It has taken me three years to submit this story because I have been angry for such a long time. Now I can only look back on the days surrounding my wedding and realize that it might have made a good movie!
My husband and I live in his hometown, which is on the complete opposite side of the country from where I grew up. Being the bride and wanting to stick with tradition, I suggested we get married in my hometown (he only had his parents, two sisters and their dates attend anyway). My family was thrilled and they immediately started to get all of the plans together. They booked the venue for us, my mother made all of the decorations (she truly is a Martha Stewart) and they organized the bridal shower. My husband’s parents refused to help with anything.
My bridal party consisted of my best friend since childhood, my sister-in-law and a friend who I had known for about two years in my husband’s hometown (where we resided). His groomsmen included my brother, a close girl friend as the “best man”, and a man who had been friends with him since childhood even though he is eight years older. The reason he had a woman stand in as a “best man” is because I begged him to not have his unbelievably ignorant man-child friend (let’s call him Joe) stand in for him. My husband has no back bone and so when Joe stated that he wanted to be in the wedding party my husband said yes. I also thought the idea of having the female best man (we’ll call her Katie) wouldn’t be so bad. Boy, was I ever wrong.
During my bachelorette party my sister-in-law and best friend were fabulous, it was the Katie and my friend of two years (“Lisa”) who were just plain awful. They didn’t know any of my hometown friends and at every chance Lisa would talk about her boyfriend who she was planning on leaving and taking their 9 month old son away with her. My friends felt sorry for her and it kind of put a damper on the party. Meanwhile, Katie couldn’t wait to crash the bachelor party as she said she would be able to attend since “she was the best man”. My party ended with us meeting up with the guys at the only bar in town, which I thought was strange. I was getting really tired so when I went to find my fiance to say goodnight, he and Katie were down by the docks taking a midnight stroll, her arm around him and snuggled into his side. As soon as she saw me, she looked away and dropped her arm. I was extremely hurt and confused. Now, this is going to sound bad but you have to know my husband. He is a huge dork, and I was pretty much his first real relationship. He believes that everything in the world is just peachy and doesn’t see malice or evil anywhere. “Naive” doesn’t even begin to describe him. So we all get in a big taxi van and get dropped off at our destinations and Lisa forgets her purse in the vehicle. None of us notice until she mentions it the next day…
So it’s the day of the rehearsal dinner and my husband, my best friend, my mom and my sister- in-law and I are frantically making salads, desserts, steaks, lobsters etc. We try to contact Lisa and Katie who are supposed to be helping us but we can’t reach them (they are staying at my aunt and uncle’s house who are hosting the dinner for us). We dropped off the food only to find that Katie and Lisa had spent the day at the beach with my aunt, and Lisa started yelling at me because she forgot her purse in the cab and had missed her medication. Luckily we knew the cab driver and we were able to track down her purse. During the rehearsal dinner, my in-laws sat in a completely separate room. My father-in-law made fun of our culture, and was being obnoxious, but we decided to ignore it. As the evening was winding down I was excited to hand out the presents I had purchased for my bridesmaids and groomsmen. I had a bag full of spa goodies and had handmade custom t-shirts, hoping we could all get a picture taken in them. Katie and Lisa looked at their bags, didn’t even open them and took off upstairs. They stated that they were going to go to the hotel for my husband’s “bachelor party” which was odd since it was held the night before. They got all dolled up and were out the door.
The next day was my wedding day. My sister-in-law came over with breakfast for me and we headed over to the salon to get our hair done. I was in a state of bliss and to be completely honest, I was the biggest pushover bride you could imagine. I just wanted to marry my fiance as cheesy as that sounds. So I didn’t say anything when Katie and Lisa both demanded to have their hair re-done, even though I hadn’t even have mine done yet. I didn’t freak out when Lisa spilled foundation on the top of my beautiful wedding dress minutes before walking down the aisle. What really got me was Katie’s speech in which she LITERALLY said, “I may be the best man, but obviously I am a woman. If I really were the best woman, I WOULD BE THE ONE WEARING WHITE and sitting next to (my husband)”. I thought I had heard her wrong, but she started to cry and people around the room were shocked. My mother was furious and I just hung my head because I was mortified of the situation. After the wedding and reception were over. Katie had the nerve to follow my husband and I up to our honeymoon suite because she demanded to have a tour. She stayed for 45 minutes because she kept complaining that guys were hitting on her. She also gave me a written copy of her speech, which I threw away when she left. Oh, how I wish I could have had an ounce of assertiveness back then! Also, Lisa missed the reception. She spent the entire time hooking up with my step-brother in his and my brother and sister-in-law’s shared room.
The next morning ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE. I was expecting to have a wonderful first breakfast with my new husband, when all of a sudden my mother started to fly off the handle. My brother and sister-in-law had gone to her complaining that Lisa and my step-brother were having sex in the bed directly next to theirs. I didn’t even want to speak to Lisa. Since it had been raining on my wedding day, we had planned to get pictures done that day, but with all the drama surrounding my brother, my step-brother, Lisa and Katie’s confession in her speech, we were all in a whirlwind. We also had to pay for Joe vomiting in the hallway, causing disturbances and lighting fireworks in the hotel parking lot next to parked vehicles (I kid you not).
There was WAY more drama that continued after our honeymoon, but there is not enough time or energy to get into it. At least I got to enjoy “most” of my vacation, as Lisa’s mother decided to send me a very nasty message on Facebook that brought me to tears.
Turn a destructive emotion such as anger into a positive and let it be the catalyst which compels you develop a polite spine. Your motto should be, “I will never let the rude boors of this world rule and ruin any part of my life.” And focus on the positive….you have a best friend, a sister-in-law and family who appear to be gems.