A Swift Descent Into Ehell For A Kennedy

by admin on August 23, 2012

There is an argument in my office as to whether the singer Taylor Swift acted poorly, or if the Mother of the Bride did in this scenario. To me it seems odd that Taylor was approached and asked to leave, when for all the MOTB knew, Taylor thought she was welcome. Can you weigh in?

Here is the story: http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/taylor-swift-a-kennedy-wedding-crasher/story-fnbk7kwa-1226456437889

Ok, here are my thoughts on this story….

If Taylor Swift and Conor Kennedy did not RSVP to the wedding, this is a major faux pas.

If they actually texted the Mother of the Bride, who is Conor Kennedy’s aunt, an hour before the wedding to see if they could come on short notice, this was a major faux pas.

It is not a faux pas for the Mother of the Bride to respond to the last minute phone call/text with a decisive, “No, I am sorry, we cannot accommodate you on such late notice.”  I wish more hosts would say “No” to such rude, late requests so that we create a social stigma and negative consequence for those too entitled to bother informing someone of their intent to attend.

I note that Miss Swift’s publicist isn’t denying that the RVSP was not sent but rather that Miss Swift was asked to leave the wedding after being informed earlier that her last minute request was denied.   Failure to RSVP is so rude and dismissive of the generous offer of an invitation and then to put one’s hosts under enormous pressure by calling them at the last minute to squeeze in is just as disrespectful and rude.

On the other hand, I’m not buying the story that Taylor Swift’s presence at the wedding created a distraction.  This is the Kennedy family after all.    Many family members are publicly prominent in politics and entertainment.  And why would Swift be invited to the wedding at all if her presence would have been an alleged distraction?   The distraction was undoubtedly Mother of the Bride, Victoria Gifford Kennedy , creating drama by asking Swift to leave.   Victoria wasn’t thinking because if she had, she would have realized that the arrival of Swift followed quickly by a hasty departure would have created a lot of drama, gossip and speculation.  Also the real “villain” may have been Conor Kennedy, not Miss Swift, who may have been clueless as to what Conor was communicating to his family (or not as in the case of an RSVP).

And the only way this story ever became newsworthy was due to the Mother of the Bride speaking with the press.   If I were her, I would not have accommodated the crashers with choice seating at the reception, discretely made sure they did not displace legitimate guests from their assigned seats and said nothing because it is not my wedding but rather my daughter’s and I have no right to  attach negative publicity to her special day.

{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }

Cherry August 23, 2012 at 8:31 am

“Also the real “villain” may have been Conor Kennedy, not Miss Swift, who may have been clueless as to what Conor was communicating to his family (or not as in the case of an RSVP).”

This. Exactly this. The media is so desperately trying to demonise either one woman or the other depending on their stance (depending on what you read, TS is an obnoxious gatecrasher, or the MotB is a jealous harpy) that no one is giving any consideration or fault to Connor Kennedy. There does seem to be quite a bit of a double standard in these situations…

The final bit is completely accurate as well. MotB shouldn’t have spoken to the press. It makes the whole situation stink of a woman desperate for attention in any form.

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mechtilde August 23, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Quite.

I once found myself in a very similar position after an ex failed to let the people organising an event know I was coming with him. The organisers were graciousness itself. I was mortified.

Unsurprisingly I soon learned that this was typical for his behaviour and lack of consideration for others.

Even less surprisingly he very soon became an ex.

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Lapis August 23, 2012 at 9:39 am

I agree with Admin that Conor may have been the real “villain”. Taylor Swift may not have known he did not RSVP or that he texted last minute to ask if they could come. Seems like the blame is being assigned to the women with no one asking what Conor’s role was.

MOB did not not have to comment to the press on the story. If she had not then no one would ever have known that Conor & Taylor were “crashing”. IMO, she made the day about the “crashers” by speaking to the press. Does anyone know how to say “no comment” anymore?

I am in no way defending what happened- it was wrong. However, I do find it strange that Mrs.Kennedy asked Taylor to leave and she did not. I have heard it said that all publicity is good for celebrities but I don’t think Taylor would want to be know as a wedding crasher.

Taylor Swift presents herself a nice young woman but she could be one of the spoiled celebrity types who thinks the rules do not apply to them.

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Lilac August 23, 2012 at 10:10 am

Even if it was true, what kind of person embarrasses her nephew and his girlfriend in such a way? It is just unbelievably petty and tacky. Does she not like him or get along with his parents? It feels like something else is going on. And turning her daughter’s special day into fodder for the gossip mongers is just classless and clueless!

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2browneyes4 August 23, 2012 at 10:45 am

As I understand the story, TS texted an hour beforehand to ask if she could come. This would indicate that (1) she did not RSVP, and (2) she was aware that she did not RSVP.

Then, MOTB responded “Please do not come.” After that, any commotion/drama/negativity was directly caused by TS showing up despite the request not to appear. Even if Conor insisted that they appear anyway, knowing that she did not RSVP and receiving a response asking her not to come, TS should know better. Even at her age, she should realize that the wedding was not a keg party where “one more person with a cup won’t matter.”

Or do I have the facts confused?

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Lapis August 23, 2012 at 4:05 pm

I understood the article to say Conor was invited but did not respond so an hour before he (Conor) texted the MOTB. I think the article quotes the MOTB as saying ” They texted me an hour before the wedding and asked if they could come”. I would assume it was Conor who texted since it was his family but the article never acutally states which one did the texting.

Yes, Taylor Swift should have known better. Conor is not blameless. He also should have known better than to invite someone to a wedding, especially if he had not bothered to RSVP.

I amend my original statement: Conor Kennedy and Taylor Swift are equally guilty.

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youngchick68 August 23, 2012 at 11:20 am

Connor Kennedy displayed poor manners in 1. not sending in the RSVP in a timely manner, 2. requesting at the last possible moment to see about coming to the wedding and 3. not communicating to Miss Swift that his Aunt DID respond to his request with a firm “No.” and should have, instead, made alternative plans for the day. Roast, Connor, Roast in E-Hell!

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Jay August 23, 2012 at 11:26 am

The MoB didn’t want to have a distraction at the wedding, so she created a scene and then a media circus around it. Right.

Rude not to RSVP, but not “create a scene” rude. And this is the Kennedy family.. they’re no strangers to this sort of celebrity or attention.

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TylerBelle August 23, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Catching a little blurb on the news was the first I heard of this incident, and it was said that the MOB asked Taylor Swift to leave because she would distract from the bride. Hearing this, I felt the most sorry for the groom. He counts, too. For that sentiment feeds the stereotype we’ve seen a lot on here how weddings are viewed to be all about the bride, while the poor groom’s role seems to be to simply show up and do what he’s told. It should go without saying the couple needs to have equal consideration.

I agree the situation should have been handled quite differently. Like no involving the press, or at least as minimal as possible, and RSVPs should have made been in timely fashion and not last minute.

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DogLover August 23, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Talyor’s boyfriend was probably invited with an “an guest” notation. Taylor could have been totally unaware that he did not RSVP. In fact, the text to ask if they could come could have been because she asked him “You RSVPed right?” and he said “um, sure” and then quickly texted to cover it up.

The point is, we don’t know. But I doubt Taylor herself was invited or at least the reason for the invitation. This was his family and as such his responsibility. Haven’t many women been put in an uncomfortable situation because our guy took us somewhere and didn’t RSVP or say you were coming or whatever? It happens.

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Christine August 23, 2012 at 3:44 pm

I disagree with the Mod in one particular respect. Taylor Swift is probably THE biggest female star in America at the moment. Both TS and the MOB would know that her arrival would create a major distraction from the wedding and the bride. In fact, the news stories SAID that TS was surrounded when she entered the hotel by photograph and authograph seekers. I doubt that the MOB sought out the press – the press was already there – they follow someone like TS everywhere – especially since she’s made no secret of the fact that she’s dating a Kennedy.

I think TS behaved extremely badly in this situation. Connor Kennedy is 18 yrs old, so perhaps his behavious is excusable because he is still a virtual child, but TS is 22 yrs old and much involved in social situations – she should have known better. I think she did this for the exposure of going to a “Kennedy wedding” and I lay the fault entirely at her feet. Perhaps she is used to breezing in and being welcome wherever she goes because she is a ‘star’, but this was a private wedding. Not done.

The MOB had everything right to ask them to leave and to want her daughter to be the focus of this day (not just for the happy couple, but also because it probably cost a fortune and took an army to plan!).

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Jess August 24, 2012 at 8:37 am

there are a lot of assumptions there….

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Christine August 24, 2012 at 12:56 pm

There were a lot of assumptions in the admin’s response and there are a lot of assumptions in replies assuming the MOB caused a scene at her daughter’s wedding and that TS and Connor Kennedy were just ‘kids being kids’. I happen to believe TS and CK were entirely in the wrong in this case.

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sv August 23, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Sounds like the ehellion here was really the boyfriend, not Taylor Swift. Who knows if she even realized what had happened? Why on earth would the MOB even draw attention to this on her daughter’s day? Sounds like a bit of an attention grab to me….” My daughter’s wedding is so important I won’t even let someone like Taylor Swift in without an RSVP!!”

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Kate August 24, 2012 at 1:11 am

I thought of EHell when reading this story, too. If someone didn’t RSVP to my wedding and then sent a text message asking to attend, I’d be saying no regardless of whether it was my second cousin twice removed or Brad Pitt.

Taylor Swift may not have even been officially invited. Haven’t she and Conor Kennedy only been dating for a few weeks? When the invitations were sent, his invite may not even have included a plus one (given that he is only 17, and people sometimes decline to include the partners of teenage guests).

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Hemi August 24, 2012 at 9:23 am

I believe Justin Bieber crashed a beach wedding a year or so ago. He was at the beach with his girlfriend, they saw the wedding, strolled over and joined the festivies and I believe he even sang a song. The media played that up as Justin being super-friendly, when in reality, he was just as rude at Conor & TS showing up without rsvping.

Celebrities…

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Terri August 26, 2012 at 4:08 pm

I believe Bieber and Selena Gomez heard his song being played so that’s the reason they went over there. Still no excuse for crashing…

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Lacey August 24, 2012 at 11:34 am

Definitely Conor’s fault. Not only not RSVP’ing and asking to come to the wedding an hour beforehand, but then also “Uh, can I bring my girlfriend?” Then showing up after his selfish request was refused? Sounds like an entitled brat to me. I don’t really blame the girlfriend who got dragged along, unless she begged him to bring her to a Kennedy wedding or something (a big assumption).

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Hayley August 24, 2012 at 4:41 pm

surely around the time the invites went out may’ve coincided with Conor’s MOM DYING. If I was a teenager coping with that I wouldn’t RSVP either, and how was he to know if he’d be able to cope with a family gathering in near future?! Cut the guy some slack, and accommodate him MOB. It makes the family look pathetic.

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Felis August 24, 2012 at 7:32 pm

I first heard about this on a gossip feature on a radio show (and the following day, they discussed it again). I found it incredibly funny, because the radio host reported that the MOB asked TS to leave because she was afraid that TS would take attention from the bride…. then they spend the rest of the segment talking about the Kennedys, the supposed “curse” on the family and reiterating the news stories in the past that involved them. No further mention of Miss Taylor Swift.

…Yeah, I don’t think the Kennedys ever have to worry about anyone stealing attention away from them. :)

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Gramma Dishes August 24, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Hayley ~~ Good! I thought I was the only person who felt that way!

Were they rude? Absolutely. But …
In this particular case there were certainly extenuating circumstances.

Conor’s mother had just died. She committed suicide after an especially ugly and nasty divorce. There were huge issues as to where she was to be buried and I think eventually the body was actually moved and reburied. Conor ended up being named executor of her estate. He is 18 years old.

At eighteen, would he know — even as a Kennedy — the enormous importance of RSVPing? Wouldn’t the mother of an eighteen year old have been the one who normally would have taken care of this, or at least explained it to him? Clearly he had been invited. Couldn’t they have cut him a little slack?

I have a strong feeling that if he had shown up with Miss Unknownplainjane there would have been no problem and not a word of discussion about how “rude” he was. They just didn’t want Taylor Swift there. Period. Because, yes, she would take a teeny bit of attention away from the bride — maybe.

In all of this, did one single person ask the bride and groom how they felt about it? I have a feeling they wouldn’t have cared and might have even been pleased to see her there. It was the MIL and SMIL that caused most of the hulabalu here, not Conor and Taylor.

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GleanerGirl September 3, 2012 at 3:27 am

His mother had just died? That does shed a new light on things.

I know that when I’m torn up by grief, I get very confused. You know how sometimes you think about doing something, (“I really need buy milk today,”) and you may even start doing that task, and then you get distracted, and forget to actually complete the task (“Let’s see, I bought bread, eggs, cheese, bacon, potatoes. Yep! I’m good!”). Later, you remember starting it, and think you’ve done it, even though you haven’t actually.

I’m like that quite often, even without fresh grief. I imagine that could easily have happened to Connor, under the circumstances. Maybe he thought he had accepted the invitation properly, only to realize at the last minute that he had forgotten to mail the card.

Of course, if that were the case, he should have phoned, and explained, rather than texted, but then again, I really don’t like texting, in general, so I admit I’m biased.

Anyway, what shocks me is that this family, close relations, not 3rd cousins twice removed, would know about the grief, and not cut him any slack. Yes, manners are important, but then again, so is compassion and grace.

But then again, I have a personal bias. If I had not received a proper response from my first cousin, I would have called him, myself. Maybe I wouldn’t bother calling about non-responses from the 3rd cousins twice removed, or from Dad’s old boss’s previous golfing partner. But from a first cousin? You bet I’d make that call. If I love him and want him there, I’d make the call, and it doesn’t matter whose responsibility it is to actually mail the card or make the call. Just get the answer you need.

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Lacey August 25, 2012 at 9:36 am

I would assume that a Kennedy, as a member of a family known more now for being socialites than politicians, would know the importance of RSVP’ing. But even with the extenuating circumstances, why an hour before the wedding? Why not even a day before? Also, bringing uninvited guests to anything is one of my biggest etiquette pet peeves. I don’t think that if you don’t RSVP, you get to show up with your girlfriend of a couple months in tow.

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Lacey August 25, 2012 at 9:38 am

Besides, I think an important thing that some of Conor’s defenders are overlooking is that he was asked NOT to come and chose to do so anyways. I can’t see a defence for that.

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Redneck Gravy August 30, 2012 at 5:58 pm

I am guessing that Conor Kennedy has known what an rsvp means since he was about 12 years old.

Here’s my scenario: He gets the invitation about the time his mother dies and there is a battle over her body, it doesn’t even register with his brain that he needs to rsvp. A period of time passes, on the day of the wedding he hears someone say, hey I’ll see you tonight at the wedding. Blonk a brick hits him in the head, he calls TS and says hey wanna go to my cousin’s wedding tonight? Then he texts MOB and she says no, so he texts the bride and she says sure come on.

TS & CK arrive at the wedding. MOB is furious that he has done this and asks them to leave, which they do. After dinner the bride realizes they are missing, she texts him and says come back the dancing is starting soon and they go back. TS, who should definitely know better but is caught up in the Kennedy worship, goes back with CK. MOB is now doubly furious that TS & CK have dared to come back and again asks them to leave, which they do. The bride is clueless to this drama between TS, CK & MOB. Both TS & CK know better but are now in a battle of wills with MOB and bride’s request, so being young (even though they are both old enough to know better X 2) they go back to the reception.

Then MOB tells the press that she had to ask TS & CK twice to leave her daughter’s wedding. Then the story goes viral – newspaper and radio, Kathie Lee Gifford also covers it on her morning tv show. There is enough room in eHell for everyone concerned.

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GleanerGirl September 3, 2012 at 3:29 am

You know, I think this is quite plausible.

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Enna September 25, 2012 at 7:00 am

That is a good point. If that is the case then things should’ve been handled more carefully on all sides.

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OP September 2, 2012 at 11:46 pm

Thank you for your response! I knew you’d clear this up, Admin.

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Enna September 22, 2012 at 7:51 am

I like Admin’s response – if Conner didn’t communicate properly then it is his fault because that is his responsiblity.

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