Not Invited To Wedding But Everyone Else Is

by admin on January 23, 2012

This isn’t so much a rant about bad behavior as it is a series of questions. Background: I’m part of a pretty large group of friends. Recently, a couple in the group got engaged. I’m not particularly close to the couple so I wasn’t surprised to be left off the invite list. The problem is that they seem to have invited everyone else in the group and those friends seem to think I was invited as well. What this means is that at parties there’s a lot of talk about wedding planning and excitement about the wedding related activities; I don’t really know how to respond.

Here are the questions: how do I contribute to these conversations (I know nothing about the actual plans so I would have to fake it)? What should I say if asked about travel arrangements or meeting up before wedding related events? Do I still have to buy the couple a wedding/engagement present? And finally, in the future, should I find myself the bride in this situation, how should I respond to a) people bringing up the wedding in front of uninvited individuals and b) questions about where the uninvited person is during engagement parties/bachelorette parties/etc? I would really appreciate your insight here. Thank you   0120-12

Your problem is that you cannot contribute to conversations about plans you are not a part of other than to offer advice on the best mode of transportation or wishing them a good time.  You listen politely to your friends’ discussions as if they were talking about family vacation trips you are not going on.   If asked about your plans to attend the wedding, simply say, “I am not attending the wedding.”    If pressed further, you reply that, “I have other obligations that day.”     Not every invited guest will be able to accept a wedding invitation and others are really not owed an explanation as to why you will not be in attendance at the wedding.   The last thing you want to do is let on that you were not invited lest you plant speculatory thoughts into people’s minds about the bride or you.

No, you do not owe the bride and groom an engagement or wedding gift.  A nice card would be appropriate though.

When you are the bride placed in the awkward situation of invited guests chatting up the wedding plans in front of non-guests, first, make sure you didn’t initiate the topic of discussion and, second,  be vague and then beandip , “Plans are going along just fine.  So, who do you think will win the Superbowl this year?”

{ 45 comments… read them below or add one }

Bint January 23, 2012 at 8:57 am

I have to disagree with the Admin – I don’t understand why the OP cannot just say that s/he wasn’t invited. If people want to speculate about that, it’s up to them. There’s nothing to be ashamed of – in fact, someone recently sent me an email asking about how we were getting to a wedding, and I just wrote back saying we hadn’t been invited. This also avoids the awkwardness of others talking about it to the bride or groom later on, because they know you weren’t on the guest list. Bean dip all you like, it seems far easier to me to be upfront.

“The last thing you want to do is let on that you were not invited lest you plant speculatory thoughts into people’s minds about the bride or you.”

I cannot see why the OP should have to shoulder this responsibility, particularly when it could lead to far more embarrassing questions and assumptions for the couple later. The couple’s guest list was their choice. They have committed no faux pas – the OP admits s/he is not close to them. Playing semantics by claiming s/he has ‘other obligations that day’ is almost bound to backfire – it’s designed to make people think the OP was invited but couldn’t attend. As soon as it comes out the OP wasn’t invited – which it is bound to – people will assume the OP lied and wonder why. That’ll cause far more speculation than the simple ‘I wasn’t on the guest list’, said without any rancour, and make everyone think the OP really, really minded.

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Just Laura January 23, 2012 at 10:45 am

I agree with Bint. There’s nothing of which one should be ashamed by not inviting or not being invited.
Being new to the area and invited to a wedding of my husband’s friends, I just assumed that my husband’s friends were all friends with each other (they are certainly all nice people). I asked one of these friends what hotel she would be booking for an upcoming wedding of Other Friends. She replied that she wasn’t invited, explaining that she didn’t know the bride well. I apologized for the assumption, and we talked of other things. To my knowledge, there were no hard feelings from anyone, and we all still enjoy seeing each other. There’s nothing awkward about it.

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AS January 23, 2012 at 11:22 am

I totally agree with Bint. I don’t see why the OP just shouldn’t say that he/she was not invited. It is the couple’s choice whom they want to invite. The OP seems to be matured enough to understand that, and also said that she/he is not particularly close to the couple. That is all that matters. People who’d speculate the dynamics of relations between HC and OP would do so irrespective of what the OP says. So, IMHO, it is better to be honest about the lack of invitation.

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clairedelune March 10, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Completely agree with you, Bint. I have no idea why she should be coy about not being invited, as if it were some source of everlasting shame, or what “speculatory thoughts” this could lead to. That seems like a classic example of over thinking.

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Shoegal January 23, 2012 at 9:08 am

I belong to a group of friends who regularly make plans with each other to which my husband and I have not been invited and know nothing about. Vacation plans, party plans, dinner plans, graduation parties, birthday parties, barbeques etc . . . you name it – they socialize regularly and often. When we do get together with them they talk about the plans and sometimes what happened at the said event. I never comment on the plans or the events but simply listen politely. I am not in a position to discuss any of it – I’m not part of the event that will happen or did happen and I’m not upset we were excluded and not sorry I wasn’t invited, I have no wish to either continue the discussion or prevent it from happening. Saying nothing is the best option.

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Lola January 23, 2012 at 9:35 am

Why should the onus be on the uninvited to lie about having other obligations? What happened to honesty is the best policy? Would simply and honestly answering, “We weren’t invited, but we’re sure you’ll have a great time,” not be acceptable? I’m sorry, but “planting speculatory thoughts into people’s minds about the bride or you” is out of anyone’s control but the person doing the speculating. If one were to worry about such things, one could simply not leave one’s house for fear of planting such thoughts by the mere fact of one’s existence! I normally agree with Dame, but this time, I must side with clarity and honesty vs. appearances.

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CaffeienKatie January 23, 2012 at 9:48 am

Sorry, I would say directly (and only if asked) “I wasn’t invited.” Why say you are not attending? That implies to most people that you have made a choice not to attend; they will then press for explanations, extending the conversation and potential awkwardness.

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JillyBean January 23, 2012 at 9:54 am

Every friend in that group was invited, every single other one? If you’re absolutely sure that everyone else in that group was invited – perhaps your invitation was misplaced, or lost in the mail. That would be awful if it was. I think I would still do exactly as the Etiquette Maven has suggested, but perhaps you’ll get a call soon asking where your RSVP is…

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Gracie C. January 23, 2012 at 3:30 pm

But the OP said there was no surprise in not being invited. The OP also doesn’t seem to be put off by the fact that they weren’t invited, only confused about how to handle the conversations.

I also agree with others that stating you have other obligations is the wrong way to go, specifically because there is the potential to be caught in a “lie” later. If – for the sake of conversation JillyBean is right, and if one of the group happens to comment to the bride and groom that the OP said they weren’t invited and that wasn’t true, then the problem gets solved. If it turns out that the OP really isn’t invited, I don’t think there is any harm in saying so – in either direction.

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Cat January 23, 2012 at 10:31 am

I would be uncomfortable saying I was unable to attend a wedding to which I was not invited. If I were asked, I would feel better simply saying that I was not invited and make some comment about being a mere acquaintance. Saying that I was unable to attend might lead to questions about why I could not go, what I was doing, etc. Bean dipping does not work with everyone.

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MoniCAN January 23, 2012 at 11:14 am

I’m with Bint and CaffeienKatie. No reason to skip around the truth. “I wasn’t invited” is the best answer.

People who can’t make it to a wedding they were invited to usually want to hear all about it. Making others think you were invited but can’t make it due to “other obligations” won’t deter people from talking about the wedding in depth. The OP may indeed want to hear more, but the person discussing it may feel terrible about gushing on and on about the wedding if they later find out about the OP’s lack of invite (especially if they bring up OP’s absence to the bride or groom).

Telling the truth won’t give anyone who really knows anything about weddings “speculatory thoughts” about you or the bride. Weddings involve a lot of difficult guest cutting for various reasons.

I recently attended a party with a group of friends I usually only see once or twice a year at holidays. After hearing some odd conversation, I realized I was the only person at the party who hadn’t been invited to a group member’s wedding the night before. I hadn’t known anything about the wedding until the day after, but I still felt uncomfortable with everyone discussing what fun they had. When my circle would begin talking about it, I didn’t feel guilty changing the subject.

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Tracy January 23, 2012 at 11:34 am

I don’t understand why Admin feels the poster should, basically, lie about being invited to the wedding (when you claim you didn’t attend due to a scheduling conflict, you are telling a lie). Little white lies are told to spare feelings, but no one’s feelings are at stake here. Surely it’ s not rude to simply say “I wasn’t invited?”

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Cami January 23, 2012 at 12:15 pm

I’m not sure that the polite lie the Admin is suggesting is the best option. I would not be comfortable lying to my friends about my invitation, nor would I want to sit through a lot of discussion about an event to which I was not invited. As a friend who was invited, I would be mortified if I were talking about an event in front of someone who was excluded from it. Finally and frankly, I don’t see why it’s the OP’s job to cover the fact that she was the sole person excluded from such an important event.

If it were me, I’d say, “I’m not attending as I was not invited.” Simple and truthful. Also has the collateral advantage — if one’s friends are polite — to stop the discussion about the event in front of me.

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Ann January 23, 2012 at 1:19 pm

I’m with CaffeienKatie. If asked directly, I’d simply say I wasn’t invited. Then, I’d change the subject. Believe me, there’ll be others who are thanking you profusely for changing the subject.

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Garrett January 23, 2012 at 1:55 pm

I think mentioning you weren’t invited is the right way to go too. It may cause some awkwardness and gossip, but telling them you aren’t going and have other plans may make them think things and gossip too. If these were people I saw on rare occasions, I might not mention it, but it sounds like they get together with some frequency and this comes up. It’s not fair to the OP to have to suffer in silence and stretch the truth to spare others’ feelings.

And as JillyBean mentioned, maybe they were invited and it got lost in the mail. Telling the truth would maybe help remedy that. If the OP wasn’t invited, I do think it’s a bit rude to exclude one person in a group of friends from the wedding. It’s their choice who they ask, I understand, but still a little off-putting.

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MollySue January 23, 2012 at 1:59 pm

I’ve been in a similar position, as the OP and it can be excruciating. The admin’s suggestion is ok, but I would caution against using it in this case as I could envisage it backfiring in the sense that it gives the impression that the OP was invited.

Chances are that in a big group of friends, some of them will be discussing the wedding and their plans with the bridal couple before the wedding and most certainly after the wedding. All that’s needed is one comment like “It’s such a shame that OP couldn’t make it to the wedding” to be made, which the couple could respond “”Why should (s)he, (s)he wasn’t invited?”. It could look presumptuous or even suspect and would to cause the gossip that the admin wants to avoid.

If you’re asked a direct question then say “I wasn’t actually invited”, otherwise I’d recommend smiling, nodding and staying out of the conversation. As JillyBean suggested, perhaps you are meant to be there but your invitation got waylaid. I don’t know if you have the tradition of “afters” where you’re from (basically the B-list guests who come to the reception later in the even for the drinking and dancing element. This is normally where more distant friends, neighbours, workmates or friends of the bridal party are invited to. It’s very clearly listed on the invite however), but perhaps you may be invited to that, but the invites haven’t gone out yet?

As for the present – as there is technically no obligation to give a gift even if you were invited, then you definitely don’t HAVE to give one. But I agree that a card at least, or even a nice little gift, an inexpensive pair of candlesticks or quality candle or similar would be a nice gesture for a friend.

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Missy January 23, 2012 at 2:05 pm

I agree with those who think the OP shouldn’t lie. If asked whether s/he is going, s/he should just tell truth (“I wasn’t invited.”). If OP lies and the lie gets back to the bride and groom, and can cause an uncomfortable situation and leave wrong impressions.

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Wren January 23, 2012 at 2:39 pm

I’ve been in this situation. When the conversation turned into a direct question such as “What are you wearing to the wedding?” or “Do you want to ride with us?” I just replied that I hadn’t been invited. Nice and simple, no editorial comments, just the truth. After the wedding, when people said things such as “Remember how hot it was in the church?” and when the groom asked me whether I remembered such and such during the ceremony, I simply said “I wasn’t there.”

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Jane January 23, 2012 at 3:13 pm

I agree with some of the previous comments – I would simply say I wasn’t invited. It doesn’t have to be done in a snarky or rude tone – just a simple, “oh, I wasn’t invited, but I totally understand she couldn’t invite everyone!”

I agree with CaffeienKatie – saying “I’m not attending,” makes it look like the OP is making a choice to not attend. The inevitable response will be “why?”

I also agree with JillyBean. If every other person (and I mean every single one) received an invite – it does seem a bit odd that the OP was left out.

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WillyNilly January 23, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Like others, I think honesty is in order here with a simple “I wasn’t invited”. Lying seems so dramatic – like one is trying to be mysterious and coy, or uppity or whatever. Its better to tell friends an uncomfortable truth over an easily exposed lie.

As for the OP’s questions – I think if its a general conversation among friends you can listen quietly, excuse yourself or change topics. If you are asked a direct question, such as about transportation or side parties, tell the truth about not being invited – keep it simple, neutral in tone and have a follow up question, topic, or comment to make to keep the conversation from being awkward. As for an engagement present, that’s not necessary even if you were invited, but a card for the wedding itself would be a nice, although unnecessary gesture.

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June January 23, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Agree with Wren and Jane–it has to be said without bitterness. “Oh, I wasn’t invited. Did you see Project Runway last night?”

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alli_wan January 23, 2012 at 6:25 pm

I’m going to have to agree with most everyone else and disagree with Admin here. There is no shame in not being invited, and it’s silly to lie ‘socially’ over something like this. To lie about it gives the situation more power and importance than it warrants.

That being said, it’s still no picnic to be the only person not invited. This happened once to me, and I only found out I was the only one not invited while in the carpool to the shower with the rest of the bride’s school friends. Oops. (I was young, I didn’t know I should have declined, and since the wedding was out of state, I assumed none of us were invited. Cue awkward for the next four hours where I was the ONLY person at a 60+ party who was not invited to the wedding).

The problem was, even though I was honest and upfront (by accident), it didn’t deter this group, who was actively lobbying for me to be invited so I could share gas and hotel costs. Had I told them I had ‘other plans’ I would no doubt be interrogated on that until they could convince me to give in. So, though it was painful and embarassing, it was much easier to be honest and not have to keep remembering a lie since I was interrogated by no less than a dozen people I did know and at least half a dozen more I had never seen before in my life about ‘oh, isn’t Bride’s wedding going to be nice?’ ‘where are you staying for Bride’s wedding?’ ‘when are you leaving for Bride’s wedding?’ ‘who are you driving up with for Bride’s wedding?’ ‘what did you get Bride for the shower/wedding?’ ‘did you get Bride something else for the wedding?’ ‘what are you going to wear for Bride’s wedding?’ and my personal favorite ‘well, why don’t you just ASK Bride to invite you?’

While that bridal shower is certainly not on the top ten of my great life experiences, I can only imagine how much worse it would be if I were trying to pretend that I had something else to do during Bride’s wedding and convincing people I couldn’t just ‘change the plans’ I didn’t have. I’m can’t lie that well.

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sv January 23, 2012 at 8:12 pm

I disagree with he Admin- I would say simply, with a smile, “I wasn’t invited. Hope you have fun though! ” Misleading the conversation my cause confusion or an awkward moment later. After all, everyone understands that you often need to pick and choose your guest list for a wedding, based on many different factors. Not being invited is not a poor reflection on either yourself or the bridal couple 🙂

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Hopium January 23, 2012 at 9:05 pm

This just happened to me. My hubby is friends still with all his Uni mates. They all got invited to our rather casual wedding (we had a small budget but managed to feed everyone well) and all out mates came. We have been to each other’s weddings. We get together every so often (less often now that other couples have babies) and recently had the gang at our housewarming. We’re not acquaintances. We’ve been friends for about… 13 years. In this case, more so with the groom than the bride.

So anyway, one of the couples recently became engaged. Fabulous! We sent our congratulations in a card and I wanted to give them a gift so I got a bit of crystal for them. I didn’t expect an invite at that time as we were told it was to be a small wedding with family only. No problems. Happy that they were happy. We didn’t know the date and didn’t hear anything further about it for a couple of months. When we saw our friends they would ask questions about weddings, budgets and jitters. Apart from that didn’t really broach the subject.

So 2 weeks ago hubby and I were invited to the bachelor party. Yes, we were both specifically invited. It was couple-friendly and included laser tag (awesome – I beat my army-trained hubby). We hadn’t received an invite to the wedding at the time (we assumed because of the size of the wedding – family only) and wanted to support the groom so we went. When we went, the others at the party (all good friends) were asking us specifically if we were going to the wedding. Um…. how to reply? As much as I tried to distract about 6 really good mates kept pressing. I had to reply that we didn’t get an invite. In fact, we were the only ones at the bachelor party that didn’t get an invite. I felt like an absolute ass. I admit, by going we left ourselves open to the situation. So it is myself and hubby who are to blame. Still, why did we recieve an invite at all? We didn’t dwell on the fact and had a great night. One person kept asking and pressing. I just said it was not an issue. After that, we were left alone.

By the magic of Facebook, we have seen the photos of the wedding – which happened last weekend. They are beautiful. The bride was magnificent. The guests were… numerous. In fact, we were the only ones of the group of friends left out. Which makes us feel… well, bad. And sad that we missed seeing our friends get married.

We’ve speculated as to why, just between each other. I have suggested that we forget about it and wish them well. Hubby agrees. The reasons don’t matter. The invite doesn’t matter. They are good people and friends. Anything could have happened and it’s no good to force the issue. Anyway, I have sent a card and small gift to wish them well. I hope I handled it ok.

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jena rogers January 24, 2012 at 9:45 am

You handled it most eloquently, given the circumstances, IMHO… Kudos to you and your husband for being so gracious. 🙂

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Hopium January 26, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Thankyou! I’m just happy that they are happy. That’s the point, right?

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mechtilde January 24, 2012 at 4:50 am

I once found myself in a difficult situation at a wedding where the MOG asked where our children were. I blurted out “They weren’t invited”. True, and probably the best answer, but I felt really awkward.

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lkb January 24, 2012 at 5:30 am

@hopium: Any chance your invite got lost in the mail? (It has happened — a friend of ours had all her daughters’ grad announcements go missing.)

I agree with all the comments about just saying, “I wasn’t invited,” is all that’s needed. However, tone of voice, facial expression and body language are key. And, as Jane said, “…but I totally understand. They can’t invite everyone” or “…we’re really only acquaintances,” will head off a lot of unnecessary speculation.

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Gracie C. January 24, 2012 at 10:34 am

But if Hopium’s invite had been lost in the mail surely the couple would have asked for their RSVP at some point and that would have cleared it up.

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lkb January 25, 2012 at 6:38 am

Perhaps, Gracie…or perhaps not…The couple may have just assumed a non-answer is a decline (it’s happened…).

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Hopium January 26, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Hard to say. I know a few invites to my wedding got lost and I totally forgot.
As much as I am sad to have missed out I didn’t want to create any tensions. I mean, how would you know without asking?

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Gracie C. January 27, 2012 at 10:59 am

I suppose. But I know too many people who have assumed no response is a no, and it was actually a yes (some people really think that RSVP is regrets only). So, in any situation where head count matters I always try to track down an answer.

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Chocobo January 24, 2012 at 10:54 am

I don’t think there is anything wrong with saying that one wasn’t invited, so long as it isn’t said bitterly. If pressed as to why, it’s best to just pass the question on to the bride and groom: “Oh, I’m not sure, you would have to ask Ms. Bride. So, how about that Tom Brady, anyway?” The engaged couple the only ones who can truly answer that question anyway. Speculation over unanswerable questions on the part of the un-invitee only causes confusion and plants ideas of hurt feelings, as though the un-invitee has been mulling over the very same question.

If said with no malice, it will remove doubt from most people’s minds.

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Harley Granny January 24, 2012 at 12:36 pm

I’m in agreement with everyone else. Be upfront and honest. Little white lies and bean dipping in these situations can only end badly.

If you were indeed honest and state that you weren’t invited, one of other friends could ask the bride/groom why and you could find out that the invite was lost in the mail. Now if you had avoided the question this never would have been solved.

If in fact you were indeed excluded then you truly don’t have to acknowledge it at all. You’d be a better person than me if you even sent a card.

I, myself, am an all inclusive person….if an entire group of friends hang out together then they all get invited.

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alli_wan January 24, 2012 at 12:50 pm

I agree with lkb, tone/facial expression/body language conveys the message well.

That being said, it’s really hard to muster good tone and expression after the first five or six times being interrogated. While ‘the wedding’ is the most obvious thing to talk about sometimes, if you don’t know if someone is invited, talk about the weather, please! It’s hard not to be near tears by the time you have been asked by more than 20 different people about the wedding you weren’t invited to, and questioned repeatedly about whether you were sure about that, and how you were going to change that. Unfortunately, there are limits in the ability to ‘put up a front’ sometimes, and what you were fine with when two people asked starts to be incredibly hurtful when EVERYONE asks.

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Pam January 24, 2012 at 12:57 pm

I was in a situation once where a wedding occured on a property that my husband managed. We were family friends of the bride and as they were walking across to their reception area, they saw me out with my kids. She asked “aren’t you coming over to the reception?” I simply said, “Well, we didn’t get an invitation…” The look on the bride’s face was shock and horror. She had probably assumed that since the wedding was on the same property as where we lived we’d just come…. Oh well….
In this story I see absolutely no reason not to just say “we weren’t invited”. No drama. Just the truth!! That usually cuts through so much junk and allows any misunderstandings to be cleared up instead of blown out of proportion.

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Hurt cousin January 24, 2012 at 1:38 pm

I agree with most others, just tell the truth and say you weren’t invited.

But reading some of the responses makes me think – isn’t it kind of a gimme grab to invite people to the shower/bachelor party who aren’t also invited to the wedding? My sister and I were invited to my cousin’s fiancee’s shower. We were told it was going to be a very small wedding and only immediate family were invited, but my aunt wanted to have a shower just so we could wish the bride well. Which was fine, but then fast forward to a few months later. We found out from Facebook that most our other cousins were at the wedding, contrary to what we had been told. In fact, it appeared that my sister and I were the only cousins of the groom to not be invited to the wedding. This brings up the question of oh, so we’re not good enough to come to your wedding, but we’re good enough to buy shower gifts and trek across town on a Sunday afternoon?

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Cami January 24, 2012 at 9:15 pm

It is very bad etiquette to invite people to a shower who are not invited to the wedding.

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Hurt cousin January 25, 2012 at 1:12 pm

That’s what I always thought too. The shower was about 15 women, all aunts and cousins of the groom. I was under the impression that only the aunts were invited to the wedding, and none of us cousins. Then afterwards my sister and I found out we were the only people at the shower who weren’t also included in the wedding…

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Gracie C. January 27, 2012 at 11:02 am

Even if none of the cousins had been invited it still would have been a huge breach to invite you to a shower. Part of the sacrafice of having a small wedding means you don’t get a lot of the lead up events (which I think is part of why many people have small weddings to begin with – to cut back the scale of the whole process).

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livvy January 24, 2012 at 5:18 pm

I agree with the honesty. There’s no reason to lie. Telling the truth also means that perhaps the information will get back to the Bride, who may be horrified that your invitation was lost in the mail, etc. Planning a wedding can be so crazy, things do get missed, misplaced, or forgotten, no matter how organized one may be. The Bride may not call non-responders for fear of appearing to call them out on the bad etiquette of not responding, or in believing that no response is a response all on its own. In particular where a person IS invited to the shower, and ALL the other friends in the group are going, it seems to be that there’s been a mistake/oversight/postal error. In all honesty, even though I know it’s terribly presumptuous / rude, if it were a friend of mine, who had invited me to the shower, etc., I would probably say something directly to her, such as: “I totally understand that you may be limiting the guest list to just close friends, or you had to make some cuts to fit the budget, so please don’t think I’m trying to push my way into your wedding, but since you invited me to the shower, and all our mutual friends are going, I just wanted to make sure that it wasn’t an issue of an invitation being lost in the mail or anything. Again, I understand if you didn’t invite me, I just wanted to be clear.” Granted, I’d probably only pull this on a good friend.

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Aria January 25, 2012 at 2:40 am

If absolutely everyone in her social circle was invited, has the OP considered just asking the couple about it? Invitations do occassionally get lost in the mail. Something to consider, although you’d have to be careful so it doesn’t look like you’re fishing for an invitation.

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Bint January 25, 2012 at 5:43 am

“If you were indeed honest and state that you weren’t invited, one of other friends could ask the bride/groom why”

Yikes. I have to add that I hope no friend would be rude enough to ask a bride or groom why someone hadn’t been invited. No friend has the right to question their guest list, and the last thing a couple needs is social pressure from their friends about it. Plus it might seem that the OP was fishing for an invitation. Very bad idea all round.

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Gracie C. January 27, 2012 at 11:07 am

I agree – but what they perhaps could have a friend do, is approach it along the lines of, “I was thinking it might be fun to car pool (or share a hotel room, or whatever inclusive thing that makes sense in the context of the wedding), I thought maybe I’d ask OP, are they going to the wedding?” The response could possibly clear up a misunderstanding.

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Been_there_done_that January 29, 2013 at 12:33 am

Just say “I wasn’t invited.” That will squash further conversation of the upcoming celebration, but isn’t it best that it be dropped? And – if there WAS a mistake on the non-invite (lost in the mail, etc.) , or an inadvertent omission – the word could drift back and it could be corrected, if the bride/groom wanted to do so.

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