Exes Are Off Limits In Toasts

by admin on September 14, 2011

I wanted to share a story about two weddings I recently attended that were somewhat spoiled because during the speeches someone decided to raise issues with the bride or groom’s choice of spouse:

Wedding #1 – The groom, let’s call him “Luke” had previously dated “Holly” a couple of years before he got together with the bride, Holly’s sister “Serena.” There is no jealousy between Holly and Serena over this, and Holly is happy for the couple. Holly has always had more than her fair share of male attention, whereas Serena spent many years as a carer for their disabled mother, and had very little time for relationships before she met Luke. That’s why it was completely uncalled for when the father of the bride said in his speech (I’m paraphrasing, but this was the essence of it):

“I’m glad Luke chose Serena in the end, because I don’t think she would ever have had another suitor. Holly will just have to find someone else.”

Wedding #2 – I attended the wedding of my cousin “Jack” and his girlfriend “Amy.” The best man, “Mike” was an old friend of Jack (I use the term “friend” very loosely.) His speech began with the usual jokes and anecdotes, but then he went on to say that he had always expected Jack to get together with “Lisa” (another long-time friend of theirs) because Jack had known her for much longer than he’s known Amy, and Lisa had always been there for him. Mike ended this little diatribe with,  “But if Jack changes his mind, at least he knows where Lisa is.” The bride and groom were angry about this, as were several other people – including Lisa, who is very close to Amy.

I was always under the impression that a wedding was supposed to be the happiest day of a couple’s life together, and not the time to bring up the subject of people they used to date or could have dated. If nothing else, isn’t it just a little too late by that time?   0827-11

Pay attention fathers and best men!  Toasts and speeches are not the time to bring up old flames.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Cat September 27, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Some people just do not understand that some comments are inappropriate. I taught at a Catholic high school and a student was killed in a tragic accident. His missionary parents were in a small village in Africa and it took weeks to notify them that their son had died and more time still for them to get home.

We had a memorial ceremony in the school gym with his parents and the entire student body assembled. The principal of the school, Fr. Foot-in-Mouth, had been in the armed services. He decided to regale us all with how horribly mangled the boy’s body was-by gosh, in all his years in the service he had seen some horrible accidents, but this one was the worse he had ever seen! I have always wondered if he felt the parents would feel comforted by that in some way. I thought that was information that he could have kept to himself.


Enna October 11, 2011 at 8:36 am

Dom Littlewood a BBC presenter did a bit on best man speeches as he was going to be bestman himself. Somethings he picked up on was 1) no swearing as that causes offence 2) no dirty jokes, it must be suitable for all ages. And this just goes to show that there is 3) no exes/old flames etc. It’s a bit like in the episode of Firends when the man Rachal stood up gets remarried and plays crue jokes on her – shouldn’t he be over it by now if he is getting married to another woman? The Bride and Groom are normally over their exes so why bring it up?


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