I apologize in advance as this will be a very long story. Growing up, I had a best friend, as many do. I’ll call her Molly. We were so close that her parent’s called me an adopted child and we would literally spend weeks staying at each others’ houses in the summers. We had always promised each other that we would be the maid of honor at our respective weddings. So, fast forward to adult-hood. We are both engaged, but her wedding is scheduled before mine. Of course we get all excited and giddy. Time flies by and she decides that she will only have family in her wedding party. I figure this is just fine because she alone has 3 sisters and two sister-in-laws. But she does ask me to be her attendant.
I was a little sad, but I totally understood and was excited to be a part of her big day. We talk about what I’ll be doing as an attendant; going with to pick a dress, attending dress fittings, help address invitations, help throw a bridal shower. But time goes on and I don’t hear anything from her about any of these events. Until I receive an invitation to a bridal shower. (Which was very awkward as it was just family and there is some history between the groom, his family, and myself. (I had always had a HUGE crush on her fiance and I was convinced I was going to marry him one day.))
About a week before her wedding, I met with my Molly to see if she really wanted me to be involved in the wedding since I had not been included in any of the things we had previously discussed. She said that she did want me to be her attendant and that she’d just been so busy with everything.
A week later, it’s the hottest day of the summer. I drive two hours in a vehicle with no AC to her church. When I arrive, everyone else is already there. They had arrived early to take pictures. I was not informed. After finding the bride and giving her a bag full of emergency goodies (band aids, tissues, clear nail polish, a nail file…) she tells me, “we had a flower for you, but we gave it to an usher.” Okay… What I don’t know wouldn’t have hurt me. Then I see that I am one of TWO attendants and the other attendant is giving me a dirty look as in, what the heck is she doing back here? I also notice that it is NOT only family in the wedding party. She has included some friends from college. I swallowed my hurt and ask if there is anything I can do, all while cooing over how beautiful she looked. (Despite the fact that she had purchased a dress that was too small for her hoping she would lose some weight before the big day. I felt so bad because it was so tight you could actually see her belly button.) Nope. But… and here’s the kicker… “I need you to stay after the wedding to pick up trash with my Mom and Aunt.” My jaw dropped, but I was so stunned that I couldn’t say anything.
After the ceremony, her mother, aunt and I are picking up a room that was full of trash. We couldn’t find a dumpster, so we piled everything into our cars to throw away later. .. somewhere. By the time we all arrived at the reception, cocktail hour was over and the wedding party had already made their entrance. Her poor Mother was beside herself. Molly and her new husband did not have a receiving line and they did not talk to anyone not in the wedding party all night. I ended up leaving shortly after the cake cutting, which was not announced, so most people were not aware that it had happened.
My engagement fell apart, and now that I am again engaged (this time to a man I could never live without), it is safe to say that not only will Molly not be my maid of honor, she will not make it on so much as my Christmas card list. 1011-11
Friends should not be held to childhood promises born out of future dreams of “what if”. People and circumstances change, people grow up and develop other relationships. You just cannot keep someone hostage to a wishful promise made when they were not in any position to be considering marriage. Let it go.
I’m more troubled that a bride would subject her own mother and aunt to clean up duty in the middle of the wedding day. That was a rather epic planning failure on someone’s part.