Wedding Rings “Christened” From An Unlikely Source

by admin on April 3, 2012

My cousin recently went to a wedding in a large Victorian glasshouse in England. It’s a beautiful building, full of large palms etc., restored to its former glory. The couple are lovely, all is wonderful.

The only problem comes with the rings. The bride and groom are animal lovers, and also big fans of Harry Potter, so they arranged to have an owl swoop down with the rings at the right moment, to land on the best man. The best man is fine with this because he’s the same, they rehearse. On the wedding day itself, the owl sweeps down to oohs and aahs.

Then it piddles all over the rings and the best man’s hand.

The poor best man, with wet rings and a handful of owl pee, no handkerchief, in the middle of a glasshouse with the loos outside, at the crucial part of the service, panics and does the best he can to keep things going.

He wipes his hand and the rings on his trousers and the ceremony goes ahead.

Fortunately all three of them laughed it off and the best man found a spare pair of trousers afterwards. But which is the greater faux pas? Should the best man have stopped the service to wash the rings and his hands, so that everyone knew about the owl pee? Or was it better to be stalwart and take it on the trousers? 0402-12

Hmm, isn’t avian effluent actually a combination of pee and liquidy poop?  And from a bird that size, the poop is pretty hard to miss.   A good wedding coordinator would have been watching the ceremony like a hawk and discreetly handed off some moist, antiseptic towelettes to the Best Man to clean himself and the rings.   Wedding ceremonies should not be viewed as being so formal that necessary interruptions are considered a faux pas.   I’ve carefully and as unobtrusively as possible handed off cold bottles of water to overheated attendants, encouraged dizzy bridesmaids to sit down, handed hankies to sniffly/sneezy groomsmen during ceremonies.

If it was just pee, sacrifice the trousers. Particularly if there is no coordinator to bail him out of the dilemma.   And consider buying this for your Best Man as a gift for his self sacrifice.

{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

LovleAnjel April 3, 2012 at 9:31 am

Thanks for the laugh, OP! If I were the bride I would have insisted he go clean the rings and himself off. It’s gross! If the bridal party found it amusing, so would the guests.

People should think twice before using live animals in a ceremony. Then think again.

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Cat April 3, 2012 at 10:41 am

I wonder what they would have done if the owl had decided to perch at the top of the glasshouse and not come down with the rings.

Who knows, maybe having an owl pee on your wedding rings will prove to be a sign of good fortune. How many people can honestly say that an owl peed on their rings?

I think owls produce pellets made of the last meal they ingest. Any owl experts out there to clarify? Do owls produce pee or not?

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LovleAnjel April 3, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Cat – they do vomit up the indigestible bones & hair. The digestible material does go through the rest of the digestive tract and come out the other end. The urinary system is separate from the digestive system, but generally both are emptied by the same event.

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ferretrick April 3, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Couldn’t they have just cast an aguamenti spell?

Why does a pooping owl T-shirt exist?

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June April 3, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Aguamenti–Ha!!

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kry April 4, 2012 at 10:29 pm

In this case Scourgify would be the better option.

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Tippomonger April 5, 2012 at 11:57 am

The owl on the shirt is from the XBOX 360 game “Castle Crashers”. At the beginning of one of the earlier levels, you are walking through the forest and come across an owl, which proceeds to poop in a loud, projectile fashion after the footsteps of a monster start shaking the whole forest. The game is quite humorous overall, so this event isn’t entirely out of place (nor is this the last animal to poop in the game…).

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StarryDiadem April 3, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Wedding co-ordinators in the UK are the exception rather than the rule, I think. I’ve never been to a wedding organised by a professional co-ordinator. They’re usually done by the happy couple and their immediate families – in my circle, at least. DH and I had a simple wedding, but we organised the entire thing from the coach into town (we were married in Central London, just up from Trafalgar Square) to our reception in the kitchens of Kenwood House. It was great fun.

In this case, a moment’s forethought and someone should have realised that birds are not exactly toilet trained, and the best man should have had some wet wipes in his pocket ready for just such an emergency. What a hero, though, to sacrifice his trousers!

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Lille82 April 3, 2012 at 12:54 pm

This is why not all passions, hobbies, interests, or whatever word you want to use, make good wedding themes!

I was actually surprised to read that the owl was as cooperative as it was – that it actually swooped down with the rings at the expected time.

Um, this story wasn’t actually submitted April 1, was it?

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Feioo April 5, 2012 at 6:13 am

I’m willing to bet they had the owl’s handler practice with the best man – the handler throws the bird into the air, the best man holds up a bit of raw meat in a well-gloved hand, owl makes a beeline for it. Repeat at farther and farther distances, and by the day of the wedding the handler can just discreetly hold the bird out of sight in the back until the moment comes, and the it’ll head for the guy who had meat the last six times. Easy-peasy.

As for the bird’s effluvia, well, you know what they say when you want to include an animal at any live event – s#!+ happens.

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June April 3, 2012 at 1:18 pm

…and that was the day the owl misstook the grandmother of the bride’s hat for an unsuspecting rabbit…

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Jay April 3, 2012 at 4:33 pm

>I think owls produce pellets made of the last meal they ingest. Any owl experts out there to clarify? Do owls produce pee or not?

The pellets contain bones and fur. The rest of their digestion is basically bird-y.

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SV April 3, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Birds excrete a mixture of feces and urine every time they go – it’s generally a sloppy, liquidy splat. I believe owl pellets are actually the regurgitated fur and undigestible bits from the last meal or two. Neither would be pretty or welcome in a wedding ceremony :) I’m not sure how you would discreetly and delicately handle this type of social situation! Anyone who knows birds will tell you that most birds will pass waste when the extert themselves, especially after being confined for a time ( which this owl undoubtedly was.) If they wanted the owl in their ceremony they probably should have planned for this eventuality. Luckily, the owl missed the GUESTS!

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Bint April 3, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Lille – nope. I submitted this and I swear it is true!

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lkb April 4, 2012 at 5:38 am

It sounds like the best man handled this the best he could at the time, but the thought of putting on those rings — ewww!
Also, what if the owl had panicked — perching on say, the bride’s veil or (as someone else said) grandma’s hat?

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KITTY LIZARD April 4, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Sorry, I laughed til I cried over this one. The visual is just too funny. I didn’t know you could train an owl to do anything like this. And owls are nocturnal. They’re lucky he didn’t swallow
the rings.

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LovleAnjel April 5, 2012 at 10:53 am

My guess is the rings were tied to one of the owl’s legs, like a messenger pigeon.

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mechtilde April 5, 2012 at 8:47 am

You know as soon as I saw a local falconry offering this service I thought this was bound to happen!

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Enna April 5, 2012 at 9:53 am

Wash I would say. Doesn’t matter if it just pee. Wash.

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Mabel April 7, 2012 at 2:44 pm

As a lover of Victorian architecture and a huge Potternerd myself, I was thinking “Ooh, I would love to have my wedding there, do that, etc.” Then the owl peed and I fell off the couch laughing. Way to make the wedding memorable!

Stuff will happen, no matter what. Laugh it off and have a wonderful special day. Thanks for the chuckle!

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Lisa Marie April 9, 2012 at 8:58 pm

This made me recall a outdoor country wedding we went to years ago. The bestman picked up a young turkey wandering around the yard, just before the ceremony started and it pooped all down the front of him. He changed before they started. So he was then in jeans and t shirt. Then my husband and I had a real laugh later during the reception. One of the guests disappeared home to get a hay wagon for the guests to go for a hay ride in. He showed up with his tractor and “wagon”. We politely declined and watched some of the guests go riding thru the small town streets in a manure spreader. Well I will admit, it did have hay in it.

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