The RSVP The Whole World Can See

by admin on May 22, 2013

I have a question for the Hell’s Bells community. I checked the archives, but didn’t see anything quite like this.

My cousin is getting married this summer and invited me to the wedding. The invitation included a link to their wedding website (you know, with the cutsey “How we met” story, information about lodging, directions, registries, etc). There was no paper RSVP and people are supposed to RSVP on the website. I thought that was a good idea, as it saves paper and allows the bride and groom / wedding coordinators to handily see everyone’s RSVP together. HOWEVER, when I went to the webpage, it turns out that you’re supposed to respond, write a cute little note to the bride and groom, and then your RSVP is posted for EVERYONE to see. I don’t see why everyone needs to know whether or not I am going to attend, particularly the bride’s family and friends, whom I’ve never met and probably never will meet.

Also, I live on the other side of the world from my family and will not be able to make the wedding. Everyone knows this, and the invitation was sent to include me as a family member and with no real expectation that I would attend. I still feel very awkward declining in such a public manner.

This is the first time I’ve been invited to a wedding as an adult (with my own special invitation and not included with “Mom, Dad, and children!” Yippee!), so I want to handle this properly. Should I respond as the RSVP website requests? “Thank you for the invite, but I’m unable to come. Congratulations to you both.” Should I instead send a private message via email / facebook? What do you think? Also, what are your thoughts on the whole idea of public RSVPs?   0517-13

Just because someone inserts an RSVP reply card in a paper invitation does not mean you are obligated to use it and just because someone has an web based form for RSVPS does not mean you must use that either.   The proper form of an RSVP to any major life event used to be a handwritten note to the hosts and there are definitely situations in this day and age where it is still the best way to respond to an invitation.   I’d simply write a short declination of the invitation to the wedding on a cute note card, mail it and then send a second card congratulating them on their marriage and possibly including a gift card or check if that is your preferred wedding gift.

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Clashing Wedding Dates And Honoring One’s Commitments

by admin on May 16, 2013

I’ve been in the archives lately reading over stories from the past when I remembered the year I was married. First of all, both my hubby and I are go-with-the-flow people. The only time we like to fight is with each other. The year we decided to get married, both of our brothers also decided to get married. No problem, we thought, this might be fun, 3 parties with family and friends, yeah!

We were the first to get formally engaged and we originally wanted the weekend of Labor Day for our wedding. No sooner had we started talking to my parents about that weekend, my brother and his future wife decided a few weeks later that they should, in fact, be married that day instead. Even joking that they were stealing our idea. In my mind I’m thinking, “Yes. Yes, you are.” But, as I said, flow people, and we promptly moved our wedding date up to June 13 (just a random weekend, nothing special about it). Our wedding was simple, easy, and very subdued so it was easy to move the date.

During the Christmas season, my hubby let his brother know what date we chose and also the day my brother picked, as we were both to be in his wedding party. As it was getting closer to our wedding, I believe the end of April, his brother told us the date of his wedding. Apparently, they loved the idea of having it on Labor Day weekend too! So now, both of our brothers were going to be married on the same day in separate states.

There was so many things wrong with this situation and I don’t really know who is the most rude. My brother was mad at my husband for not being in the wedding party, his wife-to-be was pissed that plans had to be changed and told my hubbs that he should have told his brother no, he was already committed (which I kind of understand, even though nothing was ordered). This is my husband’s only full sibling and his mother made it seem like this was the only thing she had ever asked for in her life; and said not having me there wasn’t really a big deal because I was so new to the family (uh, thanks?, I guess the prior 3 years I wasn’t really family). His brother basically said you have to be there, no other option. Not “I want you there” or “It will mean a lot to me if you were there”, just  “be there”. I was pissed at everyone for being such jerks, so I may be the rudest of them all.

The best part of all this was our wedding was fantastic – everyone had a great time and partied all night long (except his mom, stepdad, brother, and fiancée, who left shortly after dinner was served – we hadn’t even cut the cake yet – they were going on a little weekend vacation and wanted to get it started right away). Our DJ even stayed for 2 hours past his ending because he was having such a good time. The worst part was I became deathly ill the 2 weeks prior to my brother’s wedding. So sick I had to be rushed to the ER during the night because I couldn’t breath and had a horrible lung infection. My best friend had to attend my brother’s wedding with me as I couldn’t drive or stay alone due to the many meds I had to take. My husband was sick to his stomach that he couldn’t be there for me and felt out of place at a wedding where he really didn’t know a lot of people.

We wanted to cancel on both due to my health, but we didn’t want to hear about how horrible we were for not going to either wedding nor did we want to let anyone down. My hubby joked that if only I’d gotten sick a week later, we both could have stayed home and had our own party in the hospital – which is horrible to say but how we felt. So he went to his wedding and I went to mine, which I had to leave as soon as all the formal events were finished to lay down. While we have wonderful memories of our own wedding, we don’t really have many of theirs. In the end, we truly felt there was no good outcome for these events. Both brothers felt their days were more special than the other and us being in the middle made no difference to either one.   0423-13

Your brother’s wife hit the issue square on the head.   Your husband should have honored his commitent to be in your brother’s wedding party.    He accepted the duty and if his word means anything, he should have stood by that commitment he made before ever knowing his own brother’s wedding date.   He clearly gave his brother much advance warning that he was not going to be available that weekend and upon hearing the date conflict, the first words out of his mouth to his brother should have been, “Wow.  I’m really sorry to hear that.  I told you I was already committed on that weekend and I cannot go back on my word at this point.  I am really sorry I cannot be there for you on that date. Are you sure you cannot choose another weekend?”

Bottom line:  You honor your promises, commitments and obligations regardless of how enticing a new offer seems or how manipulatively someone tries to get you to change it.

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Who Are These People?

by admin on May 13, 2013

Just thought I’d share something that gave me more than a chuckle today.

I saw an update on my phone that a girl I know had sent me an invite to a Stag & Doe party on Facebook. To my understanding, Stag & Doe parties are basically money grabs, with a few lame buy-in games and cash bars, all with the purpose of raising money for the couple to have a wedding that is clearly bigger than they can afford.

Now this is a girl I don’t know all that well, we know each other’s names and have several mutual friends, and have had general chit chat on a few occasions. Of course, all of that is enough to warrant being friended on Facebook! I joked to my fiance that I thought it pretty tacky to be invited to fund a wedding that I had no expectation of being invited to.

Later on, I went on my actual Facebook page and clicked on the invite with the intention of declining (I currently live about 5 hours away from the event anyway). I looked at the event picture, and suddenly realized that I had no idea who this couple was! I had been sent a third-party invite to go shell out money for the wedding of two complete strangers! It took everything I had to not write on the page that as I have MY OWN wedding to worry about (which, incidentally, will NOT be paid for by future guests), I couldn’t possibly care any less about the wedding of people I don’t know. I declined the invitation, and only wrote (since I couldn’t help myself) “congrats to the couple, but I don’t think I’ve ever met them”. Hopefully it’s enough to send the hint that begging strangers for money is weird and inappropriate, even if it is easier to just invite one’s entire friends list. God forbid they had to sift through it to find the people who might actually care to attend.  0512-13

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Quickie Give Away

by admin on May 7, 2013

I’m giving away one “Fashion Emergency Kit” which contains fashion tape strips, deodorant removing sponge, 30 lint removing sheets, safety pin, sewing needle, buttons, thread, 2 white adhesive backed buttons, hair band, nail file, blister pad, shoe shine sponge, stain wipe, and a hypo-allergenic earring backing. Put this in your wedding emergency kit and you are somewhat prepared for any clothing related disaster.

Respond to this post and be sure to use an email address that works. Contest closes the end of the day on Friday.

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What To Give The Boss’s Daughter

by admin on May 7, 2013

I am invited to my boss’s daughter’s wedding. There are over 400 people invited, as he is a very successful businessman in the community. I am attending with my boyfriend. I am conflicted as to what constitutes an appropriate gift. I am familiar with the venue, and I know that the cost per plate will be about $50.00. I typically give $200.00 cash if the wedding is for a close friend/family member. I am close to my boss, but barely know his daughter (although she is very nice, and about the same age as me). I was thinking I would give her something off the registry, but the bride is registered at two places, but every single item on the registry has already been purchased. I am a little strapped as I have 5 weddings to attend this summer, and most of those are for good friends. Do you think I should just bite the bullet and give $200.00, or would an off-registry gift of less value be acceptable? Do you think a boss really expects an employee to give an expensive gift? 0501-13

Your boss should not have an expectation of his daughter receiving anything from anyone, including employees.   In other words, don’t presume that Boss has any expectations.

And you would be wrong to facilitate the erroneous perception that a wedding gift must equal the cost of the meal.

Give what you are comfortable giving.   Often it is not the cost of the gift that can be memorable but the thoughtfulness that went into giving it.   Get creative in your gift giving.  For example,  send 6 chocolate covered strawberries (Shari’s Berries….www.berries.com) to arrive a day or two after the couple arrives home from the honeymoon as a way to sort of “extend” the honeymoon romance.   Cost: $30-ish.

What you should definitely do, without fail, is to thank your boss as you leaving the wedding reception saying, “Thank you so much for inviting us. It was a lovely wedding and we really enjoyed ourselves.”

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10 Things The Wedding Industry Won’t Tell You

by admin on May 1, 2013

Read the entire article HERE
1. “We could go out of business before your big day.”

Wedding spending tumbled 32% during the recession, from an average of $28,730 per event in 2007 to $19,581 in 2009, according to market research firm The Wedding Report. After recovering somewhat, spending now seems to be flattening out — in 2012, the average wedding cost $25,656, an increase of just $25, or less than one-tenth of 1%, over 2011.

Travelers, an insurance company, reports that of wedding insurance claims filed last year due to “vendor problems,” 21% involved caterers going out of business and an additional 11% were related to deejays.

2. “Inspiration boards? More like unrealistic-expectation boards.”

3. “We’ll punish you for those heightened expectations.”

Loring Pasta Bar in Minneapolis has a “bridezilla clause” in its contract, charging overly detail-oriented brides and grooms $5 per email or $12 per 15-minute increment of time required to respond, whichever is less.

The restaurant did not respond to requests for comment, but in 2011 Loring told MarketWatch the clause, which had yet to be enforced, was a safeguard against couples taking up too much of employees’ time.

Well, that’s pretty darn interesting.   I do agree that the wedding industry hypes up the bride to be a consuming, money spending bridezilla but paradoxically despises the Frankenbride it creates.

4. “Tax and tip not included.”

5. “The ballroom you chose only permits ‘approved vendors’ — that cost more.”

Yep, if you book a venue with only approved vendors, you just lost your negotiating leverage to reduce costs.

6. “Hope you’re running on schedule. We’ve overbooked.”

I never ran into this issue of double booking where I live.

7. “This award isn’t exactly an Oscar.”

I’ve known award winning, talented photographers with exception portfolios and web sites who were con artists who took thousands of  dollars from clients and never delivered a single photo.   Always check the Better Business Bureau and even Google.

8. “Do sweat the small stuff — or at least the price tag on the small stuff.”

A plain,white pillar candle at the craft store is the same white pillar candle with a “wedding” tag on it, except that the latter costs about 30% more…at least.   Amusing are the white twinkle lights that get packaged as “wedding” but the same set at Halloween costs a fraction.

9. “We’re eying your bling.”

10. “Every artist was first an amateur, and many still are.”

 

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Groom’s Family Left Out Of Planning…..Or Are They?

April 30, 2013

My mom and I have been arguing about the tackiness of my sister-in-law during her wedding planning, and I hope you can help us settle this! My brother and I attended college in the South. While he was a senior, he met a freshman (whose family lived about thirty minutes away from the school). They [...]

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Whoop It Up Weddings – Philadelphia Mummers Strut

April 26, 2013

If you are from the Philadelphia, PA area you know exactly what a Mummer strut is. Based on the New Year’s Day Mummers Parade of Philly area Mummer clubs. Click to Share:

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Miss Jeanne Goes Grouchy

April 16, 2013

My H2B and I are getting married in July and we are so excited. Our story comes from a phonecall I had with my Mum (MOB) earlier today. We were chatting about the wedding, more specifically, who had accepted/declined the invitations when she casually says,”Yes, and don’t forget you will need chairs for Rosie’s Granna [...]

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A Sky High, Long Distance Wedding Toast

April 11, 2013

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