What do you think about wedding date changes after setting a date for a year then changing it without consulting anyone in the wedding? I am in a wedding with a pretty important role where the date has been set for about a year, and just recently the couple decided to change it to 4 months earlier. The problem is that in the month they chose to set it, many of us, including guests, family, and wedding party members, had either bought tickets/were planning on going overseas for vacation. This month is a particular month that all of us leave every year together, and the couple knew this, yet still changed their date. Is it wrong to feel like they just don’t want us at the wedding? Shouldn’t they have at least asked us what we thought about the date, considering we had all made plans for a year now for the original date? When telling the bride that I didn’t think that would be a great date because many people have already arranged to be out-of-town, including immediate family, she replied with “well that’s the date now, and if you can’t make it that sucks, but oh well”. I just feel like they’ve expected us to put our lives on hold for so long and when we’ve already made arrangements in our lives to make sure we’re all available for their wedding date, they should’ve at least asked the wedding party/immediate family if the new date was okay for us/them. We have lives, too, and they don’t circulate around a wedding. 1210-12
First, you cannot control what other guests will do in response to this change in date so focus solely on how you will address it.
You are correct that the world and calendar does not revolve around the wedding and if plans have been made to travel and tickets bought under the premise that the wedding date was not going to interfere with vacations, then you and others guests have acted with due diligence to honor the original date. Changing the wedding date to one that now conflicts with many travel and vacation plans is not a reason for guests and family to jump through hoops to accommodate this change. It would be beyond rude for the bride to have an expectation that guests and family must now scramble furiously to change plans solely to attend her wedding. But that’s not what is happening here. The bride appears to have a nonchalant approach to whether her guests attend or not.
I would call her bluff and decline to attend the wedding citing priory commitments you made for that new date. I would say this, “When you announced your wedding date, I was happy to reserve that time frame on the calendar to be there for you. But I also made my travel plans based on your wedding date and have now committed to those plans with time off from work, deposits made, commitments to other people, tickets bought (whatever applies in your situation) and to now change that would be quite difficult. Therefore I must decline your kind offer of being in your wedding/attending your wedding. I sincerely hope you have a lovely day.”