The “Little Wonders” Of Time Versus Gifts

by admin on October 31, 2012

I’m hoping this question may throw some people! My brother and sister-in-law did not get my husband and I any sort of gift when we wed. I am just as close with my brother as all my other siblings, there’s no problems there. My sister-in-law attended two bridal showers for me, and of course, they both attended the reception and they didn’t so much as give us a card. Is this a major faux pas? Or am I the one who should be in Ehell for even asking? 0831-12

I’m not sure you have provided enough information for the question to be answered.   Did your sister-in-law bring a shower gift to both showers she attended?  I budget how much I am giving in total to the couple and if that budgeted amount gets eaten up by shower gifts, I do not give a gift on the wedding day.  If SIL brought gifts to both showers she attended, it seems to me they have been as generous as they could be.

You need to be careful to not equate gifts with love.  The fact that they attended showers and the receptions means they invested time into celebrating with you.  In our family, we spell “love”  t-i-m-e.   Material goods rust, break, get lost, rot and get thrown away but those “little wonders” of time that family spends with you are golden and last forever.

 

{ 50 comments… read them below or add one }

Bint October 31, 2012 at 7:24 am

“Is this a major faux pas?”

No.

“Or am I the one who should be in Ehell for even asking?”
No, because nearly everyone expects a present from their siblings at their weddings, but agree with Admin on the shower gifts. Although I don’t think anyone can *ask* this question in public or indeed the internet without sounding mildly tacky.

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josie October 31, 2012 at 7:42 am

My sil does the same thing…..she spends a certain amount on wedding gifts and if a shower gift is involved, that comes off the amount she was going to spend in the first place. I’d be happy that they were involved in your wedding celebrations…..some people can’t be bothered to show up for things like that.

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Kimstu October 31, 2012 at 8:44 am

The etiquette rule for gift recipients is clear: Gifts should never be expected, and it is never proper to fret over somebody “owing” you a gift that you think you were entitled to. (Besides the greed factor, there is always the possibility that a gift may have been sent but never reached you due to some mishap.) Being delighted with the gifts you do get and not worrying about the ones you don’t get is a MUCH more charming attitude than resentful grudges about having been “stiffed of a gift”.

That said, it is definitely customary to give wedding presents to immediate family members (unless you’re actually estranged from them), so I certainly don’t blame you for secretly feeling somewhat surprised and puzzled about not getting a wedding present from your brother and SIL. Moreover, it is MANDATORY to send some kind of expression of good wishes to the bridal couple on receiving a wedding invitation. (Wedding presents, in fact, are fundamentally no more than accompaniments to and/or symbols of such good wishes.) Ticking a box on a reply card and showing up to the reception are not adequate substitutes for this requirement: even if you can’t afford any kind of wedding present, you should still officially wish the bridal couple joy in a written message.

So OP, yes, your brother and SIL have been a little etiquette-challenged here. Who can say why?—maybe they’re having money troubles and are embarrassed about looking “cheap” by sending a card with no gift, maybe each of them thought the other was taking care of your present, maybe they’re secretly preparing a splendid present that’s taking longer than expected. But your job, both as a polite bride and as a loving family member who doesn’t want to stir up resentment in the family circle, is simply to shrug your shoulders and let it go.

I must say, though, that the Admin’s take on the situation seems a bit…weird. I can certainly understand setting a budget for wedding presents, but allowing shower gifts to eat up the whole budget so that the wedding gift itself, and its accompanying expression of good wishes for the happy couple, is simply eliminated?!? That just seems wrong to me. This is one reason why shower gifts are supposed to be small casual gifts, not big-ticket registry items, and why guests (even family members) are not required to attend multiple showers for the same bride. If pre-wedding “shower inflation” is overwhelming the actual wedding to that extent, that’s a problem.

(And the bit about giving a gift “on the wedding day”? Hasn’t the Admin reminded us before, as Miss Manners also has frequently done, that presenting a wedding gift on the wedding day itself is not really etiquette-approved? Bringing a gift to a wedding just means that somebody in the bridal party or the couple’s family has to take care of it, keep track of who gave it, take precautions against its getting stolen, etc. Thoughtful guests prefer to send or bring a wedding present either before or after the wedding. Am I the only one wondering a bit whether the Admin herself actually wrote this response? Has somebody else dressed up as Miss Jeannie for Halloween or something?)

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Jenny October 31, 2012 at 8:59 am

Maybe I’m crazy but – I think you get one present per life event. I really can’t afford to get more than one thing, and I’d like to get one nice thing rather than a couple cheap things. So if your SIL brought presents to both showers, that was really more than enough.

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Lo October 31, 2012 at 9:13 am

I always buy both a wedding gift and a shower gift, but I wouldn’t be offended to get a shower gift and not a wedding gift from someone. I wouldn’t take this personally, they probably felt that the shower gift(s) was the gift itself. Maybe they couldn’t afford the extra expense, maybe they felt they shower gift was generous enough to be for both. (especially if they bought for 2 showers!) Maybe they’re just being pragmatic about it.

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StephM October 31, 2012 at 9:17 am

Some people find giving just a card tacky, even if they can’t afford anything else. I used to be one of them; to my shame Boyfriend and I attended two weddings last year and didn’t bring even a card because we thought it was tasteless. Thanks to EHell I know differently now.
Perhaps they’re having some money troubles and couldn’t gather the funds in time. Don’t worry about it, OP. As Admin said, it’s preferable that they spent time with you.

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Audra October 31, 2012 at 9:25 am

If your SIL attended 2 showers in your honor and brought gifts to both, I do not think she and your brother would be under obligation to bring a gift to your wedding. A card would have been nice but at this point, I would let it go and be glad that SIL loves and thinks enough of you to attend 2 showers for you.

Even though this is your brother and SIL, there maybe financial restraints that you are not aware of that made a 3rd gift impossible or may have put them in a bit of a bind.

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Rae October 31, 2012 at 9:54 am

If anything, I would have at least given a card, but a gift isn’t necessary if they had already spent their limit. I agree with Admin, time is a powerful gift.

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Wendy October 31, 2012 at 10:54 am

And they could be entirely clueless and could actually think their presence was enough. (It should be, but it’s still odd on some level, right?)

My husband’s brother and significant other only gave us a card…and only because she thought of it. That’s typical for them.

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Amber October 31, 2012 at 11:38 am

Just remember, OP, in a few years unless the gifts were particularly meaningful and heartfelt or particularly useful, you’ll probably forget who purchased what and what was from whom (this should be well after thank yous are given, of course). The only gifts I remember for sure nearly 5 years on are the crock pot from my aunt because it’s come in handy and the lovely cakes my sister made for the wedding. Everything else is a blur, and I really couldn’t care less if someone I love didn’t give me a gift.

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Jena R. October 31, 2012 at 12:06 pm

‘Just married, and was so very grateful for the support of our little community. I came out of a first marriage where we received many gifts; unfortunately, most of those who attended that first wedding subsequently disappeared down the road when I needed emotional support to get thru a difficult marriage and an inevitable divorce. Most chose to stay in touch and support just the “ex,” who had a serious drug problem. Perhaps he was easier to be around than a single mother (?). I was left to raise our child. This time around, I could have cared less about getting tangible gifts (though still appreciative whenever we did). We did not have a gift registry, but posted links to a couple charitable registries in a wedding Website for those interested in looking. What we mostly treasure, ever since we first got engaged, has been the consistent, loving support and friendship that carries us forward in a reciprocal relationship with our community. Strong marriages make strong communities and vice versa. That beats a blender any day! :)

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gellchom October 31, 2012 at 1:38 pm

I, too, think we don’t have enough information. If the SIL brought gifts to both showers, that is definitely significant. After all, a shower gift is still a gift because you are getting married, same as a wedding gift. In fact, when I was first invited to a bridal shower, I think I was 19 or so, I thought that’s what a bridal shower was: a party where people who were invited to the wedding brought their wedding gifts so the bride could open them at a party. (I still think that would be a better idea! That’s what baby showers are, after all. But I suppose it wouldn’t work well in communities where cash is the popular wedding gift, and I do love gadget and recipe showers.)

Suppose the SIL brought a wedding-gift sized shower gift — a place setting of china, or a food processor, whatever would be the size gift she and her husband would ordinarily give to a sibling for a wedding gift — as opposed to, say, an apron or a cookbook or lingerie. I would think that definitely SHOULD be it for this couple — even if there weren’t TWO showers. You aren’t entitled to more large gifts just because you are given more parties.

If they haven’t given any gift at all, yet, then there is another fact we are missing: how long ago was this wedding? Many people take a year or even more to give a wedding gift — especially if they are trying to give something extra special. Etiquette does not require that all gifts must be given before or at the wedding. My son and his fiancee received many of their gifts months after their wedding last year. Thank you notes must be prompt; gifts, not so much!

Regarding cards: people have such widely divergent feelings about cards. I don’t especially care for them and rarely use them (other than donation cards — the kind that represent a gift to a charity in the recipient’s honor) ; I just write a note on a piece of stationery or gift enclosure card and stick it on the gift. Maybe a funny birthday card to my brother and valentine and mothers day cards to my mother and mother in law. I don’t think I’ve ever bought a wedding card. And although I know they are very important to many people, I personally would find it kind of weird to get a greeting card, without a gift, for a wedding (except for donation cards), and doubly so from someone as close as my own brother. It would seem so impersonal as to make me wonder if he weren’t intentionally trying to distance me. That is evidently NOT how the OP feels about cards, and I certainly am not saying she’s wrong! But bear in mind that her brother and sister-in-law may not be big on greeting cards, either.

So, OP, how about it? When was the wedding? And what, if anything, did your sister-in-law give you for shower gifts?

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Lerah October 31, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Your brother and SIL are obviously interested in you. They attended 2 showers, a wedding, and your reception. It is entirely possible something else was happening in their life that prevented them from buying you a wedding gift.

I can understand you feeling confused as to why your wedding wasn’t acknowledged with a gift. But, let it go. No reason to dwell on it or ever bring it up.

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Corine October 31, 2012 at 12:55 pm

I read this to mean the SIL attended two showers and didn’t bring a gift to either one. Nonetheless, I find it quite sad that the OP views her closest family and friends as sources of gifts, rather than emotional pillars with whom to celebrate joyous life events. What a lonely life it must be. Although it has unfortunately become customary to give gifts to a couple getting married, it should never, EVER be expected. The only major faux pas associated with this post is your entitled attitude.

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Margaret November 1, 2012 at 5:39 am

I don’t think she was entitled, I think she was fairly commenting that it is odd that a brother wouldn’t give a wedding gift, and this was a reasonable place to ask the question.

Personally, although in general it would seem odd that a brother didn’t give a gift, personally, it wouldn’t surprise or bother me. I could see any one of my brothers not giving a gift because they didn’t think of it or didn’t have a good idea for a gift or didn’t get around to it or (for one of them) didn’t have any money. For the married ones, I could see their spouses telling them, “your family, your responsibility to get the gift.” But any one of them would rescue me if I needed it, and that’s more important (and useful) anyway.

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Hanna November 1, 2012 at 10:43 am

Wow Corine, I don’t think there’s anything tackier than a person who expects a gift that someone who is who is a name caller (“lonely and entitled”)

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Catrunning October 31, 2012 at 1:12 pm

TWO Showers??? Who makes their friends/relatives attend multiple showers? If SIL had to cough up two shower gifts, isn’t that enough? When does this entitlement and greed end?

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StephM November 1, 2012 at 12:16 am

For all we know, OP and SIL could be coworkers, so SIL would have ended up at a work shower and a non-work shower. One of OP’s friends could have planned a surprise shower, and SIL didn’t want to ruin their fun by telling them OP already had one. OP could have two very pushy friends/relatives who insisted on throwing separate showers, and OP couldn’t get them to back off. Without details we shouldn’t get too judgmental.

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Jessie October 31, 2012 at 1:33 pm

I agree with what most folks are saying here. If they gave you a gift at both bridal showers, they are most certainly not required to give you a gift for the wedding. That is probably not within their budget.
However, I do think that a card wishing you both happiness would have been appropriate. Cards can be handmade or purchased for under a dollar. Not a huge cost associated with them. If I were the OP I would have liked to have seen a card or a note. In that case it’s the thought that counts. In the end, OP, be happy they attended the wedding and 2 bridal showers!

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gellchom October 31, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Whoops – I mean my son and his WIFE! :-)

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Vicky October 31, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Time spent with relatives really is the most precious gift. Last year me and my brother took my cousin and her niece on an outing to meet Father Christmas. It was a magical day and turned out to be her last Christmas, as the cancer she has was more aggressive than anyone realised.

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Drawberry October 31, 2012 at 4:28 pm

I don’t the OP views her family as a gift machine, but I think she might want to look inwardly to find the source of why she feels so put off by not receiving one. From the moment we have our first birthday we internalize gifts with love and friendship and being liked. We get gifts from family, from friends, from distant relatives who stuff wads of cash in a birthday card and so every occasion that comes about we have been conditioned to expect presents of some sort and are equally conditioned to feel that those who do not produce the expected gift are somehow ‘bad’ in that they’re either cheapskates or dislike us.

The OP is just like many of the rest of us, we’ve been raised on the idea that occasions mean gifts and gifts mean friends and love. Sometimes it takes a bit of work to dislodge ourselves from our previous views and making an effort to change how we look at situations.

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Miss Raven October 31, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Obviously it’s uncouth to demand or inquire about gifts from guests. I wouldn’t say anything about it.

That being said, it sounds to me from the OP’s wording that although her brother and SIL attended multiple events, at no point did the OP and her DH receive even so much as a card. That, although it is not necessarily an eHell-worth offense, strikes me as incredibly bizarre.

If I were OP’s bro and SIL, I would be completely mortified. I cannot imagine ever attending three events such as showers and a wedding and not bringing one single gift for the couple. ESPECIALLY for such dear, close relatives. Even if you can’t afford a gift, a hand-made card or anything inexpensive would be appropriate.

OP, ignore the cattiness and name-calling. If you did not receive anything ever from these relatives, you are well within your rights to be questioning what on earth is going on. It doesn’t mean you view your relatives as “sources of gifts.” You don’t sound greedy or entitled. You sound confused. And I can’t say I blame you.

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clairedelune November 1, 2012 at 10:41 am

It would be weird if she came to two showers without anything at all, since gift-giving is the major activity at a shower. I agree with others, though, that it’s not worth dwelling on.

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Lynne October 31, 2012 at 6:53 pm

I also read this to understand that the OP received no gift or card of any kind (not at the showers; not at the reception; not at any point). I’m surprised that so many people had a different interpretation.

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Ellie October 31, 2012 at 7:05 pm

I got married last summer and my older brother didn’t get us anything. I was a little irked at first, I know he knew better, our mother raised us on old-fashioned southern manners! I never really found out the reason, probably monetary issues. But after the wedding he helped us move and was genuinely happy for us, so that’s really all I could ask for. In the end healthy family relationships are more important than any toaster.

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Sara October 31, 2012 at 8:13 pm

While I agree that if SIL brought gifts to both showers she certainly didn’t need to bring a third gift to the wedding itself, I probably would still have given the couple a nice card with a personal note written inside.

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Angel October 31, 2012 at 11:28 pm

I don’t think it’s a major faux pas. It is possible they are having financial difficulties. At least they attended your wedding. Perhaps they felt that two showers was a bit over the top? I know that I do. It would have been nice if they gave you a card, but maybe felt that them being there for you was enough?

I have a question for the OP. Have you asked them how they are doing? They could be going through some stuff that you don’t know about. If you talk to them you may find there is a very good reason why they didn’t get you gifts.

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Claire November 1, 2012 at 8:33 am

I read it to mean that
a) SIL/bro attended the showers/reception etc without so much as a card – at all.
b)the reference to the other siblings suggests that perhaps they DID get a gift for other siblings.
c)Op doesn’t sound particularly entitled, more curious.

It’s not really an etiquette matter more a sibling rivalry/family oddity as far as I can tell.

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sv November 1, 2012 at 9:54 am

More info, OP! Did the sister in law bring gifts to the two showers or not? I know we are not supposed to expect gifts from guests from our wedding, but I would also find it odd if my brother did not give me a gift on my wedding day…but if he had already given me two gifts for two separate showers I would not expect anything else.

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Powers November 1, 2012 at 10:08 am

Giving a gift at a shower does not excuse one from also providing a gift in honor of the wedding. That’s why shower gifts are supposed to be small and inexpensive.

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Hanna November 1, 2012 at 10:46 am

Uuhh, its obvious the bride received nothing at either showers or the wedding.

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Akili November 1, 2012 at 12:25 pm

There’s too little for us to really be sure of anything. Maybe they’re being rude, maybe they didn’t have the money to buy anything and thought just a card was tacky. But if you’re close to your brother and there wasn’t any giant thing that went wrong at your wedding I’d say just give them a Thank You For Coming card and put it out of your mind.

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Kimstu November 1, 2012 at 1:53 pm

The etiquette rule for gift recipients is clear: Gifts should never be expected, and it is never proper to fret over somebody “owing” you a gift that you think you were entitled to. (Besides the greed factor, there is always the possibility that a gift may have been sent but never reached you due to some mishap.) Being delighted with the gifts you do get and not worrying about the ones you don’t get is a MUCH more charming attitude than resentful grudges about having been “stiffed of a gift”.

That said, it is definitely customary to give wedding presents to immediate family members (unless you’re actually estranged from them), so I certainly don’t blame you for secretly feeling somewhat surprised and puzzled about not getting a wedding present from your brother and SIL. Moreover, it is MANDATORY to send some kind of expression of good wishes to the bridal couple on receiving a wedding invitation. (Wedding presents, in fact, are fundamentally no more than accompaniments to and/or symbols of such good wishes.) Ticking a box on a reply card and showing up to the reception are not adequate substitutes for this requirement: even if you can’t afford any kind of wedding present, you should still officially wish the bridal couple joy in a written message.

So OP, yes, your brother and SIL have been a little etiquette-challenged here. Who can say why?—maybe they’re having money troubles and are embarrassed about looking “cheap” by sending a card with no gift, maybe each of them thought the other was taking care of your present, maybe they’re secretly preparing a splendid present that’s taking longer than expected. But your job, both as a polite bride and as a loving family member who doesn’t want to stir up resentment in the family circle, is simply to shrug your shoulders and let it go.

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sv November 1, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Perfectly said, Kimstu.

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Enna November 7, 2012 at 12:34 pm

You do make very good points Kimstu: no one must demarnd a gift but if someone is stingy then that is rude e.g. if they are happy to recieve gifts but not preapred to tactfully give gifts when they can afford to I think is inconsiderate to others’ feelings.

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Nikki November 1, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Frankly, I’m surprised that so many people have come off with the opinion that the OP sounds entitled. I too read it to mean that she recieved nothing at all from them during any of the wedding-related events.
While no one should ever EXPECT a present, it IS customary to give gifts at such occasions, and there is nothing wrong with being secretly curious about why someone you are close to has not gifted you with even a card. It doesn’t appear that OP is holding it against her brother and SIL, but merely wondering about the etiquette of the situation.

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Audra November 1, 2012 at 4:25 pm

I think the only thing “throwing” people is the lack of info. We need a bit more info from the OP. Did she receive presents from SIL at the 2 showers? Did this brother and SIL give all the other siblings presents at their weddings?

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Hanna - OP HERE! November 1, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Sorry I didn’t make my OP to the admin clear enough. My SIL attended two bridal showers and my reception and brought nothing to any of them.

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Audra November 2, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Thanks for additional info.

I think the *least* they could have done was give you & DH a card.(Did they at least say congratulations or best wishes to you at the ceremony/reception?) I am guessing that there is an issue you are not aware of- financial, jealousy, possibly something lost in the mail. It does seem a little weird that she would come to 2 showers and the wedding without a gift or card. Did she even do a card at the showers?

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Lacey November 1, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Related question – is it ever ok to go to a wedding if you can’t afford a gift?

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StephM November 2, 2012 at 5:17 am

Definitely. You are there to celebrate the beginning of their life together. While gifts are customary, they are not required.

And in case you or someone else out there is wondering, there is no minimum price you are supposed to spend on a gift. Some “etiquette” sites suggest spending as much on a gift as the couple spends on your meal, but that’s absolutely wrong. So if you can’t afford anything else, a 99 cent card or even a typed letter filled with warm wishes is great.

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Lacey November 2, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Thanks! I always wondered about the minimum price, too.

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Shnon November 4, 2012 at 1:59 am

I know for me, I’d prefer the typed letter over the card, with lots of fond memories and such, that would actually be so sweet. Other cheap to free ideas are things like collages of the couple, first date(s) and various milestones through their life, it would take time and effort, but what a cool gift that’d be… been trying to do that for my future sil, as she just got engaged, heh, or if they have kids arranging a weekly/monthly ‘day off’, where you watch the tykes while they can do as they please, be it napping at home, or going out on the town.

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Tanja November 2, 2012 at 7:03 am

I do agree it depends on many factors, even with the extra info provided by OP. Maybe they had financial issues. Maybe they felt that OP was given more money by the parents than they were, and it is unfair. Maybe they DID send a gift but it got lost/ never arrived/ was attributed to someone else.

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Lisa Marie November 2, 2012 at 9:35 pm

My son did not get his sister a wedding gift. I don’t know if she was irked by it or not. But a year later when her car died and she needed a new one, he gave her his own paid off car and bought himself another. Sometimes brothers are really there when you need one most.

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Allie November 3, 2012 at 5:08 pm

That’s an excellent point, Lisa Marie. I sometimes drop the ball on the “expected” occasions because I’m busy or having cash flow problems or simply can’t find something suitable for the occasion. However, sometimes I buy my friends and family things for no particular reason, just because I see something they might like, and I am always ready and willing to give them the shirt off my back in unexpected times of need.

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Enna November 7, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Unless there are finiancial problems or something getting lost in the post not bringing a gift is a bit odd. It does seem a bit strange in my view.

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Salsera November 19, 2012 at 5:16 pm

As an Irish bride, I have to say I find some of the customs of American weddings rather odd. For example, in Ireland, the bride pays for the bridesmaids dresses. (It strikes me as unfair to make someone wear something she may not like and have her pay for the privilege).

We don’t have the tradition of bridal showers, which I believe actually started with a Dutch couple in New York who couldn’t afford a traditional trousseau,so were ‘showered’ with gifts by their community. It’s a lovely idea for those who are starting off married life quite poor, but it strikes me as greedy if there’s no actual need for it.

I’m with Carrie from SATC; why should single people bankrupt themselves celebrating other people’s life choices? One gift is plenty.We don’t have bridal showers in Ireland, and you generally only buy one present.

The etiquette here is that one covers the cost of the plate, either in cash/vouchers within a card, or in equivalent gifts. If one is invited to a midweek wedding in a rural hotel, it’s not expensive. If it’s a Saturday wedding in June in Dublin, it is.

Wedding lists are considered slightly tacky here, although I can appreciate that with the huge distances involved in American weddings, they’re a good idea for the US.

Here’s a conundrum for you. I got married last year and invited two friends whom I’ve known for 12 years. Neither of them bought us a present, but A came to my wedding on a calcium drip, having recently had thyroid cancer. I was so moved that she made such an effort, and I couldn’t care less if she gets us a present. (She, being a classy girl, intends to get us one).

C, however, gave just a card, despite the fact that we made a donation to the charity she works for.

We have a custom of betting on the length of the speeches. The winner traditionally buys a round of drinks for the table with the proceeds.

C won the bet, and was about to put her winnings in her bag when my friend S called her on it and insisted she buy everyone a drink. (Most people buy a round of drinks for the table anyway, even if they don’t win the bet. The worst thing you can call someone here is mean).

She got €250 for her charity (and therefore, looked good), a €75 meal with wine, and tried to take home €60 from her tablemates. She has lost a lot of friends recently,and I’m convinced it’s because she’s either mean amd/or socially clueless. She has no generous impulses at all, and I have never known her to buy a round of drinks.

At her 30th birthday, she turned around to a male friend and said ‘Where’s my present, Chris’? He was mortified, as was I, because, for once, I hadn’t brought a present.
(I sent some flowers later to wish her a welcome to her 30s).

For my 40th, which was catered and in a hotel, she was literally the only person who didn’t bring a gift, despite having known me for the longest. One girl got me hair accessories and nail varnish in exactly the shades I like, and I was perfectly happy with that, because it showed she knew me. It wasn’t expensive, but it was thoughtful.

In Dublin, people only tend to buy presents for decade birthdays, but they would at least buy you drinks. C has never bought me a drink that I haven’t returned. Yet, for her birthdays, all her friends buy her gifts and she makes a big ‘Look what M got me, isn’t it gorgeous?’, thereby making others with cheaper gifts feel inadequate in comparison. She tried to organise a Fancy Dress Ball for her own birthday, and invited me. Luckily, it was cancelled. In short, her life occasions have an enormous fuss made over them, and mine get a card. What should I do?

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mpk November 24, 2012 at 1:29 pm

From now on for her life occasions, why not just give her a card. She sounds like one of those entitled people you read about on here all the time. And it also sounds like she’ll make you feel guilty if you don’t go over the top for her. You need to get over that. Does she buy other people gifts, or just expects people to buy for her? And for her making people feel inadequate about their gifts to her, i’m surprised she still gets any at all. Someone would make me feel like that once, and that would be it. They wouldn’t get anything else from me in the future.

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