Dear e-Hell, I wonder if you could offer me some advice.
Over the course of a year, I became close with a co-worker who was my superior. She had acquired a reputation of being a bit cold prior to her arrival at our office but I quickly took a liking to her, and discovered she was quite shy. We became fast “office friends” and spent breaks together, gossiping and chatting through the day. We saw each other outside of work too – rarely, but it was always fun when we did. Neither of us is very social, so I was under the impression we’d become genuinely close. I’d also met her partner and he had told me how glad she was for our friendship as she had so few friends.
When she left for a better position we stayed in touch by email weekly. She became engaged, and I attended the engagement party, bringing a luxurious gift.
She was soon planning her wedding, although she did not disclose a date. She routinely sought my advice on the fashion elements – she asked for my help in sourcing a particular kind of dress and lingerie online, which I did at length. She would also discuss in detail the ins and outs of her choice of dress, shoes, underwear, etc, asking for my opinion each time, sending me photos and asking me for advice and alternatives. I felt very involved in this process, and although I did not expect an invitation to her wedding, I assumed she planned to invite me as she’d openly asked for my help with her dress.
Some time passed, work got busy for both of us, and I began to hear from her less. Then tragedy struck her family. I immediately made a date to see her, have a drink and lend a shoulder.
It was during the course of this evening that I learned that the date of her wedding had in fact, passed.
Although I never “expected” an invitation, I was very hurt to learn that she had not only not invited me, but failed to even mention the whole wedding!
It was clear to me then why she had so few friends, but I said nothing, and carried on being a shoulder at what was a very sad time for her. I did not see or hear from her for a very long time after that.
Was I wrong to assume the bride would invite me in exchange for help in sourcing a dress and other items? Perhaps I was.
Recently I learned that she has been dealt a second blow to her already difficult family situation. I sent her a message sending my condolences and asking for a good time to visit. I never heard back. 0829-12