“It Should Have Been Me”

by admin on June 18, 2012

It has taken me three years to submit this story because I have been angry for such a long time. Now I can only look back on the days surrounding my wedding and realize that it might have made a good movie!

My husband and I live in his hometown, which is on the complete opposite side of the country from where I grew up. Being the bride and wanting to stick with tradition, I suggested we get married in my hometown (he only had his parents, two sisters and their dates attend anyway). My family was thrilled and they immediately started to get all of the plans together. They booked the venue for us, my mother made all of the decorations (she truly is a Martha Stewart) and they organized the bridal shower. My husband’s parents refused to help with anything.

My bridal party consisted of my best friend since childhood, my sister-in-law and a friend who I had known for about two years in my husband’s hometown (where we resided). His groomsmen included my brother, a close girl friend as the “best man”, and a man who had been friends with him since childhood even though he is eight years older. The reason he had a woman stand in as a “best man” is because I begged him to not have his unbelievably ignorant man-child friend (let’s call him Joe) stand in for him. My husband has no back bone and so when Joe stated that he wanted to be in the wedding party my husband said yes. I also thought the idea of having the female best man (we’ll call her Katie) wouldn’t be so bad. Boy, was I ever wrong.

During my bachelorette party my sister-in-law and best friend were fabulous, it was the Katie and my friend of two years (“Lisa”) who were just plain awful. They didn’t know any of my hometown friends and at every chance Lisa would talk about her boyfriend who she was planning on leaving and taking their 9 month old son away with her. My friends felt sorry for her and it kind of put a damper on the party. Meanwhile, Katie couldn’t wait to crash the bachelor party as she said she would be able to attend since “she was the best man”. My party ended with us meeting up with the guys at the only bar in town, which I thought was strange. I was getting really tired so when I went to find my fiance to say goodnight, he and Katie were down by the docks taking a midnight stroll, her arm around him and snuggled into his side. As soon as she saw me, she looked away and dropped her arm. I was extremely hurt and confused. Now, this is going to sound bad but you have to know my husband. He is a huge dork, and I was pretty much his first real relationship. He believes that everything in the world is just peachy and doesn’t see malice or evil anywhere. “Naive” doesn’t even begin to describe him. So we all get in a big taxi van and get dropped off at our destinations and Lisa forgets her purse in the vehicle. None of us notice until she mentions it the next day…

So it’s the day of the rehearsal dinner and my husband, my best friend, my mom and my sister- in-law and I are frantically making salads, desserts, steaks, lobsters etc. We try to contact Lisa and Katie who are supposed to be helping us but we can’t reach them (they are staying at my aunt and uncle’s house who are hosting the dinner for us). We dropped off the food only to find that Katie and Lisa had spent the day at the beach with my aunt, and Lisa started yelling at me because she forgot her purse in the cab and had missed her medication. Luckily we knew the cab driver and we were able to track down her purse. During the rehearsal dinner, my in-laws sat in a completely separate room. My father-in-law made fun of our culture, and was being obnoxious, but we decided to ignore it. As the evening was winding down I was excited to hand out the presents I had purchased for my bridesmaids and groomsmen. I had a bag full of spa goodies and had handmade custom t-shirts, hoping we could all get a picture taken in them. Katie and Lisa looked at their bags, didn’t even open them and took off upstairs. They stated that they were going to go to the hotel for my husband’s “bachelor party” which was odd since it was held the night before. They got all dolled up and were out the door.

The next day was my wedding day. My sister-in-law came over with breakfast for me and we headed over to the salon to get our hair done. I was in a state of bliss and to be completely honest, I was the biggest pushover bride you could imagine. I just wanted to marry my fiance as cheesy as that sounds. So I didn’t say anything when Katie and Lisa both demanded to have their hair re-done, even though I hadn’t even have mine done yet. I didn’t freak out when Lisa spilled foundation on the top of my beautiful wedding dress minutes before walking down the aisle. What really got me was Katie’s speech in which she LITERALLY said, “I may be the best man, but obviously I am a woman. If I really were the best woman, I WOULD BE THE ONE WEARING WHITE and sitting next to (my husband)”. I thought I had heard her wrong, but she started to cry and people around the room were shocked. My mother was furious and I just hung my head because I was mortified of the situation.   After the wedding and reception were over. Katie had the nerve to follow my husband and I up to our honeymoon suite because she demanded to have a tour. She stayed for 45 minutes because she kept complaining that guys were hitting on her. She also gave me a written copy of her speech, which I threw away when she left. Oh, how I wish I could have had an ounce of assertiveness back then! Also, Lisa missed the reception. She spent the entire time hooking up with my step-brother in his and my brother and sister-in-law’s shared room.

The next morning ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE. I was expecting to have a wonderful first breakfast with my new husband, when all of a sudden my mother started to fly off the handle. My brother and sister-in-law had gone to her complaining that Lisa and my step-brother were having sex in the bed directly next to theirs. I didn’t even want to speak to Lisa. Since it had been raining on my wedding day, we had planned to get pictures done that day, but with all the drama surrounding my brother, my step-brother, Lisa and Katie’s confession in her speech, we were all in a whirlwind. We also had to pay for Joe vomiting in the hallway, causing disturbances and lighting fireworks in the hotel parking lot next to parked vehicles (I kid you not).

There was WAY more drama that continued after our honeymoon, but there is not enough time or energy to get into it. At least I got to enjoy “most” of my vacation, as Lisa’s mother decided to send me a very nasty message on Facebook that brought me to tears.

Turn a destructive emotion such as anger into a positive and let it be the catalyst which compels you develop a polite spine.   Your motto should be, “I will never let the rude boors of this world rule and ruin any part of my life.”   And focus on the positive….you have a best friend, a sister-in-law and family who appear to be gems.

{ 50 comments… read them below or add one }

jess June 18, 2012 at 8:51 am

I feel aweful for you but that really would have made a good movie…or a book because I would love to hear the rest. Katie following up to your room was disgusting!

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lkb June 18, 2012 at 9:01 am

Sorry things turned out that way. It doesn’t sound like it was a great time.

However, this post had one phrase repeated throughout that was irritating: “my wedding”. While the OP is telling it from her point of view but isn’t it more properly “our wedding”? What did the OP’s fiance/husband have to say about this (including the canoodling at the dock)? (Given the account here, it seems doubtful that anyone is that “naive”, btw.)

Here’s hoping the marriage is better than the wedding.

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Lo June 18, 2012 at 9:01 am

As someone about to be married who has a best man as a bridal attendant and a three “groomswomen” on my groom’s side, I can only say I am so sorry that this crazy woman ruined the unique experience of having opposite gender attendants. It does sound like something out of a movie and I cannot believe she had the nerve to say what she said

If she were hurting over someone longtime misplaced affection for your husband the proper thing would have been to bow out of the wedding. If there were no signs that this was going to be an issue for her before the wedding came it’s absolutely bewildering that she would take that moment to break. I feel sorry for her but what an insane thing to do!

You deserve all the credit in the world for merely throwing Katie’s speech away and not giving her an earful after she followed you to the suite. You may feel you were too much of a pushover, but on another level that takes nerves of steel!

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jena rogers June 18, 2012 at 9:01 am

Notwithstanding the high number of etiquette breaches performed by others, the OP’s calling her hubby a “huge dork,” etc. on a public forum (or in any public venue) is, IMHO, an awful thing to do. Marriage requires respect and discretion.

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admin June 18, 2012 at 10:07 am

But no one knows his real name or can identify him from her post so who is harmed by a name no one can associate with a particular person?

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StephM June 18, 2012 at 12:28 pm

I call my boyfriend a dork all the time, to anyone. It’s a term of affection for us and that’s the impression I got here.

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jena rogers June 18, 2012 at 2:24 pm

I think I’ll stick with “Sweetheart…” But thanks.

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Otter July 2, 2012 at 12:46 am

We call each other and ourselves “dork” around here. It’s a cute, self-deprecating term. Gotta laugh at yourself now and again.

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jess June 18, 2012 at 9:34 pm

same here, dork is a cutsie name for us, I suppose it comes down to peoples tastes. I would never call my husband ‘sweetheart’ a bit to sappy for me.

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German Shepherd June 19, 2012 at 12:18 am

I agree with jess – it all comes down to taste. I’ve seen dork used as an affectionate term and if it’s used so in that way, I do find it affectionate rather than insulting.

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Queen Medic June 18, 2012 at 2:04 pm

It seems you have very thin skin if you think a simple word like ‘dork’ is a horrible breach of etiquette. Maybe where you come from, it has a harsher meaning, but take a moment to think that maybe not everyone uses the word like you do.

Dork may refer to; American/Canadian slang for a quirky, silly and/or stupid, socially inept person, or one who is out of touch with contemporary trends. Often confused with nerd and geek, but does not imply the same intellectual proclivity. (From Wikipedia)

See that little bit at the start? Quirky and silly? That is what was implied here. If I call my boyfriend a nerd, do you really think that’s grounds for a breakup? (Even though he spends most of his time playing videogames and on computers, mind.)

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Miss Raven June 18, 2012 at 2:14 pm

I frequently refer to my boyfriend as a huge dork. At this point it’s sort of a source of pride. Dorky boyfriends are adorable and will always treat you well. Even if they’re socially awkward, naive, or seem strange to outsiders, dorky boyfriends 4 lyfe.

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Kendo_Bunny June 18, 2012 at 3:44 pm

“Dork”, “geek”, “nerd”, etc. don’t have the same negative connotations that they once did. I call my sweetheart a dork (he calls me ‘goof’), I call myself a dork, I call my friends dorks. It’s not meant as an insult to anyone.

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MoniCAN June 18, 2012 at 6:36 pm

I like that you are willing to call yourself a dork and not just others. I wonder if all the other posters would feel the same if they were regularly called a dork. You dorks!!!!
I just don’t like the word “Dork.” It’s an ugly word. Call me nerd, geek, goof…but the word dork just bothers me.
I have a great friend who calls me “such a dork” frequently. It actually does hurt my feelings and I am far from thin skinned. I’ve told her not to call me that, but she still does it out of habit without thinking. Though if I call HER a dork, she gets kind of mad. How many people who use “dork” as a term of endearment would take your boyfriend/husband calling YOU a dork in front of your friends/family/strangers regularly?

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Cat June 18, 2012 at 11:04 pm

I am a great believer in not calling people names other than the one your parents put on your birth certificate. If you have to have a “street name”, pick something without negative connotations.
When I began teaching at age 22, I had to convince my high school students that they could not address me by my first name. When I hit my late 50’s, they started calling me, “Mom”. I didn’t mind that. It was informal, but still respectful as it was how they would address their mothers.
In Charles Dicken’s,David Copperfield, his friend Steerforth nicknames him “Daisy”. Odd for a man, but rather cute. It is better than dummy, nerd, dork, fatso, skinny, goof, stupid…

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bloo June 22, 2012 at 9:30 am

“Though if I call HER a dork, she gets kind of mad.”

That’s a shame, MoniCAN. If my friend called me a dork frequently, but then was clearly irritated that I would dish it back to her if the opportunity arose, I would then have to consider that to friend, ‘dork’ is NOT an affectionate, teasing term, but is used with some hostility and would wonder why.

Since you mention not being thin-skinned but are hurt by her doing it, especially after asking her not to, I have to wonder if she has some other great qualities that make up for this (you did say she’s a ‘great friend’)?

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MoniCAN June 23, 2012 at 10:53 am

This woman is a great friend because of all the reasons one has a friend. I can trust her, she dropped everything when I had a family emergency and was at my side, we get along, we have many common interests, we make each other laugh, etc etc. There are always things that will bug you at times about your friends.

Her use of “Dork” is one of the very few things about her I don’t like. Not just because I dislike the word “dork,” but also because she uses it as a blanket response without thinking (not just with me, but with anyone).
It is much like a lot of people now overuse the phrase “I know, right?” in response to any comment made to them. It’s just a robotic response spurted out without thinking.

Mostly it bothers me because I dislike the sound of the word dork so much. And the word “dork” doesn’t describe me. I’d probably be even more hurt by it if I actually WAS a super dork. Kinda like calling someone fat. It may be true, but that doesn’t mean they want to hear you call them that.

My friend honestly doesn’t use “dork” with hostility. This is the point I was trying to make to some of the other posters who claim they use dork affectionately and also claim their boyfriends/husbands/friends love it, but don’t mention they enjoy being called a dork themselves. They may think that the use of dork is endearing or cute, but would they like it if he turned around and called them that regularly?

People dump stuff out of their mouths all the time without really thinking about it. It’s not until they are put into the recipient of their word’s position that they realize what they’re doing may not be so well received.
Then again, if the guy honestly loves being a called a dork, go for it. But be sure.

anonymous June 24, 2012 at 11:55 am

“Dork” is not always an insulting term.

Anyway, I call my husband “dorkwad” all the time as an affectionate joke. He has other names he calls me (“stupidface” is one of them). We do it out of love. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true, and we love each other very much.

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Anne June 18, 2012 at 9:22 am

What I don’t understand is why your husband thought it was okay to snuggle (from your description) with Katie at a midnight stroll. Sure, maybe it wasn’t his idea, but he should be given part of the blame. Wouldn’t midnight stroll, and snuggling be romantic? I take it that he could opt out, because there were so many red flags no matter how naive he was he should’ve known not to. I’m not saying that you should suspect your husband, but that no matter how awful Katie was, they share the blame for this incident. Other than that, your wedding seems like a whirlwind…but the most important thing is you got hitched. Congrats (3 years late!)

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NotCinderell June 18, 2012 at 11:14 am

You know, I had male friends in college, and I will say that we were a lot more physical than I was with my female friends, including lots of hugging, leaning on each other, and walking with arms around each other. Maybe it’s wrong, or maybe young people just aren’t sure where the boundaries are between platonic and romantic relationships and are just feeling their way (no pun intended).

I think that the “snuggling” episode could totally have occurred with OP’s husband-to-be not realizing that anything was inappropriate, despite Katie’s obvious intentions.

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Library Diva June 18, 2012 at 4:51 pm

I agree with you, NotCinderell, especially if he considered Katie firmly in the friend zone and did not really consider himself a person who’s attractive to women. I took OP’s description of her husband as a “huge dork” to mean that he was not the most socially adept person ever, who had little experience with women. I didn’t feel it was meant to be an insult, as jena did.

I feel sorry for the OP. She may have foreseen some of this stuff coming, but it sounds like the players in this story surpassed even her worst nightmares.

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Andie June 18, 2012 at 11:21 am

I’m not seeing anything sinister, just dumb. In his mind, I’m sure he was enjoying a little innocent, eg0-stroking flirtation. It totally wasn’t going to go anywhere, but then he got caught and the easiest thing to do was to pretend he had no idea that Katie felt that way. I hope he’s learned his lesson about indulging loony stalker chicks.

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sterling June 19, 2012 at 11:11 am

With my guy friends I do tend to be more touchy that with most of my females. I say most because my best friend and I snuggle on the couch under and blanket to watch movies and rub each others feet. My guy friends would totally be ok walking with me with their arm around me and my fiance has seen it and other than one guy he has never taken issue with or mentioned it.

The one guy that it did bother him he told me and told me that he thought the guy was a little too interested. I made sure to put up boundaries and it turned out he was interested. But generally it hasn’t been an issue. Of course because I know how women are I don’t do this with men in relationships unless I know for a fact their partner is ok with it. But I seem to have the kinds of friends that don’t mind and this is pretty common with all of us.

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KiKi June 21, 2012 at 11:56 am

My DF is just as clueless as this woman’s husband. He once worked with a woman, I’ll call Lisa. Some background on Lisa: at the time, she was dating a man while he was involved with another woman. She was openly proud of the the fact that she “stole” him from his girlfriend.

They spent a lot of time at work together and were on their way to becomming good work friends. One day, Lisa tells DF that their coworkers were going out for drinks and asked if he’d like to go along. He gets to the restaurant and she’s the only one there. She tries to tell him that the others backed out. All of them! He called me and asked what he should do and I told him to finish his drink and come home.

Later, she sees how uncomfortable he was with the drinks and apologizes. He accepts her apology and they continue their friendship. DF and I had many a discussion of her behavior, especially after she breaks up with her boyfriend and begins to chat with my DF online. He says that she’s just a friend and that she doesn’t mean anything by the things that she says. He really did believe that.

Finally, she gets another job (cue me breathing a sigh of relief). She contacts him on FB and asks him out to dinner (knowing that both he and I were uncomfortable with the drinks incident). Meanwhile, he’s telling me all about this. I told him how I felt in no uncertain terms. He FBs her back and declines, relaying to her that he was in a relationship (we weren’t engaged at the time) and that he was happy where he was. She then replys back with “just kidding.” It was then that he realized how bad the situation really was. He told her he didn’t believe her reply and that he was done being friends with her.

This was at least three years ago and he still asks how he missed the signs. He’s just a good guy who isn’t use to being around dishonest people. So I can totally get this OPs DH being that naive.

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anonymous June 24, 2012 at 11:59 am

There’s nothing wrong with going out for after-work drinks with a friend of the opposite sex – the weirdness and “sign” came when it was clear she’d probably made up the story about the “other coworkers”. Assuming your SO is busy, there’s nothing wrong with grabbing dinner with a friend of the opposite sex as long as everyone knows the rules – the problem was the creepy way she asked and her clear intentions (which were not clear enough to clue your BF in, it seems).

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Sarah Jane June 18, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Considering you married “a huge dork” who is best friends with an “ignorant man-child” and who is too “naive” to know that taking an evening stroll alone with his girl(space)friend the night before your wedding is inappropriate, you probably have a lifetime of this stuff ahead of you, unless you both become more selective when it comes to friends.

Someone should have seen the Katie issue coming long before this.

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Cat June 18, 2012 at 12:42 pm

This is the sort of wedding that would send me scurrying to the nearest convent ,pounding on the door and demanding to be admitted immediately.
You knew what Joe was like so he was no surprise. I hope you sent him a bill for the damage he caused and for which you had to pay.
I would list Lisa and Katie under the category of “ex-friends”. You were insulted, your privacy in the bridal suite invaded, and, if Lisa is an adult, why is her mother involved in this anyway?
Reminds me of years ago when I agreed to share a room-mate’s apartment my second year of teaching. Her mother moved into her room, sharing her bed. She served her daughter’s plate as she “didn’t make good food choices”, and put several locks on their bedroom door to keep the rapists out of their second floor bedroom.
She drove her daughter to her teaching job at a local high school, went into the classroom, and told the students that they were to behave as it was her daughter’s first teaching job and she was nervous. After a quick search for another apartment, I moved out and left her and her mother in the hope that they would be very happy together.

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Backup June 18, 2012 at 3:57 pm

…You can’t leave it there.

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Cat June 18, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Leave it where? There’s no more to the room-mate story. I don’t know what happened to her as I saw her only once after I moved out.

She did tell everyone at her school that I moved out because I had “low morals”. She thought I was going to Hell because I went to movies. Not R or X rated ones, just regular family movies. Her religion did not allow anyone to attend movies. Mine does.

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Backup July 11, 2012 at 3:01 am

No, how did the kids react? Did they make it hell for her since ‘mommy’ had to tell them to behave?

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LovleAnjel June 20, 2012 at 12:30 pm

I bet that first semester of teaching was heck on Earth. The high schoolers probably ate her alive.

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Cat June 21, 2012 at 12:58 am

The best thing of which I heard was that she wrote a fellow-teacher a detention for being in the hall without a pass. I have a feeling she didn’t last long in education.

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RP July 11, 2012 at 9:36 am

OMG, that is HILARIOUS!

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Snarkastic July 12, 2012 at 4:21 pm

I know I’m late to the party, but this is the most amazing anecdote I’ve ever heard. This includes the afterthought about detention!

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Shoegal June 18, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Gee – the comment regarding the best woman – I had to reread several times as it didn’t appear to me as all that bad – still doesn’t. I took it to mean that the best woman was you and not that she wanted to be in your place, Perhaps that was really what Katie meant. This would explain why she gave you a copy of the speech – since that is a rather nice thing to say. I can’t know that for sure obviously.

Some of the other stuff is drama for sure and every wedding has its share – and you have shake some of it off and not let it ruin the nice wedding you had. Congratulations.

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MonkeysMommy June 18, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Umm, no I’m pretty sure she was saying if she were “the best woman”, he’d have chosen HER, hence the tears and shocked looks.

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jena rogers June 19, 2012 at 8:08 am

Interesting point. I could certainly see the best woman’s comment interpreted that way, as well — as a benign attempt to compliment the bride. I wonder if it was a well intended statement that just sort of came out wrong, and in her clumsy attempts to further rectify/clarify, she followed the couple to their honeymoon suite…

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confused June 27, 2012 at 5:54 pm

I think that could well have been the case – staying there for 45 minutes was a bit much though. I can see how this COULD have been a badly phrased compliment. “The name of my role is “best woman”. I, however, am not the best woman for him. That woman is the beautiful lady sitting beside him. He could not have found a better partner and I wish them all the joy in the world.” That would be quite a lovely speech…. seems not to have been the effect of Katie’s though…

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Anonymous June 18, 2012 at 5:51 pm

I confess – I’m a bit of a clueless dork, much like the groom in this story. I treat my male friends basically the same way I do my female friends. I don’t think anything of situations which my husband has pointed out may have meant more to the guys than they did to me. Possibly, my male friends have thought I was flirting with them when – to me at least – my actions or talk seemed as harmless as what I would have with my female friends.

Because of my own naivete, I can easily believe the groom’s intentions were innocent. The “best man,” however, seems to have been using every opportunity to become “the woman in white.” Including keeping the newlyweds from beginning their wedding night, while reminding the groom men found her desirable and playing to that “big protective male” image some guys like to have of themselves. “Oh! Please protect me! All those men are hitting on me.”

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No Wedding June 19, 2012 at 9:38 am

Yeah, Anonymous, the snugging moonlight stroll, the “best woman” speech complete with tears and the “Oh, protect me from the creepy guys” while interupting the wedding night all are giant screaming red flags to me! If I was the bride, I would not want my husband anywhere near Katie in the future.

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German Shepherd June 19, 2012 at 12:33 am

My question is if OP’s husband is still friends with Katie.

I also wonder what Lisa told her mother: “I was irresponsible and left my purse in a cab, I spilled foundation on the bride’s gown, and I had sex with her stepbrother in the room he was sharing with his brother and sister-in-law.” I wouldn’t send the bride a nasty message – I’d be ashamed of my daughter!

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Bint June 20, 2012 at 7:08 am

I’d be appalled if my husband stayed in touch with a girl so totally disrespectful to me!

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Anonymous Bride June 20, 2012 at 1:03 pm

No he is no longer friends with her. In fact because of the drama in the rest of the story we no longer speak to Katie, Lisa or even Joe. No hard feelings anymore though. We have just decided to hang out with fun, supportive and positive family and friends. And yes it did take a long time for me to get over this stuff but I kept it inside and didn’t go on and on about it. I know there was a comment about “poor hubby” but we did talk about it during the time we were dealing with the aftermath and agreed that our wedding was still beautiful and fun. Thanks for the comments everyone. I think because I haven’t really spoken about how felt about it all, it just kind of validated some of my feelings (I know I should never look to validate my feelings). I respect your kind words and different opinions.

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Ryan (miss not mr) April 5, 2013 at 3:55 pm

I came to the forum looking for info on being a maid of honor and ran into this particular post. I just had to respond: Thank you for sharing this story. It certainly is a hell-of-a story and my first reaction was ‘holy @#!$’. I’m so glad that after all of what happened you were able to a) enjoy your special occasion and b) talk to your husband about the events and that things worked out. All my best to you and yours!

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sterling June 19, 2012 at 11:02 am

MY fiance has a best woman. I am so sorry your’s turn out to be a witch. Mine could not be nicer. In fact when he was trying to decide who to ask to stand up with him (our ceremony only allows for 1 and it must be someone within our VERY small religious group) I suggested her because I know how close they are AND she has embraced me as well. She is not just tolerating me or being friendly she flat out became my friend. She lives half way across the country and when she heard I was going to be in her city for business for nearly 2 weeks she insisted on taking me out every night and even hosted a small birthday get together form e with all her friends. This was during a time that my fiance and I were broken up and he wasn’t there at all. She even called him afterwards and was one of the people who told him to straighten up and fix things before he lost me for good.

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Ann June 19, 2012 at 1:23 pm

I’m with Sarah Jane, while hoping we’re both wrong.

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June June 19, 2012 at 1:41 pm

OP has been angry for three years about this…the poor husband…

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RP July 11, 2012 at 9:39 am

There’s no indication that the OP has been angry at the husband at all so I don’t see the point of this comment.

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dahaling June 21, 2012 at 8:30 am

Sorry- really sweetie? You let this woman into your bridal suite? You let them get their hair done? You married a man just like you, without any ability to say no or get people to respect boundaries.

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anonymous June 24, 2012 at 11:52 am

Your problem was Katie specifically, not the general state of having a female best man. There is nothing wrong with having a woman on the groom’s side or man on the bride’s side, if that is a person you are close to. Nothing wrong, weird or even atypical about it at all. It’s really not right – quite judgmental actually – to act as though it’s a “bad” thing. It’s not.

Katie herself was the issue, not the fact that a position usually held by a man was held by a woman.

Otherwise, that story sounds awful and I am glad you’ve moved on from it!

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