“Added Guests On The RSVP Want To Sing A New Song” Final Update

by admin on September 10, 2012

Hello all! I submitted a story and a brief pre-wedding update about wedding guests who added 5 additional guests to their mail-in RSVP (and asked if her granddaughter could sing), then tried to add another 2 over the phone! I wish I could say it ended there, but no.

I do want to say that my day went better than I could have imagined. There were a few hiccups, but nothing that took the smile from my face, and nothing changed the fact that my husband and I are now married, and our guests are still talking about what a great wedding it was. I actually saw this particular relative’s actions as amusement, adding to the magic of the day.

Since I had much more important things to worry about in the weeks leading up to the wedding, we sucked it up and were able to squeeze in the negotiated additional 3 guests. However, we did assign them seats at the table in the very back corner, closest to the DJ. Passive-aggressive, yes, but someone had to sit at that table, and I would rather it not have been more gracious guests. The morning of the wedding was fabulous, my family and wedding party were amazing and did everything to make sure the day was great. DH and I were having our “First Look” photo shoot, which is supposed to be a very intimate moment between bride and groom, the first time we see each other that day. We decided to do this before the ceremony so that we would have more time during the reception to spend with our guests. We’re having a great time, very intimate, and I look up and see none other than my favorite relatives J and W. TWO HOURS EARLY!!! (Yes, J & W are the ones who tried to add seven more guests to our wedding.) Not only were they there two hours early, they were also trying to take photos of our intimate photo session, and also had to be told by our professional photographers to move out of the frame. At this point, my father went over and kindly escorted them to the parking lot and told them they could come back 30 minutes before the ceremony.

Everything else went great, the ceremony was absolutely perfect. My cousin officiated and put a lot of thought and effort into delivering a very personal sermon that reflected our personalities. But then they strike again. When we got to the reception, J & W were sitting alone. Additional negotiated three, whose meals had been paid for, weren’t bothered to even show.

As annoying and frustrating as the situation was, a part of me is glad it happened, because now I can win every ‘my family is crazier than yours’ discussion I have with my husband, and I have a great wall ornament, as I framed the RSVP that started it all.   0906-12

{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }

handy September 10, 2012 at 5:52 am

Thanks so much for sharing the outcome! I’ve wondered everyday when I read this most excellent blog if you would remember to come back and fill us in with what happened. J&W remained consistently clueless every step of the way but you get to wear the halo of the gracious hostess!

May you and your hubby have a wonderful life together.

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jen a. September 10, 2012 at 6:59 am

You have a fantastic attitude, OP!

I’m wondering if those additional guests were a little more etiquette-savvy than J and W, and didn’t want anything to do with showing up at a wedding they weren’t invited to.

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The Elf September 10, 2012 at 1:26 pm

I’d bet that was what happened when they heard about it through the grapevine. Possibly directly from J and W “We got you an invite to the wedding!”

I’m glad you were able to view the whole thing with humor. Laughing instead of steaming probably made the difference between enjoying your wedding day and being annoyed at your wedding.

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Carol September 10, 2012 at 7:00 am

I’m so pleased you had a good day! So no singing grandchild, then, huh. I wonder if the family members that were added on said ‘um, no, we can’t go, we weren’t invited.’

Congratulations on getting married. I wish you a long and happy life together!

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lkb September 10, 2012 at 7:01 am

Glad it all worked out for the best for the happy couple. Hope the cost of the extra meals wasn’t too extravagant.

I’ve never heard of a “first look photo shoot”. I’ve always heard of the tradition/superstition that it was bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the actual wedding. (Not criticizing, just mentioning the tradition I’m familiar with.)

Lastly, framing the problematic RSVP seems odd — why memorialize the crazy? But of course, it’s the OP’s call. Maybe she can use it as a dart board? ;D ;D ;D

Blessings on the happy couple!

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AMC September 10, 2012 at 11:27 am

I’ve seen a few “first look” shoots. They’re pretty cute. Usually, the groom stands with his back to the bride, and she walks up behind him, and the photographer catures his reaction when he turns around and sees her in her wedding dress for the first time.

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Katy September 10, 2012 at 12:18 pm

First look photo shoots are a very new thing. It’s meant to give the couple an intimate moment to spend before their ceremony, just a moment with the two of them instead of whispered compliments right before the officiant speaks. Its’ some people’s cup of tea, but it’s not for everyone. I wish I had done it, as I had to duck into the mens’ bathroom walking down the hall towards my ceremony when my HTB had to chase a ringbearer around the corner.

I like the RSVP dart board idea. But then it won’t last too long, and it won’t be immortalized for all to see.

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Colleen September 13, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Not necessarily, new as my hubby and I had them done at our wedding 15 years ago. It’s s great way to have a moment of peace during the craziness of the day, and to be able to get some of the photos out of the way before the ceremony so that you can have more time to party with your guests afterwards.

What we did was the photographer found a scenic spot for me to stand in. The best man escorted my groom out as he had his hands over his eyes. The photographer stood behind me as my husband was allowed to open his eyes, snapped a couple of photos of the “reveal” and then walked away for a few minutes to allow us time together. Then we had the rest of our formal attendant photos taken before the ceremony.

To this day the photo of the “first look” is one of my favorites in our album. I am not a girly girl, so the shock and delight on hubby’s face when he saw me in the dress was priceless.

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Cat September 10, 2012 at 12:28 pm

It will keep their visits short. One look at that framed invitation will serve to remind them how rude they were to invite the uninvited who then did not even bother to come. It will also remind them how the happy couple viewed their behavior. And then they will leave.

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Library Diva September 10, 2012 at 1:16 pm

I thought framing the RSVP showed a great sense of humor. At the newspaper I used to work at, we saved some of the pettiest/most ridiculous complaints we received, including one about how they were tired of seeing an editor’s “smug face” in every issue, (each editor wrote a column that appeared with a headshot photo of them), that he couldn’t wait until his subscription was done, and that he should give his readers a break from having to look at him.

Hal, from the previous updates, it does not sound like the OP was close to these people. It sounds unlikely in the extreme that they’ll ever visit OP and her husband at their home, and if they do, they’ll just have to remember to take it down.

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ferretrick September 10, 2012 at 2:14 pm

@Cat: You’d think, but if they were clueless enough to do it in the first place….

I would like to think the reason the uninvited didn’t show is because they realized they weren’t actually invited. But I doubt it.

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Amomynous September 11, 2012 at 10:19 am

The first look idea is cute! At my own wedding we did all our shots before the ceremony. Considering that my DH and I had lived together for 3 years prior to marriage I don’t think we were in danger of any bad luck!

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sidi-ji September 10, 2012 at 7:22 am

Great update! Congratulations to you. Your father was impressive >:)

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Mary September 10, 2012 at 8:02 am

I am so glad everything went well for you and you enjoyed your wedding day to the fullest. Plus if those were the I only three no show guests, consider yourself lucky. At our wedding, we had 30 no shows out of 230 that had responded that they were coming. I can only think that these people were used to casual buffet weddings where the couple is charged based on how many guests actually eat. We had a sit down dinner and were charged for those 30 meals.

Fortunately I did not find out these numbers until the next day. My fad only came up to me during dinner and mentioned that there was done extra food if we wanted to spread the word in case any guests were still hungry.

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Shannon September 10, 2012 at 8:27 am

I absolutely love that you framed the RSVP. It shows a sense of humor and grace under pressure – both qualities that are absolutely essential in a happy marriage!

Best wishes to you both.

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Kovi September 10, 2012 at 8:31 am

lkb: It must be common in certain areas. I know I’ve heard of the traditional, ‘don’t see each other until the actual wedding’ thing, but for most weddings I’ve been to the bride and groom opt to do photos beforehand. Even if they don’t want to see each other until she walks down the isle, they’ll do the group photos beforehand, then just the bride/groom ones afterward.

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Daisy September 10, 2012 at 10:15 am

Blessings to you both, and a special blessing for the one who thought up framing the offending RSVP card. A good sense of humour will take you a long way in a marriage!

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Hal September 10, 2012 at 11:14 am

A framed RSVP showcasing the rudeness of a guest? Rule number one in etiquette is to never embarrass another person.

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Cat September 10, 2012 at 11:20 am

Good for your father!
Wishing you every happiness in your life as a married lady. A Christmas card to the rude relations will be enough of a contact with them for say, the next forty years.

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Stacey Frith-Smith September 10, 2012 at 11:22 am

Great update! Congratulations on a successful day- may you be very happy!

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Katy September 10, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Okay, so now we need an update in a few years when this person’s grandkids get married and she has an epic freakout because someone brought along an uninvited guest.

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June First September 10, 2012 at 1:06 pm

When I read the headline to this entry, I got really excited. Thanks for the update!

@lkb-We’re doing a “first look” photo shoot so we can go straight from the ceremony to the reception without the 2+ hours of waiting time for guests in between. Our photographer suggested it, so she’ll stage when and where we see each other for the first time in our wedding clothes and capture it.

Some of my friends thought this was a bad idea, but it just seems more practical to me.

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Miss Raven September 10, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Both of my cousins who were married in the last 10 years had the “First Look” photos done. For the first one, I was an attendant and was actually present when she and her now-husband saw each other for the first time. It was an indescribably beautiful moment that even now makes me tear up to think of it, and I am so happy they have that moment on camera.

I think the “bad luck to see the bride in her wedding dress” tradition is sort of giving way to “pictures before the ceremony” simply for the sake of being courteous to guests, who then don’t have to weight however many hours between the ceremony and the reception for photos to be done.

All that aside, thank you for checking back in, OP! We were dying for the thrilling conclusion. I’m so glad your special day was as special as it could be!

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Bint September 11, 2012 at 5:39 am

My husband got his first look when I came up the aisle. Nice. It meant everyone else got to see that first look as well, which I liked even more because ha ha ha, he was pretty staggered! In a good way!

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Miss Raven September 10, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Wait! Not weight! Oh dear. I’m eating lunch while typing and obviously something else is on my mind…

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Katie September 10, 2012 at 3:49 pm

The framed invite is HILARIOUS :) And to all those who think it’s rude… well, the OP hasn’t said where in the house it is kept- it could be in their private room where nobody ever goes!

Congratulations and best of luck to you for a happy life together xxxx

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Shoegal September 10, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Congrats on your marriage – I’m so glad you had a great day. I just have to think these people are especially clueless. To think that they wrangled an additional 3 seats and those guest didn’t even show up!!!They should have been ashamed to come themselves but instead come hour earlier and make a nuisance of themselves. Just have to be totally without a clue – if they are this out of it then you can’t even be mad at them – just have to laugh.

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Mary September 10, 2012 at 5:58 pm

“Fortunately I did not find out these numbers until the next day. My fad only came up to me during dinner and mentioned that there was done extra food if we wanted to spread the word in case any guests were still hungry”

Obviously I shouldn’t type on my phone. I meant to say my Dad came up to me during the dinner.

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LilyG September 10, 2012 at 6:54 pm

“I actually saw this particular relative’s actions as amusement, adding to the magic of the day.”

This is the way to approach most bumps in the road of life. Good for you and I’m so glad your wedding/married life turned out so happily. May it continue on that way.

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Bint September 11, 2012 at 5:42 am

I am always surprised that nobody ever seems to tell these people that they basically ripped off the people paying for the wedding with those no-show meals.

Newlyweds may have more important things to think about, but certainly in my and my husband’s families people would know what had happened and the disapproval would get back to those responsible. “I think John and Jane were quite surprised X and Y didn’t come when you added them on. You do know they had to pay £100 for their meals.”

Mind you, in my family I would have rung them up and said sorry, they weren’t invited. In fact I did.

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Saucygirl September 11, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Bint – when I got married I had a coworker who was known for accepting invitations and then not showing up. When he rsvpd for three for my wedding, I made it clear to him that if he flaked out I would be charging him the $100 he would be costing me. A little tacky of me, but not only did he attend my wedding, but he was better about attending all invited functions after our talk.

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MaryFran September 17, 2012 at 5:04 pm

I hope that little framed RSVP is prominently displayed at some holiday, should the family member attend! LOL.

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Enna September 20, 2012 at 12:28 pm

I’m glad the op had a great wedding day and the added no-shows didn’t ruin it for her. I hope that other guests took note on this. I would be inclined in future not to allow them to add guests to other family dos/celebrations as they don’t show up.

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