing? Enjoyable, adequate food? A chance to interact with the happy couple, or were they posing for photographs while ignoring their guests? I’m also curious if everyone contributed to the shake-down or if there were some who said no. What happened to them? Were they disinvited or sent a bill?

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Lily January 22, 2013 at 7:26 am

WOW. Shameful. How embarassing!

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Mer January 22, 2013 at 7:45 am

I’m also interested how this need for gift was expressed.

However, I understand that especially if you are talking about spouse’s family, it is hard to have the polite spine if spouse does not support it. Nobody wants to be’ the evil b…. our Jack married’. And as the spouse is product of this family, it is not that uncommon that s/he wont stand against them, even if s/he does not fully support the deeds.

And gift expecting post-wedding party is also new news for me, though I have heard of post-wedding parties which the couple arranges to thank those who have helped with their wedding. Like maid of honor, groomsmen, cousin-Jane who played the piano etc.

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Mary January 22, 2013 at 8:10 am

I would love to hear from the OP as to how the expectation of gifts were conveyed. Yes, I would expect to give a gift at the wedding and shower, but nowhere else. The groom should not have been organizing the bachelor party. Although I have been invited to Bachelorette parties where the guests are asked to contribute to the costs of a bus, etc. but fortunately not parties involving out of state trips or hotels. Even with the parties with bus costs, I have turned down the invites due to the cost.
This couple do sound like gimmie pigs and that wedding night party sounded despicable.

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Lo January 22, 2013 at 8:30 am

This is bad situation to be in, with your boyfriend of the wedding party. I understand how easily one could get roped into going along with all this.

I would have given something very small at the engagement party even though that’s not at all what’s done, given at the bridal shower, given at the wedding (cash, because it seems like their preference and I’m not going to waste time picking out a nice gift for these kind of people, so win-win.), thrown my hands up in exasperation at the bachelor party because if your boyfriend feels obligated to give in to his brother’s demands there’s not much you can do about it, and flat out declined to attend the other two events.

Wedding night party?? But not on the actual wedding night– right? I’m assuming this was the night before. I would have begged off claiming to be exhausted from travel.

Please don’t go to this post-wedding party if there is a demand for gifts, that’s just crazy.

When these people have children you should set yourself up a firm budget for what you are willing to spend on the child and prepare to dole it out at various events. I would anticipate being asked for gifts pre and post baby. And then a gift at every birthday party or milestone event. So maybe $30-$40 for a baby shower gift for your boyfriend’s brother’s child? Break that into a couple of $15-$20 gifts and save them for the various occasions. No, you shouldn’t have to but until you’re family there’s no much else can be done except refuse to participate.

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Shoegal January 22, 2013 at 9:10 am

I would like to know why the OP felt she was “obligated” to attend any or all of these parties and bring gifts. Like the admin states – where or who told you that a gift was expected??? On the invitation? The only party I thought a gift was necessary was the shower since that is the entire purpose of that party – but how much you spend is completely up to you.

1. Engagement party – there is no way I would have coughed up money for a gift to that affair – I probably would have attended but that’s it. Since this is your boyfriend’s brother – let your boyfriend decide if he wants to give them something but I would not have contributed. He’s not my brother.

2. I consider bridal showers to be intimate gatherings – unless you were especially close to the bride of your boyfriend’s brother and it doesn’t sound as if you were – I don’t think you should have been invited. For my own shower – my sister invited only very close relatives and friends. If you were a guest of the best man and I didn’t know you well – I would not have invited you. But I don’t believe you were not under any obligation to attend this function. I would be sincerely grateful I was not invited to the bachelorette party – how much more money would have been spent to cover the bride’s expenses!!

3. The person throwing the bachelor party should have been anybody else but the groom!! That is beyond tacky!!!! Unless your boyfriend was on board – he should have put up a huge fuss!!! He can’t decide how much his groomsmen were going to spend on the weekend – the least he could have done was to pay his own way.

4. Wedding night party??!!!????!!!! Seriously??? Just say no!!!

5. This was an expensive wedding just to have attended. The bride and groom were asking a lot from guests to begin with – they should have been simply grateful anybody would have wanted to go especially around Christmas. My goodness – unless it was my own beloved siblings – I would have had to decline.

6. I would have shown up to any post wedding party with NOTHING!!! Honestly, I have never heard of any post wedding function that required another gift. Most weddings have a little brunch if somebody is so inclined to host it – but seriously – did the invite actually state that gifts were expected???!?!?

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AS January 22, 2013 at 11:50 am

I beg to differ with your statement that “The only party I thought a gift was necessary was the shower since that is the entire purpose of that party “. I personally don’t think that a gift was necessary for a shower either. At my wedding shower, I had only 2 out of 7 friends gave me gifts (and I had brought favors for them to reduce the burden on the hostess). But we had a great time and the best thing is that no one felt obliged to bring anything. OH! And there was an awesome cake and snacks, and we had a good time discussing wedding related things as we are all very busy and don’t get to meet too often (my wedding was within 8 months of getting engaged).

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Tracy January 23, 2013 at 9:20 am

AS, while YOU might not have expected gifts at your shower, I believe a shower is the only event at which even the Admin agrees that gifts are expected, since the entire purpose of the party is to “shower” the honoree with gifts.

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Sarah Jane January 23, 2013 at 5:04 pm

I agree…a “shower” is for gifts. Otherwise, it’s just a party.

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AS January 25, 2013 at 11:54 am

Okay, agreed Tracy and Sarah Jane. Though “shower” can also mean showering of love and affection… and attention.
Where I come from in India, wedding showers are literally a shower the morning of the wedding, when women relatives and friends apply turmeric on the bride (and on each other for extra fun!)… and generally have fun before the bride takes her final bath as an unmarried woman. There are no gifts given usually, unless a small token gift from the MTB or someone who feels like; or sometimes the groom’s parents send some good soap, facewash, and that kid of stuff. I have lived in USA for long enough, and married an American and perfectly happy with most of the customs; but somehow I haven’t gotten used to receiving gifts for showers. I have often read that showers mean “showering gifts”, but I never knew that it was necessary.
Though, I am glad that in our group of friends, we don’t have a custom of heavy exchange of gifts (for Birthdays, or graduations, etc.; never been to a bridal shower with this group of friends). So, most people just didn’t think of getting gifts, and that was fine with me/us. We have stayed together for a few years (mostly to save for the wedding), and didn’t really need too much. Also, the shower was kind of forced upon me (another story, though the hostess was kind enough to host, and hence I will not complain)… which I didn’t mind as long as there aren’t too many presents. So, it was nice to just hang around with friends and chat about wedding!

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another Laura January 22, 2013 at 9:19 am

Wow that’s greedy! Who knew you could invent occasions to demand gifts from already over taxed friends and family?
I would like to point out to OP that knowing someone well enough to invite to bridal shower and being close enough to invite to bachlorette party are two different levels of intimacy. I had grandmas, aunts, my mom, cousins, co-workers and friends at my shower (I didn’t host, but I did provide guest list), but only my three closest friends were at my bachlorette party.

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A January 22, 2013 at 10:17 am

Just a note on the “Wedding Night Party”. While I have never heard it called that, I have been to several “After-parties” that we’re basically extensions of the reception but at another location. Often these have been due to time requirements or alcohol limitations of the reception facility. However, they were all considered extensions of the wedding reception and certainly not another gift-giving occasion. It also gave older relatives a clear option to bow-out while the young-uns stayed up and partied. ;)

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Kimstu January 22, 2013 at 10:22 am

Well done Admin! When you’re up against the creative ingenuity of gimme pigs trying to pressure you into indulging their bottomless greed, it’s nice to have a clearly-defined list of the expectations that etiquette ACTUALLY recognizes.

And OP, look on the bright side: at least this greedy gimme-pig wedding will be an easy act to follow. If you and your boyfriend end up getting married, think how impressed and pleased with you his family will be, just for not being an insatiable gift-gobbling bridezilla like their other daughter-in-law! (Although it sounds like his brother, aka the insatiable gift-gobbling groomonster, may be a lost cause.)

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Mary January 22, 2013 at 5:14 pm

Excellent point. The OP and boyfriend will look great in comparison.

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Library Diva January 22, 2013 at 10:57 am

This has to be one of the greediest couples I’ve seen in my nearly ten years of following Ehell. The “wedding night” party thing just takes the absolute cake.

If you don’t feel that you can stand up to the pressure to either boycott the “post-wedding party” altogether or to bring a gift to it, I suggest something inexpensive to make and meaningful. If you still have any of these millions of invitations kicking around, there is a great craft on this very website, where you basically obtain some clear glass ball ornaments (with removable tops), slice up the invitation, curl up the pieces of it by wrapping them around a pencil and arranging them inside the ornament. Pinterest has a million such crafts you can do without being the next Martha Stewart. You’ve brought a gift, your budget didn’t take yet another hit, and you didn’t cater to their greed too badly.

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Miss Marie January 23, 2013 at 2:06 am

I’ve actually made two of these! One was a gift for the actual wedding of my fiance’s coworker , the other I made for my step sister and her new husband this Christmas! They’re gorgeous and incredibly inexpensive! The glass ornaments can be purchased at Michael’s or The Hobby Lobby in a package of four for $8-$14. The rest is just whatever came with the invitation! I also used a bee shaped paper punch to cut out wee bees from the directions that were included in the invite. They were definitely the most appreciated gifts I’ve ever given!

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Lola January 22, 2013 at 11:40 am

Destination weddings of themselves are borderline gimmie-ish: often, the happy couple gets to enjoy a free honeymoon paid for by the resort if they have a certain number of guests book at the same resort at full price.

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Emily January 22, 2013 at 12:04 pm

I only learned recently of the idea that the bachelorette/bachelor party costs should be covered by the party for the spouse-to-be. I was shocked! Why would you organize a trip to Vegas, or a golf resort, or wherever and then expect your supposedly dearest friends to foot the cost of it for you?? Just seems rude and thoughtless to me…

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WildIrishRose January 22, 2013 at 12:17 pm

I recently attended a very lavish wedding that had been preceded by no fewer than 15 engagement parties. Yup, you read that right. Fifteen. Of course, I didn’t attend any of them for the excellent reason that I wasn’t invited, but I can still think this is a little excessive, right? And the rumor is that it was entirely the bride’s mother pushing all this. Yikes.

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GleanerGirl January 23, 2013 at 7:12 pm

Fifteen pre-wedding parties to which you were not invited, yet you attending the wedding? Why?

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Ergala January 22, 2013 at 12:49 pm

Am I the only one turned off by the OP’s tone through out? I mean did the invitations actually state gifts were expected? And why does she feel entitled to attend the bachelorette party? I’ve been to a few and they were usually for the female bridal party members and very close female friends/family who were of the age to enjoy it. If the OP is the girlfriend of the groom’s brother she isn’t technically “family”. Brutal but honest, especially if it’s a relatively newer relationship. Nobody is entitled to be invited to anything that isn’t their own party. Also an invitation is just that, an invitation, it is not a summons. If the destination wedding was expensive and around Christmas you had absolutely no obligation to go.

Now all the parties, well if they expected a gift I can see it being a gimmie pig situation. However if there was no request for gifts and merely an assumption that one was expected, that’s on the OP. I’ve seen weddings that had a lot of pre-wedding parties. Usually they involved different groups of people but certain people were invited to all of them due to ties.

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Bint January 22, 2013 at 3:55 pm

If I’d been invited to all those parties and it had been made clear that a present was expected, I don’t think I’d have a very nice tone after. The OP is the groom’s brother’s girlfriend ie she isn’t close enough to say what she thinks of this, but she is very likely to be under *massive* pressure to go via her boyfriend. It’s nice to sit here saying ‘don’t go, don’t bring anything’ but realistically she may not feel able to risk the backlash. The one who needs to pull out is her boyfriend, but again he may not feel able to risk it, or not want to choose that hill to die on. I think we’ve all been forced into things under family pressure.

I’m giving the OP a pass on wishing she’d been invited to the bachelorette party. As she says, after being shaken down for so many presents, it would have been nice to be included in the one event that was just fun. After all those presents, I think it’s fair to wish she’d been invited. She never said she thought she *should* have been. Just that she’d have liked it. I don’t blame her. I think this couple is ghastly and shame on them.

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Yvaine January 22, 2013 at 7:13 pm

Exactly this. She’s in a position where she feels like she needs to make a good impression, and isn’t yet considered enough of a family member to just ask the bride “What are you THINKING?”

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Ergala January 23, 2013 at 12:55 pm

I know but we still don’t know if they requested gifts, or even registered for that matter. The problem with stories like this is that we get one side, and they are very rarely written giving the offending party a saving grace. I had someone complain about my wedding and her version was absolutely different from what actually happened. We were childhood best friends. When my husband and I got married we didn’t have a wedding shower and only close family was invited. No friends were on the list, no extended family….just parents, siblings and grandparents. The reason was we weren’t paying for it and we were sticking within the budget given. She was so offended she wasn’t invited that she told people that I hadn’t invited her to my shower or wedding and that I was snubbing her. Well no….that wasn’t the case at all. No friends were present at all, and in fact we did a trip to an amusement park a month later with friends to celebrate. We paid for the tickets and we did the driving and paid for meals. She was invited and she did go. But she was so offended by the lack of invitation that she flew off the handle and put on blinders.

I can tell you that when she got married she sent me a facebook message with a link to her registry. I wasn’t invited to her wedding either and she only had family at hers. I’m thankful I wasn’t that clueless. She didn’t give us a gift for our wedding or even a card saying congratulations. We didn’t expect it, especially since she wasn’t invited.

I just think it’s kind of unfair to blast a couple based on one person’s letter where is very clear she is angry about something. It just comes off as all assumptions on her part. And what culture is the bride from? I mean if she’s from a background where weddings are a HUGE DEAL and they celebrate for weeks or even months around it then it’s harsh to judge her.

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Mae January 22, 2013 at 1:18 pm

Inventing parties in order to extract more cash/gifts from family and friends? WOW, I do believe a new level of gimmie-piggishness has been acheived!

This is how it would have happend with me:
1. Engagement party- no gift, best wishes
2. Bridal shower- small, affordable gift.
3. Bachelor party- if BF wants to pay brother’s way, fine. No contribution from me.
4. Wedding night party- decline to attend, no gift, especially with minimum cash to be given.
5. Wedding- attended if able, card with cash or small, affordable gift.
6. Post-wedding party- decline to attend, no gift.

I think it’s akward to buck the gift expectation when it’s family or BF’s family, for fear of being branded like @Mer said, but really, this is waaaaay too much. If your relationship with BF continues and you decide to marry, you will have to eventually put your foot down or you will be going to neice/nephew baby shower, preschool fund, graduation fund, college fund, car fund, etc, parties for the rest of your life.

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Angel January 22, 2013 at 1:24 pm

That is way too many parties. I’m telling you weddings bring out the crazy in people!! I’m hoping they didn’t ask for gifts on the invitations. To me that would be tacky, tacky, tacky!!

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Katy January 22, 2013 at 2:25 pm

I have never brought a gift to an engagement party. I’ve been to a few, most planned long engagements, the party was to recognize and celebrate the decision to marry.
I, and almost all brides I’ve encountered, considered being part of the wedding party as the gift from that person, as it usually involves extra time and expense. Even if your boyfriend wasn’t part of the wedding party, going to these events is voluntary. The wedding night party and the post wedding party serve no purpose other than to keep the focus on the couple and, most likely, as gift grabs (especially the cover charge). Indulge them now, and be prepared to suffer through a pregnancy party, baby shower, mom/dads last bureau night, coming home party and weekly birthday parties when she becomes pregnant. Just say no.

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Katy January 22, 2013 at 2:26 pm

Hurrah night, not bureau. Turning off auto correct now.

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another Laura January 23, 2013 at 9:06 am

I thought you were inventing a new gimme pig party- “we need new stuff! let’s celebrate redecorating! Buy us new furnishings!”

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Michelle January 22, 2013 at 2:57 pm

1. We had an engagemtn party, mostly so the bridal party could get to know each other. We specified no gifts, but most people brought us a bottle of wine (our best man bought us a texas mickey of scotch).
2. Eh, i’m sorry you were left off the bachelorette list, but I don’t see anything technically wrong with inviting you to the shwoer and not the bachelorette. In my experiences bachelorettes, unlike bachelor prties, are small and just the bride’s closest gfs. On the other hand, showers are for family and friends and as the gf of the bride’s fbil, I can see why you were included.
3. Tacky because the groom planned it himself and demanded people chip in. It is standard in my circle for th guests to chip in for the groom, but an amount is never demanded.
4. So tacky.
5. I have mixed feelings on destination weddings and I think they are a know your crowd kind of thing.
6. Don’t go! Or go and don’t bring a gift. Fake an illness or something.

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Library Diva January 23, 2013 at 9:59 am

I always say that destination weddings are an either/or proposition. You can get married in Aruba/Hawaii/Cozumel and have the gorgeous photos, the lovely experience and the romantic setting, OR you can have all of your friends and family present and (traditionally at least) giving you wedding gifts. Anyone who knows up front that they are making a choice and acts accordingly, I have no problem with. It’s those couples that try to guilt people into spending their entire vacation allotment, maxing out their credit cards and repaying all of this with a surly “No gift, huh?” that I have a problem with. Spending hundreds or thousands of dollars to travel to somewhere exotic to witness a wedding should be gift enough for the couple.

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starstruck January 28, 2013 at 10:45 am

i totally agree!!!

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Angela January 22, 2013 at 3:09 pm

The OP says that the “wedding night party” invites clearly indicated money was expected, a minimum of $30, even. That’s just incredibly tacky. I concur with others: you’ve spent more than enough time and money here. Skip the post-wedding party or show up without a gift.

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essie January 23, 2013 at 6:24 am

While reading the story, did anyone else get a mental image of Bob Wiley (played by Bill Murray) staggering around Lake Winnepesaukee, blubbering “I want! I want! I need! I need! Gimme, gimme, gimme!”

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Shannan January 23, 2013 at 9:25 am

Ms. Jeanne said on a post long- ago that she what is infuriating to most e-hell readers is the lack of spine the OP of the stories are showng when confronted with such rudeness. I believe ths was in response to a post from a bridesmaid who was atteding a dinner she thought was in honor of bridesmaids but turned out to be a ruse to get the brdesmaids to write all the thank- you notes for Bridezilla. OP when you started getting all these invites & expecting to have to bring a gift, why didn’t you take a stand then? Just attend sans gift & when asked why you didn’t bring one, explain. That would have out a stop to it right there…………at least for you anyway.

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Bint January 23, 2013 at 12:47 pm

Maybe the OP does just lack a polite spine.

Or maybe she is hampered by her boyfriend being the groom’s brother. Perhaps he’s begged her to go along with it. Perhaps he’s facing massive hostility from his family if he doesn’t. Perhaps the OP doesn’t know but would rather go along with this than pay a higher price from the fallout she suspects would happen, given it would inevitably also affect her boyfriend and quite possibly his relationship with his brother.

None of us knows, but Lord knows I’ve stuck some unbelievably trashy behaviour for my husband’s sake where I’d never have stuck it otherwise.

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starstruck January 28, 2013 at 10:31 am

a wedding night party? um, the only attendee at that party should be your husband or wife! lol forgive me but that is just plain crazy. and there is no way i would have bought a wedding gift after the three other parties that were hosted. i would have simply shown up at the wedding and enjoyed myself. and an after wedding party? sorry hun. but once you walk down that isle your done!!! lol

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AIP February 1, 2013 at 3:24 pm

Ok, hands up everyone who’s waiting for news of the ‘anniversary party’ ;)

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Enna February 7, 2013 at 12:29 pm

If someone else reads this and finds that they are in a simlar situation maybe they can learn something? It can be difficult to back out. But if I was in this situation I would have maybe made excuses that I couldn’t attend or made other plans.

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