Your Dress Isn’t Your Dress If I Want It

by admin on November 14, 2011

A week ago, having finally paid off my wedding dress, I went to the bridal store for my first fitting. My dress has three fabric colour options (white, ivory and red), and three lace colour options (white, ivory and black). Most people who choose the black lace choose the red fabric, however, I chose ivory fabric with black lace.

I had been laced into my gown and had come out to the mirrors, when another customer nearby pointed at me and loudly declared “I’m going to try on that one”. The consultant went to fetch the sample, which is red and black. The woman looked at it and said “NO. I will try on the black and white one”. The consultant explained that they didn’t have a sample in that combination, but that she could try the red for size and if she liked it, order it in ivory as I had.

The woman threw a screaming tantrum, demanding that she be the next one to try on the dress. The manager came over and explained that it was not their dress, it was mine, it was not theirs to let other people try. She responded that if it was still in the shop it was ‘fair game’.

She then marched over to me, and said, “I’ll be trying that on next”. I replied that she would not, as it was my personal property and was not comfortable letting strangers try on my wedding gown. She responded that she would just try it as soon as I left. I ignored her, and told my seamstress that if their establishment would allow that to happen, I would take my dress with me right away, and have alterations elsewhere.

Thankfully security escorted her out at that point, but I just could not believe the pure cheek of someone demanding  to try on someone else’s wedding dress!   1111-11

 

Where do people get the idea that what belongs to someone else is theirs for the taking?  Good for Security who tossed out the entitled boor.

{ 61 comments… read them below or add one }

WildIrishRose November 14, 2011 at 11:23 am

All I have to say is that is one beautiful dress.

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Library Diva November 14, 2011 at 12:33 pm

I agree with that. It’s beautiful, and it’s different. It will be in my mental file as I start this process myself!

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Hemi Halliwell November 14, 2011 at 4:55 pm

It is beautiful indeed. The ivory/black combo is gorgeous!

Glad Security tossed out the drama pig.

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JenaR December 22, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Ditto!

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Vicky November 14, 2011 at 11:27 am

Wow – how rude. This rude woman has a huge sense of self entitlement. Good for the store and their security for throwing her out.

And I must say that if that is the picture of the gown – it is gorgeous. Enjoy your wedding.

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Guppy November 14, 2011 at 11:27 am

I have a relative like that woman. She is 15 years younger than me. I am now 68 years old. I well remember her screaming fits whenever she wanted something and didn’t get it for any number of reasons. Her parents always gave in to shut her up. She has ruined her two marriages and estranged both her children because she cries or yells or pouts whenever things go against her. She is so unhappy and alone. Please, parents, love your children enough to reason and explain to them why they cannot always have their own way and have the guts to endure their “hating” you now and then when you must deny them something.

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Ashley November 14, 2011 at 12:06 pm

How could she NOT have been satisfied with the explanation that it was YOURS and PAID FOR? Some people….

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AS November 14, 2011 at 12:07 pm

I was wondering if the other woman thought that the dress was another display piece which OP intended to buy rather than a custom made piece for OP. Hence, she probably wanted to try it on before OP buys it to see if it looked good on her. From the conversation, it is not clear whether she was aware of the fact.
This does not give her the right to throw a tantrum, and she surely deserves her place in e-hell. A polite exchange of words (add to that a compliment of how wonderful OP’s choice is and how pretty the dress looks on her) would have guaranteed better results.

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Lizzy November 14, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Sounds like it was explained quite clearly the dress belonged to/had already been purchased by the OP and the spoiled brat (excuse me, other customer) refused to hear it.

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Saucygirl November 14, 2011 at 1:46 pm

I also think the store and op where clear it was the ops dress. What I disagree with is the thought that a compliment and a nicely phrased request “guarantees a better outcome” of the op handing her wedding dress over to a stranger to wear. It is her wedding dress, not a pair of jeans!

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AS November 16, 2011 at 1:06 pm

I didn’t mean “better outcome” necessarily as OP handing over her dress to the other woman. OP is not obliged to give her the dress. But if the OP was one of the few women who would not mind someone else trying on her dress, she might have given but that was spoilt by the tantrums thrown by the perpetrator.
If the OP didn’t want to give her dress, the woman would have still gotten help from the store and not gotten kicked off – which was the “better outcome” I had in my mind. At least it wouldn’t have left a bad taste in everyone’s mouths!

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Cat November 14, 2011 at 3:02 pm

It seemed clear when the OP told her that it was her personal property and that she was uncomfortable with someone trying on her wedding dress. The other woman told me, “I’ll just try it on after you’ve left.” That’s pretty clear to me.

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Anonymous November 15, 2011 at 10:16 pm

Even IF it was a sample – insisting on THAT one is just nuts. Did it even fit her?

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AS November 16, 2011 at 1:28 pm

Alright, honestly I have never bought a dress, and it took me a while to realise that saying “I’ll try it on after you have left” means that the OP is going to leave behind the dress for fixing and not because, as I had first thought, that Ms.Brat thought OP’ll be leaving behind the display piece and order herself a new piece. It might seem obvious to someone who has gone out dress shopping before that the OP meant that she’ll be leaving the dress for further alterations. But it wasn’t that obvious for me, because I didn’t know until I asked a friend that dresses could be altered several times until it fit perfectly. I only buy pants, jeans and tops from stores, and I don’t even know if I can get them altered (never bothered to ask because it would probably cost more than clothing). The only dress I ever bought was online, and I never got it altered.

@ Saucygirl – what exactly makes you think that the only “better outcome” someone can mean is “op handing her wedding dress over to a stranger to wear”? Not getting kicked out of the bridal store is definitely a “better outcome” to start with. Ms.Brat might also have gotten the dress she wanted, made for her, but her Bratty behavior.

@Anonymous, I told in my second paragraph that I don’t condone OP’s tantrums.

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AS November 16, 2011 at 1:33 pm

I meant “but for her bratty behaviour”. Missed typing the “for”.

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LovleAnjel November 14, 2011 at 12:21 pm

That dress is gorgeous, I can see why she was drawn to it. Her behavior, tho, was ridiculous. No grown person should act like that. Good to hear the store handled her properly instead of giving in.

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Sara November 14, 2011 at 12:33 pm

Does anyone remember the post about the little girl on the bus whose dad demanded that the submitter hand over her phone so his daughter could play Bedazzled on it? I have a strong suspicion that that little girl will be pulling stunts like this in about fifteen years……

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Gee November 14, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Could you imagine the blowup if someone wanted to try on this boorish woman’s dress? She’d be furious! But if she wants to try on someone else’s dress, she thinks she should be allowed to. I just shake my head at the entitlement of some people. At least the store backed the OP up.

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KITTY LIZARD November 14, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Several years ago I had a large ring that could not be sized to fit converted to a pendant. I then brought the chain in to make sure the bain was large enough to fit the chain. The former ring was
an ornate flower setting with an extremely large amethyst. The piece was stunning. It was Saturday, the store was crowded, and when the jeweler held it up to show me, a woman behind me screamed, “Oh, my God, I’ll take that.” She reached around, snatched it out of the jewler’s hand and put it in her purse and snatched out a credit card. I explained to her that it was mine (in fact, a present from my husband from before we were married,) but she would not be deterred. She had it, and by God, she was gonna keep it. The jeweler finally had to resort to threatening to call the police before she gave the piece back. I grabbed my necklace and headed
out to my car, before something else happened. He wound up escorting her out. Some people
can’t keep their hands to themselves.

Kitty

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KTB November 14, 2011 at 2:27 pm

o.O There are no words. Heavens. I hope this didn’t deter you from wearing your necklace around town.

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LovleAnjel November 14, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Kitty, that’s HORRIBLE. I don’t think I could have restrained myself if someone had done that to me.

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Lilya November 14, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Did anyone point out that what she was trying to do is commonly called stealing?

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MaryFran November 14, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Oh, my, Kitty! What a mouth-dropping story! I used to work for a custom jeweler and I can see how this happened. We found it was better sometimes to ring up customer-specific pieces at a register away from the display cases, but some places just don’t have that luxury. But even if you didn’t own it yet and were just being shown it, how DARE she snatch it from anyone’s hands like that? Un.be.lievable.

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LeeLee88 November 14, 2011 at 6:20 pm

I… uh… wow….

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Asharah November 14, 2011 at 8:50 pm

I think the jeweler should have threatened to call the police the second she snatched YOUR jewelry.

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Wink-n-Smile November 15, 2011 at 10:28 am

Two words: “STOP, THIEF!”

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Enna November 16, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Wink-n-Smile – my thought compeltely. Greedy so and so!

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Another Laura November 15, 2011 at 1:57 pm

And even supposing it WAS for sale and you were just looking at it, even supposing it wasn’t the height of rudeness to snatch it out of your hand, how does she know she can afford it? I’ve never been to a store that allows you to put ANYTHING, even a pack of gum in your purse before you purchase it, much less an obviously expensive piece of jewelry.

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Anonymous November 15, 2011 at 10:19 pm

Agreed! She had no idea if she could afford it either.

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Gee November 15, 2011 at 2:41 pm

I am floored! Did she think that because she was going to “pay” for it with her credit card, that made it okay to take someone else’s jewelery?

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Tracy February 17, 2012 at 10:23 am

I wonder what she would have done if you told her it would cost $5,000,000. Even just to see the look on her face.

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LeeLee88 November 14, 2011 at 1:01 pm

People like that only have one thought in their heads, and it goes a little something like this: “MMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

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No Wedding November 14, 2011 at 1:24 pm

I’m surprised the store didn’t let her do it. I was bridesmaid for a friend and we ordered my dress – not only did the store forget to order it until a month before the wedding, which should have been a red flag, but it came in too late for my friend to make a trip back to town to see it before the wedding. Her mom and I went to pick it up and see about rush alterations and the owner threw a fit that we wanted to take a picture of me in the gown I purchased to send to my friend. She said we couldn’t take photos in the store – I promised to stand where no other gowns could be seen, she was adamant. Mind you, I had already paid for the dress. I told her I’d walk outside and do it and she was still angry. Finally, while another salesgirl distracted her, I went into the dressing room with my friend’s mom and had her take the picture. Of me in the dress that I had already paid for.

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Clair Seulement November 14, 2011 at 2:56 pm

This is why I want to be rich–so that I can pay to keep people away from me.

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Cat November 14, 2011 at 2:58 pm

We will be seeing more of this in the future. There are too many parents who will not say no to their “little pumpkins” and who will not allow anyone else to do it either.
As a high school guidance counselor I was amazed at the number of young men who would come in with their mothers and siblings, and the kids would immediately take the only two chairs, leaving their mother to stand.They were shocked when I would tell them to let the mom sit down, and they could get additional chairs for themselves from the next room. One even asked, “Why can’t she get it for herself?”
Most moms would say, “Oh, no , I can stand. Let him sit down.”Not in my office, he wasn’t.

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Wink-n-Smile November 15, 2011 at 10:31 am

Oh, good for you, Cat!

Unfortunately, if the mother does not teach her own children to respect her, it’s almost impossible for someone else to teach them to respect her.

The best you can hope for is to teach them to respect their elders, in general, in your presence. They’ll still have no respect for their mother, specifically, because she doesn’t have enough respect for herself.

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OP November 14, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Hi there, OP here. That isn’t actually my dress (though it’s lovely). Mine looks like this – http://www.easyweddings.com.au/gallery/images/dresses/Lucille.jpg

We very clearly stated to this woman that the dress was paid for and made for me.

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Iris November 15, 2011 at 4:53 am

I’m assuming that the picture with the post was changed after you linked this, because I’m seeing the same one. And it’s absolutely beautiful 🙂

I’m quite jealous – not least because I’ve NEVER had the figure to suit something in that cut 🙂

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Vicky November 15, 2011 at 6:36 am

Gorgeous!

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Hemi Halliwell November 15, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Ok- I’m a bit confused. Is your dress ivory & black or red & black? The orginial picture showed an ivory & black gown and your links shows a red & black gown.

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OP November 15, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Mine is ivory and black – the image is my dress in red (the same colour as the sample). Google hasn’t helped me find an image of it in ivory and black, and I’d rather not post a picture of myself.
(it appears admin updated the original photo when I posted the link)

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Another Laura November 15, 2011 at 4:28 pm

her dress is ivory and black, but in the style of the dress in the link. remember she says in the post that usually people choosing the black lace go with the red fabric, and that’s why the sample dress was red with black, rather than ivory with black like her custom made gown

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jess November 15, 2011 at 8:31 pm

Its the style of the gown in these current pictures, but the same color as the old picture

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Gracie C. November 16, 2011 at 11:35 am

Love that dress OP!!

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Thel November 14, 2011 at 3:24 pm

The entitlement! The mind… it boggles. Once it had been made clear that the dress was the OP’s property, how on earth could she persevere? “Fair game”? What part of “paid for” did she not understand? I’m glad security escorted her out, dealing with this kind of customers is just not worth the money they would potentially spend.

And if that’s the dress, it’s truly gorgeous! Have a lovely wedding!

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--Lia November 15, 2011 at 7:29 am

I too am boggled by some people’s sense of entitlement, but I’ll add this. With both the dress and the jewelry, the people who decided they still had a right to the item though it belonged to someone else probably thought they were being lied to. From their point of view, they’ve probably been in a store, seen the last of a very attractive item, maybe something for a good price, and had someone grab it first. When they said that they’d like to buy it, the grabber made something up about how it was already theirs, lied and said it was paid for when it wasn’t. So the next time, they got more insistent, faster, as it were. I’m glad the store staff was there to state the case more strongly. It’s the only way to get through.

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Clair Seulement November 15, 2011 at 10:36 am

Still! Having been on the receiving end of this behavior–which despite at least two similar accounts on this site seems to be pretty rare–cannot be sufficient reason for perpetuating it; one would have to *also* be possessed of a raging sense of one’s own entitlement. Also, so what if someone lies about having purchased an item? Stores are not free-for-alls, they operate on a first-come, first-serve basis; if I’m being shown an item, it’s incumbent on the mature, non-psychotic individual to back off until I decide not to buy it, unless he or she wants to engage me in a polite conversation. How would one even find out whether a customer or salesperson lied about an item having been purchased? Even if this is what they’re thinking, it’s bizarre, completely indefensible assumption for these people to make, especially insofar as it justifies aggressive, rude behavior.

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Joy November 15, 2011 at 11:35 am

Yes, but even if that does happen I mean… if I see a scarf at the same time as someone else and they get to it first, I’ll be disappointed but why do I deserve to have it over that other person? The answer, of course, is I don’t. And if *I* had gotten there first, wouldn’t it just make me “the grabber”? Why should someone HAVE to lie and say something is paid for – if I get to an item first and have the means and desire to pay for it, then it’s mine. Nobody else has a right to come in and demand I hand it over (and vice versa). Maybe people like that are made uncomfortable by having something they’d already chosen for purchase demanded from them, so they do make something up to try and get the rude person to back off? I know I certainly would be super uncomfortable in a situation like that since I’m non-confrontational.

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twik November 15, 2011 at 4:57 pm

I think Lia has a point, but I doubt that they’ve been lied to in the past. It’s that they are the sort of person *who would lie themselves* in such a position, so they assume that anyone else would as well.

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Anonymous November 15, 2011 at 10:23 pm

I think there’s a difference between something you see in a store and something you are being shown by a salesperson. If a salesperson is showing you something, no one should be able to “grab it.” In a big retail store, the general rule is first touch. Which leads to crazy dashes for TVs and people getting trampled to death on Black Friday.

“I saw it first” is the worst thing ever.

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MellowedOne November 16, 2011 at 7:29 am

Obnoxious behavior is never excusable or justified. Even if we were treated unfairly in the past, it does us no credit to “pass it on” by treating others in that manner.

The reasonable person’s experience would have happened something like this:
(Woman sees OP) – Wow! I love that dress! I want to try it on!
(Salesperson) – Brings sample dress in red
(Woman) – Oh, I like the color of the other one better.
(Salesperson) – This is the sample dress for that style, if you like the fit we can order it in that color
(Woman) – Oh, that girl isn’t wearing a sample? (Confused but not angry)
(Salesperson) – No, she had to order it, that’s her own dress.
(Woman) – OK, then, I want to try on the sample.

As we see in the OP’s story, the woman was anything but reasonable.

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LilyG November 15, 2011 at 7:59 am

That is a gorgeous dress-I’ll bet you are going to be a radiant bride. Best wishes!

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noph November 15, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Was the MINE MINE MINE NOW lady’s name Veruca? I read this story with an english school child’s accent demanding that lovely dress.

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MellowedOne November 17, 2011 at 5:59 am

“I want it..NOW”!!! 😀

Perfect comparison 🙂

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Ann November 16, 2011 at 10:19 am

Goodness. That was one unhappy woman.
OP — nice dress!

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Redblues December 27, 2011 at 9:06 pm

Ha! Not as unhappy as her fiance!

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Gracie C. November 16, 2011 at 11:43 am

The woman was nuts. The OP was not “trying on” a dress, but was having her own dress fitted. Though, I admit, it likely wouldn’t have made a difference.

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Gracie C. November 16, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Oops – accidentally deleted part of my comment. I had originally said, “I wonder if they spelled it out that way” and then “Though, I admit, it likely wouldn’t have made a difference.”

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JohannaP November 20, 2011 at 1:31 am

I work in a bridal store, this is one of the many reasons why we always do fittings or let girls try on their own dresses in a separate room.

Thankfully I’ve had no dramas, but I have heard of cases where some bridal stores have brought out someone’s dress for someone else to try on! I just got married and I’d be apalled if my dress had been tried on by someone else without my permission.

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AnonGal November 29, 2011 at 10:13 pm

The dress saga sounds like the laserdisk saga… way back in the day, DH really liked a certain movie, in ‘pan and scan’ format we had rented it. Rumor was a ‘letterbox’ was coming out. I paid several months in advance for MAYBE a copy to arrive by Christmas. At very steep. And prayed. The store had a few panNscans brand new and a week before the holiday gave me one to wrap (not open) to have the present under tree… to be swapped whenever the prepaid came in.

Two days before Christmas they call, they got SOME in. Going in order of buy, I’m like #4 on list and come get. I bring the other one still in plastic back. As I go to the counter, a guy is trying his d*mn*st to charm a copy at any price of the letterbox. After awhile of me standing there, the clerk at counter finally tries to slip me the trade, and the guy sees it and starts getting huffy about it. What do you MEAN you said there was no way you had one? There’s one….

Clerk being nice guy, I take it to next level by taking my 5.5 x 8″ sales slip and stick it in the guy’s face and said a bit on the FIRM side, “I paid for this in APRIL and PRAYED it would come in is why.” and it was clearly visible on the slip the date and the price and the PAID IN FULL-WILL CALL on it.

I asked the clerk later, he said mine was the last one in the store and he let the guy look behind the counter to prove it, and the fellow started to follow me out the door and I was already out of the lot. You bet I was. Clerk followed fellow and locked him out for LUNCH and said when he got back the fellow was no where to be seen. Brave clerk… I still owe that guy.

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Mischka October 29, 2012 at 12:21 pm

I was holiday shopping last year. I turned my back on my half empty cart to get something off the shelf. When I turned back, a lady was holding my leather jacket and someone else was removing a DVD case from my cart!
“Where did you find this jacket? This is nice!” I told her the name of my local “Second Hand” store. She blinked and put the jacket back on the cart.

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